Wonkette
- THE WORLD IS FAT: Apparently the Great Russia-Georgia Conflagration of 2008 broke some stupid thing called the “McDonald’s theory of war” which surmises that two countries containing McDonald’s restaurants will never war with each other, because citizens on both sides will have become terribly fat slobs, all. This sounds like some hollow postulate Thomas Friedman would’ve “invented” during the rise of globalization! And that’s exactly true. The 21st century will be an new epoch of warfare in which gangs of fat asses kill the other side with robots from their Xboxes. [Guardian via Kottke]
DISPROVEN THEORIES
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3:05 PM
on Mon September 8 2008
By
Jim Newell
809 Views
SAVE US TACO BELL!
This just goes to show that Friedman is a terrorist because his theory is wrong and McDonalds charges like 25 cents for BBQ sauce and 15 cents for water.
Why does Thomas hate America???
The “hooters theory of war” is way more plausible.
So, I guess thumb wrestling will be the newest olympic sport.
Maybe they hate each other BECAUSE they both have McDonald’s in their country. Let’s ask those vegan people. I’m sure they can shed some light the on meat madness theory.
That theory has been broken since Clinton bombed Belgrade because they hated our freedomz.
Another Friedman idea (thankfully) sent to the dustbin of history.
Hopefully, it will be another Friedman Unit before I hear his name again.
cotr, why do you support Mexican illegal immigration? I’m sending you a free copy of Lou Dobbs’ latest book right now so you can get your head screwed more patriotically.
Oh and the McDonald’s theory was discussed and debunked in George Ritzer’s book The McDonaldization of Society, which has been around for a while. Looks like The Guardian got scooped by a professor of sociology, ha ha.
Theres lots of extra special sauce available at McDonalds now that Sarah Pallin has excited all the men in America.
during the rise of globalization
You mean ‘globularization’ or the act of becoming ‘globular’ or ‘globe-shaped’, like Shakespeare’s theater.
This is another semi-plausible-yet-retarded theory that nobody will remember the violations of until it gets violated again.
cotr: As any Sylvester Stallone fan knows, Taco Bell will win the great fast food wars.
So, really, what he’s saying is that we should buy Russia a strawberry shake and tell them to “Suck On This.”
“Food, folks and the Nuclear option.”
shortsshortsshorts: Nuclear terrorist waffles, or perhaps merely terrorist ‘dirty’ waffles. :p
You have to admit, you’ve never seen a picture of a modern urban battlefield with a burned out McDonalds. Maybe there’s something to this.
“The logic is thus: countries with middle classes large enough to sustain a McDonald’s have reached a level of prosperity and global integration that makes warmongering risky and unpalatable to its people.”
Ya know what’s unpalatable?
Burger King Fries
Pax Adipose
Thomas Friedman has cold, dead, eyes. To stare into them is to see the face of a million screaming infant workers in South East Asia disappear into a black abyss of pandering, china-worship, and media friendly talking points.
McDonald’s theory of war? Are you fucking kidding me! Not until you can extract petrocarbons from Big Mac’s will this be valid.
Gopherit v2.0: here ya go:
http://jeppeschilder.blogspot.com/2008/05/serbia-belgrade-2008.html
I would say something like “Thomas sure did get pie in his face over that one” but it seems cheap and predictable.
MoodProcessor: I however, will make a plug for BK’s extended vegetarian options. MCD’s staff still look at me funny when I order a snackwrap without the chicken.
jagorev: Actually I think the rule was broken before it was written, when the US invaded John McCain’s country, Panama.
You’re either with Grimace or you’re with the TERRA-ists!
Gopherit v2.0: Funny thing, it seems that only the French will trash a McDonanlds, however, whenever there are anti-American riots in the Middle East, you can count on at least one KFC going up in flames.
Yakov Schmirnov says, “In Russia, Burger King lets you have it their way”.
Gopherit v2.0: Of course, that’s because we’ve never seen a modern urban battlefield! The pictures are all suppressed by the US military.
jagorev: Aw, sure, they get damaged from rioting now and then, but you never see something like this:
http://www.thau-knudsen.dk/grin/08-05/-_2_094FD9F0.jpeg
whoa, thomas friedman is the second greatest jew of all time. georgia probably has counterfeit mcdonalds.
So wait, if we gave the Al Quieda, the Sunnis and the Shiites each a MacDonald’s, we could withdraw from Iraq tomorrow.
WadISay:
Oddly enough, if we could help them with the whole food ‘n water thing, they may not hate us so bad.
Throw a McDonalds into the mix, and we may get a discount on petrol.
I mean, they don’t call ‘em Freedom Fries for nothin’.
Well the McDonald’s theory of war may be shattered, but I’m pretty sure the Whitecastle theory of war still stands.
WadISay: A Big Maq and a Chocolate Sheikh.
Gopherit v2.0: There’s so much grease in a McDonalds that even a tiny spark engulfs it in flames in a few seconds.
Mmmm…Quarter-pounder w/cheese and medium fries.
How about lazy pot-head of war.
No two countries that have legalized marijuana have gone to war against each other.
It’s got explanation just as obvious as Fry-mans intellectual abortion.
Plus its, ya know…true…
jagorev: I believe he cites that in the book as the one exception and then goes on to explain that the bombing worked really well b/c when the electricity went out everyone in Belgrade was like “maybe this war idea sucks” and he says that this exception actually helps to prove his point (as only Friedman can do).
Either way, it was a pretty weak theory then and it’s a weaker theory now.
People like to kill each other, always have, always will.
I’m sure in ancient Rome they were all like “well if everyone can afford to eat goat meat, then everyone will be content and no one will want to got to war. let’s give everyone goats.”
This history totally overlooks the great McRib wars of the mid-80’s
facehead: I was going to say female WWE wrestling…, but Hooters seems more plausible.
I argue that any country that has at some point had Baywatch on TV, DUBBED IN THEIR OWN LANGUAGE, can never come to blows with any other which has been graced by the ‘Hoff and slow-mo boobie bouncing.
MoodProcessor: That, or relay WoW. One person feeds the other teammate at the console. Matches last longer than cricket tests!
The obesity epidemic started with the introduction of high fructose corn syrup into the American food chain.
Thats all one need to know to lose weight. Stop eating food that contains corn syrup and high fructose corn syrup. It really is that simple.
trophy(forparticipation)wife: Wow, you’re makin me hungry, but since its Ramadan, I’ll fast to make myself hungrier, leaner and MEANER that the rest of you. You wont even see me when I fool the TSA with my nail clipper
I guess the only place in the world w/o Mcdonals is Cuba (and they don’t have Budweisers aeither, chico!).
And nobody had bombed it since the bay of cochinos, when guess who tried to invade?.
jagorev: Wow, you’re right. The McDonald’s Srbija website tells me (I think) that this year is the 20th anniversary of the grand opening of McDonald’s in Belgrade! And a whole bunch of other locations opened in the late 1990s elsewhere in Serbia.
Oh but what am I saying, that wasn’t a War! I mean, we started it, so it must have been something else.
TheCounter: Actually this theory goes back to that one guy from before World War I.
Outstando: John McCain?
And now that they know how good McDonalds restaurants smell when they’re burning, there will be no end to war.
Little known fact, the Russians invaded Georgia because the Georgia was having a sale on McPierrogies that were not available in Mother Russia.
Gopherit v2.0: According to Idiocracy, Carl’s Jr. is the great winner. “Carl’s Jr., Fuck you, I’m eating!”
Da Derga: Well it is well known that KFC is part of the larger Jew Run Conspiracy.
V572625694: Steve Martin: The last time I went to McDonald’s, they kicked me out, and I can’t go back in there. This is stupid. I went in, and I accidentally started a grease fire. I threw a match in the cooks hair.
I grendel: But those were for a limited time only!