OLD PEOPLE  4:16 pm September 6, 2008

by Ken Layne

Lutherans R sexy!GOSPEL ACCORDING TO ST. PAUL: “The Republican convention was a neat, quaint operation. Nobody expected anything flashy or fun or interesting, and nobody expected any answer to America’s economic and military collapse beyond an oft-told 40-year-old shaggy dog tale of an old man who crashed a plane into the village he was bombing, back when he was young, and his brave story of personal redemption as his father continued mercilessly killing the Vietnamese children for another five-and-a-half years.” [AOL Political Machine]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 27 comments }

NoWireHangers September 6, 2008 at 4:22 pm

Ken, I always picture these AOL missives you pen, as preaching to a choir of disgruntled, CAPS Lock loving retards, with sharp rocks ready for the throwing. Why do you do it, is it the money? Reading that comment section is known to cause spontaneous combustion.

Crow T. Robot September 6, 2008 at 4:28 pm

[re=87718]NoWireHangers[/re]: We all do it for the money, honey. & then we come here & confess so mebbe we can sleep at night.

I like the orange flavored Smirnoff’s–I’ve been sleeping like a baby & it only takes a couple of doubles.

Palin Comparison September 6, 2008 at 4:30 pm

“A Coldsnap spokesperson told reporters that prisoners were denied medical treatment as punishment, including one arrestee with hemophilia, another with asthma and yet another with a broken finger.”

Fascists!

HomoPolitico September 6, 2008 at 4:35 pm

THREE AND A HALF DAYS, KEN!

Tawmn September 6, 2008 at 4:56 pm

oh no!!! the talking ad is back!!!

Walnuts4Perez! September 6, 2008 at 5:02 pm

You are the Kristol “lightning rod” of AOL News.
Ha Ha I compared you to Kristol. Now I get banned.

Neilist September 6, 2008 at 5:18 pm

Ken, there was a shocking lack of murder-scene witnessing Mojave desert tortoises in that AOL commentary.

Are you not feeling well?

obfuscator September 6, 2008 at 5:34 pm

The first comment on the column:

“Sandy4:47PMSep 6th 2008

AMERICA…..SEE ‘”TRAITOR” IN A THEATRE NEAR YOU BEFORE DECIDING WHO SHOULD TAKE THAT 3 AM CALL….

So… Barry Obama is Don Cheadle?

Borat September 6, 2008 at 5:38 pm

Dear Wonkettes,

I am usually trapped in tea-drinking land or muzzie-lands. I have a quandry – I am still puzzled by the RNC coverage by BBC. I don’t get the headbanging music they were playing – were these oldies really dancing like white people? I need your help to understand if this is really the normal coverage or this is some kind of BBC conspiracy to make the ‘pubs look bad (which is good with me).

Did they actually play this headbanging music at the RNC like they are showing on BBC or are they ‘taking the piss out of’ the republicans?

Please tell me-I would fly back to USA USA USA to find out but why risk the TSA idiocy coming back in…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cN1TCdoB238

Delicious September 6, 2008 at 6:10 pm

[re=87718]NoWireHangers[/re]: I read that AOL stopped paying its blogger-columnists a few months ago.

PoliticalGraffiti September 6, 2008 at 6:15 pm

[re=87719]Crow T. Robot[/re]: did you just say ‘honey’? now that’s sexist…ring the alarm sarah palin!

njdon September 6, 2008 at 6:21 pm

but they did accomplish something. they nominated bonnie and clyde — oops sorry– truly sorry — (i meant)sarah and john.
menopausal sarah – she can’t help being irritable – and stupid oops again — i mean stupendous old yeller – i mean john. sarah and john, fated to be together.

Makeithurt September 6, 2008 at 6:58 pm

L ame assed Churchians
U nder the false belief
T hat they actually
H ave a spirituality that actually helps them or anyone
E lse.
R egardless of their self-
A ggrandizing efforts to save their dying religion they
N evertheless are
S inking fast and it’s really fun to watch.

liquiddaddy September 6, 2008 at 7:18 pm

I know somebody whose not getting invited the the White House Moose Cook Out.

shoeho September 6, 2008 at 7:42 pm

[re=87760]Borat[/re]: Yes, they were really playing that music. Republicans have a tough timem getting campaign songs because most of the good stuff was written by people who hate them and what they stand for. Whenever the R’s try to use it, the composer/writer tells them to stop. Only musicians who are solidly R are the country singers, and even some of them (see “Dixie Chicks”) hate the R’s.

Here’s a link to an article about what was played. http://www.citypages.com/2008-08-27/music/musicians-sound-off-at-the-convention/

Terry September 6, 2008 at 7:47 pm

It was pretty amazing that they got all the way through the RNC convention and never really mentioned in any depth McCain’s time in Congress. Just the POW story over and over and over again. Maybe something about his voting record on the Hill might not be appreciated by the True Believers?

hatlesshead September 6, 2008 at 8:00 pm

[re=87812]Terry[/re]: You mean like voting against funding for veterans health care from 2003 through 20007? Doesn’t quite mesh with the war hero spin.

Ken Layne September 6, 2008 at 8:05 pm

[re=87773]Delicious[/re]: Ha ha, well there will be an easy way of knowing when they stop paying me.

Jingo September 6, 2008 at 8:15 pm

“Minnesota, it’s not just for Lutherans anymore.” Well, not since the damn Baptists and 7th Day Adventists moved in. Now they’re opening churches in good neighborhoods and driving down the property values. And have you ever seen them pray? Disgusting! If one of them dares invite my daughter over to bible study, they’ll get a one way ticket to heaven through the barrel of my shotgun.

Praise Jesus in all his merciful love… yadda yadda…

Anonymous Office Zombie September 6, 2008 at 9:58 pm

Ha! Do I detect the bitter bitterness of a fellow, ex-Lutheran apostate?

Yeah, the old-country denominational loyalties just aren’t cutting it anymore with the American, Lutheran youth. They’re all fleeing the dead orthodoxy and pot luck suppers of their parent’s churches for megachurch mall culture and weird, crazy-time, charasmatic speaking-in-tongues and going into seizures for the Lord that you’ll find in denominations like Sarah Palin’s Assemby of God church. Me, I just opted for option number three, which was to say fuck all this Christian bullshit.

Anonymous Office Zombie September 6, 2008 at 9:59 pm

[re=87793]Makeithurt[/re]: Whoops, forgot to hit the reply. See above.

LittlePhatGuise September 6, 2008 at 10:18 pm

[re=87809]shoeho[/re]: Thunderstruck by AC/DC? I missed that one.

Jackson Browne & Heart are not considered “Head Banging” Music, but none the less, the RNC had no right using these artist’s tunes without permission.

“Well Trodden Vagina”? ouch.

SayItWithWookies September 6, 2008 at 11:02 pm

Why are you picking on St. Paul? It’s not its fault the city’s horrifically dull — it’s the fault of those damn Democrats who’ve run this country into the ground for the past eight years.

m_supercomputer September 7, 2008 at 12:38 am

[re=87757]obfuscator[/re]: I would wager that commentator is one of those charming people who has trouble telling black people apart.

Also, good Wonkette overlords, you should definitely link to the Daily Show’s outstanding “John McCain: Reformed Maverick” video from the other night (it was narrated by Al Swearengen!)

Sir Gaywad Baggington-Douchely von Suck September 7, 2008 at 1:35 am

That article is a bald-faced lie! Everybody knows the good sex shops weren’t downtown. Like everything else in St. Paul, all the good things get repelled from downtown, like some civic-minded reverse black hole.

Walking around downtown St. Paul after five p.m. is like visiting the set from “Night of the Comet.” By the early evening, you can walk for blocks without coming across a single living soul.

Borat September 7, 2008 at 6:11 am

[re=87901]LittlePhatGuise[/re]: Is that AC/DC in the video I posted? I thought in the song they were saying something like ‘fuck yeah’ but it could be ‘thunder’

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cN1TCdoB238

I never understood why these small town bible-thumping hicks also are into stuff they think is rebelleous like heavy metal music, harleys, tattoos, alterboys, etc.

Borat September 7, 2008 at 6:56 am

[re=87809]shoeho[/re]: Yes, it turns out it is AC/DC’s Thunderstruck. Does AC/DC promote healthy family values or are they more of the Satanist biting heads off bats variety of rocker? Any reaction from AC/DC about use of the song?

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