WALNUTS IS PREGNANT  3:43 pm September 3, 2008

John McCain Feels Up Levi Johnston

by Jim Newell

Here’s some “raw video” from the AP of John McCain meeting the Palins and Bristol’s lover, Levi Johnston, at the Twin Cities airport today. Walnuts is so gay for this Levi, rubbing him up and shit — skip forward to about 1:10 and you’ll see! He does some full upper arm petting for a while, then slowly slides his hand down Levi’s arm for a goodbye “fingertip kiss” of sorts. Then he makes out with Trig, THE DEMON BAT BABY from the Womb of the Unknown Mother. [YouTube]

Related video

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.


Texan Bulldoggette September 3, 2008 at 3:47 pm

Good to see they’re keeping the kids’ privacy a top concern & that they are hiding them from the media storm.

DirkLeisure September 3, 2008 at 3:49 pm

Maverick wants him a sweet piece of redneck.

Q2 September 3, 2008 at 3:50 pm


Shaq' September 3, 2008 at 3:50 pm

It looks like he’s trying to drain the youth out of their bodies. Mission Accompished.

larz September 3, 2008 at 3:51 pm

Is that Cindy McCain or Six? I knew it, the republicans are cylons!

Fear of a Black Reagan September 3, 2008 at 3:51 pm

Who can blame him? I’d hit it.

AngryBlakGuy September 3, 2008 at 3:52 pm

…WALNUTS! is going to be getting some serious VIKING COCK tonight!

Botswana Meat Commission FC September 3, 2008 at 3:52 pm

You know Walnuts wants to cut Bristol’s head off right now for fucking up his news cycle. He’s such a bad actor, pretending like he’s all Happy Uncle Walnuts and shit.

Lionel Hutz Esq. September 3, 2008 at 3:52 pm

Don’t worry, Levi. In 15 years, you can trade her in for someone that is fun with lots of money. Worked for me.

Beer4Prez September 3, 2008 at 3:53 pm

That actually made me upchuck a bit in my mouth …

voidifaltered September 3, 2008 at 3:53 pm

AWK ward

Wagamuffin September 3, 2008 at 3:53 pm

Why do all the men in that video have their arms hanging down by their sides—like, zero movement. Unless they’re deciding “Should I/Should’nt I” on hugs for the Old Guy—to some hilarious results as we can see. Why does Walnuts hug some and not others, especially those who clearly WANT to be hugged. Too needy?? He does kiss the baby, so he didn’t miss that one. I will rush to the msm and see how they interpret all this in their tea leaves.

On a more humanitarian note: Good for Bristol for the big smile and the fact that she is not yet a blubbing puddle of protoplasm. That girl’s tough. BRISTO PALIN: we here at Wonkette salute you for your “fuck you” attitude.

floraway September 3, 2008 at 3:54 pm

He is so awkward. Even with his own family. Nothing seems real or fluid.

[re=81214]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: Yeah, it is so nice of them to yell at the media for covering their photo ops and the information that they released to the press.

flyingspaghettimonster September 3, 2008 at 3:55 pm

who’s the Tentative Hugger!??? the self-proclaimed “F’ckin’ Redneck” is looking hot in his new sweater, and Track is totally doable with his basic training haircut.

Borat September 3, 2008 at 3:56 pm

I was sure he would come in on a private jet so he doesn’t start talking to people.

Did they put him in First Class? How many handlers waz he with. America needs to know about how these elitist snowbillies live

Serolf Divad September 3, 2008 at 3:56 pm

Kinda makes you wish you were 17, unmarried and pregnant, doesn’t it?

NoWireHangers September 3, 2008 at 3:57 pm

I’ve never noticed how stiff and awkward WALNUTS! is. Are we absolutely sure rigor mortis hasn’t set in?

Dorje Drolo September 3, 2008 at 3:57 pm

Democrats needs to point this out QUICK: it’s bait and switch!

Walnuts picks the underqualified, scandal-plagued, and way-too-busy-with-young-uns Caribou Barbie to be his VP. She is forced out by troopergate, earmarks, and the bridge to nowhere, but the talking heads claim it is because of attacks (sniffle) on her beloved family.

This lets Walnuts choose a moderate at the last minute. The party base stays behind him because their girl was viciously attacked (!), and independents and moderates are drawn in by a reasonable experienced pick. Some other governor.

Damn, these Republicans are devious.

StupidGeek September 3, 2008 at 3:58 pm

[re=81235]Wagamuffin[/re]: I believe it was that “fuck you” attitude that got Bristol in this position in the first place.

Borat September 3, 2008 at 3:58 pm

did he jack off that snowbillyz arm?

KittyKatMan September 3, 2008 at 3:59 pm

Cindy loves those reject dresses from Burlington Coat Factory.
After watching this, I feel snorting some arsenic.

columnv September 3, 2008 at 4:02 pm

I thought he was going in to feast on the baby.

kellygrrrl September 3, 2008 at 4:02 pm

A source at L.A. baby store Petit Tresor says a baby gift was sent to Bristol Palin from Jamie Lynn Spears.

Great Message ReThugs! hey, you teen girls, want to be famous, want to have famous friends? Get yo’ ass knocked up

seriesoftubescleaner September 3, 2008 at 4:02 pm

Walnuts: “Levi, good to meet you. How are you my friend?”
Baby Daddy Redneck: “Just f–kin’ chillin’ I guess.”
Walnuts: “Wow, you have such strong hockey arms, yet such soft big hands…”
Baby Daddy Redneck: “Ya f–k with me I’ll kick ass!”

wilmawonker September 3, 2008 at 4:03 pm

would he have hugged his VP if it was Lieberman? I doubt it. Let’s be professional man.

4tehlulz September 3, 2008 at 4:03 pm

I’m sorry WALNUTS, but this piece of performance art isn’t working; go back to campaigning for real.

This is performance art, right?

OffTheRecord September 3, 2008 at 4:04 pm

I don’t know why but this is the first time I have felt really sorry for Bristol. Not only does she have to have a baby and get married at freaking 17 (which seriously I think would just be awful beyond words because I am an emotionally stunted 23 year old with a broken biological clock), but she has to act like she is happy about it in front of the whole world so Mommy and that creepy old man can get to run the country.

Spence September 3, 2008 at 4:05 pm

Do you work out, Levi? Do you watch POW movies? Have you ever seen a grown man naked?

jimh September 3, 2008 at 4:05 pm

The rhythmic arm rubbing… SHUDDER.

AngryBlakGuy September 3, 2008 at 4:06 pm

…are we sure that WALNUTS! adopted daughter isn’t pregnant either? She is looking a little on the plump side.

Neilist September 3, 2008 at 4:07 pm

Am I the only one who is starting to think this is Just Too Weird to be true?

Like, we’ll all wake up after November 4, and this will have been the Alternative Reality Dream Sequence or something?

But with the Twist Ending, e.g., we turn on the TV, and Faux is announcing that President Sarah Palin has just sent crack units of the Alaska National Guard across the Bering Straits to liberate the freedom-loving peoples of Russia . . . .

hatlesshead September 3, 2008 at 4:08 pm

Welcome to the White Trash House

dingleberries September 3, 2008 at 4:08 pm

McCain was so excited rubbing Levi that he almost got his arms
up above his head… therefore proving that that whole POW torture
thing was really just about being awkward at showing affection.

SayItWithWookies September 3, 2008 at 4:08 pm

“Nice to meet you Levi. Well well — if I had had a strapping young cellmate like you in Vietnam, I woulda stayed there for another five and a half years.”

DieOnTheTurnpike September 3, 2008 at 4:09 pm

[re=81261]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: And what the fuck is Black McCain wearing anyway? She needs to be the next contestant on What Not To Wear stat!

Valerie September 3, 2008 at 4:10 pm

No sign of Caribou Barbie’s stepmom. You know…the one she campaigned AGAINST to replace her as mayor(ess?) of Snowscooterville.

hatlesshead September 3, 2008 at 4:11 pm

[re=81268]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Win.

The Incomparable Tiny Valdez September 3, 2008 at 4:13 pm

It reminds me of one of those experimental films I used to watch at Anthology Film Archives in the ’70s.

shoeho September 3, 2008 at 4:14 pm

Are the three older (I mean, “the normal age kids of JSM should be”) people before the GLIF Walnut’s first kids? The two guys in polos are the sons in the Navy/Marines. Could his mystery kids actually have shown to protect Mom’s medical bills?

NoWireHangers September 3, 2008 at 4:15 pm

[re=81269]DieOnTheTurnpike[/re]: Poor thing. She always looks so awkward and sad, yet she’s always sporting that huge smile. Bless. The outfit looks like Meghan decided to play Barbie with her. I wonder if they’ll acknowledge her at the convention.

KittyKatMan September 3, 2008 at 4:16 pm

Is this scene supposed to energize the base? Because it’s energizing my bowels.

Johnny Zhivago September 3, 2008 at 4:18 pm

Check it out – this Alaska Independence Party are a bunch of BOMB BUILDING TERRORISTS!!! Bomb Building TERRORISTS – just like them there Muslamiacs in Iraqiland!!!


New Questions: Where was Todd Palin on 9/11??? Does Sarah own a burka???

The Incomparable Tiny Valdez September 3, 2008 at 4:18 pm

Why do they have to drag that baby everywhere they go? Just think, when Bristol and Skeeter Johnston’s baby Moosechip is born, he can play with his eight month old uncle Trig.

shortsshortsshorts September 3, 2008 at 4:18 pm

I hope Levi gets to speak tonight:

“Sup mother fuckas. I’ll fuckin’ slice any hoe that don’t vote for baby-daddy. I ain’t fuckin’ around neitha’. Vote McCain.”

Fear of a Black Reagan September 3, 2008 at 4:25 pm

C’mon! There must be a tape out there somewheres of strapping hockey redneck Levi’s “Big” Johnson banging hawt unwed teen preggo Bristol Palin? FIND IT RIGHT NOW PEOPLE!!!

Fishpaw September 3, 2008 at 4:26 pm

He’s surprisingly decent looking … and now I understand what Republicans really mean when they say they support drilling in Alaska.

choinski September 3, 2008 at 4:27 pm

He seems to greet him the way the Frankenstien Monster would. Do his elbows bend at all?

Ha ha – ‘button fly Levi’

blackdontcrack September 3, 2008 at 4:27 pm

Oooh whos that beefy boy in the blue polo who awkardly hugs mccain around :20? I want him now! i hate you tucker bounds.

Fear of a Black Reagan September 3, 2008 at 4:28 pm

[re=81293]Fishpaw[/re]: His hockey coach is a lucky, lucky man. I mean…what?

bup September 3, 2008 at 4:28 pm

Abstinence-only education may finally work! If you get somebody pregnant, they FLY YOU DOWN TO THEIR CONVENTION, DRAG YOU UP ON STAGE ON LIVE TELEVISION AND ANNOUNCE THAT YOU’RE A SLUT. Plus you still have to marry her.

I might actually sign my kids up for this program.

shoeho September 3, 2008 at 4:29 pm

[re=81287]Johnny Zhivago[/re]: I’m reminded of a bumpersticker from LA during my grad school days at Tulane. “Vote for the Crook, it’s Important.” This is not the first time some serious wingnut milita or worse type has tried for public office. Oy, vey, we’re as doomed as the deer on the National Observatory grounds if this trainwreck gets elected.

BamaGuy September 3, 2008 at 4:31 pm

CREEPY… how McCain touches this trailer trash idiot-studboy in such an intimate MORE than friendly way… Look at it again and you will see he is petting the boy, the communication is clear: “NICE BOY, GOOD BOY…” WTF – this irresponsible teenage moron boy was so stupid he did not use a condom and now he is going to be a father before he has an education and a career. REPUBLICAN FAMILY VALUES.

shoeho September 3, 2008 at 4:32 pm

[re=81295]blackdontcrack[/re]: This is either John or Jimmy, the two sons by Cindy. I’m pretty sure the older ones are Doug and Andy, and the older woman (relative to Meghan, she’s about the GLIF’s age) is Sidney Anne, his oldest daughter.

kellygrrrl September 3, 2008 at 4:33 pm

looks like Jon Stewart last night … “THERE, THERE … THERE, THERE.”

sezme September 3, 2008 at 4:34 pm

It’s like every time you turn around, the Palins have multiplied again. They’re like fucking amoebas; I just can’t keep track (Track!) anymore!

RooseveltFranklin September 3, 2008 at 4:35 pm

Why does Cindy allow Bridget to wear an outfit that makes her look like Sigmund the Sea Monster?

Gopherit v2.0 September 3, 2008 at 4:37 pm

What was awkward was watching the old “rear admiral” back up into Track.

All class, bringing your daughter’s douchebag baby-daddy on the campaign trail. Gotta love this made for divorce shotgun wedding they’re creating.

Cogito Ergo Bibo September 3, 2008 at 4:38 pm

Ewww! Creepy grandpa vibe! He was totes trying to hold Levi’s hand.

HopeNutz September 3, 2008 at 4:40 pm

Gah, that man is such an awkward little gnome.

WadISay September 3, 2008 at 4:42 pm

Old Levi Facebook Page: I’m a fucking redneck, here to kick some fucking ass, and here’s a picture of Briss and my middle finger. Me inna relationship but don’t wanna be tied down n shit.

Post Herd-o-Lawyers Facebook Page: I embrace my rural heritage, and would be proud aggressively to defend it, were it threatened. Here’s a picture of Bristol and me, in a playful moment. I am waiting to slip on the ring to perfect the relationship with my lover and my best friend. John McCain, WHO WAS A POW FOR 5 AND A HALF YEARS, has been like a second father to us.

Valerie September 3, 2008 at 4:45 pm

But will she wear the square, no-frame Peggy Hill glasses tonight? I must know!!

trophy(forparticipation)wife September 3, 2008 at 4:51 pm

It’s always season to snag a king salmon.

CivicHoliday September 3, 2008 at 4:54 pm

It is so painful watching T-Rex and his 6 inch arms try to hug people. Over and over and over. And didn’t it look like he so wanted to caress the fetus in Bristol’s uterus? Eeewww.

TGY September 3, 2008 at 4:55 pm

My God, he’s old. And short.

freppish September 3, 2008 at 5:01 pm

did we ever decide how many whore diamonds sarah and/or bristol are worth?

btwbfdimho September 3, 2008 at 5:09 pm

[re=81289]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: While the speakers play “Cock Suckers’ Ball” by Zappa.

professor.cj September 3, 2008 at 5:38 pm

[re=81332]Valerie[/re]: I’m more interested in Hair-up? or Hair-down? I think she may surprise us and go Hair-down to show America her softer side, and that she’s-really-just-one-of-us in the first half of her little talk about her family and her children, then come out hard against the hateful bloggers (um, hey, us!) and MSM in the second half, but not seem like a vendictive pol because her hair is so shiny and all.

I want to take out an ad in USA today (um, yesterday, for today?): When watching Palin speak, America, remember Sideshow Mel, and divert your attention from the big noises and shiny things: Hate can come in shiny packages.

hockeymom September 3, 2008 at 5:47 pm

Why doesn’t Sarah ever hold Trig?

Gopherit v2.0 September 3, 2008 at 6:11 pm

[re=81451]hockeymom[/re]: That might imply she acknowledges what a gift she received in having a child. Being a true Pro-Lifer, though, now that he’s out of the womb, he’s someone else’s problem.

I suspect, in a perfect Sarah Palin world, she would have been allowed to just leave him on an ice flow.

flyingspaghettimonster September 3, 2008 at 6:14 pm

Was Walnuts MARRYING them right on the tarmac?

Looked like he pressed a condom into ol’ Redneck’s palm and wispered “next time, use it!!”

Terry September 3, 2008 at 6:22 pm

OMG, they’re like a modern day Joad family, aren’t they?

Oh, and why did Cindy McCain dress Bridgit in a top and skirt that don’t match?

magic titty September 3, 2008 at 6:25 pm

i know they got fucked up in the war and shit, but john mccain’s arms creep me the fuck out.

pickleandcake September 3, 2008 at 6:30 pm

and why does he force the poor youngest Palin girl to wave her hand? he sort of picks up her arm and flings it around. so much awkward.

sanantonerose September 3, 2008 at 6:36 pm

[re=81217]DirkLeisure[/re]: That’s fuckin’ redneck!

sanantonerose September 3, 2008 at 6:38 pm

[re=81235]Wagamuffin[/re]: A-FRAME HUGS 4 EVERYONE!

azw88 September 3, 2008 at 6:44 pm

Let’s see… this poor hockey player has gone from bragging about banging the daughter of the guv, to having knocked up the daughter of the gov, to having his girlfriend dragged off a couple of hundred miles (man, the guv really takes that whole not-seeing-the-bride-before-the-wedding pretty damned serious) to having his name bandied about in the press, to standing on a tarmac and shaking hands with Mr. “you know, he was a Prisoner of war” (here in AZ, I have called him McCarpetbagger for ages).

And he thought being able to brag about banging the guv daughter made him cool!

azw88 September 3, 2008 at 6:47 pm

and ya gotta wonder if the happy couple to be will get their own room?? It’s not like they can do anything they haven’t already done…. well, unless hockey-boy managed to pick up a copy of the Karma Sutra at the airport on his way in…..

azw88 September 3, 2008 at 6:57 pm

OMG: I just figured out what McCain was doing to the happy couple! The whole up-n-down motion was his demonstration of how to perform “mutual masturbation” as an effective means of birth control!

Also, I would love to know what Sarah Phailin said to hockey-boy to get him to fly out and stand by his girlfriend: “Boy, you get yer ass out her and play lovey-dovey with my daughter because if we lose this election, me and my hubbies homies will will go Eskimo on your ass. We gonna freeze your exposed, wet nut-sack to iceberg!”

Godot September 3, 2008 at 7:04 pm

[re=81223]larz[/re]: Now that you mention it, McCain does remind me of Colonel Tigh a bit…

bugland September 3, 2008 at 8:28 pm

“Heeere’s Bristol! Wave at the nice cameras, Bristol! Now grab my– No, you can’t look at her! What are you doing, saying things about her? BAD media!”

Jingo September 3, 2008 at 8:35 pm

I hate seeing John McCain beg… he’s a war hero for chrisakes! Why didn’t Levi just let him smell his fingers?

ProgHead777 September 3, 2008 at 8:43 pm

My god, did a tornado pass nearby towards the end of the video or did the snowbillies all switch on their vibro-pants when McCain started fondling them?

ProgHead777 September 3, 2008 at 8:45 pm

[re=81530]Godot[/re]: You are not the only one:


kremla September 3, 2008 at 9:38 pm

I think he’s warning Levi that Cindy can’t wait to get her cougar claws into him.

JuliaG September 4, 2008 at 12:58 am

From my blog (www.iamrad.tumblr.com):

While you can’t actually hear what McCain is saying, I imagine it’s something like this:

0:10 – Hi Honey, you sober? No? Well try not to talk to any reporters then ok?

0:13 – Oh hey Bridget! You know, even though my other kids hate me, remember, you’re adopted, so I still have to love them more than you. But thanks for coming out!

0:22 – Whoa, hey buddy. We almost kissed there didn’t we? Can’t let that happen. All my evangelical votes will go away. Heh, heh.

0:43 – What the F? Who the hell are you? OH Sarah Palin! My new VP! Sorry, I didn’t recognize you seeing as we’ve only met once and all.

0:49 – And this is your husband. Oh what? He likes to drive snowmobiles? That’s great. I’ve made a great choice here. Just great.

1:01 – And you must be Bristol. Pregnant and 17. That is so great. You know what else would have been great though? If you didn’t go trolloping all over town and kept it in your pants.

1:12 – And that would make you Levi, the baby daddy. I want to thank you so much for ruining my campaign. Really. Oh, and just fyi in case you’re thinking of doing anything stupid like cheating or running off on your little lady remember, I cut off a man’s nutsack in ‘Nam with a ball point pen and I have no qualms about doing the same to you. Ok? Ok.

1:42 – Oh hey who’s this little feller? Oh what? It’s the downs baby? Shit Cindy, that’s the kind of thing you should tell a man before he kisses it. Huh? You can’t get the ‘tardation from kissing a baby? Well ok then.

2:00 – (Thinking to himself) Jesus christ I’m fucked.

Comments on this entry are closed.

Previous post:

Next post: