CRIMINALS  3:45 pm September 1, 2008

by Ken Layne

CROOK.TH-THAT’S NOT CH-CHANGE WE CAN BELIEVE IN: Ha ha, maverick reformer Sarah Palin ran incredibly corrupt indicted-Senator Ted Stevens’ corporate fund-raising 527. Ha ha ha ha. [Yglesias]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 48 comments }

Vanity Smurf September 1, 2008 at 3:49 pm

More scandals than a frog has tadpoles. How long before MSNBCers start yapping about how sorry they are that Tim Russert isn’t alive to see this?

ManchuCandidate September 1, 2008 at 3:53 pm

Sarah Palin, the perpetual Snark Machine.

shoeho September 1, 2008 at 3:53 pm

The only real question for tonight–Does Jon Stewart lead with Bristol, Gustav, or the luck of the GOP in having a good excuse (well, not so good since it wasn’t that much of a hurricane, I guess) to dis-invite Dick and W to MSP?

Serolf Divad September 1, 2008 at 3:55 pm

BREAKING: SARAH PALIN’S 17 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER IS PREGNANT!!!!!!! (& UNMARRIED)

Tears of awesome, people. Tears of awesome!

shoeho September 1, 2008 at 3:55 pm

[re=77944]Vanity Smurf[/re]: Soon, Grasshopper, your wish will be granted. I can see Matthews trying not to spit on the camera/his guest now. I mean, isn’t Old Ted’s trial supposed to start, well, SOON? And didn’t the court refuse to move it to Alaska? Does John not think we know anything about this?

Cogito Ergo Bibo September 1, 2008 at 3:56 pm

[re=77944]Vanity Smurf[/re]: In 5, 4, 3, 2…

I was wondering how the woman was going to make it through the week, when I heard the Bristol thing. Now I’m wondering how she’ll make it through the day. Home to “Spend time with her family” by dinner, at this point.

Serolf Divad September 1, 2008 at 3:56 pm

Oh, I see I’m behind the curve on this on. Still tears of awesome!

columnv September 1, 2008 at 3:59 pm

John McCain is a maverick of making fucktupid decisions.

satyricrash September 1, 2008 at 3:59 pm

“Next up: does Sarah Palin believe that everything that glitters is gold, and what’s the deal with that staircase to nowhere?”

kellygrrrl September 1, 2008 at 3:59 pm

she also has several other Federal Complaints against her.

I think Karl Rove just threw MkKain under the bus

DangerousLiberal September 1, 2008 at 4:01 pm

Fuck me, this woman is having a shitty week. I sorta feel sorry for Sarah and Bristol (and Trig, too, because I almost failed Trig). Still, since 99.99999995% of ‘merkins can’t tell you who Uncle Ted is, the PAC thing is just no factor. The made-for=lifetime State Trooper story: now that’s a keeper.

ManchuCandidate September 1, 2008 at 4:01 pm

[re=77957]Serolf Divad[/re]:
No worries. No one expected this to be one of the snarkiest days evah. I figured I’d be reading about the 2nd of sinking New Orleans by Gustav not how Hurricane BabbyMama is sinking the Walnuts/Palin Ticket.

Gopherit v2.0 September 1, 2008 at 4:02 pm

So, it’s official. If McCain/Palin take office, it’ll be glowing craters for everyone!

Twinkle Twinkle Lil Star September 1, 2008 at 4:03 pm

SARAH PALIN IS THE GIFT THAT KEEPS ON GIVING.

Oh god, I haven’t laughed this hard since my boyfriend in high school dropped trou in front of me and said, “come and get it, baby.”

njdon September 1, 2008 at 4:04 pm

wow, the first vp (or prez) in history who will be impeached before election day.

soooo, mittens will be vp. i was right.

WonkaBee September 1, 2008 at 4:05 pm

So… use Stevens as long as you can then shoot him down to get ahead…

Maybe she’s blackmailing McCain and he dare not ask her to pull out.

Honestly, I don’t see a withdrawal coming. The base is going to love her and forgive everything. Suckers for a pretty face…

The Incomparable Tiny Valdez September 1, 2008 at 4:07 pm

She listed Ireland as one of the foreign countries she’s visited along with her recent trip to visit troops in Germany and Kuwait. Turns out the plane stopped to refuel at Shannon, and she didn’t get further than the Duty Free shop. What a fraud.

AxmxZ September 1, 2008 at 4:09 pm

This is getting better and better by the hour – and it’s only been like two days!

The Incomparable Tiny Valdez September 1, 2008 at 4:11 pm

Labor Day ’08. Hurricane in LA, train wreck in St. Paul.

Oscar Folsom Cleveland September 1, 2008 at 4:17 pm

“Ted Stevens Excellence in Public Service, Inc.” Sally Plain, CEO
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Alaska_Purchase_(hi-res).jpg

Further proof that in addition to successfully negotiating the sale of Siberia to Alaska for 17 Euros, Gov.-Gen. Plain has proven her diplomatic skills through successfully negotiating the razor’s edge of simultaneously backing and critiquing the shenannigans and civic accomplishments of the late (and wiggy) “Ted” Stevens, the only man in the Senate older than John McExxon. In other words, Sally will have her cake and eat it, too, thank you very much…while terrorist Barry goes around asking for five dollar bills to defeat Hurricane Juan Carlos.

you cannot be serious September 1, 2008 at 4:23 pm

I predict Joe-mentum will save the day. He was for the Democrats before he was against them.

The 3-Legged Man September 1, 2008 at 4:30 pm

Only 23 days until Ted Stevens’ trial.

That gives Sarah 22 days to withdraw, go home, have a kid, get pregnant, increase her popularity rating to 99% in the polls, and hope all this national nightmare ends by winter (September 25 in Wasilla).

Undeterredbyreality September 1, 2008 at 4:41 pm

So: Sarah Palin has 20 months executive experience as governor of Alaska, which is about as long as Obama has had executive experience running his campaign. Which is bigger? And more successful? And has fewer scandals? (And fewer babies?)

BobLoblawLawBlog September 1, 2008 at 4:41 pm

This woman is the best thing to happen to dreary workdays since…well, ever.

Quick question (that MSM journalists can actually ask): How did she know Trig had Down Syndrome before he was born? Having just had a baby–and been under big pressure to have the marker test done–I can tell you what I finally dragged out of my doctor: There is no reason to have that test done unless you might abort. Period. Isn’t she constantly using her decision to keep him as a testament to her anti-choice adherence?

And if she didn’t have the marker test and had the amnio, she was seriously risking miscarriage. Just like she was when she was vigorously exercising into her third trimester, taking over 14 hours to get to the hospital after her fucking water broke, etc. etc. etc…

Then again, we need only look to her decision to put her daughter through this to see what kind of pus-weeping cuntsore we’re dealing with.

Pretty, though! And (unintentionally) funny to boot!

AngryBlakGuy September 1, 2008 at 4:42 pm

…just to pour a little fuel on this fire!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j9AIDRGzUAw

KittyKatMan September 1, 2008 at 4:42 pm

[re=78022]Undeterredbyreality[/re]: win !

The Incomparable Tiny Valdez September 1, 2008 at 4:47 pm

Her Troopergate sister has NINE kids. No wonder she won for mayor of Wasilla–she was probably related to 70% of the population.

Twinkle Twinkle Lil Star September 1, 2008 at 4:48 pm

[re=78024]BobLoblawLawBlog[/re]: pus-weeping cuntsore

Man, I gotta find a way to work that into my novel somehow…

WadISay September 1, 2008 at 4:52 pm

If you see a bunch of people capering around the streets of St. Paul wearing foam moose antlers and grabbing their crotches, it’s probably Pawlenty’s staff, who were reportedly powerfully P-Oed at McCain for the way the VP thing was handled.

trai_dep September 1, 2008 at 4:58 pm

It’s like Palin’s entire family is banding together to make Sara’s Veeporial debut as car-crashriffic as possible, with each thudding bombshell more Onionesque than the last.
THAT’S t-t-teamwork I can b-b-believe in.

Watch out for the toddler 4-month-old boy. I predict he’ll announce he’ll be entering meth rehab before the day’s over.

The 3-Legged Man September 1, 2008 at 4:58 pm

[re=78033]The Incomparable Tiny Valdez[/re]: If you want to see hot, try to find pictures of some of her nieces. Her sister cranked out a couple that make Sarah look like the last choice on the Fuck Me team.

StrangelyBrown September 1, 2008 at 5:01 pm

So Sarah Palin shilled for Ted Stevens…
then Ted Stevens invented the internet…
then Sarah Palin turns against Ted Stevens…
and then the internet destroys the lives of Sarah Palin and her entire family.

Does this mean we’re all just constructs in Ted Stevens’s demented Lawnmower Man virtual reality?

nietzscheprojectile September 1, 2008 at 5:02 pm

In other news – why is Todd Palin so intent on hurting Alaska and, by extension, America? http://www.andrewhalcro.com/shadow_governor

trai_dep September 1, 2008 at 5:07 pm

[re=78034]Twinkle Twinkle Lil Star[/re]: I’m adding the phrase pus-weeping cuntsore to my resume and all future emails to my boss. These two choices are surprisingly well-correlated, btw.

The Incomparable Tiny Valdez September 1, 2008 at 5:07 pm

ding ding ding ding!. DailyKOS has it up right now–she was a member of a radical fringe party who want Alaska to secede from the US and dissolve the US government it they take away their bitter guns or something.

hockeymom September 1, 2008 at 5:14 pm

[re=78024]BobLoblawLawBlog[/re]: She probably had to have the test done because of her age. Also, it’s very, very common for that test to come up positive if you are over 35. Even more likely if over 40. And most people would want to know the answer, not to get an abortion, but to prepare for a special needs child. (at least, I would hope she would want to prepare herself and her family…though running for VP wouldn’t be the way I would chose to take care of my child).

Twinkle Twinkle Lil Star September 1, 2008 at 5:14 pm

[re=78064]trai_dep[/re]: I might put it on my business card.

Twinkle Twinkle Lil Star
Starving Writer
Sarah Palin is a pus-weeping cuntsore

RuperttheBear September 1, 2008 at 5:31 pm

[re=78025]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: I laugh at her retarded baby, so this just makes us even.

Aurelio September 1, 2008 at 5:36 pm

[re=77968]DangerousLiberal[/re]: Your comment: “I sorta feel sorry for Sarah and Bristol…” Pull yourself together, man. Don’t go all wobbly on us. Now is the time to attack that vicious little fuck-factory and her monster spawn. Do not, repeat, do not, give this Bible-thumping, fetus worshipping, Big Oil whore an even break. Just sayin’.

BobLoblawLawBlog September 1, 2008 at 5:43 pm

[re=78073]hockeymom[/re]: I don’t know if anyone ever HAS to get the test done if the pregnancy’s normal. Like I said, when I kept pressing my doctor on reasons for seriously pressuring me to get the test (mother’s health, preparations, etc.), he finally fessed up to the reason being that knowing might “make a difference” in how you view the pregnancy itself. Even a staunchly pro-choice woman (like I am) got disgusted by the implication. I find it hard to believe she couldn’t assert herself at least as well as I did.

hockeymom September 1, 2008 at 5:53 pm

[re=78101]BobLoblawLawBlog[/re]: Here’s what I meant…when you are over 35, even in a normal, healthy pregnancy, the sugar test (if I remember correctly, I’m probably wrong), often turns up with a Down marker. Then, you can choose whether or not you want to get an amnio. Happened to me with both pregnancies. Lots of women say “no” because they don’t want a giant needle being stuck into their belly. I chose to get the amnio both times because I wanted to know if my children were going to have Down Syndrome. (they didn’t, but my husband and I wanted to know ahead of time so we could figure out how to raise the baby).

Vanity Smurf September 1, 2008 at 5:59 pm

[re=78094]Aurelio[/re]: Amen to that!

AngryBlakGuy September 1, 2008 at 6:00 pm

[re=78088]RuperttheBear[/re]: …well here is something that will definitely make you laugh!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1UxXBvKmPQc

BobLoblawLawBlog September 1, 2008 at 6:03 pm

[re=78113]hockeymom[/re]: I absolutely think you and your husband did the right thing. What I had meant to say was that I’m surprised that a super-duper let-go-and-let-God type would have anything done that might endanger the fetus for her own reasons. Then again, I think I’m just thinking that way because of the way she acted during the “labor.” Long story short: she’s a horrible mother.

SkimLatteModerate September 1, 2008 at 6:36 pm

Damn. Check out the HuffPo if you haven’t already. There’s a new scandal popping up every hour.

But now I just think we’re being played. They want us to think the people who got Bush two terms just went full retard on us all of a sudden? Bullshit. All part of the plan I say.

btwbfdimho September 1, 2008 at 6:55 pm

[re=77952]Serolf Divad[/re]:
He knew it before anybody else!! Mmmm, no wonder he was gone for a while. Sure he had to go hunting with Todd in order to proceed with his proposition.

dave666 September 1, 2008 at 8:15 pm

The Onion has officially closed down its website. They say they can no longer make up stories more absurd than this reality.

dilhavarti September 2, 2008 at 4:10 am

A Story
by Dil Havarti, in character

I pledge allegiance, to my book, for the United TruckNutz of America,
And to “the Industry”, for which it stands nyack nyack nyack,
Twelve Hundred Dollars fat cancerous bitch,
Under Baby Jeebuz,
With women’s lib just a rubber, wait, when was the civil war?

Hey, is that a boner? I want a cookie.. I quit, in a mob kinda way.

The End

Thank you, thank you, thank you, you’re too kind.

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