baby mamas

Every Palin Is Pregnant With Everything!

Everything in the news is true.“Bristol Palin, one of Alaska Gov. Palin’s five children with her husband, Todd, is about five months pregnant and is going to keep the child and marry the father, the Palins said in a statement released by the campaign of Republican presidential candidate John McCain.” WAIT, WHAT?

This is sort of like John Edwards saying, “No I did not have an affair with Rielle Hunter two years ago. And in order to put these despicable rumors to rest, I’ll tell you that some other person plans to have an affair with her in a few months.” Saying this very nice young lass Bristol is five months along doesn’t explain the weird family photos from late last year.

Palin’s 17-Year-Old Daughter Is Pregnant [The Caucus]

About the author

Sara K. Smith was Wonkette's morning editor from 2008 to 2010, and now contributes a weekly (?!) column to Wonkette, to prove she still loves you all!

View all articles by Sara K. Smith
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375 comments

  1. Rosalindavenue

    President of the trailer park! Whoopee! Guess Sarah’s abstinence-only position has a few problems….

  2. Gopherit v2.0

    So if she’s 5 months pregnant, there’s no way she can possibly be Trig’s mom….unless we have a grassy knoll jizz theory going here. \\

  3. badco/LoJ

    “…in an announcement intended to knock down rumors by liberal bloggers that Palin faked her own pregnancy to cover up for her child.”

    That’ll teach those liberal bloggers. Thank you, teen pregnancy!

  4. shoeho

    [re=77557]kellygrrrl[/re]: Yes, all the MSM outlets have it. I just read it on MSNBC. Easy to see where the confuzzelation re Trig’s mommy came from. Okay, so the bloggisphere was only HALF right.
    Love those fundy values!

  5. Texan Bulldoggette

    Bristol sounds like a bit of a light skirt. Aahh, good old Republican family values at work again. Palin’s abstinence-only stand is a joke; bet Bristol would have like to know about condoms about 5 months ago, eh?

  6. dorothyparker

    Call me cynical, but I suspect the folks at McCain, Inc. waited until Gustav hit to announce this. How convenient.

  7. Gopherit v2.0

    [re=77567]Delicious[/re]: My wife is hoping for Myers…..sort of a pharmaceutical corporate sponsorship.

  8. Borat

    well, is she 5 months pregnant?

    does sarah think she doesn’t have to explain why she jepordised trig’s life?

  9. shoeho

    [re=77574]dorothyparker[/re]: Hmmm, a total take out the trash moment, hmmm? I mean, there is a time and place for trailerparklike behavior. This is not it.

  10. Clancy_Pants

    [re=77566]Sonic Former Youth[/re]: I second the nomination for Wonketteicons. Perhaps only for Palin posts?

  11. WonkaBee

    No, to be a true conspiratist you have to assume that *this* pregnancy is faked and will “miscarry” in order to shield the truth about Bristol being Trig’s Mom.

    But honestly, I’m more concerned that the more we keep this alive the more that the fundie defenses are going to kick in and solidify support around the little mothers. In the absence of this distraction, the base might have buyer’s remorse about her thin resume.

  12. Gopherit v2.0

    [re=77571]shoeho[/re]: Come on….fundie household, no condoms and living in Alaska? That guarantees an 80% knocked up rate for teens there. You have to wonder if anyone’s pissed that they couldn’t take out the “problem” with a secret abortion before the Ovary Truthers started the original fake pegnancy story.

  13. Atoz

    OK, no more “will Trig’s real mother please stand up” discussion… just “what the heck was Palin thinking taking that flight from TX to AK” discussion. Oh, and, “Did Palin know about her daughter’s pregancy when she accepted the nomination” discussion.

    I feel really bad for Bristol — awful enough to have to have that discussion with such fundie parents at all, much less to have it reported in Reuters.

  14. shoeho

    [re=77583]WonkaBee[/re]: A few of my “normal” Repub friends (they come from RI and NH, so it’s a little hard to tell) are going 3rd party or considering Barry because of the Palin pick. Of course, the “red meat” Repugs think they are Democrats anyway.

  15. Billyboy

    Bristol Palin made the decision on her own to keep the baby, McCain aides said.

    Good to see the GOP candidate has embraced choice. Should help with the swing voters.

  16. SpecialHorse

    Sarah Palin is a complete asshole for putting her own ambition ahead of her daughter’s welfare. She is now the most famous teenage mother in the country. It is appalling that a parent would put her daughter through such public embarrassment. Disgusting.

  17. shoeho

    [re=77584]Gopherit v2.0[/re]: Yeah, well, I have long suspected the “elite” of the Republican party preach one thing for all of society and another for themselves. I don’t see a lot of the anti BC crowd (admittedly, there are a few) with huge families. I just don’t think the Govagranny is in that sphere. SHE really BELEIVES in that sh*t!

  18. jagorev

    This is going to win the election. Does no one remember how big a hit Juno was? Americans eat this shit up. All that Bristol needs to do now is give a smart, wise-beyond-her-years, wisecracking interview set to an indie rock soundtrack.

  19. Cogito Ergo Bibo

    It’s Christmas and Fourth of July all rolled into one. Crazy Ms. GILF? I think I love you a little.

    Love that the news broke on Labor Day. Ooooooh the irony.

  20. Lascauxcaveman

    Geez girl. There’s these things called “condoms”? You can make your B.F. wear them, or y’know, “no nookie for you”? Just sayin’

    AND there’s these other things; birth control pills? Prolly hand ‘em out free to anyone who asks in the socialist wonderland called Alaska. Just stop by the free clinic they set up for the natives.

  21. A Geek Tragedy

    re previous talk of “minge”: “Bristol” is Cockney rhyming slang for “breast” (Bristol City (football club)->titty)

  22. RuperttheBear

    9/11 WAS AN INSIDE JOB

    Have I mentioned how delicioussss my coffee is this morning. Oh, I could drink it til it runs out my ears. Mmmmm. Now for the bath beads.

  23. Tybalt

    [re=77565]PeteJayhawk v2.0[/re]: I’m 35. The crazy thing, I am also Trig’s real mother. We lead a strange life up there in Alaska, the Palins and us.

  24. Aurelio

    Ah, well, the conspiracy theory was fun while it lasted. Now I’ll have to go back to reading about extra-terrestrial space aliens running the government.

  25. The 3-Legged Man

    You heard it here first: The part about 5 months is a lie. Word of her pregnancy was leaked almost 3 months ago. The news of her pregnancy is not what will undo Palin. It’s this lie about 5 months that will do the job. Of course, they qualified it with “about” which, in Rush Limbaugh’s world, could be anywhere from a month to a year.

  26. gjdodger

    [re=77580]AxmxZ[/re]: Nah, it means they’re a “professional” family. They crank ‘em out like an assembly line.

  27. WonkaBee

    [re=77570]badco/LoJ[/re]: are you telling me that the rumors regarding being knocked up have been knocked down?

    I hear you knocking….. but you can come in….

  28. Atoz

    I just read the whole Reuters feed at the NY Times. It says McCain knew about Bristol’s pregnancy before selecting Palin. One presumes that implies Palin knew.

    For the love of God, Montresor, what were they thinking?

    Oh, wait, because Palin was the most qualified possible VP candidate, they set aside all concerns for the public ordeal the pregnant teenager would have to endure and put country first.

  29. stew

    To all those who scoffed at the rumor: go fuck yourself (without a comdom, of course)! Back to moose country, Sarah…

  30. StrangelyBrown

    [re=77587]Atoz[/re]: Mark my words, if people spread the story about Trig’s near-disastrous birth — Palin’s own story — it will bite her back. There’s nothing women 30-55 hate more than a reckless mother, and Governor Palin is starting to sound like a real Jerry Springer guest.

    Can I post the link again? I wanna post it again: http://www.ktuu.com/global/story.asp?s=8194634

  31. spencer

    Levi is the big winner in all of this. He went from being forced to marry some girl from the backwater to being a member of a prominent international political family. He could call HarperCollins and get a 10K advance.

  32. The 3-Legged Man

    Follow-up: Just in: Palin admits that she recently converted to Papism and this is the first virgin birth in her family. All others were discredited due to confusing paternity test results.

  33. Texan Bulldoggette

    Pardon my cynicism, but I expect the Governor to resign her candidacy or whatever so she can ‘spend more time with her family’. Then along comes Mitts or Lieberman & Repubs breathe a sigh of relief. (I mean it’s not like those two are impregnating anyone.)

  34. user-of-owls

    Oh right, you expect us to believe this?

    Next thing you know, you’ll try to tell us that:

    AngryBlakGuy is a chipper Scandinavian housewife.

    Neilist helped drafted the Brady Bill.

    AfghanVet faints at the sight of blood.

    and most preposterous:

    Serolf Divad desu ot tsop rednu sih laer eman!

    Balderdash!

  35. J

    Apparently the Palins were too busy shooting Bambi to attend one of those purity balls the right-wingers love so much.

  36. I Am Not Your Gary Busey

    [re=77554]Rosalindavenue[/re]: I’m looking through my deck of dirty playing cards and I don’t see an “Abstinence Position” one… I see “Double Reverse Cowgirl” and “Wheelbarrow Inspector,” but no “Abstinence Position.”

  37. El Bombastico

    The real lesson in all of this is that apparently liquified whale blubber is not effective as a contraceptive jelly. Who knew?

  38. The 3-Legged Man

    I can’t imagine why Palin missed an opportunity to mention her kid enlisting in the army. Oh, that’s right, he joined up because of some behavior issues (allegedly). Doesn’t make the Wasilla Hillbillies bad parents, just hypocrites.

  39. Cogito Ergo Bibo

    From the WaPo – http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2008/09/01/AR2008090100710.html?hpid=topnews
    McCain officials said the news of the daughter’s pregnancy was being released to rebut what one aide called “mud-slinging and lies” circulating on liberal blog sites.

    According to these rumors, Sarah Palin had faked a pregnancy and pretended to have given birth in May to her fifth child, a son named Trig who has Down syndrome. The rumor was that Trig was actually Bristol Palin’s child and that Sarah Palin was the grandmother.

    A senior McCain campaign official said the McCain camp was appalled that these rumors had not only been spread around liberal blog sites and partisan Democrats, but also were the subject of heightened interest from mainstream news media.

    “The despicable rumors that have been spread by liberal blogs, some even with Barack Obama’s name in them, is a real anchor around the Democratic ticket, pulling them down in the mud in a way that certainly juxtaposes themselves against their ‘campaign of change,”‘ a senior aide said.

    We are the great and powerful Wonkette! And we pwn you! Although, thanks to teh evil orange cousin, of course. Couldn’t have done it without you, Kos!

  40. The Incomparable Tiny Valdez

    They are asking us to respect their privacy?? I know way too much about this family already.

  41. Delicious

    I like how they want to make this a “private matter” and ask for the media to back off, but they are happy to pontificate and legislate matters of sexuality and pregancy.

    Whatever’s convenient. Whatever works.

  42. The 3-Legged Man

    [re=77635]Cogito Ergo Bibo[/re]: Why wouldn’t the W.P. identify this “senior McCain official”? This isn’t secret stuff.

    Gotta love the bit about “some even with Barack Obama’s name in them”…..

  43. Vanity Smurf

    [re=77637]RooseveltFranklin[/re]: Although they could be sending him into the military to “straighten him up.”

  44. StrangelyBrown

    So is the wedding going to take place before or after the election?

    How do you think it’s going to compare to Jenna Bush’s wedding?

  45. SayItWithWookies

    On the bright side, at least Bristol wasn’t one of those chicks who believes so much in the abstinence thing that she only does anal.

  46. kudzu

    OK. The girl is 17. SEVENTEEN YEARS OLD. I think this calls for charges of statutory rape and pedophilia, doesn’t it? And, “oh wonder of wonders, miracle of miracles…” I want to know what the Fundies and social conservatives in general will have to say about this.

  47. sarcasticusername

    i seriously don’t understand this woman. it’s not like people weren’t going to find out when her daughter popped the thing out, so why on earth would she willingly sign up for the veep job and shit all over her teenage daughter’s privacy and life in general by taking their family show on the road for the whole country to see? she’s apparently even more insane than i’d previously thought. i refuse to believe that mccain even tried to vet her picking her name out of his ass.

  48. Vanity Smurf

    Ok, Trig has an excuse, what’s wrong with the rest of the Palin brood? We haven’t heard anything yet about the other daughters. What else could be in the pipeline?

  49. StripesAndPlaids

    I love this logic. She wasn’t pregnant then because she is pregnant now. And look at how responsible she is. SHe is going to get married. See? Nothing fixes a little ol’ abstinence only failure like some matrimony. See? Cause matrimony is so sacred, it can fix out of wed lock fornication! Yay Jesus!

  50. Vanity Smurf

    [re=77647]kudzu[/re]: She gets a fundie pass for not aborting it and for saying she’ll get married to her babydaddy. She is the new poster child for the Fallen Woman who does the right thing.

  51. spencer

    [re=77646]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Actually it turns out that because her parents don’t believe in sex education, she thought she was doing anal.

  52. Cogito Ergo Bibo

    [re=77641]The 3-Legged Man[/re]: Seriously. Name any blog in existence, political or otherwise, which doesn’t have Obama’s name “in” it. They all have Obama’s name in them! So he caused this by having his name in the blogs? That’s like saying a person can be a foreign policy expert because their state is located near Russia. Oh. Wait…

  53. Vanity Smurf

    [re=77652]StripesAndPlaids[/re]: Well it worked out for her mother when she got knocked up with Track a month before eloping — look where she is today!

  54. tripsydaily

    “The campaign intends to cast this as the kind of situation that ordinary American families face.”
    Social conservatives are basking in the warmth of McCain’s pee right now…

  55. hatlesshead

    [re=77632]The 3-Legged Man[/re]: Track was forced into the military to make man out of him cause he had a case of the Geyhz. They hope he gets killed liked they hoped Trig would die in the airborne position.

  56. Delicious

    On days like this, I like to check in with Michelle Malkin:

    But wait–let’s assume for a second that this goofy idea is true. Let’s say for a second that Governor Palin decided to adopt her daughter’s unplanned special-needs child and present him to the world as her own…

    That would make her kind of a saint, wouldn’t it?

    Yes, indeedy. It’s a horrible smear. But if it’s true, it wonderful news.

    Then, her lead blog item is…Rev. Jeremiah Wright. Haha.

    But this is kind of funny:

    “This ordinary boy [Obama] just might be the first president in the history of the United States to have a black woman sleeping at 1600 Pennsylvania legally,” Wright said, referring to Michelle Obama, in a sermon at the Wheeler Avenue Baptist Church in Houston.

    Is this how the world ends?

  57. Magsbe

    Sarah Palin: Mother Of The Year.

    (How much do you want to bet years down the road the Palin kids write a Mommy Dearest book?)

  58. SayItWithWookies

    They’re honeymooning at a hunting party with Dick Cheney. It’s going to be a shotgun wedding followed by a shotgun widowhood. And the Palins would like you to respect their children’s privacy while this awful Levi (there’s a nice gentile name for you) is dealt with.

  59. The 3-Legged Man

    I can only assume that they were unsuccessful in getting a marriage certificate phonied up to pre-date the (alleged) date of conception.

    Typical Wasilla resident reaction: “Seventeen? Seems a little over the hill…glad to hear she finally found a feller.”

  60. Vanity Smurf

    I guess this will be the excuse for “taking more time to be with family” that she will need as cover to withdraw her name and slink off back to the north pole.

  61. Jingo

    SEEE! This proves it! Trig is not Bristol’s baby so all you liberal smear-mongers can go sit on a tack. Let’s leave the family alone and let 14y.o. Willow Palin care for her son in peace.

  62. Lionel Hutz Esq.

    So, Bristol “chose” to keep her baby. Which means abortion was seriously considered.

    But, really, is this family like Tribbles? Are they born preggers?

  63. itgetter

    [re=77574]dorothyparker[/re]: Oh, absolutely. When I saw this story I ran out and told my dad. He flipped through all the news channels to confirm it, but everyone was reporting on Gustav. It’s like people care more about a city in peril than one pregnant girl. WTF is wrong with America?

    [re=77614]Atoz[/re]: It’s a lie. Gotta be. No way they’d pick her if they knew. My guess is Bristol hadn’t told her mom in the months leading up to now because even she was smart enough to realize that it would be RIDICULOUS for McCain to choose her. So when it happened (all within 48 hours of the announcement in Dayton) she didn’t get a chance to come clean until after. I feel sort of sorry for her if that’s the case.

  64. Eduwanker

    Memo to Gov. Palin: this out-of-wedlock baby nonsense will not help you get the black vote. Nice try, though.

  65. wilmawonker

    i can’t wait to learn about the dad. will he be a ‘pipefitter’ like Jamie Lynn Spears’ boy?

  66. Oscar Folsom Cleveland

    The massive Plain family will do anything to stack the electoral college with their spawn.

    FOX News is reporting that the lone veep debate will quickly devolve into an enormous family feud food fight and chair throwing match, featuring all of the Plain and Biden cousins and distant in-laws, with John McCrankey as referee. Only Crankey will leap into the ring and serve an especially mean oak rocking chair at Joe Biden.

    Democracy at its best imitation of Jerry Springer.

  67. sanantonerose

    Speaking of stupid names (Trig? Seriously?) a lady I work with has a nephew names Hunter Douglas. We all call him “fanboy.”

  68. Whiskeybaby

    From the Palin statement: “We ask the media, respect our daughter and Levi’s privacy as has always been the tradition of children of candidates.”

    HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH. That really is a good one.

  69. El Bombastico

    Alright, everyone submit suggested names for this new little bastard Palin. My suggestion: “Flank”.

  70. El Greco

    Who says Trig isn’t Bristol’s baby? She is supposedly five months along? Just close enough that they could be off by a month.

    I know a lot of fundies who think breast-feeding is a form of birth control. I doubt that Bristol just started having sex five months ago.

  71. The Incomparable Tiny Valdez

    Both WALNUTS! and Nanook are batshit insane, but she seriously needs to forget about VP and Focus on the Family.

  72. irisheyes

    It’s delightful, it’s delicious, it’s delovely….nothing but a song in my heart this beautiful morning.

    I think the theory that this allows her an “out” may be right.

    What a spectacular display of judgement WALNUTS has shown.

    Zip a dee doo dah, zip a dee ay…

  73. TJBeck

    Well, at least they had the modesty to confirm the pregnancy less than one hour after the landfall of a major hurricane.

  74. The 3-Legged Man

    [re=77674]itgetter[/re]: Palin knew about it at least a month and possibly two months ago. It was no secret. Palin is used to the media treatment she gets in Alaska, so she thought if she refused to mention this it would never surface.

  75. BobLoblawLawBlog

    Wait a second. Since Palin said she would refuse to let her daughter have an abortion, even if she were raped, are we to assume she is now forcing her daughter to marry her rapist? Where is Sally Jessy???

  76. Amaraya

    Is this woman just the gift that keeps on giving or what? Seriously – I can’t remember the last time I’ve laughed so much.

  77. Vanity Smurf

    [re=77661]hatlesshead[/re]: Yeah, since there’s no evidence yet that Track is a babydaddy he must have a case of teh gaze — I mean he is 18 after all and that’s plenty old enough to have started planin’ his seed.

  78. SmartMom

    I suppose the upcoming nuptials will be postponed to allow the young couple time to mature, since Bristol will obviously miscarry sometime between now and election day.

    Such transparent Rovian tactics trying to divert the attention from the real issue!

  79. elSantos

    And I am sure some of you thought it was a joke that McCain was going to destroy Wonkette with the announcement of the VPILF. Case closed.

    Now, my theory is that the Library of Congress knew about this ahead of time. The librarians cabal will make sure that even if Wonkette falls its dusty remains be preserved for posterity.
    commentary was preserved for posterity.

  80. simetrias

    OK, if McCain is so smart and he and his aides knew about the teen being preggers but didn’t care, why didn’t they have the good media savvy to build it into her acceptance chat? I’m the mother of TWO special needs kids…

    Right, the best strategy is to wait til the blogosphere crawls all over it.

    McCain can play Beavis; she’s def the Butthead in this pair.

  81. Monsieur Grumpe

    You know, It’s only been a week since she was nominated for VP. This is going to be the best election yet. (tears of joy)

  82. Democratica

    [re=77707]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: Sweet Jeebus – it’s only been 4 fricking days! This has to be some kind of record.

  83. The 3-Legged Man

    Read the press release carefully and you’ll note that they’ve left themselves a couple wiggle items:

    1. “About 5 months pregnant”. You see, in the Palin family they don’t show until the 8th month, so it’s understandable that Sarah didn’t notice. (A clue she missed was when she asked Bristol one day, “I’m going to WalMart to pick up some tampons. Need any?” and Bristol said, “Uh, I’m good…”

    2. “Bristol came to us and told us…” Notice, she doesn’t say “yesterday” or “this morning”. It will be shown, perhaps, that Palin knew about this no less than a month ago, maybe much sooner.

    3. What happened to the “mono” that kept Bristol out of school this past year? Rather odd, being too sick to go to school but not too sick to be…er…. frisky?

  84. Scooter

    Sarah Palin seems to just love babies, babies, babies. Probably frigid most of the time, but when she wants that baby she needs to screw, screw, screw for maybe a week or two until she gets that baby. And when that baby needs to be born she’s ready to get it out . . . right after she clears everything off her day planner. If it lives then she takes care of that baby, loves that baby within an inch of its life, feeds it, raises it up, raises that baby!

    Then it’s not a baby anymore. Go away you non-baby!! Todd, or anyone with sperm, I want another baby! Oh my old non-baby Bristol, you want a baby too? Well, I guess you’re ten years old! You’re old enough to have your own baby! Here’s a pamphlet on how to make your own baby. Get to it girl and when you’re done make sure you bring your baby to me!! Put it in a box and FedEx it to me if you have to!

    Meanwhile, kids, I’ll be hanging out with Grampy John for a few days. I’ve got a new job telling the entire world what an attentive mother I am!! Everybody loves me. They want me to be their girlfriend. They want to make a baby with me. And I’m gonna let ‘em!!

  85. ManchuCandidate

    Did I not call it?

    Sarah Palin, the greatest gift of Snark, evah.

    Walnuts the Gambler just realizing he just rolled Snake Eyes.

  86. Lionel Hutz Esq.

    [re=77635]Cogito Ergo Bibo[/re]: “The despicable rumors that have been spread by liberal blogs, some even with Barack Obama’s name in them . . .

    Now I’m even more confused. Is Obama Trig’s father, or Bristol’s lover?

  87. The 3-Legged Man

    Would it be too much to ask Wonkette to put a real-time hit counter on this site? I think we’re going to be very close to Friday’s record platinum count, even without the holiday factor.

  88. TeddyS

    Let me guess. Daddy to be is another state trooper. If the marriage doesn’t work out, the new vice president can get him fired.

  89. ReverendGreen

    Whoever was the VP vetter for the McCain campaign should probably leave that one off the resume.

  90. simetrias

    [re=77688]El Bombastico[/re]:

    If it’s a girl, Bristol Pistol (in honor of the Alaska State Bird)

    If it’s a boy, Barack (in honor of the next President of the USA).

  91. DC Spring

    [re=77710]The 3-Legged Man[/re]: On 3, it’s an old timey remedy for nanooks. For everything. Even if you’ve got massive mono which has kept you out of school for months and are lying totally immobilised in bed.

    Hang on, which means..

  92. The 3-Legged Man

    Okay, it should be an hour or so until McCain’s team has figured out why this, along with Palin’s experience running Wasilla, makes her “the best possible candidate”.

    Well, either that or they’re trying to carefully word the withdrawal statement as they take turns blowing Mittens in an attempt at reconciliation.

  93. kellygrrrl

    “Great Mom”
    huh?
    she put her infant son at great risk
    she is putting her teen daughter through the nightmare of the century
    Sounds like a selfish, overly ambitious, lying ReThuglican to me
    She fits right in

  94. The 3-Legged Man

    From the Good News Department: Today was the first day in three months that Hillary genuinely laughed.

    From the Bad News Department: Then she recalled that Bill had taken a trip to Alaska about 5 months ago.

  95. Clovis

    [re=77567]Delicious[/re]: “What fucking weirdo name is this one getting? Bridgestone?”

    No, Ketchikan. Get it? Catch her he sure as heck can.

    So the convention is being rained out and old Magoo has trouble filling up a bowling alley on his own, and so the entire election should center on this kook and her nutty family.

    Who could’ve intuited such a wonder of a campaign season?

  96. MBSF

    If the Republicans really think that Palin is the future of the party, then they should have let her ferment for a little while longer as governor. Maybe let her run for re-election, become a U.S. Senator, and then tap her for VP. Same is true with Jindal, although he’s only 36 years old, and has equally terrifying views. Didn’t he conduct an exorcism of something? I may be getting him confused with someone else; there’s so much whacked Republican behavior it becomes hard to keep straight.

    I would love to be privy to Romney’s and Pawlenty’s private reactions to Palin’s nomination.

  97. soytrucknutz

    Phew, I was starting to wonder why the GOP had all those ‘Four More Babies’ banners printed up for the Convention.

  98. Servo

    I hope Governor Palin remembers that she’ll reap what she has sown.

    Does anyone think that the pro-lifers would raise much of a ruckus if the parents of an aborted pregnancy were Muslim? African? Chinese? Inuit? Islamic Inuit?

  99. Cogito Ergo Bibo

    [re=77714]Lionel Hutz Esq.[/re]: Seriously. I need a Jerry Springer translation chart at this point. Which angry yelping relative is he playing?

    [re=77706]simetrias[/re]: I know. If Walnuts! really had known, it would have been built into that wonderful family resume we all heard about on Friday. They were completely blindsided.

    And for those of you playing at home, I have all my chips on “judgment” replacing “maverick” as today’s “Word of the Day.”

  100. professor.cj

    Palin really is the gift that just keeps on giving. Is anyone going to talk about policy again in the next eight weeks? How long til the babydaddy is on the cover of Us magazine?

    My baby name suggestion: Wonkette if it’s a girl, Wonk if it’s a boy.

  101. TeddyS

    A new baby with special needs and a preggers teen daughter. Who’s taking care of this family? The governor’s husband may want to consider ending his career as a world class lawnmower racer and start being Daddy.

  102. StrangelyBrown

    [re=77727]The 3-Legged Man[/re]: What are you talking about? Sarah won’t withdraw! No one in her entire family even knows the meaning of the word “withdrawal”…

  103. soytrucknutz

    Barack Obama talking points for Tuesday = “The Republicans seem to be better at creating lives than creating jobs.”

  104. troutblood

    Forcing your 17 year-old daughter to marry the dude what knocked her up…That shows real leadership. She’s got my vote.

  105. RooseveltFranklin

    Why can’t I open Meghan McCain’s blog? It had so many great photos of her with Bristol yesterday but I can’t seem to get it open today.

  106. zkemeny

    HA HA! Jokes on you Liberal Bloggers! You thought my daughter was pregnant when she was 16, but she didnt get pregnant until 17!!! IN! YOUR! FACE!

  107. mr.november

    I am fond of the attack line “liberal bloggers.” To me, it insinuates we are not connected (read: filthy stinking rich) enough to own a network to spew our talking points.

    Baby name: Eagleton

  108. Jingo

    Bristol Palin is pregnant, under age and out of wedlock. This brings Gov. Palin’s Christian conservative background into question as a distracted mother/governor and as someone who, one day, may be making policy decisions on reproductive rights, contraception and abstinance.

    As far as the question of Trig Palin’s maternity, I think this ends that speculation. Obviously, Bristol is not the mother. Then again, given the photos of Sarah floating around, neither is she. I believe Sarah found Trig abandoned on an ice floe. Everyone knows that native Alaskans leave their old people and sick babies on ice floes to die. Bravely, Mrs. Palin took that child as her own, but did not want to embarrass her Inuit constituency by saying where he came from. So let’s not blame the Palins for all of this but the chubby, mukluk-wearing, endangered whale blubber-eating Eskimos. Awww…. I can’t stay mad at them after seeing their rosy cheeks, kissing each other with their noses. So cute.

  109. sbbritton

    This is Bristol’s second baby. She is really 4 months pregnant. Todd and Sarah helped her out with the first one, but can’t do it with the second. The girl is sexually active, but can’t use firth control cause of the “abstinence only” family value. How crazy is that after you’ve already had a baby!!! Anyway, she’s gonna get married this time around.

    Those Palins just keep on making babies. They are a fertile lot.

  110. Cogito Ergo Bibo

    They’ve updated that WaPo article to include this gem:
    Senior McCain adviser Steve Schmidt warned Democrats not to try to use the revelations to their political advantage: “If anyone tries to politicize this, there will be a backlash. One thing I think everyone agrees on is let the kids alone.”

    Are they kidding? Heh. Ha. Ha, ha, ha. HA, HA, HA!!!!!!OMG, THAT’S SO FUNNY!!!!111!!!!!

  111. jstring

    OK. Seriously. What’s the dem’s best approach here? Not a word / Let it play itself out? Feigned concern for Bristol, while demanding that “Eli” be charged with statutory rape? Point out the ridiculousness of abstinence-only sex ed programs?

  112. AngryBlakGuy

    …I’m calling shenanigans on this one! Conveniently she gets knocked-up around the time her mother was suppose to be giving birth? This still doesn’t explain away all the other crazy inconsistencies in her story. How bad is this going to look when she is continuously forced to update her story to match her alibi? If she makes it through the Republican convention I would be surprised!

  113. WonkaBee

    [re=77692]The Incomparable Tiny Valdez[/re]: You can’t call SP ‘Nanook’ – that was a male name. I think the female counterpart is ‘Nanookie.’

  114. shortsshortsshorts

    You can imagine the Palin family crisis:
    Sarah: “There catching onto us.”
    Todd: “There’s only one thing we can do. We must gather the children and get them all pregnant.”
    Sarah: “Yes, good. Gather the children. They will now have to fuck each other to make this go away. There must be fucking.”
    Todd: “Yes. This is the only way. Come children.”

    Will Childers say something?

  115. superfille

    This tells me Bristol is probably not Trig’s mother. It doesn’t tell me for sure that Willow (the 14 year old) is not Trig’s mother.

  116. loquaciousmusic

    I love how all the Republitards are like, “Look at how uncaring and unforgiving you liberals are!” Jesus fucking Christ. If it were some liberal politician’s daughter who was five months pregnant with a bastard, Rush et al. would be falling all over themselves to talk about how liberals have no family values, morals, ethics, etc.

    Still, I hope this makes Sarah and WALNUTS! rethink abstinence-only education! But I doubt it.

  117. Lionel Hutz Esq.

    So, the McCain VP vetting process consist of him calling up someone and saying “Hey, no one else wants to ruin their career. Want to be VP?”

    or

    Every other potential VP in the Republican Party has much worse shit on their records, and Gov. Palin, even with no experience and all these scandals is the best he could do.

    or

    My theory is right, and McCain selected Palin knowing all of this, but he knew that she was a ape-shit (sorry creationist) crazy enough to get through the convention before she had to step down, and McCain could then name Joe Liberman his VP.

  118. Cogito Ergo Bibo

    [re=77774]jstring[/re]: Play the judgment card. Sure, leave the kids alone. Family matter, respect their privacy, blah, blah, blah. But let’s tally: he picked a VP who is under investigation back home, supported the bridge to nowhere in 2006, is married to a guy who isn’t even a Republican, endangered her special needs child by flying all over creation after her water broke and who isn’t even qualified to teach an abstinence-only sex-ed course. Judgement. Attack McGrampy’s judgment.

  119. The 3-Legged Man

    Item: Obama suffers minor rotator cuff injury

    Fiction: Campaign aide reports it happened while playing pickup basketball game.

    Fact: Injury occurred while high-fiving staff after Palin announcement.

  120. Cogito Ergo Bibo

    [re=77785]Lionel Hutz Esq.[/re]: Option 3. I’ve been with you on this one since Friday. It’s the ultimate master plan to get Oldy McFunster his precious, precious Lieberman.

  121. The 3-Legged Man

    [re=77769]Jingo[/re]: I spotted the flaw in your logic immediately. The part about the ice floe. There are no ice floes, because of global warming which, as Palin astutely pointed out, is not caused by humans. Just like teen pregnancy, it just happens. We really don’t know why or how, but it does.

  122. sbbritton

    Actually, here’s another possibility. Bristol has Baby #1 (Trig)…and because the media is getting so close to breaking the story, the family has come up with a cover-up…

    So…they say Bristol is now 5 months pregnant..which takes the wind out of the investigation that Bristol is Trig’s mother. And also looks credible because she does still have the tummy bump left over after giving birth 5 months ago. And everyone is supposed to be supportive of the young lady in distress and respect her privacy.

    Meantime, she might just “lose” the baby because of all the stress of the public attention.

    What a cover-up!

    There is NO way Sarah Palin is the mother of Trig. The facts are just too obvious.

  123. spencer

    [re=77772]Cogito Ergo Bibo[/re]: “One thing I think everyone agrees on is let the kids alone.”

    Sounds good: No more talking about how Palin didn’t abort Trig. No more talking about how Track is going to Iraq on 9/11.

    No more talking about sex education. No more talking about Family Values. No more talking about gay marriage.

  124. WadISay

    Since Sarah seems to like using scholastic baby names, she should have called Bristol “Bio” or “Petri Dish”.

  125. AngryBlakGuy

    [re=77784]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: …now that I think about it, this is some MAJOR damage control! How easy would it have been to simply take her daughter off the campaign trail and send her back to Alaska? Instead they come out with a clearly damaging alibi in an attempt to put down this rumor. This whole narrative may be a lot juicer than previously thought. This family is hiding something major and they are doing all they can to keep it from coming to light!

    …secondly, if Bristol is 5 months pregnant then why is she FLYING! She is close enough to her last trimester to er on the side of caution! Something is fishy!

  126. DC Spring

    Ok, ethics angle, check. Family liabilities, check. Sex, check. Experience angle, check. What, no drugs?

    DUI. Score! This has to be only the beginning.

  127. phildeaux

    [re=77716]rhet_orical[/re]: I think the “Van” in the name is a reference to where the kid was conceived. Like Track, Bristol, Willow.

    See also, the van down by the river.

  128. Lionel Hutz Esq.

    [re=77741]StrangelyBrown[/re]: FTW!

    [re=77775]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: Maybe it was like that Massachusetts High School Pregnancy pack. She saw how much fun Mom has in popping out kids and thought she would join in. Thankfully, her abstinence education gave her all she needed to get started.

    [re=77737]Cogito Ergo Bibo[/re]: Any truth to the rumor that the first half of the VP debate will be on foreign policy, while the second half will be taken up with paternity tests?

    Damn, turns out that Obama should have nominated Edwards his VP. Who knew.

    [re=77774]jstring[/re]: The best move is for the politicians to shut the fuck up, and let the rest of us enjoy the laughing stock that Palin is becoming.

    [re=77783]nachoproblem[/re]: Also FTW!

  129. MargeSimpsonsBlackFriend

    [re=77809]DC Spring[/re]: Sarah Palin admitted to smoking marijuana after it was legalized in Alaska. I’d find you a link but I’m too lazy.

    So does this mean that abstinence is not awesome? I think we all knew that already.

  130. Cogito Ergo Bibo

    Maybe those fundies praying for a hurricane were more prescient than we thought. Gustav and Hannah are providing some pretty serious cover for this story.

  131. peorgietirebiter

    does anyone know where splash mccain was 5 months ago? and has anyone started a pool on the release date of the inevitable polaroids? you don’t geet a nickname like barracuda for your on court behavior.

  132. TwistedMister

    [re=77568]Gopherit v2.0[/re]: Well, she’s “5-months” pregnant, but what if in December we learn she was actually only 4 months pregnant?

  133. Servo

    [re=77793]madtowngooner[/re]:
    We need Gilbert Gottfried to call the play-by-play action on this family. Billy the Mime can do it for the hearing impaired.

  134. The 3-Legged Man

    [re=77806]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: You’ll likely be shown to be right. Anyone who’s ever known the first thing about politics realizes you only release as much information as you’re forced to release. I’d say within 24 hours Palin will recuse so she can “devote more time to family and the needs of Alaska and to avoid being a distraction to the important issues in this campaign” and Walnuts will “reluctantly accept Gov. Palin’s decision” and “condemn the scurrilous innuendo and defamation” of the “liberal bloggers” from blogs that “have Obama’s name in them”. The RNC, still appropriately somber after the Category 2 hurrican overreaction, will solemnly accept whatever warm body McCain picks as a substitute and defiantly say that there are, at least, no fewer than 18 million and one cracks in that glass ceiling and that Hillary’s supporters are invited to join the death march to the landslide Obama victory.

    McCain will concede on November 3.

    The end.

  135. jerryw

    Anyone know what the Vegas over-under was on how long Sarah would
    stay on the ticket? Or remain a “STAIN” on it? I’m thinking a week, but
    only because of Gustav sucking up all the news.

    It seems the only out for Palin here is that the months might add up to
    (I wasn’t a math major) a late December birth, so they might go for a
    variation on the Tom Leykis “Hail Mary Pass” and claim holy intervention
    for the birth of the next messiah.

    And on a somewhat “related” note:
    http://boskolives.wordpress.com/2008/05/10/6-months-max/

  136. Rev. Dr. Billy Bob

    Memo to you godless heathen libruls: . . . Gov. Palin is the head of the Alaska National Guard. Looks like “taking aim” and “hitting the target” runs in this particular family, don’t it ?

  137. ReverendGreen

    By a little extrapolation it’s clear what happened – John Edwards raped Bristol Palin and gave her mono.

    In Bristol Palin’s defense, her mother’s running mate is a former POW.

  138. Vanity Smurf

    This revelation will not stop the forces of the National Enquirer from continuing to probe Granny Palin’s other baby flap.

  139. peorgietirebiter

    Okay, let me get this straight; Levi was born a pauper to a pawn on a Christmas day when the New York Times said that God was dead? Obama’s right this IS a compelling story.

  140. sbbritton

    I am betting on Palin recusing herself before the end of the week. There are too many mad grasshoppers chewing away at this story. The truth will come out, and she will boogie on back to Alaska.

  141. azw88

    How does one say “shotgun Wedding” in Inuit?

    And what does one use in Alaska in place of a shotgun, a seal harpoon?

    Or maybe the VPILF is putting that lifetime membership in the NRA to some good use!

  142. Rev. Dr. Billy Bob

    Ah s’pose the the next thang you godless heathen libruls is a-gonna be sayin’ is that “this” somehow “proves” that Bible-based “abstinence education” don’t work. Sad, really . . . .

  143. duke1033

    Sounds like John McCain did about the same kind of background check on Sarah Palin that George McGovern did on Thomas Eagleton. Is this the best candidate you could find John McCain? Is this the best the GOP has to offer?

  144. Servo

    [re=77823]The 3-Legged Man[/re]:
    One problem: McCorpse will have a massive stroke in October. His concession will be made by flatlining.

  145. AngryBlakGuy

    …damn it everyone! We are moving to fast on this issue, we have to wait for her to “officially” accept the position before we eviscerate her!

  146. WadISay

    And so ends day 3 of “The Palin Saga”. Next week: a friend of the first dude has an announcement, the hunting accident, and Sarah tells of her first meeting with the “Prisoner of Fruit of the Loom, Mr. 5-1/2.”

  147. AngryBlakGuy

    …for a mother, Sara Palin sure doesn’t hold her “own” child that much. Maybe because it is full retard?

  148. ReverendJeffy

    Oh, for christ’s sake. This gets even better. The 17-year-old daughter of Palin is pregnant? According to CNN (which reports this came in on Tuesday, oddly enough. Way to go for getting the day right!) she’s five months along. I guess this means they’re technically safe (as in “not illegal”), because the age of consent is 16 in Alaska, but what does this really say about Palin’s position of teaching abstince in schools? “Well, Ms. Vice President, are you telling us its okay for your daughter to be having unmarried sex in high school, but it’s not okay for other students? Would you have prefered for your daughter to have been married while in high school? When did your daughter first start dating the father of their child? When did they first start having sex?” This whole thing just opens up a bunch of embarassing questions that a VP shouldn’t be talking about, especially when a “OMG THIS STORM IS DANGEROUS” hurricane is coming in to Louisiana?

    I… don’t know what to say. I mean, I’m all for healthy debate and two parties and whatever, but this is just… Did the Republican party sign a deal with Candid Camera recently?

  149. azw88

    The McPain camps said:
    “The despicable rumors that have been spread by liberal blogs, some even with Barack Obama’s name in them, is a real anchor around the Democratic ticket, pulling them down in the mud in a way that certainly juxtaposes themselves against their ‘campaign of change,”‘ a senior aide said.

    So, Obama’s name appears in, on, or near a post about baby-gate and it is automatically an official Obama campaign post. Clutching at straws and attempting to change the storyline.

    Poor girl, being 17 and preggers is tough, having to hide it was even tougher. Now the whole country knows it.

  150. Pop Socket

    [re=77690]El Greco[/re]: Yeah, I go with the “Bristol is pregnant, AGAIN” conspiracy theory. Please don’t give me any silly facts to burst my bubble.

  151. springfield_meltdown

    Perhaps Bristol isn’t really pregnant with a second but still has the baby weight from number 1 so they are claiming she is preggers so she could have mysterious miscarriage in a couple months and make it all go away. That said I hope that Walnuts sticks to his guns and the lady since it is just the most delightful disaster ever. And I bet the choice Bristol got to make was between adoption and keeping it since her mom actually seems to believe this republican stuff.

  152. scott_dog

    So, I notice that no one has viewed this article but that there are over 200 comments.

    Is this one of those vortexes in the space-time continuum that I’m always reading about, like the one that resulted in a beauty queen, right-wing ditz of a governor from Alaska being nominated for veep of the country?

  153. ellis

    Imagine how the self-righteous conservatives would go off if Chelsea or one of the Obama girls got knocked up. But when one of their own screws up, all is forgiven…And now we know who the REAL BABY MAMA is! Take that, Fox News!! I seriously don’t want Palin second-in-command if this is any example of how she parents. Something tells me this is only the beginning. I’d be checking back for more trashy news about the Palin family!

  154. serj!

    Asked if Ms. Palin will be able to judge the demands of the vice-presidency with her complicated family life, Mr. Schmidt said, “She’s been a very effective governor and again I can’t imagine that question being asked of a man.”

    Holy shit, they’re pulling out the “you-wouldn’t-ask-that-of-a-man-you-sexist-pigs” card! Who could have seen that coming? But, seriously, you know that if this were happening in Obama or Biden’s family that a new cable channel would have to be created to cover all aspects of it 24 hours a day, right?

  155. The Incomparable Tiny Valdez

    I think shotgun wedding pretty well describes this whole disaster. Remember how all the Repubs were trying to spin and defend Harriet Miers until her incompetence became so glaringly obvious? This feels the same. She will resign before Thursday and go back to the baby farm in Alaska.

    Heeeeere’s Mittens!

  156. dupontd

    Why in the world did Palin ‘out’ her 17 year old daughter to ‘rebut’ these rumors? Why not offer a blood test, or even more simply, have the doctor who delivered her child sign an affidavit to that effect???

  157. ReverendJeffy

    [re=77883]ellis[/re]: Totally. So, we have unwed, single white mothers, when, at the same time, the stereotype is that black or hispanic folks are the problem? Want to get together to make a reality television show about this?

  158. dupontd

    [re=77875]stew[/re]: looks flat chested, Palin’s got a photo on huffpo with a t-shirt bragging she’s not flat chested.

  159. itgetter

    [re=77886]serj![/re]: Somehow Republicans usurped the moral high ground decades ago and we just cannot pry it from their adulterous, pedophilic, bathroom-stall-orgy-having hands. That’s why they can always claim righteousness and cry persecution.

    It’s like how Republicans continue to claim that they are the party of Lincoln even though Lincoln would look at them and think, “What the fuck happened after I got shot?”

  160. dupontd

    [re=77663]Delicious[/re]: At least until she decided to run for VP with the newborn and knowing her daughter was preggers…again

  161. kellygrrrl

    this is the most selfish and reckless mother since Lynn Spears or Dina Lohan

    I am embarrassed for the Talking Heads trying to spin her as “Great Mom”

  162. Cogito Ergo Bibo

    I’m going to miss all this, when she’s over and done by next week. Palin giveth, McCrazy taketh away.

    Grumpy Old Men for President! McCain/Lieberman, forevah!

  163. ReverendJeffy

    [re=77895]itgetter[/re]: To quote the West Wing, “We all need some therapy, because somebody came along and said, ‘Liberal’ means soft on crime, soft on drugs, soft on Communism, soft on defense, and we’re gonna tax you back to the Stone Age because people shouldn’t have to go to work if they don’t want to!” And instead of saying, “Well, excuse me, you right-wing, reactionary, xenophobic, homophobic, anti-education, anti-choice, pro-gun, Leave It To Beaver trip back to the Fifties…!”, we cowered in the corner, and said, “Please. Don’t. Hurt. Me.” “

  164. DangerousLiberal

    [re=77565]PeteJayhawk v2.0[/re]: Hardly matters…the age of consent when I was growing up in the AK was 14 (dont all you Mormons fly north at once). My sister was kinda stoked when she learned this fact. On the other hand, this fact did me not one bit of effing good.

    Good thing they will get plenty of love, support, and moosemeat. If the Palins are like normal rethugricans, they believe life begins at conception (even fumbly, sweaty, backseat conception) and ends at birth.

    Oh, and The First Dude has a 24 year old DUI. Long time ago, but still.

  165. TeddyS

    Palin spelled backwards is “I’m toast.” Only question remaining is whether the old soldier dumps her before or after her acceptance speech. Liberals impregnated that child!

  166. The 3-Legged Man

    [re=77870]springfield_meltdown[/re]: Bristol already had the kid. You’re right. There will be a “tragic” miscarriage if Palin’s still on the ticket in a month. The McCain campaign will be “devastated” by the news. Palin will have to skip the VP debate “to spend time with her devastated family”.

    Well, either that or someone will accept the $50,000 that the Enquirer is offering for pictures of Bristol five months ago showing the super kegel control that allowed her to crank this one and start another.

    I assume they have the kid sequestered in Barrow or some other godforsaken hellhole with no flush toilets and no witnesses.

    Anyone know the Vegas odds on the over/under for when Palin withdraws?

    Anyone know if the RNC actually started?

  167. problemwithcaring

    [re=77744]The Incomparable Tiny Valdez[/re]: Yea, one half of the country finds absolutely nothing notable about a 17 year-old girl getting pregnant by a 16 year-old boy and the other half believes it an abomination before God — that can be fully absolved by a hasty marriage.

    But this is all still in heaven for an 80′s babies like me, who can’t really gauge the significant of any political news that isn’t first uncovered by the National Enquirer.

  168. itgetter

    [re=77919]ReverendJeffy[/re]: Okay, are you a real reverend? Because then that would make my wanting to jump your bones you for quoting the West Wing seem dirtier.

    Okay. I’ve got it under control now. Ho hum…

  169. Voted for Mondale

    Wow – how unimaginably cruel to your 17 year old daughter – to turn what could have been a little gossip in Wasilla into CNN headlines? Great role model Sarah…

  170. Cogito Ergo Bibo

    Latest fun fact from Daily Kos (yes, I know it’s the orange satan, but it’s still funny if this really is true): http://www.dailykos.com/storyonly/2008/8/31/174153/834/246/581480

    Here is Palin’s response to a candidate questionnaire for the Alaska 2006 gubernatorial race:

    Are you offended by the phrase “Under God” in the Pledge of Allegiance? Why or why not?
    SP: Not on your life. If it was good enough for the founding fathers, its good enough for me and I’ll fight in defense of our Pledge of Allegiance.

    BWAH!!!! At this point, I wish Walnuts! could hold onto this Veep pick. Everything I hear is more insanely hilarious than the last.

  171. sezme

    [re=77832]StrangelyBrown[/re]: Not to mention that McCain and said dwarf are sharing a terrorist fist jab.

  172. squishy

    My favorite part is the Palin family won’t release the father’s last name or AGE. First of all, are they so stupid not to realize that will come out anyway? Also, what if the babydaddy is a lot older or underage? HAHAHAHA! I can’t stop giggling about this.

  173. Lionel Hutz Esq.

    So, the Republican Party, the party of Family Values, believes it is a good idea for a Mother of a newly born special needs child and a child going through the trauma of becoming a teenage mother should spend all of her time running to be VP, and not helping her family. Wow.

    [re=77864]ReverendJeffy[/re]: We don’t know how old the the soon to be father was. Maybe Bristol raped him?

  174. sezme

    Ok to recap (for us conspiracy theorists) the Big Lies so far:
    • Sarah Palin is the mother of Trig Palin
    • Bristol Palin is currently 5 months pregnant
    • John McCain knew about Bristol’s pregnancy before he chose her.
    • Sarah urged Bristol to keep her babby. (Not strictly speaking a lie, but also probably not true)
    • McCain believes that Sarah Palin will change America.

    Many things are probably false but few things are known to be true: Who’s Trig’s mommy? Will Sarah stay on the ticket? Why does god love Obama so much?

    It’s a nice day for a white wedding.
    It’s a nice day to start again.

  175. itgetter

    [re=77943]shoeho[/re]: So, I was watching MSNBC when Obama’s Grecian column spectacular was over, and there were 3 or 4 commentators who said the speech sounded like the one written by Aaron Sorkin in The American President. I have this sneaking suspicion that Sorkin is one of Barry’s ghostwriters. Probably not true, but a girl can dream.

  176. DoctorCulturae

    BECAUSE she is a dim bulb the wingnuts will love her. Look, I may be running against the stream here, but the wingnut vote does not care what she says or does. What matters to them is that she sticks to her (their) set of values no matter what. Unfortunately we libtards still think she’ll fall because of “facts.” I’m not convinced. When a fellow wingnut is caught in shenanigans they rally around. I’d just like the MSM or Enquirer types to dig, but mainly just give her a lot of rope so she hangs herself. Snarking is great but too many attacks, easy though they may be, will make her a “victim of a smear.” It seems the victim/hero role is part of her political repertoire anyway. If that happens you will see me jumping off the nearest bridge.

  177. StripesAndPlaids

    How awful for this poor child that she has to go through this in public. I know, not snarky. Still.

  178. obfuscator

    From the Townhall.com comments section:

    I forgot to mention that Sarah Palin is a babe. A gun toting, ‘Ted Nugent Conservative’ babe. She loves God, Guns and Babies. And now she is honest enough to not try to hide her daughter’s pregnancy.

    I can’t wait to vote for this ticket and then to vote for her in 2012. I’m not afraid of powerful women. Especially when they look like her!

  179. itgetter

    [re=77997]nietzscheprojectile[/re]: And then it was only added to reveal all of those secret atheist commies in the fourth grade.

  180. AngryBlakGuy

    …ever since this press release came out something has been nagging me. Why did she drop the babies fathers name? I have feeling this might be a decoy to throw the press off. And whats the angle on her son, has anyone done any digging there?

  181. The 3-Legged Man

    The father is 16. Technically legal. I’m sure the “marriage” will be as storybook as Sarah’s itself. I mean, what could go wrong?

  182. ReelectTilden

    The problem is, with this many GOP babies, what will the voting pool look like in a generation or two? The Palins alone will tip a few states blue to red.

  183. natteringnaybob

    Cool. Now Sarah’s daughter and grandchild can be college freshman roomies. We can only hope they turn into lesbian lovers to boot.

  184. DoctorCulturae

    The Repubsnots will play this with every bit of icky pathos they can wring out of it. Palin will stride out heroically as will the ‘new family’ because she’s ‘doing the right thing.’ [vomit]

  185. loudmouthredhead

    [re=78038]natteringnaybob[/re]: If that happened, I’m not sure I could determine what was real anymore. That would exceed even my threshold for life imitating snark.

    Ok, we need a thread specifically for determining the now-real baby’s name. My conclusion from yesterday, based on every trend seen in the kids names to date:
    Mjöllnir ArticCat Shotput Palin

  186. loudmouthredhead

    [re=78016]The 3-Legged Man[/re]: Is he going to be the new K-Fed? Do I even need to put money on this kid 1) wearing nothing but wife-beaters, 2) appearing on/starring in his own reality TV show, 3) trying to sell himself via a rap/country/rock album?

  187. loudmouthredhead

    [re=78036]ReelectTilden[/re]: They shall be army of the people! Fight against imperialist pig-dog Russian aggression! (The source of fearless leader’s foreign policy experience)

  188. somelegalbitch

    I don’t know where the hell that retarded baby came from, but that woman was not 7 mo pregnant in those photos.

  189. Rev. Dr. Billy Bob

    What this means — since Bristol is preggers, ‘n’ all — is: NO MORE SMOKING AT THE DINNER TABLE.

  190. seriesoftubescleaner

    [re=78016]The 3-Legged Man[/re]: I just hope they informed the father that he was planning on marrying Bristol before they released the statement.

  191. squishy

    On her experience: “The only phone call she has answered at 3 in the morning was when a moose got into the trash cans.” HAHAHAHA!

  192. TexasCowGirl

    I can’t wait for the National Enquirer to get on this story. I hope they find the father and he confesses to having knocked her up for the second time. I’m sure an offer of a milion will do. After breaking the Edwards story they have the credibility. Get on it NE. Get on it like a rat on a Cheeto!

  193. The 3-Legged Man

    This just in from the Wasilla Daily Tattler: The “father” of Bristol’s “unborn” child has changed his story. It’s gone from telling his buddies, “Dude, I nailed Bristol,” to “Dude, WTF was I thinking?”

  194. twoeightnine

    [re=77997]nietzscheprojectile[/re]: I’m also pretty sure that the Founding Fathers weren’t around when it was written in 1892.

  195. angrymommy

    the real question is how did bristol get pregnant when she was supposedly home with mono? did her super hockey mom actually let her go out? or did he get to come over and have sex with her at the governor’s mansion?

  196. Texas2Step

    Ah, but the question is, was Levi born at a quarter to four on a Christmas Day, when the NYT said, “God was dead?” Or am I thinking of someone else?

  197. Texas2Step

    [re=77599]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: No, you’re missing the whole concept(ion) of how this works. You see, if you hop vigorously up and down after sex, you won’t get pregnant. You also can’t get pregnant if it’s your first time.

    (Napoleon Dynamite voice:) *GOSH!*

  198. Texas2Step

    [re=77609]Luke Warm[/re]: “Oh yeah, Mom, I forgot; I have to build a DNA model… And I’m preggers.”

  199. Texas2Step

    [re=77650]RuperttheBear[/re]: If they get to the WH, will they serve Geritol at the Inaugural Ball?

  200. nachoproblem

    [re=78085]RuperttheBear[/re]: *sings*

    It’s a…
    nice day for a…
    wafflehouse wedding
    It’s a…
    nice day to…
    START AGAAAAAIN

  201. Texas2Step

    [re=77656]artful abortions[/re]: I can see it now: instead of Air Force One, there’ll be RV One. And instead of going to Camp David, they’ll become Snowbirds and move to FLA.

  202. squishy

    On Sarah Palin’s firing the Chief of Police and Librarian in Wasilla when she was mayor: (from Hat Thief.com)

    “The chief of police and other law enforcement officers disagreed with Sarah’s position on bar hours and the librarian refused to remove an “anti-Christian” book from the library, in addition to their supporting her adversary.

    When she ran for Governor, I asked a relative of hers what they thought of her. The response was that you can’t believe a thing she says, citing her doublespeak on keeping Alaska’s Capital in Juneau, which is a perennial issue in Alaska. As Mayor, she signed a resolution to move the Capital to Wasilla. As Governor, she assured Juneau residents that she would keep the Capital in Juneau but now has effectively moved the State government to Anchorage, within commuting distance of her home in Wasilla. She rarely visits Juneau, the supposed seat of goverment, but governs from her offices in Anchorage.

    On her flip-flop regarding the Bridge to Nowhere, after she realized what a political issue it was she backed off somewhat on her support but kept all the money in the earmark, using some on a watered down Gravina Bridge project and using the rest of the earmark on other projects around the State. So she really didn’t turn any money down.”

    Nice!

  203. MISTAHCOUGHDROP

    John Gibson on Fox Noise now doing his entire show on Babygate. Defending the decisions of our VP in waiting. “He’s drunk, Tony!” Gibson talking about Biden, not Palin. Love Angry Rich, “He sure is, John.” Write John an e mail. He loves listener mail.

  204. soytrucknutz

    [re=78160]Unindicted Co-Conspirator[/re]: Didn’t Time Magazine also report about that totally real completely made-up secret pregnancy pact in Massachusetts?

  205. Texas2Step

    OMG!!! They WERE HIDING BRISTOL’S PREGNANCY!!!! If you look at pictures from GrandVeeps announcement, the girl was practically COVERED in a blanket as she held the baby! They don’t make spit-up cloths THAT BIG. Bristol was swaddled more than Trig!

    SOYLENT GREEN IS PREGNANT PEOPLE!

  206. The 3-Legged Man

    [re=78075]TexasCowGirl[/re]: You presumptuous ass! You don’t think the SAME guy knocked her up both times, do you? And you say you’re from the South? Hah!

  207. simetrias

    [re=78161]Anita Cocktail[/re]: That’s “meet your NEPHEW,” or “brother,” no? Or did I miss some trailer trash while out to dinner?

  208. simetrias

    And speaking of strategy…. if they wanted to stop the rumors about Trig’s maternity, why in the world wouldn’t they have Sarah’s doctor (and a few nurses) testify to the birth? Does it makes sense to say, oh, no, she couldn’t have been pregnant cuz she’s pregnant NOW? Ridiculous. Way to treat your teen, too, Sarah. Any idiot could have figured out a better strategy.

    Then again, McCain isn’t just any idiot.

  209. Lascauxcaveman

    [re=78117]Texas2Step[/re]: Another great form of birth control is when the girl repeats over and over again, “It’s so big!” during the act.

    At least that’s what I told all my girlfriends, back in the day.

  210. TexasCowGirl

    [re=78223]The 3-Legged Man[/re]: Well of course it’s never the same baby daddy down here, but they are from Alaska. I mean Jeebus, there are so few people in that little town they live in how many baby daddy possiblities could there be? Besides even if he isn’t both baby daddies, that doesn’t mean he knows it. Don’t you watch Maury Povich? Hoes lie about this kind of shit. Who’s the presumptous ass now? At least down south we know hoes lie!

  211. hermit

    Story gets odder, my friends.

    Commenters at http://www.flickr.com/photos/30076181@N02/2814979078/?addedcomment=1#comment72157607061359206 made mention of a myspace page of a Wasilla girl, close enough to the Palin family to score a picture holding Sarah/Bristol Palin’s baby, with the Governor alongside, whom she calls “Mommy Inlaw”.

    The thinking is that this is the profile of the sister of Levi, Bristol’s shotgun husband to be, and her numerous references to being part of the family Palin do suggest rather strongly that this is a long way from being a non-story.

    The profile was quickly made private.

    Yet some good soul was quick-thinking enough to retrieve and post the images involved at the below link. Enjoy, gossip hounds. P.S. I think Levi is quite hot.

    http://cajunboy.tumblr.com/

  212. serj!

    I am nominating the comments in this post for a Nobel Prize or something–I’ve been pissing myself laughing all day, periodically skipping out on our picnic so I could check on new comments–between that and the wet spots on my pants, people think I’ve been checkin out porn all day! Anyhow, thanks to you all for being so goddamn funny and to John McCain for giving us the gift of laughter that keeps on giving–the Palin family–and thanks especially to “itgetter” for being the first person to reply to one of my posts (yes I’m an f’in dork!) Damn I better go so I can change outta these disgusting wet drawers!

  213. simetrias

    New Conspiracy Theory, this just in: Sarah is not the birth mother of Trig, but her hubby is the father. So who could the real mother be if not Bristol?? Enter… the divorced sister of Sarah! How else to explain the fake pregnancy? The scandal is out there… somewhere.

  214. PrinceOfSnarkness

    The weird thing here is that they’ve announced she will marry the kid who knocked her up, but not who he actually is. Who is the marvellous mystery gentleman? Does he actually know he’s going to be a daddy and future heir to the Alaska Republican Party? Can we look forward to Ryan Seacrest announcing the lucky winner live on national TV?

    Coming up on Fox, it’s DNA Test Live!

  215. springfield_meltdown

    After all of McCain’s comparing Obama to a celebrity he brings into the national consciousness a family that is about as fun to follow as the Spears and for similar reasons. That said, anyone seen “Idiocracy”? I’m waiting to find out Palin did lady jello wrestling in her college years.

  216. stew

    simetrias, you’re on to something, but it gets confusing. A guy named Levi is Trig’s father, but who is he. Amature investigators step in…

  217. Wagamuffin

    Hey, everyone. I’ve been out all day, celebrating the proletariat hols and shining up my bust of Lenin (tip: a little carnuba wax and a lot of elbow crease really does the trick!).

    Anything interesting happen?

  218. simetrias

    [re=78318]stew[/re]: I’m still stuck on the “water breaks with premature Down syndrome baby (often born with heart conditions), give speech, take a plane, and another, and drive 50 miles to a hospital with no neo-natal emergency dept.” No experienced mother, no mother thinking about the welfare of her baby– not to mention her own health!– would do this if she were in her right mind.

    So I have to conclude, wasn’t her baby. Looks like it wasn’t Bristol’s. I’m not going with the 14-year old. Covering up for hubby and sis might make sense.

  219. sbbritton

    I still think Trig is Britton’s baby. Either she is pregnant again (4 months, not 5) or she really isn’t pregnant and the family is announcing that to get folks off the track.

    The baby’s father is Levi. here is what was posted on his MySpace. I saw this on another website and am posting here for sharing:

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~

    I was not sure of this story myself but.. (1+ / 0-)

    Recommended by:
    thomhartmann

    I live in Alaska and started digging Friday night.

    I uncovered a lot of interesting discrepancies but nothing that absolutely proved Trig was not Sarah Palin’s child.

    But then I got lucky.

    I found the MySpace page of Levi, who is supposed to be the father of Bristol’s current baby bump.

    There were pictures of this young woman holding a newborn baby she identifies as “Trig” in a hospital room, with Sarah Palin standing next to her. Palin is dressed in a sweatshirt and shorts and CLEARLY did not just give birth in the previous day or so.

    The MySpace page has been closed, but I saved and posted the photographs here:
    http://theimmoralminority.blogspot.c

    You can also find them here:http://askingwhy08.blogspot.com/

    I and my fellow bloggers have sent these photos to everybody we know. They are not going to get “lost”.

  220. The 3-Legged Man

    [re=78249]TexasCowGirl[/re]: I stand corrected. You’re preaching to the choir on that one. I know a ho who cried rape when the john’s check bounced.

  221. stew

    OK here’s the best I understand it: someone came up with a my space page showing levi, the guy identified as the father, with Bristol…and they’re holding their baby. I.e. the baby be already born, as per rumor. Whew!

  222. The 3-Legged Man

    The bigger question: Will Leno have time for guests after the 55 minute monologue?

    The biggest question: Will Tina Fey have the nerve to do a Palin-on-the-plane imitation and walk around with amniotic fluid sloshing out of her go-go boots?

  223. The 3-Legged Man

    Names, names….

    Am I correct in understanding that this fellow “Levi” has brothers named “Lee” and “Wrangler”? Is Wasilla a madhouse?

    I admit, I will some day name my kids after over-the-counter medications, but I have a reason for that. A very good reason.

  224. The Incomparable Tiny Valdez

    Ken, (if you read down this far into the comments). This little lady did for your page views what she could not accomplish for JC’s credibility. Good work.

  225. The 3-Legged Man

    [re=78342]sbbritton[/re]: Are you related to the Palins? And you’ve come on THIS site to confess.

    If not, what do you call your statement: “I still think Trig is Britton’s baby.”?

    Ha ha! Hoisted on your own petard!

  226. accidental_tourist

    The Palin family story reminds me of the 60′s when a friend kept saying the reason she was always in trouble and generally a screw-up is because after she was born her mother abandoned her to pursue a degree in child development.

    Sean Hannity just said that nobody bothered Chelsea Clinton, so leave Bristol and the other four Palin kids alone, too!! Oh. My. God. He doesn’t remember JOHN MCCAIN HIMSELF saying that Chelsea is so ugly because Janet Reno is her father?

    Have we all died and gone to some kind of comedy club purgatory?

    McCain/Palin No way. No how. Not ever.

  227. foog

    You’d think that maybe Sarah might have rather released a photo of herself obviously pregnant, or copies of official hospital records during the birth of Trigg, or even a frigging note from her doctor or something to put the rumours to rest rather than embarrass the hell out of her daughter. More ace Palin judgment there.

  228. ReverendJeffy

    My head is literally about to explode at this moment, given the sheer amount of Palin info we’ve been delivered this weekend. Oh. Wait. Her 17-year-old, unwed daughter is now giving birth to the child of a person who describes themselves as a “f-ing hick”?

    BAM! Anyone know how to clean up blood from a keyboard?

  229. Captain Swing

    Funny how the Republicans are calling this a a private family matter, and telling us all how the Palins should be given respect and understanding…

    This might be the case, but I can imagine the song and dance these sanctimonious hypocrites would be putting on during their shindig if it had been the Obama or the Biden family.

    Hey, WALNUTS! Does this mean you asshats are going to (at least for the time being) lay off all that family values malarkey?

  230. madtowngooner

    [re=78355]The 3-Legged Man[/re]: You don’t know the half of it. Wasilla is the buckle on Alaska’s Bible belt. The rest of the country should learn more about what morans these snowbillies are. Take it from me. I could only stand 12 years up there before I went mad.

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