Wonkette
- ST. PAUL SORROW: Cheney ain’t coming. Bush Junior ain’t coming. Monday is pretty much canceled. Wonkette is here, awaiting the RNC press conference. What will happen? McCain is on the radio, jabbering nonsense, from St. Louis. THAT’S THE WRONG ST. CITY, WALNUTS!
Don’t blame WalNUTS! Someone told him the RNC was in the same city as his house, and he picked the wrong one.
McDrone is yammering incoherently like a senile old coot right now on CNN. I don’t think has more than a few hours of life left.
He just said something about taking off his party hat and putting on his american hat. Let the riffs on republican hats begin!
Just saw his CNN performance, complete with that creepy laugh, not realizing he was on the air & babbling about feedback in his earpiece. Dang, that was painful to watch.
Asshats.
Resquiat in abyssus, Reagan coalition 1980-2008…
Paultards are primed to go full retard in the void up dere in St. Pauley…I smell a full-blown GOP coup in the making.
Cuntry First.
Sorry kids. Nothing to see here. Park’s closed. Moose out front should have told you.
This is all Ron Paul’s doing.
DC Spring: I was wondering what the heck a Republican Hat was. Thank you.
Now, it begs the question of the design of the Democrat hat. A fez perhaps?
The people of the gulf coast wait anxiously for John McCain to swallow Gustav into his cheek-pouch.
Blue Myself: I think the Democrat hat is a turban.
New Orleans needs no more misery, but that jackass who was encouraging people to pray for rain during Barry’s coronation has certainly gotten his answer from The Baby Jeebus, hasn’t he? The arc of the universe is wide, but it bends toward justice.
Sonic Former Youth: Yes, what exactly is a Republican hat now that he has confirmed it is NOT American?
Why are they still trying to cover up their Katrina fuck-ups? These ass-clowns are now saying that hurricanes are unpredictable. Yes, they are, if you deny they exist! Go put your party hats on and eat shit.
RuperttheBear: Here’s a pic.
Blue Myself: Jester’s cap.
You’ve got to figure if Romney had balls he could stand up on Monday and say McCain is a senile old geezer, he’s going to lose, so all you delegates should vote your conscience and dump him for me.
Texan Bulldoggette: Happens when you don’t remove your hearing aid first.
Texan Bulldoggette: With an American flag pin.
Aww. My father who lives in Minneapolis was coming home from a business trip on Friday night and experienced apparentally some type of “travel failure” that caused him to arrive at midnight. To think all of that was for nothing. Maybe we can turn this into something positive, though. Like, a Friar’s Roast?
RuperttheBear: Ok, Maybe here.
Texan Bulldoggette: Or wun’a them thar ninja masks th’ turr’rists been wearin’ on them b’headin’ vidyas… ‘at’s a librul’s hat.
Breaking News Alert
The New York Times
Sunday, August 31, 2008 — 4:19 PM ET
—–
Republicans Suspend Most of Convention Activities Monday
With Hurricane Gustav heading toward the Gulf Coast, Senator
John McCain announced that Republican Party activities on
Monday in St. Paul would be suspended except for necessary
business. He called on his party members to “take off our
Republican hats and put on out American hats.”
Puhleeze, it’s in the best interests of all Americans to stay away from the RNC. Of course no-one’s going to be there.
Barry’s remarks on Gustav focused mostly on calling for a safe and orderly evacuation. He also said that his campaign will be utilizing its network of donors and volunteers to offer any services needed to hurricane relief efforts.
McCain spouted some confused goobledygook about doing what Americans do something something.
Texan Bulldoggette: with a kaffiyeh underneath and a pakoll on top…
Johnny Zhivago: But when does he take off his asshat?
…if they cancel their convention can we really call this a race? I mean sure they are able to dodge the bullet of being seen with Bush and Cheney, but then they will also be forced to spend at least 2 more weeks explaining who the hell she is and why she should be VP. This is turning into such a (slowmotion)train wreck. I’m getting a hard on just at the thought of it!
Forget the hats for Miss Sarah…maybe she could put on her Barbara Streisand in The Prince of Tides ass-masking therapist pantsuit?
This is bad news for the male prostitutes of Mnpls/StP.
This is all James Fucking Dobson’s fault.
Johnny Zhivago:
Republican Hat: Top hat with a monocle.
American Hat: American flag-patterned top hat with a monocle.
Umm… the fact that CNN had a headline article that was titled “‘You Need To Be Scared’” this morning accompanied by a picture of a couple soldiers with guns standing around is also a little concerning. I mean, who the heck is over at CNN approving this stuff? I guess it could possibly be the McCain campaign staff, but, Jesus.
Makeithurt: And to think… so many Repugs are going to be so sad that they won’t get to visit the Larry Craig Memorial Bathroom.
Makeithurt: Isn’t everything his fault?
Now, folks, don’t be too critical of Walnuts. Our Hopey got Saint Louis mixed up with K.C.
AngryBlakGuy: Wouldn’t surprise me if they rescheduled it for the last week of October….
Makeithurt: …it’ll also cut down on the expense of cleaning the mens restrooms!
Strictly for the Tardcore: Actually, if you’re going to be up there, let me recommend the Science Museum of Minnesota. Granted, the VP’s opinion on creationism might conflict with a little of the stuff they talk about there, but I was always fascinated by the line of booths that you could place your face in and your reflection would appear as a wild animal.
V572625694:
Everyone who posts links to http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/uselection2008/barackobama/2553367/Evangelicals-asked-to-pray-for-rain-at-Barack-Obama-nomination.html or equivalent sites to remind everyone of the sheer EVIL of these people for praying for a natural catastrophe should get a McCain point.
I heard that ten McCain points gets you an adult diaper and one-hundred lets you dab the drool off his chin during the last half of his tenure as president.
Texan Bulldoggette: …nah, the earlier the better. By the last week of October WALNUTS! campaign will be in full thermo-nuclear meltdown. The only thing left to do will be to clear 5 mile radius to minimize the damage to the Republican party.
AngryBlakGuy: Well, according to GOOD magazine, we can actually address that by painting little black flies in each urinal…
scott_dog: The last half of his tenure… you of course mean minutes 30-60, right?
Johnny’s not well.
ReverendJeffy: Thanks for the suggestion, but I’m severely, severely allergic to conservatism. A crash of rabid rhinos would have to drag me there in chains.
ReverendJeffy: …I think pictures of male pages anuses would be better for Republicans.
Picture being way out in the ocean flailing about to keep your head above water,
and then someone holds out an anchor and says “hold this”.
Then at the last second it’s pulled away from your hands because of a hurricane
that’s thousands of miles away. Imagine how you’d feel.
That’s how McDustfart should feel, after learning that Bush and his ventriloquist
Cheney won’t be at the nomination festival. If there is one, that is.
Jerry w
http://www.boskolives.wordpress.com
McCain was dreadful out there. He’s whining about whatever Obama is ready to be president but is John McCain? And given that phony ass grin when he mentioned Palin’s name, I can tell he hates her.
Please, this hurricane is an RNC dream come true. Now they can uninvite Bush and Cheney without worrying about pissing off the ten million wingnuts who still like Bush and Cheney, and McCain can peddle his “Mav’rick!!” bullshit without any incriminating shots of the President smiling and nodding in approval.
The only thing we have to look forward to now is Wednesday night, when every misogynist redneck in the country hangs himself with his own rodeo-buckle-laden belt upon hearing Palin’s squeaky voice for the first time. I suspect this will happen in unison just after she uses the word “cool” for the third time.
You know what this means? James Dobson is secretly voting for Obama!
Texan Bulldoggette:
What she said….
http://boskolives.wordpress.com/2008/04/18/the-coming-bushstag-fire/
Johnny Zhivago: I find it funny that WALNUTS! is dumb enough to admit that putting on one’s American hat requires taking off one’s Republican hat.
Hey, Wonketteers, all is not lost.
I seem to recall the beer and brats in MSP are not to be missed. Anyone can get into that good old mid-west gemutlichiet for a night or two w/o going completely batsh*t nuts. Three days is the outside limit, so staying much past Wednesday is dangerous.
And don’t forget the Peanut’s statues in Landmark Park. That should take, oh, 15 minutes.
jasonelias: I’m sure he hates her. I bet that little retarded grandson her hers keeps trying to spit up on Walnuts when he’s not waking Walnuts up from his nap on the BarbieJet.
WagTehGod: He must be having one of his “good” days.
shoeho: Don’t forget the Mall of America! They have Snoopy too!
scott_dog: V572625694: I now feel vindicated in having made that joke yesterday: http://wonkette.com/402374/weekend-update-obama-is-famous-wonkettes-in-nebraska#comments (4:14 p.m.)
Blue Myself: No the republican hat is a dishdasha. Hey, its almost ramadan afterall. We need to give our arab masters due respect.
Vanity Smurf: Dang, you’re right! A little retail therapy never hurt anyone.
Vanity Smurf:
Snoopy was replaced with Spongebob.
Wonkette: in case of total GOP meltdown (I’m thinking like Ray Nigen metdown crazyness during Katrina**), I think you need to organise another Paultardapooluza.
**in all due respeckt, Ray’s really improved his public speaking and authoritarian commands in the last 3 years. Go Ray - you might have better leadership qualities now than Ru91i or Sarah.
ReverendJeffy: Well… Just because of the pictures, I mean, I don’t think it detracts from the commentary. I actually used to work at a magazine that covered the adult entertainment industry when I first graduated from college and we did a lot of good reporting, in addition to having, you know, naked people on every page. Heck, I’m not convinced that the idea of running political debate alongside nude photographs wouldn’t actually get more people to pay attention.
ReverendJeffy: Well, let me just point out that I’m not a republican, have never been a republican (even though, while I disagree with them, I understand why they entertain their views) and none of my family members are republicans. Well, except for extended family. Regardless, though, the science museum should never be missed, regardless of potential rhino stampedes. When I was about five years old, I used to sit on the triceratops statue out front. It’s pretty fun. Even for an ex-midwestern that doesn’t like to go back. Hell, if McCain sat on the thing, I might even be willing to vote for the guy.
jerryw[/re]: ??? Sorry, don’t understand what that article has to do with the price of tea in China or this blog topic.
Strictly for the Tardcore: Actually, they told him it’s where his cabin was. When he built it, Minnesota was still a territory where people went for trapping beaver. How things have changed…except Walnuts! lust for young beaver.
Is Barry looking presidential in all of this? Has he stood in front of any Grecian columns and made proclamations? He can’t let the Repubs steal the spotlight in this situation like they’re righting the wrongs of the past.
And… I just referenced myself twice when I actually meant to reference AngryBlakGuy and Strictley for Tardcore. Woo! I apparentally have McCain’s campaign staff handling my HTML coding at the moment.
Monsieur Grumpe: That’s ok as long as they also include is boyfriend Patrick.
WagTehGod: yeah, taking off a republican hat and putting on an america hat. What happened to ‘MERICA FIRST?
ReverendJeffy: Italy had their very own MPILF a few years back…
V572625694: The bitterest schadenfreude. Yeouch!
The people of New Orleans do not deserve this, but the storm will wash Vice President hotpants right out of the new cycle.
Monsieur Grumpe: There used to be a dancing Snoopy right outside the famous Larry Craig Memorial MSP restroom. I always thought it was gay as all get out, even before last year.
Does this mean no Rudy keynote speech? 911!
Here’s a time waster. Sarah Heath, sportscaster, talking ’bout the “beaver roundup”…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bza63nnqiKA
jasonelias: Oh, no, he doesn’t hate her AT ALL:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9qUVQDmLf7s
Just move the convention to the Superdome and kill two bears with the same missile.
“I pledge that tomorrow night, and if necessary throughout our convention, we will act as Americans and not as Republicans because America needs us now.”
I’m just glad McCain understands that A) There’s a big difference between being an American and a Republican and B) the LAST thing the Gulf states want is for anybody to act like a Republican. They saw what happened the last time.
At least McGrampster understands the GOP base and the part played by teh closeted gays. All this talk of changing hats is clearly just pandering to their fashion sense.
Somewhere high level republicans are so happy to have attention drawn away from the sorry turnout and poisonous politicians that would surely have made this convention a total flop that they are ready to fuck Gustav right in his eye-hole.
Johnny, we hardly knew ye.
Poor Gulfstates. Maybe if they were BP states they’d be better off.
If you’re looking for something to do, my favorite bar in St. Paul is the Muddy Pig on Dale & Selby. Of course, even if there is a convention to go to, the Muddy Pig is a better bet. I doubt they have wi-fi, though. Okay, that was my contribution to Wonkette - I’m gonna go back to lurking.
Are they all going to gather around the Mary Tyler Moore statue and throw their Republican — I mean AMERICAN hats in the air? They’re gonna make it after all!
ok,i’m ready to stand in for mccain because i too am a hero. i bled during time of war because of a case of poison ivy on my right arm during basic training. yes, true, it was quite a handicap on the following weekend when i had a date with a peach of a girl. so sad and i regret it still.
purple heart because i saw some action?
Maybe the delay wasn’t due to the hurricane at all. Maybe they just needed an extra day to figure out what to do about Bristol’s baby.
Waiting for McCain’t to hold a press conference and announce he is opening his 7 homes to evacuees. By the time he figures out where the homes are, it will of course be too late.
gurukalehuru: Word. Nanook apparently has brought her own special set of problems into play. No vetting means lots of damage control. John and Candy have a dead moose at the entrance of several of their homes today, and a hurricane. Fuck. Cunts!
John “W” McCheney will fly to Nawlins in a big jet loaned by Exxon Mobile, crammed with booze and blue state delegates. There, he will climb onto an oil platform offshore and sit out the storm, singing all the while. FOX News will broadcast it all, every minute of it.
http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_yF1tZezwNZQ/SLkxsRup3AI/AAAAAAAAgcI/na53Y1LQGdQ/s1600-h/Pat+Boone+11.jpg
Just overheard two repub. delegates talking about their concern about Gustav…
“Oh praise jesus, I hope those poor negro people will be OK, now let’s go shoot something”.
The Incomparable Tiny Valdez: Nanook! Reminds me of that special presidential candidate:
…And my mama cried
Nanook, a-no-no
Nanook, a-no-no
Dont be a naughty eskimo
Save your money, dont go to the show
Well I turned around and I said oh, oh oh
Well I turned around and I said oh, oh oh
Well I turned around and I said ho, ho
And the northern lights commenced to glow
And she said, with a tear in her eye
Watch out where the huskies go, and dont you eat that yellow snow
Watch out where the huskies go, and dont you eat that yellow snow…
Blue Myself: Aren’t Democrats supposed to be Dungeons and Dragons-loving pointy-heads? If so, then this is obviously The Democratic Hat (TM):
http://www.trojanhorseantiques.com/PTheApprenticesDream.jpg
As for Republican hats, I always thought a beer helmet would be appropriate. Ideally, it would have a NASCAR motif on one side, and the Dallas Cowboys star on the other.
http://www.zymetrical.com/images/products/beer-football-helmet.jpg
btwbfdimho: That’s soooooo beautiful.
I am infinitely proud that our Commander In Chief has decided to forgo politics in favor of monitoring The Weather Channel. Besides, Stephanie Abrams’ tits rock.
The MSM should treat this down time in Minneapolis as the “Bush Era Reflection Retreat.”
I expect plenteous articles and blogging naming Gustav as the metaphor for the Bush Era, it’s marking the end of the Raygun coalition, and lots lots more. There have to be a few books and screenplays about yearning stranded journalists aching to pen the history of the last 8 years between schtup fests and bottles of pinot noir. Or not.
Someone forgot to tell Lieberman the RNC’s been cancelled.
http://www.4-m.com/INFO/images/Busch%20Stadium.jpg
DoctorCulturae: This can be redemption for W. Another shot at getting it right. “We screwed up Katrina, but we learned from our mistakes and got it right with Gustav.” I still think they are slimeballs, but the Repubs are actually getting this right. They’ll get calmer media coverage and won’t have to deal with split screen politics of laughing white men and submerged American cities. I noticed when WALNUTS introduced Palin Friday, the stock ticker continued to drop past 150 points for the day. I love it when that happens.
btwbfdimho:
Come all without, come all within,
You’ll not see nothing like VeepILF Palin.
Welcome to the Cities, Wonkette. Be sure to tell us locals what it’s like inside the Green Zone in DT St. Paul.