Wonkette
Here he is, the Big Guy, the “bruiser,” Joe Biden, in his 20th HBO Special, “Ize Gonna Be Viceys.” HA HA HA, that is what he named it, we imagine. He’s always makin’ the jokes, like “what’s up with these black Indians running all the articulate 7-elevens?” He doesn’t even need a punchline, THE SETUP IS FUNNY ENOUGH. Oh wait… he plagiarized that joke entirely from a Bobby Kennedy speech. [Sigh]. Let’s watch him make fun of his good friend, John “Walnuts” McCain, in his new role as Plagiarist Attack Dog.
8:18 MT — NANCCCCCCAY PELOSAAAAAY, the “Permanent Chair” of the four-day convention. She asks for the crowd to second the nomination of Joe Biden, and they all shout like hooligans. We think this is a little to casual…
8:19 — Here’s a lovely video about Joe, with his rowdy Catholic schoolmates. His wife died, but now he’s got this other gal, Jill, and she keeps him well. He’s a good father, says son Beau. Isn’t Bo like a horrible corporate lobbyist? Oh right, “Beau.”
8:22 — [Several minutes of Joe Biden hugging homeless hole-diggers and old mothers]
8:24 — Here comes Beau in real life, onto the stage. No he is not the corporate lobbyist. Beau punishes robbers in Delaware.
8:25 — Beau says his father used to skip “fancy cocktail parties” in Washington to hang out with his kids in loser Delaware. Sure, Beau… Joe Biden never went to corporate lobbyist cocktails parties ever… nothing sponsored by credit card companies or actual whores made of tainted hundred dollar bills.
8:28 — Why the fuck is Beau asking us to babysit his 65-year-old father? Is he on Depends already?
8:29 — There’s Joe, WHAT IS HE WEARING. Oh, just a blue tie, nevermind. Remember how crudely orange Hillary Clinton was last night? She was like a BASKETBALL she was just that orange.
8:31 — “Thank you thank you thank you. Jesus people, THANK YOU. Thank you. What is this, a CLAPPING FACTORY?”
8:32 — Ha ha, he’s already cursing. He said “Hell,” in the curse-y form, not in the “imaginary fire pit” form.
8:33 — He accepts the nomination. Thank god… this could’ve been a disaster for Christ’s sake.
8:35 — Joey B’s mom! When they showed her in this media filing room I’m in, all the reporters quietly laughed. Sick fucks. She’s just a nice old Irish gal.
8:36 — My mom used to make me beat the shit out of other children, he remembers.
8:37 — We’ve also got a paper copy of the speech, and he’s holding pretty well to it. You can see the little flourishes though. The paper copy says “fill up the car,” but what the hell does that mean? So Joe says live, “fill up the gas tank.” Ha ha, “fill up the car.”
8:39 — Now comes the segment of the speech where Biden will explain how Barry is the black Joe Biden. Joe Biden was born in a working class poor town, Barack Obama took his college degree and moved to one! Oh, this bizarre American fabric.
8:42 — He says, Barry Obama wants to take change “from Amtrak to veterans.” So we are going to bomb them both.
8:43 — “I fuck John McCain regularly. But what is going on with this clown now, eh?”
8:44 — **Word is that Barry Obama will appear onstage with Biden after his speech.
8:45 — He is saying “change” more than Barry ever has. Oh and this new slogan of theirs, “Change We Need.” Yes We Need!
8:46 — Isn’t he supposed to be talkin’ more guff ’bout John McCain? Enough about the damn energy green collars. This country will never have jobs.
8:48 — Oh look, he’s talking about Russia and Georgia, and calls the Bush Administration’s policy there an “absymal failure.” That must be one of his “zingers.”
8:50 — Now he’s just ranting about foreign policy and shitting all over grammar. We can’t have no timelines, trick biotch.
8:51 — We’ve watched Sebelius, Clinton, Bayh, Strickland, Warner, et cetera and so on, and so far Joe Biden is the only Democratic politician that doesn’t seem like a total fraud when he’s talking seriously.
8:53 — Oh look, it’s Barry!
8:54 — Good God, he really puts that mouth close to Joe when they’re embracing.
8:56 — That Barry is so smooth.
8:57 — Finally, this convention has some energy. Bill Clinton stares at Barry with that patented “open-mouthed half-retard” look of fraudulence.
8:59 — Walks offstage, tongues Nancy Pelosi, grimly shakes John Kerry, man-braces Bob Casey, and lo and behold, at the end of the stage there are at least 900 generations of the Biden family, all from the tri-state area and literally all female. Little girls, 90-year-old women, 50-year-old wives, and lastly, some utter dishes whose age we have no desire to determine, the end, goodnight.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IxQwdnZ5v00
…crap, my bad. Didn’t mean post my previous post!
Looks like my grandpa, George V. Nalle of Missouri (and Texaco)
Go Joe!!!
As someone who is completely dependent on trains for transport anywhere, Vice President Joe Biden is Literally (TM) the best thing that could happen for me. We can has public transport subsidies?
Is that Starskey or Hutch? I can’t remember.
I’m sad that lady’s sister was murdered and shit but there was no reason for her to flip out like Kermit the Frog at the end of her doodad.
http://usera.imagecave.com/destonio/Biden-and-Obama-at-7-11–46330.jpg
http://usera.imagecave.com/destonio/Biden-Willing-to-Change-for-Obama-46454.jpg
This music is ripped off from Titanic.
Capt. Beau Biden!
bo biden = DILF!
What Beau fails to mention about his dad tiptoeing into his room to kiss him goodnight is that this happened last month.
Who else think’s Beau’s gotta take one for the team in Iraq?
This guy totally should have won American Idol.
GO BEAU!
Biden Biden Beau Tiden Tiden Banana Bama Fee Fi Fo Fiden — Biden!
Damn, Michelle is crying for serious about Joe’s five-and-a-half-years moment.
Evil corporate lobbyist or not, Beau Biden is HOTNESS!
Beau Biden is a cross-eyed hunk of yummy.
I would have preferred an intro by Hunter Biden, who would have heart-tugging anecdotes about carrying the water for MBNA.
Carville the Puma
Aw man, now everyone’s weepy.
beau looks a fuck of a lot like ed helms.
This Joe Biden character sounds like a pretty decent guy. He should run for office.
Serbian thugs!
Beau Biden doesn’t suck.
Did BB just stutter “a clear a clear?” Please say yes.
Future US Senator Beau Biden! He can finally move the Biden name to Washington DC!
hrhkingfriday: Not Bo, you ignorant slut, this is Beau Biden.
Beau Biden makes my pants tingle.
Take that McCain– Biden told somebody he was a war criminal to his face. That’s bad ass.
Yikes. Oh, his son. Um, I don’t know. I feel like this is cheap. I feel used and dirty. Well, more than usual.
Beau is a pretty faggy name.
Beau is a mix of Mark Warner & Steve Carrell.
So, Joe Biden is a dad. A good dad. And he spits in the face of commies.
He sounds like my dad, who was also not called upon to present his credentials for vice-president. Life is unfair.
Dammit. Something’s in my eye.
awww….i love it when dad’s kiss their kids.
in a non-creepy way.
I do believe Barry will be in da hizzle
…I think we are about to have the American equivalent of the Royal Family(part 2)!!!
Hey, I think Joey Biden got a haircut!
Man, Biden’s bald spot is HUGE.
Beau Biden is a shifty looking motherfucker, I must say.
Keram2: …have you seen WALNUTS! lately?!
Wow,t he “bravest warriors” line didn’t go over as well as it should have.
Who else is biting their nails, hoping he doesn’t insert foot into mouth. I just want him to keep it “clean” and “literate”.
The eight most dreaded words in the English language?
“The bar will be closing in 15 minutes.”
I want him to swear. A lot.
DO NOT MENTION 7-11s JOE SRSLY
Good lord, his MOTHER is there?
Katherine Eugene Finnegan Biden? Is that her real name?
If Beau Biden married Evan Bayh’s daughter Biddie their names would be Beau & Biddie Bayh Biden.
Awwww! His mom is adorable! And freckled!
…damn! Was that John McCains younger sister?!
they should have gotten scrantonicity instead of whatever crap band they have butchering john cougar mellencamp
chumbawumba, anyone?
Joe Biden’s mom just won my heart.
Aw, a shoutout to the cute little old mom, who also has fake looking white hair.
Jill is kind of a GILF.
OMG, his mum rocks. I got weepy. But my mom rocks, too.
Ma Biden has fabulous craggy lines! I love her!
…Biden looks a little teary.
I can deal with Jill, for sure. She’s that weather-beaten suburban, earnest wife.
joe is crystal clear
Mother Biden is so adorable.
Biden’s pouring one out for the bitters
i can’t stand this lovefest.
mccain sucks a bag o dicks…can’t SOMEBODY say it?
Joe Biden seems like the kind of grandfather you WANT to have, not like the John McCain “Jesus Christ, grampa leave more than fifty cents for a tip” kind of grandfather.
“The train to Wilmington every night” is perilously close to becoming the next “five and a half years.” I love you and your train riding funky little ass Joe Biden, but just cool it, man.
jarsilver: …that well looks like its been dry for decades buddy!
Holy shit! Joe hears voices and talks to himself! He is clearly insane.
RooseveltFranklin: she totes has one of those giant bottles of cavit in the fridge
John Kerry is Biden’s mother?
I hope the haters got a good look at Michelle crying.
…damn it Joe, go for the jugular already!!!
Okay — now I’m just mad that these people haven’t been serious about impeachment.
jarsilver: She’s a hottie.
Obama is watching the speech backstage!expected to appear on stage w/ biden after speech! cnn
NoWireHangers: …Cindy McCains tear ducks were removed during her 4th face lift!!!
Ha ha. George McCain. We going to use that?
Oh, he does the soft, “you can trust me voice” thing really well.
Prior to this, I only wanted to sleep with Barack (and Michelle) and Russ Feingold. I’d put Biden on my list, but that opens Daddy issues that I don’t want to address right now. So, what I’m saying is, it’s still just Feingold and the Obamas.
Everyone is crying. They’ve all got the misty gleam of hope in their eyes. I guess I do too…
Ok, this “OH, HA HA, I ACCIDENTALLY CALLED ‘MCCAIN’ ‘BUSH.’ OOPSIES” thing is getting a little old. Sure, it might be true, but it’s still getting old.
OK, I like the work ethic stuff. He’s given ‘er…
AngryBlakGuy:
really…stick the fukkin knife in that cocksukker mccain.
AngryBlakGuy: I’ll take what I can get.
If you saw how Obama touched people, why didn’t you report him to the authorities? My God, man.
Jill looks like she forgot to use the bathroom infernala timely manner.
Think ahead!
Whiskeybaby: Either that or “I used to stutter”.
AngryBlakGuy: If Cindy cries, she’ll melt.
HILLZ is crying too!
He was nice about John. Shit, he gets to call him “John” like they are BFF with “differences”.
…geez, can we stop with the “John McCain is my friend” BULLSHIT!!! He sure hell isn’t going to be saying that next week at the Republican convention!!!
“John McCain is my friend. Mostly because he gives the best head in the Senate.”
oh shizz…he just busted out AMTRAK…it’s ON bitches
“That’s not change, that’s more of the same” Good line!
You know, there have been so many references to people making it on the South Side of Chicago in this convention, it’s beginning to sound like the land of golden opportunity.
AngryBlakGuy: Perfect! Win!!
joe’s getting wound up…that’s good.
Now they chant along with him. He has hypnotized the crowd with his white teeth and salty demeanor.
These signs…how many rainforests did we clear? Well, fine, they’re probably printed on recycled paper and will be recycled…right?
This “that’s not change, that’s more of the same” thing doesn’t really work. Biden needs to hire a clean and articulate black man to write his rhymes for him.
People, when “more of the same” is said so fast that it sounds like “moradasame”, don’t repeat along with. He doesn’t deserve it if he didn’t find a good line that you could chant with.
As a non American, the cult-like chanting when they echo his words is making me feel weird and uncomfortable.
mccain is no vietnam hero…
muhammed ali is a vietnam hero.
“That’s not change — that’s more of the same.”
“And also with you.”
AngryBlakGuy: Amen, seriously Dems need to stop this. It makes them look like idiots.
SayItWithWookies: …at least that is what the guards at the Hanoi Hilton say!
Biden is the flub meister.
NoWireHangers: This is a party trying to convince the fat retards in this country that they’re not soft on crime, terrorism, islamofascism, and scary things. So, they show everybody tearing up because apparently we’re fat retards who are pussies, too.
We suck.
Could any republican VP shortlister besides Bloomberg win a debate with Joey?
hockeymom: I can’t wait for the VP debates. Biden is gonna kill a bitch.
…don’t get too excited Joe, you might drop an F-Bomb. On second thought take it up a notch buddy!
Nice, finally some foreign policy meat. More of this, please.
jagorev: Yah, where’s Deval Patrick? He’s good at those dealies.
ring ring ring ring ring ring ring bananaphone.
(thats all I got; my roommate’s watching the Royals game so I got nothin’)
Oh, he’s talking about Georgia…
Ahhhggghhhhh!!!
…uh-oh, Joey is dropping some foreign policy knowledge on their asses!!!
I like this guy- the angrier he gets, the sexier he gets. Or maybe its just the wine talkin…
Oh snap! No he di’nt!
Biden is refreshing, I must say. I love me some BHO, but it’s starting to feel like he’s going to put out a monthly magazine with his face on the cover each month. Joe may become more beloved in the end. Hopefully, he will be both King of the Noun/Verb/911 Zingers and King of the Rip You a New Asshole.
Things I’m tired of: pablum (my father was a poor turd-miner and I was born with mental retardation and I still made it); stupid chants against John McCain (yeah, we get it, he’s like Bush, but you’re going to have to try harder than that to actually criticize him).
Things I’d like to see more of: substantive, passionate discussion of foreign policy and economic priorities.
God this speech is bumming me out
hrhkingfriday: Nope. But, oh who am I kidding? The wine is always talking.
Oh. Wow. Joey just used black English without meaning to. Yay?
…hide your kids everyone, the pit-pull is off its leash!
John McCain is my friend, and now I’m going to kick him in his old balls.
WTF!? Somebody invaded Georgia? Is Atlanta burning?? Again?
AngryBlakGuy: I feel like the debates are going to be a countdown to which of them — Joe or Walnuts — accidentally says “cunt” first. Walnuts will actually mean to say it, just not aloud, whereas Joe will have meant to say “car” or “thank you” or something else benign.
Goddamn it Joe. PICK A LINE. REPEAT IT. Do not change it up. Fucks the chanting up.
I’d looove to see Joe in a fistfight with WALNUTS! I’d toss in a pair of brass knuckles halfway through to make things interesting.
Oh keep going. More more more. Yes. Yes!
hrhkingfriday: I bet he has great angry sex.
Not to get all earnest and what-not, but really, what in HELL are the Republicans going to talk about next week?
Who the hell is this guy and what did he do with Joe Biden?
SayItWithWookies: He’s ready, so he says.
Oh, I am so sick of God blessing America. Who has the time?
LETS GET READY TO RUMBLLLLLLLLLLLLLE! CHYAH!!!!!!!
Touch ‘em all, Joe, you just hit it out of the mothafuckin’ park!
So where the fuck is Barry, Newell?
Biden Atttttacckk!!!!!!!
KittyKatMan: …you mean dust bags! Kick him in the dust bags!!!
I like him.
Well done Joe! Kick ‘em in their stupid GOP balls. And Beau’s hot too! Fuck all the Biden’s! Sexy time! yah!
I’m here for the cops and firefighters, too!
(call me boyz
SayItWithWookies: Again, that’s what the guards at the Hanoi Hilton said
Aw hells no
Oh Shit. OBAMA’s in the house! Surprise Guest!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
ZOMG UNICORN!!!!!
It’s our Bear-Bear!
Hopey!!!!! Rock that shit brother!
…way to dispel the ROCK STAR rumors Barry!
Wow he kissed Biden’s wife full on the mouth. BARACK OBAMA LOVES WHITE WOMEN!!!!
Barack just kissed Jill on the lips! Wife swapping is on, beatches!
jill biden three way, YESSS
JeffGoldblum: Ta-daaaaa!
Barry should have popped out of a cake…naked.
BARRY’S TALKING!!!!
OMG. (wets pants)
Um, is its just me, or did BARRY HUSSEIN JUST PLANT A KISS ON JILL BIDEN ON THE MOUTH?
That am one beeyooteeful black man!
Barry! HE IS YOUR LEADER. DO AS HE SAYS, YOU FILTHY DEMOCRATS.
BARRY!!! He seems totally high!
Did Hillary have more work done on her faces?
Barry and Michelle are gonna have the hottest sex tonight!
Bill and Hillz should have fist bumped right then.
Jesus in da HOUSE!!!
Hillary rocked the house?
Not a phrase I thought I’d hear.
UnreliableNarrator: Well, you DO go by UnrelableNarrator.
Haha! Bill Clinton put “pussy” first, Barry. Not “people”.
i would like him to give me some “change” from the “bottom up”
Barry Barry Barry! Yay!
So Jim, does the arena smell like cream now?
Damn, he’s got me all tingly!
Everybody loves them some Barack
The flagpin is on muthaf4ckuz !
UnreliableNarrator: After the Tipper-Al face-fuck at the 2000 convention, no kiss can shock me at the DNC.
…damn it Barry, now hurry up and get out of open sight!!!
Jill Biden, stage mother. Pushy! Michelle no likey when Barry planted a full one on her.
And he leaves to the boss.
Grey at the temples = experience. My fears? Soothed.
AnnieGetYourFun: You are correct!
It’s like a fucking family reunion! All your favorite Dems together again! Yes!
hockeymom: Don’t take it personally, it’s good for him to toss the bitters a bone.
The Boss? WTF??
I’m thinking Mos Def would have been better.
The Clintons are so dying inside right now. I feel kind of bad for them.
I cant tell if it’s obama or my anti-depressants, but i feel good.
I love that Biden family…(sad about the one who might be headed off to jail. he’s cute)
Looks like Michelle’s got a case of tha vaypahs.
I don’t own a hi-def television, but it appears that there is some talent on stage. And by talent, I mean perky racks. Good for the Biden men!
Biden’s white grandkids will pose serious competition for Sasha and Malia.
Family Biden is gorgeous!
JeffGoldblum: second time. that I know of.
Is he trying to kiss her on the cheek and she goes for the gold?
Or is he having his way wit our white womens?
…that kids cuteness doesn’t stand a snowballs chance in hell against the shear magnitude of Sasha & Malia cuteness!!!
Jesus, these Roman Catholics reproduce a lot, don’t they?
MILK/COOKIES ‘08!!!
Who’s that playing Mary Tyler Moore?
omg…biden’s daughter is beautiful! She is going to be a heartbreaker.
And they’re done just in time for WifeSwap. hooray!
Whiskeybaby: no.
Sharif DelMonte: yes my sony HD is able to conferm some serious good looking gals
The Bidens are one big hotbed of…hotness.
I was wondering when they were gonna drag God into this….
jagorev: …nah, Sasha & Malia’s cuteness threatens to tear a hole in the space time continuum. Where as Joe Bidens grand kids are merely deafeningly cute.
Obiden ‘08!!!
Obama: step on the v.p.’s moment….call his mother “momma Biden”….surprised he didn’t say, “And that fine, fine Jill…..” …rats…*hopes flagging*…. must…reach…for……change….take…back… whatever…..
JeffGoldblum: I’m definitely getting one of those.
McCain called… He said “Mittens you take it, I don’t need this crap”
Whiskeybaby:
The only thing better would have been in they made up some sort reason to have those Heinz boys up on stage.
american mutt: Obama is the only Prozac I need.
Of course, then there’s the hooch.
Rachel is the new Tim Russert.
JeffGoldblum: Chocolate Milk and powdered donut holes.
grendel: McCain called… on one of the new-fangled rotary phones. He then went and ate some new-fashioned peanut brittle.
As it gets later, Matthews is looking rougher.
The Dems don’t mention VP Darth, because he is still VP Darth you guys.
DoctorCulturae: …Rachel Maddow is giving me a hard on!
David Gregory: still snoozing on the job.
I can’t wait to see how Richard Cohen, MoDo and Kristol are going to portray this as some sort of massive letdown.
DoctorCulturae: That just shows what you know. I would never trib with Russert.
populucious: I live on the South Side of Chicago, and I am telling you, ain’t nobody getting ahead here except the guy that owns the Subway I go to like, everyday.
Wow. I’m gonna screw my girl good tonight. I’ll be thinking about Barry and Michelle though.
Over on CNN, Toobin and Gergen were not impressed. They think Joe was boring
AnnieGetYourFun: win!
DoctorCulturae: Gorgeous….and WHITE!
Suck it, Bitters!
AnnieGetYourFun: Okay, you’re gonna have to fill me in — I think by “trib” you mean get raised to heaven by the returning Jesus — but I’m sure that’s wrong.
AngryBlakGuy: Oh yeah, me want! Can’t have…but want!
hockeymom: They must’ve been in the loo during Biden’s speech.
hockeymom: Whatever. He drank McCain’s Ensure.
hockeymom: Are you kidding?…fuck them.
SayItWithWookies: Eh, pretty close, if memory serves me.
i can see it: biden at the debate with romney, will calmly walk over to him and punch him out. romney’s wiring will explode causing no surprise in stepford.
Barry is on is way to Invesco Field for a walk through of that altar where he’ll sacrifice 3 Republican virgins so he can win the election.
tom brokaw said “heft”, ha. and why does olberman like red meat so much?
OK, I took a night off from the campaign office and went out drinking. Did I miss anything?
“Biden not comfortable?” Who cares who wrote the speech? He sold it and it flew. Criticism is insider DC poo.
hockeymom: gergen is an expert on boring. he invented it.
njdon: Somehow it’s hard to imagine Gergen with his shirt off dancing with a lamp shade on his head.
jagorev: Sure worked for Adlai Stevenson.
I arrive late to the list, but I just want to say that Mama Biden is ten times cooler than Roberta McCain.
Go Biden! I knew everything would be ok when he was announced as the selection.
One suggestion: stop saying “abysmal” failure. Nobody says “abysmal”. just say “total F**king failure”. Call it like it is.
And let’s connect the dots — big oil profits = happy Bush and Cheney plutocrap fatcats
medievalist: Mama Biden is a superior being from planet Screedlap come to seed this green ball.
Actual Fox News Alert:
“Alert — Obama: Hillary Rocked the House.”
dontmeanship: I’m still expecting Biden to be the first candidate to let a juicy profanity modify one of his rants. Part of the fun of watching him is guessing when his ire will get the best of him and he let’s it rip. My guess is two Jamisons and he’s off to the races.
Joe Biden, how dare you allow your son Beau to become a National Guard captain who’s to be deployed to Iraq while my Megan McCain supports our economy by shopping for push-up bras at Nieman Marcus? Is this why our soldiers suffered at Valley Forge to give us liberty, you elitist prick?
—John “Eldon Smith” McCain
AnnieGetYourFun: Oh — jeeze I’m a dumbass.
Also, I didn’t realize earlier, but Preznit Bill is carrying his anger in his protruding lower lip. It sticks out like a thorn. It made it hard for him to speak.
So it looks like McCain’s VP pick is down to Pawlenty, Romney, and Lieberman. Each of those is delicious in its own way
Pawlenty: Who? From where?
Romney: will get slaughtered by Biden in the VP debate, and most Americans will instinctively cotton onto the fact that he’s an obvious carpetbagger. Americans value authenticity; Biden’s got it, and Romney has no idea what it is. We can play endless loops of his past support of abortion. Plus, we can keep hammering on McCain-Romney’s 12+ houses.
Lieberman: The two oldest white men alive. Will get slaughtered by Biden in debates. He’s a terrible campaigner. The fact that he’s pro-choice will turn off the religious right, causing possibly a divorce between the Christian right and the corporate-war-statists that run the party. And, oddly enough, Lieberman gives McCain his best chance to actually win this thing.
jagorev: Don’t forget that picking Pawlenty would demolish the “too young and inexperienced” thing against Obama.
Halperin is a tool.
Godless Liberal *: but did HE spend FIVE AND A HALF YEARS as a POW?
I think not.
AngryBlakGuy: I love cops.
jagorev:
The RNC next week is going to be a freakshow. I can’t wait. Whoever it will, it’ll be like sprinklin Splenda on a turd.
Wait. What? The speech is over and I didn’t hear any reference to Biden’s shoe meeting McCain’s saggy old-man scrotum.
Fuck it, the next few months will be boring. Oh, and the Republicans will probably eke out (steal) a win.
[sigh]
jagorev: Unfortunately, you use reason and logic, two things the electorate will not go by. If Americans could determine real from fake, dubya wouldn’t have been the president for 8 years.
Unlike at the upcoming RNC convention, there has been no public exchange of magic underwear between presidentiai and vice-presidentiai candidates. Demrats: unsharing, uncaring, Chablis-swilling, celeb-Jay-Leno-appearing, high-school-graduate, paperback-book-reading bastards. So there. Bite me.
Sean O: Romney, in addition to being far less authentic than Dubya, is also a terrible, terrible actor. You have to give W. credit for projecting empathy and folksiness just long enough to fool people into voting for him.
S.Luggo: Actually, tonight I’ve been swilling a fine Pinot Noir.
I can’t get to sleep - chrissy matthews wind blown hair makes me afraid of the dark
Rush: pat’s is scarier
Does Wonkette have a picture of Pawlenty at, say, a fudge factory, pulling on a latex glove?
AnnieGetYourFun: Imbibimg? If Mittney is selected as McSenile’s VP, you are out of the Repug Party’s “Big Tent” [no booze drinkers, homos, Jews, Quakers, negroes, liberals, coffee quaffers, baby-killers, Unitarians, Canasta, Shuffle-Board and Lotto players, etc. accepted.] However, the party shall never turn away your vote. That is what makes America great.
A friend in Australia wrote to tell me they’re following this campaign closely. Listen up, Dems: quit acting kooky. The second most powerful democracy in the world (after the UK) is watching, and other than that guy who was killed by a stingray they’re very stable and they look to us to lead. (All 12 million of them.) We really suck as a country, but we can be relevant again…just like Clinton from 1995 to 2000! (Okay, bad example….you get my meaning, though.)
tsunami: WIN.
TJBeck: Locally? If interstate, there could be problems.
Keram2: Don’t be silly McThusela’s wooden corn teeth can’t handle peanut brittle. That shit would take those dentures right out. WALNUTS! can only eat applesauce except now he’s afraid of it after it attacked him in that grocery store full of bitters. Damn terrorist applesauce! HA! HA! HA!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GayO4pc8S_A
LIVE FROM THE VICE-PRESIDENTIAL DEBATE BETWEEN MITT ROMNEY AND JOE BIDEN:
Mitt Romney: Well, I think that’s a good point. And it’s clear that the experience that John McCain has as a decorated veteran and the experience that I have in the executive branch, running the Olympics–
(Sen. Biden leaps over the table and produces a Bowie knife. He slits Romney’s torso and steps inside the still-screaming carcass. Sen. Biden is wearing Mr. Romney as a human suit, not so different from magical underwear).
Joe Biden: YOU FUCKIN’ KIDDING ME?!!! THE ONLY EXPERIENCE YOU HAVE IS BEING WORN AS A HUMAN SUIT BY ME!!! I CALLED MILOSEVIC A FUCKING CUNT TO HIS FUCKING SQUARE HEAD!!! YOU MADE SURE BELGIANS HADE A FUCKING PLACE TO SYNCHRONIZE SWIM, SLUT!! O, FROM THE GREAT AND TERRIBLE HILLS OF SOLEMEMNON AND OF THE MIGHTY EARTH OF SCRANTON. MY CHILDREN WILL DRINK YOUR BLOOD INSTEAD OF ORANGE JUICE! YOU WILL LOOK UPON MY BURNING TEETH WITH A FEAR AND TREMBLING! YOUR ENTRAILS ARE MY MASK OF LEGISLATION!! AAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGG (inaudible).
The ticket gets a three-point bump in the next day’s poll.
Gawd, if you field-dress Romney, without even hanging him from a tree, and show more testosterone that tiger-cage-cain, your polls go to 99%! Is there really a Biden-Rambo? Or Obambo?
Joe gave a good hard hitting speech. But, I found it depressing that he felt the need to out demagogue McCain on the situation in Georgia.
“Kitty Harris” is Alice Travis Germond, wife of perennial McLaughlin Group panelist Jack Germond:
http://www.democrats.org/a/party/germond.html
Remember when Chris Farley used to play Jack Germond on SNL in Dana Carvey’s McLaughlin Group parody? That was funny…
Robbo: Even funnier was the Sinatra Group.
mcgeorge: This is the best thing I have ever read ever. The end.
MP3 highlights are up! http://www.entertonement.com/collections/2612/Joe-Biden-2008-DNC-Address
i was gonna contribute to the fray last night but i started playing a drinking game where i drank every time someone said “change” and i was passed out stone dead drunk by 6:30pm.
KittyKatMan: Biden is perfect for the job for kicking McCain in the nuts. He has great foot-eye coordination, which is necessary if you want to kick him more than once, because those old tortured testicles start swinging like a couple of walnuts in the toe of grandma’s pantyhose.
mcgeorge: Dude, that was awesome. If only.