Wonkette
Here is a picture of handsome Mark Warner in the alternate reality computer game for dorks, Second Life. What amazing things will Mark Warner have to say tonight? Perhaps, “Please do not confuse me with the fellow who was married to Liz Taylor.” Or, “I am a human who has no lower jaw, only teeth.” But first, some other people… like Lilly Ledbetter from Alabama.
9:27 PM — “Ten percent of the people in this audience are lobbyists,” chortles somebody sitting behind us. We are seated next to a delightful union president who keeps passing us signs to hold up. NEW ENERGY FOR AMERICA! He is a garrulous gentleman who is unnerving Newell with personal questions such as, “Do you enjoy living in D.C.?”
9:29 PM — RENEW AMERICA’S PROMISE! A pile of signs is wedged between our feet and the railing.
9:32 PM — Lilly Ledbetter is fantastic. Do you remember this appalling Supreme Court case, where the gal made much less money than her male coworkers for a million years, and the Supreme Court was like, “Meh, we can’t do much about that.” When this came on the NPR and they were talking about this miserable injustice, it was very sad. That is the story of Lilly Ledbetter.
9:40 PM — This Pointer Sisters song must end. Oh thank God. Very very loud applause for Mark Warner, patron saint of dentistry. He is a wonderful vibrant shade of orange.
9:42 PM — Thus far the only original phrases that we have heard escape the lips of any speaker have come from Dennis Kucinich and our new girlfriend, Lilly Ledbetter. This guy is just more, “change we need,” blah blah blah.
9:43 PM — “I have a unique perspective on this race.” Yes, because Mark Warner was one of a half-dozen Americans to be very publically passed over for the vice presidential nomination.
9:44 PM — This is why technocrats must not be elected to public office: they think that telling old stories about car phones is really fun and interesting. If God were just, He would send down a meteor to the gentleman sitting behind us shouting into his cell phone about where “Drew” went. DREW ISN’T HERE ANYMORE.
9:46 PM — Ha ha, we are not going to be able to write about any of this crap because of these fucking douchewads behind us. Question: why go to all the bother of attending these events if you’re just going to sit and yap about where your pals went? Back to Warner: “the character and the resolve of the American people.” Everybody claps.
9:48 PM — This is such a wonderfully useless lie that people love to whip out in speeches: that Americans, after September 11, would have gladly made tremendous sacrifices for their country, but they were never asked. Americans may be patriotic, but they are also dreadfully lazy.
9:51 PM — Speaking of lazy, let’s pass the baton over to our own Jim Newell.
The old bitters singing and dancing in this rough approximation of unison to “I’m So Excited” is both the saddest and the most unintentionally hysterical thing I have seen in months.
If only they had the DNC on 2nd life..my life would be complete! By life, I mean the closet that contains my computer.
Godless Liberal *: [vomit]
WHY ARE HIS TEETH SO BIG????????????/
Mark Warner is a hustla.
Hurry everyone! It’s a race to the future! Grab yer guns and yer runnin shoes.
MW: We need a pitcher, not a belly-itcher
How appropriate..the keynote speaker is a carpetbagger and I see lots of carpet eaters in the audience.
Street Organizer: little known fact…warner’s father was a donkey. in fact that donkey went on to star in shrek.
He’s a skinny Burt Lancaster.
did he just give somebody the L, for like a split second?
“The race for the future is on?”
How do you win a race today that takes place in the future? just curious…
ummm, not phootogenic, but that’s shallow of me to say
Unfort. the cable channels didn’t show Ledbetter (and I must admit sitting through her accent was excruciating). She had a good story but it would have been nice if she’d specified that Walnuts was one of the Republicans who voted against the bill, which he did. Also that he said that women just need to ‘get more training and read more’ or some crap like that as a defense. I think they should have hired an actress to play her on the stage & read the teleprompter & her story would have resounded more.
They are too big for his head. But, he will make a good junior senator from VA (and do what he can with Key-razee Jim Webb). The bizarre thing in VA is you are limited to ONE four-year term as Governor.
Does anyone else think that Warner could be Mark Hammil’s twin? Does that make him part-Jedi master?
This guy sucks. Boo. Get off.
He totally has cotton-mouth.
It must take him three times as long to brush his teeth in the morning, and he has to use an industrial floor waxer.
Wait, what cell phone company did Mark Warner start? If it’s Sprint, I will vow to destroy him.
[cut to Bitter chewing gum thinking to herself: "I bet he's a horrible lover."]
Poor choice as keynote speaker. Bring back Kucinich!
jagorev: Close. NexTel.
ffs, no, Mark Warner, in fact you would’ve been even less likely to be handicapped by your social origins in western Europe than in the US. enough with this “it could only happen here” bullshit. the “American Dream” happens more frequently elsewhere, christ.
jagorev: He helped start Nextel…which I guess is now part of Sprint, so yea..those push-talk fu*ckers are annoying as hell
Warner and Sebelius would have been shitty vp picks….glad to know it.
this is not Obama 2004 class
It’s not just the teeth, it’s the way he constantly licks them. (Like a 7th grade boy with braces.)
*sigh*
Well, Virginia learned to live with it, and so can I.
Oh, Democrats.
loganmo: I was thinking Bobby Kennedy/Ralph Nader/Jerry Lewis
http://angryorange55.files.wordpress.com/2008/04/jerrylewis.jpg
jagorev says at 9:45 pm, August 26th, 2008 - Reply
Wait, what cell phone company did Mark Warner start? If it’s Sprint, I will vow to destroy him.
– Sprint is the devil.
I am confused. Why does he keep repeating phrases 3 times as if the audience is loudly applauding and he is trying to be heard…cuz it seems pretty silent and un-motivated there…bring back the Pointer Sisters.
loganmo: smellyal8r: Nextel is bad enough. I’m calling in airstrikes on Mark Warner’s position as soon as I can find a spot (in New York City!) where I can get more than 1 bar.
WonkaBee: Agreed…I was thinking that the lady senators from minnesador and mizzora kicked a$$….warner’s speech blows. Maybe they told him to take a dive to make hillster’s speech even better.
ABitOfACommunist: yup … picking Biden looks smarter by the hour…
Pathetic speech. Who wrote this drivel? Some 30 yo UVa reject? Blecch…Twixt him and Sebelius, tonight has been a pure set up for the arrival of HRC.
Scranton really does not get mentioned this often in The Office…
Am I the only one who firmly believes that this guy couldn’t get laid in a women’s prison with a fistful of pardons?
WonkaBee: Nope. This is the short bus of political speeches. Must have picked him to make Hillz not seem to suck.
I will be seeing his teeth in my nightmares.
Can you imagine this dude giving you a blow-jay? Those huge-ass chompers scraping against your junk?
DemmeFatale: But hey, he’s smart. i don’t care what he looks like. Sounds like he’s an obsessive worker. I like him.
I think I’m gonna vomit from all this pro-American love making. When does the muslim perform?
Surprise new liveblog from Newell.
loganmo: The lady senator from Mizzora? McCaskill? She blew chunks. Her speech was trite, cliched, and vacuous, and I am convinced she only gave it to make Michelle’s look that much better by contrast.
I guess this guy is not going to be one of the great orators of the Senate.
Who has the fucking tamborine? What, is Tracy fucking Partridge there?
WonkaBee: Race for the future. I like it.
Thank aborted c*ck-sucking christ on the cross..it’s over.
The Queen is in da house!!
Who were all the skanks that got trotted out at the end of Warner’s speech? It looked like Rush Week for the Tri-Delts up there.
“In the global economy, you shouldn’t have to leave your hometown to find a world-class job.”
What if your hometown is a shithole where no business in their right mind would ever want to invest? What if there are better opportunities elsewhere? For chrissake, Warner, I am trying very hard to support the democrats, and I will gladly go out there and canvass for Barack, but the economic illiteracy… it HURTS.
Twinkle Twinkle Lil Star says at 9:52 pm, August 26th, 2008 - Reply
I will be seeing his teeth in my nightmares.
Can you imagine this dude giving you a blow-jay? Those huge-ass chompers scraping against your junk?
– yea but he has some plump lips and a strong jaw.
I fell asleep!
zzzzzzzzzzzzzz!
well, that was like getting teeth pulled.. wait….
WonkaBee: was that some reference to mrs. biden’s root canal???
How can someone talk about the future for so long and not mention our staggering lack of flying rocket cars, food in pill form, moon bases, or undersea cities in glass domes? Future my ass.
http://thesebastards.blogspot.com/