Wonkette
The most important thing to know about the Pepsi Center is that it smells like fresh-baked chocolate chip cookies at the entrance. The reason this is important is that you will get lost a million times, because the whole thing is designed like a labyrinth for repelling enemy invaders: all hallways and floors look exactly the same. You walk by a bunch of weird chests full of “media equipment” (sex harnesses and meth) and you say, OK, the press area is on the right after these heaps of electrical wire, and then you turn around and there are heaps of electrical wire everywhere. Obviously, the only way to orient yourself is to follow the smell of baking cookies.
The press area — or at least one of them, past all the fancy individual soundproofed rooms for the radio people — smells like popcorn. Here you will find strange white men shooting death rays at the stage with these kitschy 50s looking wireless robots. Why do they hate America?
Oh look here is some other Republican Villain sucking all the good energy out of the heads of some, uh, random news people.
Well, that was pretty boring! Let’s go back downstairs and enjoy the Ice Cream of the Future, Dippin’ Dots.
Your editor got half chocolate, half mint chocolate chip. In the future, ice cream will taste like mentholated ozone, with a soupçon of “I paid how much for this?”
After this difficult day’s work, your editors were forced to unwind with a hundred-dollar steak lunch, followed immediately by a photo op with these darling Peta protesters. “Stop global warming! Tax meat!”
“Yes,” we chuckled to ourselves. “It will be called the Flavor Tax.”
As far as I know, cow farts are the primary cause of global warming. So eating them helps Mother Earth.
Since cows produce more methane than cars (according to sources in my head), this is probably the first sensible thing PETA has ever suggested.
This thread made me hungry. Cookies, popcorn, an skirted-eggshell, pigs and a picture of Sara.
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm hungry.
Okay, so you got lost in a round building, followed the trail of baking cookies for an hour, ate Dippin’ Dots, had a steak dinner then posed with two giant pigs — hey — you people are baked out of your minds!
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/08/25/obama-assassination-plot_n_121293.html
Two guys with rifles and meth were arrested in Aurora, 22 miles east of the Pepsidome.
Police are holding a press conference Tuesday morning to claim they stopped an assassination plot.
No comment yet on whether it’s Evan Bayh and Tim Kaine.
Talk about a scheduling conflict, having the Democratic National Convention booked in Denver on the same week as the Colorado Furry Convention. Although I will admit, pigs are some of the more poorly-represented species within Furry lore, so I applaud these two for courageously stepping out like this.
…the odor of “baking cookies” was actually Sasha & Malia’s farts!
Also, the mysterious robot-programming, partially-balding blue-polo-shirt man has one of the very first documented cases of “backboob”.
…in that last photo, its nice to see you guys found dates but did you score?!
Dippin’ Dots! The ice cream of astronauts… and 15 year old Hot Topic shoppers who populate your nation’s malls!
Hey, I assume everyone has heard about this news, possibly-non-news, assassination plot thing, right?
http://thehill.com/leading-the-news/police-schedule-press-conference-amid-report-of-obama-assassination-plot-2008-08-25.html
Right, because if I was going to assassinate someone, it would be in a crowded stadium, filled with thousands of cameras and reporters, in an area swarming with armed cops and secret service agents. Jeez, assassins these days! If you’re going to do the deed, pop him while he’s out in the open, walking down the sidewalk, gladhanding minorities and kissing babies outside some community center in Podunk, Iowa.
UnreliableNarrator: The Hill credits KUSA-TV as the source and KUSA 9news.com offers two conflicting views:
“NBC News has learned that federal officials are downplaying the arrests, saying when one of the men was arrested, he made a threat against Obama, but they do not believe it was based on any kind of plan or actually intent.
“It looks like one guy just made a remark trying to act important,” one federal official told NBC News.”
But then they cite undisclosed sources that link the suspects to white supremacist groups.
So which is it? It’s not clear.
SayItWithWookies: Seconded. They must have some wicked shit in Denver.
SayItWithWookies: that describes (almost exactly) a pink floyd concert i went to in the eighties, except you didn’t mention the mushrooms, or the skinhead fight, or the mary kay lady in the bathroom.
wheelie: Actually this assassination story is looking more and more like a crock of sensationalist sh*t right now.
Those are not heaps of electrical wires - they are detonator cords, courtesy of the RNC. How did they get in? Remember the Hillary Happy Hour where guests had to bring DNCC and press credentials? They obviously knocked out some Hilltards and stole their credentials, thus gaining access to the convention. If you think this sounds like the lame plot from some wacky TV sitcom, welcome to Fox News’s newest show, designed to fill that comedy void created when the Half Hour News Hour was cancelled… well, actually the void started the same time the Half Hour Comedy Hour did.
If you eat a bunch of asparagus and drink a big gulp, you can mark your trail through the convention by doing a little wee every 20 feet or so. No one will mistake it for cookies.
ohhhh….i like the beard….
Stop Warming Meat, Eat Global Tax…
Hello friends — Thanks, about the Plot. Just posted something on that.
I doubt anyone is going to get a gun anywhere near that stadium, unless they’re secret service. But it’s nice to know the Rocky Mountain West is still pretty much a meth-nut paradise of horror. Oh wait, that’s not nice to know, at all ….
My understanding is that if you ask for a Coke at Pepsi Center, the FBI
takes it as code for “start the Hillary revolution”, and will kill you.
Why do they hate America so much?
Jerry w
http://www.boskolives.wordpress.com
naveed: Eating them until they are all GONE, you mean. I’ll bet the last cow on earth would taste sooooo delicious.
Ken Layne: Jesus, is that Sara? Like, THAT’S actually Sara? Wha? I thought bloggers were not hot, good-looking? Did you mistakenly hire her thinking that she was… you know, a normal blogger? Er sumpthin?
naveed: Are you recommending eating cow farts?
If your meal starts out as a fart, where can it go from there?
No shit?
@ the Sarah & Co. are totally baked conspiracy theorists: Yes you know with the Denver city ordinance allowing possession they have to have some good weed.
Ken Layne: and what’s with the Rocky Mtn. West hatin’? Don’t you know pretty much all of rural Amur’ca is a meth-nut paradise? I moved from Colorado to Seattle with dreams of becoming a liberal elitist wine-swiller, only to find there are meth’d out Bush-tards out here too.
Even the FCC is there! Ready to record all phone and radio calls, illegally!
Don’t need no stinkin’ warrant when your at a demo convention.
dippin dots : ice cream of the future :: hillary clinton : change agent.
they both have been bothering us since the 90s and are going no where fast.
Bacon tastes good. Pork chops taste good.
How can I be expected to “hang in there” if a precocious cat isn’t dangling off some branch of some sort? Ball dropped, DNC.
http://thesebastards.blogspot.com/
Cow farts ! You should get a sniff of a Michelle fart, she has chronic Diarrhea also.
Thank Allah for Depends.
The Dems don’t know how to entertain! The Republicans will have hot snacks, such as possum - the other white meat - and Velvetta ™ on dry toast ala flem. Most Republicans will be barfing at the ticket, McSame and Romney (not a Christian, you know!). They will swallow the flem without giving it a thought. All they can think of is Mormoms. Bye, Bye