Wonkette
- JOE BIDEN SO BORING THAT EVEN RICHARD COHEN’S ANSWERING MACHINE HANGS UP ON HIM: Oh, this is just sad. Apparently Richard Cohen wrote some article about how Joe Biden is always jabbering too much, and Biden called him up and left a message thanking him for the critique. The message was so long that the answering machine spontaneously exploded and killed itself, the end. [Washington Post]
Already off to an entertaining start. Well done Joe.
Joe and John McCain swapped wives? Kinky.
. . . but, yes, I was right, and he went on too long and he had to do something about that and it was good of me to point it out. Beep! The machine cut him off.
And somewhere, he’s still talking to that machine, only taking breaks to do all the Sunday morning political shows or ride the train to DC.
Has he always been like that? Or does thirty years in the Senate render any person unable to shut the fuck up?
Sara’s a communist, Sara’s a communist.
Also, did anyone listen to his speech on Saturday afternoon? In the ten minutes or so I heard of it, he used the word “literally” about a dozen times, of which only half could be considered correct. I mean, as much as we’d like to believe Obama could “literally change the direction of the world,” unless he’s Superman trying to turn back time, I doubt this is the literal truth.
This raises the question: is Obama from the planet Krypton?
Biden has the special power to shut off electronic devices with the power of his voice…. That’s only slightly less useful than Aquaman, which is why he went into politics.
At least he has something to say occasionally, unlike most Senate windbags.
…Biden probably called back and continued from where he left off.
Change…
You know what’s more annoying than always hearing about “change?” It’s the dipshits who assume that the American people are crying out for “change” from everything that’s come before us in the 225 years this nation has been a Republic.
So listen up Cohen and every other dubass commentator out there who decries Obama’s choosing a VP candidate who doesn’t represent “change” in some vague and amorphous sense of the word: what we want is CHANGE FROM G. W. BUSH. We’d be perfectly happy to go back to the days when Bill Clinton was getting blow jobs in the Oval office while negotiating government business with Newt Ginrich, when everyone had jobs, you could get rich just by slapping a “dot com” suffix on your company name and the bulls were running wild on Wall Street.
Hell, if only Hillary had figured this out, she might even be the Democratic Nominee right now.
We want a change from the moron who’s in the oval office now. It almost doesn’t even matter what kind of change, because it could hardly be any worse than it is now.
If Joe Biden can use boredom as a weapon that effectively, then he could probably win the War On Terror™ armed with nothing but a cell phone.
However, I doubt it. Joe Biden is probably the most entertaining person to appear on a major-party presidential ticket since Barry Goldwater, except for the difference that Joe Biden doesn’t scare the bajeezus out of me like Goldwater did. (Or like how Goldwater would have, if my birth date weren’t over four years after the election that Goldwater lost.)
That sounds like the hilarious kind of joke that I would do to my brother, if I was eight and he was seven, and we both had voicemail.
It’s a good thing Sens Craig and Vitter had their–uh–issues here recently, otherwise the whole damn Senate would have run for President en masse.
Serolf Divad: The church says Amen!
“Literally” is literally Joe Biden favourite word. Literally. [But only because he cannot bring himself to say "liberally." All things "liberal" have been deepsixed into the memory hole.]
If Richard Cohen thinks Biden’s longwinded, he should consult with fellow pun-ditz Billy The K., who is promoting Lieberman as McCain’s Veep choice.
Cohen’s gonna have some incredible nightmares if Joemental’s Joementum puts him into higher office. There’s a gasbag that nothing can deflate, and no amount of listening will yield a thought worth sharing.
I’d love to see the Juan’n'Joe show. A couple of wealthy ancient hacks fighting together, cheek by jowl. And I do mean cheek by jowl.
WadISay:
well, except maybe Mel Martinez, who has famously said he’s the only one who never tried to, what with being born a foreigner and all.
Serolf Divad: Right on dude, now can you get one of these pansies to say that out loud?
I hope Richard Cohen falls into an open manhole. Take that as you will.
Larry McAwful: “Hey, Osama, this is Joe…like I was saying”
Then the sound of a single gunshot from the other cell phone.
He’s the 108th richest man in the Senate. He’s so poor, 7 imaginary senators are poorer than him. http://www.opensecrets.org/pfds/overview.php?type=W&year=2006&filter=S&sort=A
Serolf Divad: It sure as hell can be worse. Everything stays the same in the next administration, but you feel guitly as sin criticizing the tortured, ex-POW who is doing it. “But Alan! Five and a Half Years … “
Being a closet masochist, I actually read this column. Has it escaped you all that Richard Cohen thinks John McCain is “a very good-looking man”?
Mr. Cohen — your mockery of Senator Biden would’ve been a lot more effective were it not for the fact that you had to reveal that you’re probably the only person in DC not on welfare who still uses an answering machine. But way to keep Maxell in business, I guess.
Does anyone read this bloviating asshat? I’ve read two of his columns for you, Wonkette, and I cannot understand why he gets paid for them.
Who’s Richard Cohen? There used to be a fairly talented columnist who wrote interesting, relevant, newsworthy and well-researched political columns years ago, but the world hasn’t heard from that guy for about 15 years.
FUCK FOX NEWS!! FUCK FOX NEWS!! FUCK FOX NEWS!!
Wait, what?
If you get this message, it means I’m in the slammer in Denver and need to be bailed out.
Mind you, in the slammer you don’t have to listen to any politicians.
Whenever I open a Cohen article I immediately close it because of the picture in the corner of a bespectacled northern gnome.
Not_So_Much: Don’t you believe in freedom?
five and a half years, jagorev: FIVE AND A HALF YEARS!!!
Gopherit v2.0: “Does anyone read this bloviating asshat?”
Oh, that reminds me — Kristol must have some work of unadulterated genius I can soak my medulla oblongata in today. No, I’m not subjecting the cerebral cortex to his shit — I figure the lizard brain can handle it. It doesn’t feel pain, y’know. BRB.
Does anybody else think that Joe looks like Bob Uecker? Perhaps he should make play-by-play calls of the DNC from the announcer’s booth.
Richard Cohen? The only guy on earth who’s more of a windbag than Joe Biden?
subrosa: That part threw me,too.Also the fact that he described our jowly friend as a “graceful dancer”.
Someone needs his eyes checked.Or his brain.
SayItWithWookies: Okay, nevermind. Kristol’s just doing the conventional stupidity, rather than his usual grand, sweeping stupidity that’s moronic from its false premise right through its imaginary hurdles to some ghastly untenable conclusion. Although he does manage to say he’s an empathetic guy, which is good for a laugh.
HA! Chuckie T on MSNBC just said the following: “McCain’s camp says he’ll keep a low profile during the DNC, but he does have a few tricks up his sleeve… an appearance tonight on Jay Leno… McCain’s people say they’re going to take advantage of the media blitz on Obama to portray him as a celebrity getting unnecessary attention… by, of course, going on Jay Leno.”
I fucking love Chuck Todd.
subrosa: “Jill Biden’s dancing partner was very good-looking and very famous. He was John McCain.”
Yeah, I caught that too. They guy either has the biggest hard on for McCain, (and previous columns seem to bear that out), or he needs a new prescription for those ridiculous looking glasses he wears.
NUCK FEWS FOX!!!!!!1!
SayItWithWookies: I liked the part about how Kristol is hearing screaming voices in his head. It would explain much about the quality of his writing.
Cohen’s almost as useful as a broken crutch.
Somebody, please Photoshop a pointy hat on this asshole.
subrosa: Richard Cohen asked me to also mention, in the interest of balance, that when McCain comes in your mouth, it tastes like Bud Ice, which is really disgusting.
subrosa: So not only is Richard Cohen stupid and gay, but he has terrible taste in old grumpy gay candidates for president?
On another note , whats wrong with a little talky talky?
If Drinky McDumbass spent more time talking instead of bombing the shit out of innocent civilians and violating the constitution to a degree that has never been seen before , the world would be a better place.
Guy can fucking talk. Seriously.
See when Cohen was listening to that long message, Biden snuck into his dining room and unscrewed the caps on all the saltshakers. No one tells Joe Biden to keep it to a minimum of 15 minutes. No one!
http://thesebastards.blogspot.com/
To become the ultimate gasbag all Cohen really needs to do is grow some creepy facial hair, buy some stupid retro glasses, flash the world a big goofy grin and then pump out the “insider” drivel until . . . Huh? He’s already done all that? Oh, nevermind.
Bah, I’m sure Biden over-ran his answering machine spot on purpose to try and fuck it up.
Either that or he’s John Kerry 2.0, in which case GOD HELP US THAT TREEBEARD SHOULD HAVE A SAPLING.
velvet_turnip: subrosa: U-huh. WALNUTS! is four feet tall with a face that reminds me of undercooked, lumpy oatmeal. However, to be fair, Juan is a real looker compared to Richard Cohen. Perhaps that’s what he meant?