Wonkette
MILE HIGH CLUB: So, everything’s packed, everybody’s already a wreck, and oh hell there is actually a whole theme thing we’ve neglected, despite the daily DNCC emails. Monday: “One Nation” starring Nancy Pelosi. Tuesday: “Renewing America’s Promise,” starring Hillary. Wednesday: “Securing America’s Future,” starring Joe Biden, with grandstanding appearance by Bill Clinton. Thursday: “Change You Can Believe In,” starring Barack Obama and a stadium full of people driven crazy by the ban on booze and “shoes with wheels.” [SF Gate]
Please, remember to bring your trusted banning key. I fear.
Sounds like Spirit Week during homecoming? Do you have to dress theme-appropriate each day?
What if you put on dark glasses, got a seeing eye type dog and put a keg around his/her neck?
Like this enterprising individual? http://www.pet-pet-blog.net/pet-products/dog-kegs-saint-bernard-kegs/
Reckon that would work? Or will the SS being doing random breath tests?
Too many questions for this hour of the morning huh?
Oh gawd, that’s another one.
Opening with Pelosi? Barf. Well, get it out of the way, I guess. I’m hoping for impeachment hecklers, but not holding my breath.
Jesus, I just read the list of “prohibiteds’. Did they give the contract to the Chinese? Those guys run a pretty tight ship. Shoes with wheels gets you 10 years of “re-edukayshun” in Beijing.
Ken, remember your SPF 30, don’t eat the blue acid and practice safe sax when Bill speaks on Wednesday night. And don’t forget to write! Your folks will be worried sick.
Darehead: Fuck, have you read some of these comments lately? The Crazy has already set up shop here.
Ken et al, if you guys get sick of the convention, hop in your rental Hyundai and drive a few hours east; first round’s on me.
Darehead: right on, good sir/madam. ken-please-don’t forget the banning key. some of thems blabbing on in hate for our hopey and sir scranton need to get lost. they are not funny OR drunk.
have fun storming the castle!
Which night is “There is no God but Allah, and Muhammad is his Prophet” Night?
When you see Barry, tell him about this Obama ad. I’m sure he’ll listen intently for 25 seconds, and spend the next five seconds saying, “I’m Barrack Obama and I approve this ad.”
“John McCain was leader of the Keating Five, and interceded on behalf of convict Charles Keating in the S&L fraud which cost taxpayers billions. John McCain got a taxpayer-funded education at the US Naval Academy because his father and grandfather were both admirals, and he graduated fifth from the bottom of his class, after violating many rules for which others were expelled. John McCain is the only ace of the Viet Nam War, bringing down five aircraft, as the pilot of each, at substantial cost to all of us. John McCain pledged the proceeds from public campaign financing, which ‘reform’ legislation is one of his major ‘credits’, to collateralize a loan. Then he broke his own law by saying he was not bound by his pledge. John McCain continues to advocate tax cuts for only the wealthiest citizens. If John McCain were Black, people would call him a LOOTER.”
hey, sara and i are going too. i’m absolutely not joking: this will not only be the first time i’ve met either of my two co-workers, but the first time i’ve ever spoken to them. it’s all been g-chat.
The first ever Wonkette staff party, and instead of some place involving alcohol or fun, you chose a sweaty stadium full of smelly hippies listening to Nancy Pelosi drone on about fiscal reform. At the risk of getting manhandled by taser-wielding security, I recommend you at least sneak in a flask of Liquid Hope and take a sip every time a speaker says “change”.
FYI conventioneers, though it’s like 97 miles from DIA to LoDo, the regular cab fare is NOT $1200. It’s barely half that [minus tip].
You should all take a side trip to the New Life Church in Colorado Springs to try and meet meth head ex-gay Ted Haggard.
Jim Newell: Mile High Club with Sarah, or maybe Jim? Pretty optimistic, particularly without the advantage of alcohol.
And you ought to keep in mind that Joe Biden is proud of the Violence Against Women Act. I used to oppose this, until his handlers clarified that bitch-slapping was OK, but not the Full-OJ with Sabatier cutlery.
Tips:
-Sunscreen. Science has proven that because you’re 92,999,999 miles away from the sun rather than the full 93,000,000 you will sunburn more easily. That one mile makes a world of difference.
-The altitude means that you feel your liquor sooner. Because of this, you will save money on booze or perhaps end up being made fun of by the skinny girl who just drank you under the table.
-The altitude also means that you need to drink a lot to keep altitude sickness at bay. This is common knowledge. Bring lip balm and lotion to help with your hydration.
J-Bi got “tapped” on Saturday and is giving a speech in front of 50,000 on Wednesday!
TJBeck: And while you’re there, stop and get a massage.
I thought Al and Jimmy were going to speak too. Did the Biden nom not please them?
“Securing America’s Future”. Thus endeth the campaign to change the mindset that got us into war. I thought Obama was a shoo-in, but as his transformation into John Kerry nears completion, I have my doubts.
slavojzizek: I hear ya, “security” sounds like Neoconned 2.0. But the Republicans are divided this year more than ever–and the one thing that unites them is rallyin’ up around anti-Obama, i.e., fight the anti-Christ Commie Muslim Baby Killer Appeaser. So Obama does have to go with the standard Rah-rah America stuff out of the can, and the standard Dem party line; that’s what the convention is all about, letting each party lasso up all their wild critters for a pseudo-unity that says, bring it on! Let the real down and dirty mudslinging begin.
It’s the time for all show, little tell.
I hate the confoundin’ conventions.
These might make the convention floor a nicer place to be:
http://www.thebeerbelly.com/
http://www.thebeerbelly.com/WineRack_s/25.htm
Just don’t get caught and sent to hippie gitmo.
Skip the Pelosi thing, head west about 15 miles and go to Red Rocks. Yes, U2 made it famous, but it’s definitely worth seeing.
Then, drive into the little town of Morrison where you can get a great margarita at the Morrison Inn.
Or, if you’d prefer, you can score some meth from any of the scary bikers who hang out in the town.
Mmm, I can’t wait for the coverage! I’ll be in faculty meetings all next week, but I’m totes bringing my MacBook and sitting in the back. I’m such a rebel.
hockeymom: You think of Everything!
loquaciousmusic: Macbooks are allowed????
I am totally wearing my Mondale costume to go get Kucinich’s autograph at DemCon ‘08!!!!!!!……!!
If you’ve never been to Denver before, do what I did on my first visit, which was do everything wrong: Consume lots of alcohol instead of water just off the plane and avoid rst.
The altitude sickness will wear off just as Hillary starts speaking, so you won’t notice.
While in Denver should you wanna join the TWO Mile High Club, rent a car, take 70 west to Idaho Springs and take a left to Echo Lake. From there to join the [almost] THREE Mile High Club head up Mt. Evans Rd. to one of the greatest panoramic views in North America. Don’t worry, you’ll easily make it back before the end of Biden’s speech!
…will there be a opening ceremony with a cute lip syncing little Chinese girl?
One House, One Spouse, Obama/Biden 08:
http://www.cafepress.com/politics2go
AngryBlakGuy: It’s a political convention, so everyone is lip synching the words of the Anti-Christ.
AngryBlakGuy: Yes. It will also feature 2008 members of the AFL-CIO in light-up unitards forming the shape of a donkey.
But they didn’t ban Arugala. FDA has it listed as an herb. Hmmm. This information is useful when convincing hippies it can be smoked for a very mellow buzz, dude.
Nikolaus: Beautiful!
Who else has seen this brilliant McCain video? Who will this convince who is not already a Hilltard? And why does it infuriate me anyway?
El Bombastico: AngryBlakGuy:
Moveon.org will also offer a light presentation showing 10,000 brightly-blue-colored hanging chads, symbolizing the Great Humiliation of 2000. Al Gore will arrive in a giant ball structure carried on Michael Moore’s back, representing the earth not yet in balance, followed by 58 acrobats tumbled rightside up, sideways or upside down, who then transform themselves into spotted owls with glowing eyes.
itgetter: Hilltards are embedded with McCaintards regularly. Wait til Hillary becomes Madam Secretary of State. That’ll show ‘em.
Jim Newell: Jim, should we be afraid that your meetings could be potentially so jarring that Wonkette may cease to be?
And what possible fun could the convention be without people skating around on their heels? Ugh.
What’s the theme of Warner’s speech?
“See? I don’t look anything like that shitty NY Times Magazine cover?”
Go over to the Open Tent and stick a ‘Kick Me’ sign on Markos’s back.
Lionel Hutz Esq.: Friday, natch.
Darehead: AngryBlakGuy: El Bombastico: Your visions are truly…visionary. If only!
villageatrois: McCain an ace: hysterical. “Ace McCain” could replace “Panamanian Strongman Juan McCain.” But there was a “real” ace in the Vietnam War, Steve Ritchie or Richey or something, an Air Force F4 pilot who shot down five North Vietnamese farmers driving Korean-War-vintage Russian MiG-17s. Victory is glorious!
Just went through Denver airport on a trip. They’ve got these crazy old ladies running around in cowboy hats with “Ask ME” t-shirts on, which I’d not notice before. One of them at the Belgian beer place on the way to gate B-85 in the United terminal had regressed to dancing happily and mumbling. It’s like the cat-crazy-hillbots took acid and found a box of dress-up clothes.
GO TEAM DEMOCRATS!
All I want out of the Democratic convention is a gay wedding, a sound denunciation of the past eight years, Lieberman burned in effigy and a mock war crimes trial. Is that so much?
Wait..you guys have never been in a room together? But I had always assumed there was a bunker somewhere deep in the bowels of D.C. where you guys drank Redbull, played wastebasket paper football and waited, hunched over your Macs and bathed in their glow for the next big story to break. I’m kind of disappointed. And what of new Juli? What will she be doing whilst you’re all jetsetting to the political Hoe Downs. Ohhh…she’s on standby for bail money.
SayItWithWookies: So, basically you want NANCY PELOSI!
Oh. wait. nevermind.
SayItWithWookies: And a bonfire of wire hangers?
HRC - Her Royal Catharsis - should shock the nation and rock a dress!
the didn’t ban the Bitter Herb, did they?
Darehead: Or maybe beating them into ploughshares. Oh, and an afternoon lecture (wouldn’t even have to be high-profile) on evolution, just for the hell of it.
…somehow I wouldn’t be surprised if this is how Hillary plans on entering the convention center.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OYecfV3ubP8
kellygrrrl: Clever, but what to do about her cankles?
SayItWithWookies: Yea. And along with the gay wedding, a divorce ceremony between church and state.
More local scenery not to be missed in-between yawn-rich speechifying and knee-jerk defense-security posturing:
24 hours a day, a mile west of downtown
http://midtowne.com/index.php?fuseaction=dsp_city&c_city=denver
10,000 square foot ranch is open every Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday evening at 9:00 PM
http://www.scarletranch.com/
meet the Air Force Academy cadets and their friends
http://query.nytimes.com/gst/fullpage.html?res=9906E1D9173CF931A35756C0A9659C8B63
or go ninety minutes north into the foothills and find peace
http://www.shambhalamountain.org/stupa.html
I am SO ready for the convention. I’ve got two boxes of wine, a jumbo tub of Twizzlers, and a gallon of Gatorade on standby. Best.Week.Ever. Unless someone actually invites me out to go drinking, in which case, drinking games with real alcohol. Woo!
Go in peace, Wonkies. Go in peace.
Jim Newell: Hey, sounds like a pilot for a sitcom! Three wacky DC “bloggers” who run a snarky-but-cutting-edge website meet for the first time at the Democratic National Convention. Hilarity ensues as the winsome threesome attempt to find each other on the frenzied convention hall. Cameos galore of course by politicians “appearing as themselves”, as well as the American Apparel “swim” girl, who keeps trying to get Ken to her room, and Michael Phelps, who in a running gag, just can’t stop eating! And then the final scene where the three are finally introduced to each other by Chelsea Clinton and you hear an offstage voice intone, “I’m Barack Obama and I approve this meeting!” All we need is a cast and we’re all set!
Jim Newell: Aww, you three are every bit the dysfunctional family I imagined! It’ll be like the Griswald family vacation to the DNC Convention!
The McCain people admitted on TV this morning that teams of agents provocateur would be infiltrating the convention to disrupt things. Any men seen cruising the visiting elementary school boys or congregating in and around the men’s toilets should immediately asked for their credentials.
El Bombastico: I can’t decide if that’s a great image, or if I need to go sand the part of my brain that stores images to remove it.
Jim Newell: Oooh. Wow, even I have met my fellow bloggers, and I don’t even write for a real web site or nothin’. Well, not one that gets shout-outs from bitters.
Actually, come to think of it, my web site’s audience might be entirely made up of bitters.
What’s the official Obama speech drinking game? Drink every time “hope”, “change” or “yes we can” is mentioned? Jesus, I hope no one dies of alcohol poisoning.
Don’t forget to swing by Condi’s alma mater. Ah, if those dorm walls could talk …
serj!: And, as the old joke goes, on the Internet nobody knows you’re a dog. So Ken might turn out to be the Last Merry Prankster, his brain zapped by 40 years of acid abuse. Sara might actually be a 45-year-old ceiling crack (which would explain her dead-on socio-economic characterization of them the other day) and Jim…who knows? Maybe he’s really Pat Buchanan. Or Ann Coulter.
Did anyone just see the hilltard with the mccain button on msnbc?
Chris Matthews yelled “Burn her at the stake!”
Then there were some weirdos supporting the “vaccination administration”
Denver looks like its gonna be fun.
I am now going to drink beer and do yardwork for the rest of the day
druranium: Hilltards are fun.
More specifically, it’s fun to hit them with a two-by-four.
Go three pretties!
Double, double, Toil and Trouble
parties burn and Nonsense bubble.
Ken got the wrong email on the schedule - the real one is:
Monday: Nancy Pelosi hosts San Francisco Night with entertainment by Morresey
Tuesday: Hillary Clinton hosts Appalachia night: Bluegrass Music and Snake Handling Demonstrations
Wednesday: Bill Clinton and John Kerry host French Military Pride Night with the parade of 1000 Hollywood Stars and a Scientology Fireworks Display
Thursday: Be sure to wear your veil or beard to Morrocan Night at the Stadium, Re-enactment of The Prophet’s Journey to Mecca and the Solemn Prayer for the Destruction of America by 10,000 Virgins
How will the Wonketeers recognize each other? Have they made plans to wear special hats make from tin foil? I hope they meet up and blog this mutha. My medication’s wearing off or it’s just not strong enough to cover this.
mattbolt: And for the RNC it’ll be a drink every time McCain lets out that insanely creepy old man chuckle. And when Rudy gives his speech, I think we all know what the magic phrase will be.
Also, I just saw Chuck Todd say Colin Powell is the same age as McCain. I had no idea. Does this surprise anyone else?
No hooch at Invesco? Darn,I guess all that’s left for a spry feller to do there is “hang out” with the republicans in the bathroom.
Hey, Prof. Jackoff or whatever at Bezerkley: if Michelle O’Bama were white, would you be saying that she should be confident but not “uppity”?
Just asking. Racist jerkoff.
SayItWithWookies: “mock” Shit, bring on the real thing: “Live, from the Hague, it’s Saturday Night (with Cheney in the Dock!)”
J-Man: They’d probably sing the lyrics to “My Sugar Walls.”
Eeeeewwwww.
Johnny Zhivago: Now that is a Convention we can believe in.
I haven’t heard much about the smelly anti-IMF anarchist rich kids. I’m counting on them to put on a show.
I’m sure someone (Fox?) will be doing a thorough analysis of the position of the podium at INVESCO to see if Barry’s facing Mecca during his speech.
Bill Clinton was too busy doinking a fat intern to go after Bin Laden
when he had the chance other than throwing one lousy missile somewhere in his general direction. So as a result we have the current hell we live in, and we have his fat overreaching manipulative wife-man literally wearing the pants and being slapped around her campaign bus
like a pinata. Bill, please disappear up your own sphincter.
itgetter: McCain got old when he 40 and stayed that way. Whereas others like meh-be Powell can stay young and fit til they are 90.
Ken Layne,
How…Victorian, I guess. You are arguably a little old for the shoes with wheels, but what has Obama got against drinking? Oh my God! This is Bush and Cheney all over again. Cheney and Biden both have experience and Obama and Bush have a problem with alcohol and no experience. Bush still doesn’t have any experience. “Change You Can Believe In” my ass. If Hillary is still there, I bet she has a Crown Royal in one hand and Bill’s neck in the other. Be sure and let us know if Midge let’s you drink at his shindig.
Well, sounds like a dull evening where you have to listen to his speech because there won’t be anything else to do.
Sincerely and respectfully,
Mr-Clark
Anyone have any OxyContin — enough for a week?