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NEVER FORGET

How Did We Exist Without CNN Mobile?

Stupid horse.It’s hard to imagine the primitive world of, say, 2000, when we didn’t have “smart phones” with web browsers and breaking news updates from CNN about a motherfucking horse in a ditch somewhere. Besides, Fox News broke this breaking story a year and a half ago. Fuck you, CNN Mobile. (Thanks, “Zach E.,” for sharing.)


2:19 PM on Fri August 22 2008
By Ken Layne
1137 Views

  1. AngryBlakGuy says at 2:21 pm, August 22nd, 2008

    …somewhere Wolf Blitzer is crying.

  2. And it’s not even the Sabbath. This is news?

  3. Darehead says at 2:22 pm, August 22nd, 2008

    I see you’ve given up on the idea that anything could possibly interest us besides ‘Here comes the Veep.’

    May the Horse be with us.

  4. freakishlystrong says at 2:25 pm, August 22nd, 2008

    How about just Fuck you CNN?

  5. shortsshortsshorts says at 2:25 pm, August 22nd, 2008

    I would marry the media. Think about it.

    1. She doesn’t talk back.
    2. She doesn’t cause a fuss.
    3. She’s real pretty, but kindove an airhead.
    4. She’s always acting really excited about stuff (enthusiasm for life is vital).
    5. Her father is Rupert Murdock ($$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$).

  6. THANK GOD FOR CNN

    How else would we keep up with this important breaking news?

  7. SayItWithWookies says at 2:26 pm, August 22nd, 2008

    If it had said “Ass being rescued from deep hole,” I would’ve guessed it linked to Joe Lieberman telling McCain to just shut up about his houses already. But this is just a horse in a ditch.

  8. 4everjung says at 2:27 pm, August 22nd, 2008

    And I was just thinking . . . Ann Coulter has not made news in a while.

  9. whiteasasheet says at 2:41 pm, August 22nd, 2008

    Christ. I’m going to go sleep off my three martini lunch. Maybe something, somewhere will have happened by the time I wake up.

  10. Guppy06 says at 2:41 pm, August 22nd, 2008

    Call me heretical, but I’m more interested in horses and ditches than I am in this VP nonsense.

  11. AmericanValues says at 2:42 pm, August 22nd, 2008

    I wanted you to be the first the know. I’ve selected a horse stuck in a ditch as my vice presidential pick.

  12. american mutt says at 2:45 pm, August 22nd, 2008

    Get this motherfuckin’ horse outta that motherfuckin’ ditch!

  13. FunkyPalmettoBug says at 2:48 pm, August 22nd, 2008

    Our long national nightmare is over….

  14. Beef Supreme says at 2:48 pm, August 22nd, 2008

    An Elmer’s Glue truck is coming by to “rescue” it.

  15. loudmouthredhead says at 3:02 pm, August 22nd, 2008

    4everjung: Ba-zing.
    Headline continues:
    “The Rider? Fuck the rider! He dead!”

  16. FunkyPalmettoBug says at 3:03 pm, August 22nd, 2008

    Beef Supreme: First a chipper-shredder.

  17. loudmouthredhead says at 3:03 pm, August 22nd, 2008

    AmericanValues: Obama/Horse ‘08. Hope we can dig ourselves outta this shit.

  18. You try to give people timely, important news and what do you get? Nag, nag, nag.

  19. Darehead says at 3:19 pm, August 22nd, 2008

    This just in: they are saying now that it is likely to be a dark horse candidate.

  20. Darehead says at 3:24 pm, August 22nd, 2008

    TGY: Neigh, neigh, neigh.

  21. Condiments-Only Diet says at 3:28 pm, August 22nd, 2008

    Horse for veep: yea or neigh?

  22. Condiments-Only Diet says at 3:31 pm, August 22nd, 2008

    Darehead: Damn you!

  23. trophy(forparticipation)wife says at 3:31 pm, August 22nd, 2008

    I heart jello. Especially red.

  24. Darehead says at 3:32 pm, August 22nd, 2008

    The Horse is a Hint that it’s Mister Edwards?

  25. AngryBlakGuy says at 3:33 pm, August 22nd, 2008
  26. FunkyPalmettoBug says at 3:37 pm, August 22nd, 2008

    It could be worse, it could be CNN’s live feeds of Evan Bayh and Joe Biden’s driveways.

  27. HomoPolitico says at 4:15 pm, August 22nd, 2008

    Thats a pretty unflattering way to headline your article about Hillary being given a convention speaking spot.

  28. Lionel Hutz Esq. says at 5:18 pm, August 22nd, 2008

    Well, it sounds like we have found John McCain’s running mate.

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