Wonkette
DID JOHN EDWARDS HAVE MORE SEX WITH LADIES?: Intrepid blog reporter Choire Sicha hears that a New York Times Metro reporter is digging into “a story about John Edwards and a Duke graduate.” We are Ethical and don’t want to spread scurrilous rumors, but maybe John Edwards has been fucking a Duke graduate? Maybe John Edwards has been fucking seven Duke graduates and had like 20 babies with each of them, who knows, there must be more information out there. [Radar]
Holy shit, John. That “my dad was a mill worker” shit must work better than I thought.
It’s the lacrosse team!
I bet he remembers how many Duke grads he nailed. He may lie about it, but he at least knows the number.
I strongly suspect this is all a cover for his rabid affairs with teh gayz (and that he’s not very nice, much fun or…ahem…well-endowed in bed.)
We Bitters wants mo’ Barry! Mo’ Barry!! Take it ALL off, Hopey, and let’s DO this thing!
and you all thought OBAMA’S snorkle was hot. just wait to you see Johnny’s. we’ll have to keep him around in the event of a nuclear holocaust (a.k.a. when McCain takes office and bombs Moscow) so he can repopulate the earth.
oh, look, a squirrel!
Is that why he cancelled his scholarship program? Did he finally bag one of his awardees?
CivicHoliday: Don’t worry; JE’s schlong is self-aware and impervious to damage. It will know what it needs to do after the election.
4tehlulz: He knows how many houses he has, too. One big-assed, ugly mansion. He might need a couple more, though, if he’s gonna keep banging these fertile chicks.
The football team *and* the cheerleading squad. Boy, that was a crazy weekend!
…did John Edwards attend any Duke Lacrosse team house parties in 2006? It would explain a lot!
Edwards had buttsecks with David Duke? Eeeew.
Wow, the republicans will just die of horror when they hear about this. Imagine it: Not only did he cheat and have sex with a WOMAN (ewwww!), but with SEVERAL! And not the let’s-pretend-I’m-straight-til-I’m-elected-by-them-ign’ant-bible-thumpers fake sex neither!
Well, I never!
SayItWithWookies: …damn you, stop reading my mind damn it!
He’s going to need his own batch of houses….out of sight of the media…kind of like a compound…to contain all of his wives an’ chillins….
Oop, that’s it: he’s starting his own polygamist sect. Watch out for weird hair styles on the ladies!
Judging by his taste in women and his inability to cover his snorkle, we may all need to brace ourselves for a truckload of ugly babies.
Oh, good. Sex scandals never get tired, so I look forward to the next few weeks.
loquaciousmusic: in David Duke’s late-night, wildest dreams.
4tehlulz: Whoa, self-aware like SkyNet? Will JE’s schlong become our overlord!?!?
AngryBlakGuy: Hey, you have to admit you’d also be drawn to a group of girls who knows how to handle balls and could kick your ass.
Oh gosh, we hope this is a nice story about how John Edwards was kindly to a college student with like tuition and helpful advice and stuff.
Yeah, I’m sure that’s what this will turn out to be…
But don’t worry John Edwards, if the mainstream media handle this like they did your last (not so) secret fuckfest, I’m sure it’ll be 2010 before we hear anything.
Oh, and somehow, this is all Obama’s fault.
FIVE AND A HALF YEARS!!!!
CivicHoliday: I, for one, look forward to our new phallic overlord.
I think we should elect this guy into the douchebag hall of fame.
I would say that a sympathetic female reporter should cover the story, but Edwards would probably fuck her.
You know, a democrat pol having sex wit a woman is so ‘dog bites man’ boring.
Ethical rags such as the Enquirer won’t waste ink on that.
Now, how many times did Elizabeth go into remission?
…That’s the lower bound of team size right there…
Gives new meaning to being “on the rebound”
i hope all his bastard babies come out with his same hair cut
AngryBlakGuy: Oh come now — you know whitey can’t read the minds of you inscrutable minorities.
loudmouthredhead: HAH!
You can probably guess that every time Elizabeth went into remission, Edwards would go back and fuck the nurses.
I wonder, I mean… how? Look, I get it: affairs happen. Hell, I think they can be good for people. But by golly, if you’re a politician, can’t you JUST FOR A FEW YEARS NOT BANG SOMEONE OTHER THAN YOUR WIFE? Because someone ALWAYS finds out.
I won’t believe it until I read about it in the Enquirer.
Who didn’t sleep with Duke grads? Amiright or amiright?
loquaciousmusic: No, Doris Duke.
shortsshortsshorts: He better hope she doesn’t go into remission. If that happens she’ll clean his clock in divorce court!!!
Who hasn’t he fucked (in the butt)?
Voyou Charmant: we all sleep with Duke grads, and all deny it unless pictures are found.
Maybe it was Catherine Bach… http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Daisy_Duke
BillyClubb: Is that you, Sean? Five and a half years, right?
My eyes…still glazing over…sorry.
AnnieGetYourFun: Apparently we tend to elect horndogs. It’s the pheromones. Figures.
I expect to see b-roll of an Elizabeth Edwards interview where she mutters something about wanting to cuts somone’s nuts off.
At least he’s not a virgin like Joe Lieberman.
I hope he did it “pro bono”. Get it? Heh.
CivicHoliday: I, for one, welcome our new one-eyed, purple-headed overlord.
shortsshortsshorts: Really, it was just a “thank you” lay, for all the excellent medical care. honest!
loudmouthredhead: Obviously he loves his wife very much, then.
I heard Bill Maher say that John Edwards lives in two Americas, and in one of them he’s single.
choinski: Yeah, but which Doris Duke?
The white tobacco heiress?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Doris_Duke
Or the soulful black singer chick from back in the day?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Doris_Duke_(soul_singer)
If the former, ewwwwww!
If the latter, yeah, bay-bee!!!
choinski: With Patty Duke and Duke Wayne? I declare!
obfuscator: “I told my wife that if I ever looked at another woman, I would cut off my nose. She said I was aiming too high.”
-Sweet Liberty, Michael Caine
So…is there ass-fucking? It’s Wonkette’s raison d’etre.
Fine, I’ll say it: Duke sucks.
Oh good, it’s Kicking the Dead Body Time. And he has such a purdy mouth. But if we are going down this sordid road — more hotel rooms, more girls — I want ALL THE DETAILS. The political story is totally over so let’s get straight to the JO stuff. Right? Anyone there? Sorry.
The Duke of Edinburough!? That would account for the Queenly wave.
Duke & UNC, copulating? That’s… that’s miscegenation.
Did you really think Rielle Hunter was the first? If so, I have one of Michael Phelps’ gold medals to sell you.
John Edwards and Daisy Duke were in the closet making babies and I saw one of the babies and the baby looked at me.