Wonkette
- HOW TO MAKE DEMOCRATIC CONVENTIONS LESS TERRIBLE: “All [Democratic conventions since 1976] have just been television shows, scripted, fake, and boring, the American political equivalent of Olympic opening ceremonies, without the panache. And so when the editors of TNR asked for 500 words on how to improve them, I offered just two. Tear gas.” [The Plank]
Wait, did I miss something and the RepubliCon is a bastion of awesomeness now?
Roman Orgy
Strictly for the Tardcore: Two words: Zell Miller.
Also, the Republican Convention will be AWESOME this year if McCain picks Lieberman: http://www.politico.com/news/stories/0808/12646.html
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE JESUS.
Let McCain’s batshit crazy mother speak at the Democratic convention, and then allow Reverend Wright to speak at the Republican convention.
Nader can have a corvair parked on the stage, and Paultard can show the teleprompter to his followers that says everything IN VERY LARGE CAPITAL LETTERS BECAUSE IT MAKES THE POINT MORE BETTER.
Tear gas? Come on. Mushrooms.
…anal stretching?
eatsshootsleaves: Dammit. Forgot about Miller.
In keeping with this whole cockfight/bloodsport theme from the previous post, I suggest they ritualistically slaughter John Edwards, or at least let Jesse Jackson cut his balls off.
eatsshootsleaves: Yes yes yes. Make it so, Yahweh!
Make the Clintons give their speeches in matching his-and-hers swimwear.
How about McCain’s first wife? Get her and some other Repub first wives… are any of Newt’s exes still alive? Maybe they can tell us interesting stories about the kind of magazines the Repub powerbrokers keep under their mattress (hint, it’s the buttsecks)
Al Gore method: Simulate 50 years of glacial melting by flooding Invesco Field with 1/2″ of water every minute. We’ll <3 the green lobby & chase away the boredom, get Wolf Blitzer to do a blow-by-blow of the damage, and see if Hopey can really walk on water.
Hopey should enter the stadium riding a red, white and blue unicorn. I wouldn’t use tear gas. It pollutes the environment. Tasers would be really awesome though.
Drinking. Games.
Make them official! Every time Hopey says ‘change’, for instance.
Also, invite Ron Paul to speak.
AngryBlakGuy: It’s the Dem Convention. That what those long lines on the floor are for.
TGY: I think I’ve decided that I’m going to have a Hopey drinking party game at my place. Everyone is invited. Or maybe a Hopey remove-an-article-of-clothing-everytime-he-says-change party. In which case I should invite some different people.
What happened to the drug orgy? That sounded pretty awesome.
Mayor Daley knew that the tear gas doesn’t work without the riot batons.
Ask Congress to come back to work and re-instate the Draft. A guaranteed crowd pisser.
Haven’t all of us at Wonkette been saying now for at least six months that the idiotic, ridiculous, stupid conventions are just huge, stinking, stupid wastes of time, money and resources? And these media entities sending reporters out to these stupid wastes of time, money and resources? What about all of these so-called “BUDGET PROBLEMS” that your’e having? It can’t be that bad if you’re sending dozens of people across the country, racking up airfare, hotel, food, gas and transportation costs—in the tens of thousands of dollars. STUPID! Better to use that money on more staff, raises for the poor people you have there now suffering it out, or actual resources to report on investigative news stories that actually mean something. Because these conventions? They don’t mean a thing. They are stupid, they are obsolete, and they should be cancelled.
thefrontpage: Yes, but what about the poor pimps and coke dealers in Denver and Minneapolis? The Conventions are like Black Thursday for them, and whores gotta eat too.
Oops, meant “Black Friday.”
One word: Wii.