Wonkette
Ron Paul’s exciting all-day sports arena concert in Minneapolis was really missing only one thing: actual entertainment of some kind for the Paultards expected to pay $17.76 (get it?!) plus five-hundred dollars in Ticketmaster fees for the special privilege of sitting with other Paultards in a sports arena just a few miles from the fancy GOP convention in St. Paul, where the rich people will be partying with Kid Rock. And today Dr. Congressman Paul sent out an email announcing his Campaign for Literacy’s star attraction — a Nashville GOP singer gal Tom DeLay tried to keep on Dancing With the Stars even though she had to quit because of an ugly divorce from her drunken porn-loving Craigslist-threesome-having anal-sex addict congressional-candidate husband!
As we reported way back in 2006 in a story called “Country Music, Anal Sex, GOP Fund-raising and Dancing With the Stars,” Sara Evans had some country-music commercial success a few years back, and she is a very serious Christian Republican who knows how to keep a marriage fresh:
“It’s most important to keep marriage and family together. I am a child of divorce, and it’s devastating. I have a 12-year marriage. And the way I see it, the way to an amazing marriage is having sex … lots of sex. Sex keeps the marriage young. And a woman should maintain herself for her husband and stay attractive. I like to put the kids to bed, have a glass of wine on the patio or by the fireplace, and I ask Craig, ‘What do you need of me?’”
Yes, well …. What failed Republican congressional candidate and GOP fund-raiser Craig Schelske allegedly needed was a little more than Sara could provide.
Evans’ divorce complaint against Schelske accused him of abusing his wife and making his young children watch pornography. According to her 2006 complaint, she found more than a hundred pictures stored on the family computer of Schelske screwing myriad women as well as parading around his house naked and “aroused.” According to his CraigsList ads, Schelske was (allegedly) particularly interested in having threesomes involving anal sex with strangers.
ABC News then reported that Evans also accused Schelske of banging the nanny, Ms. Clinton (really!), and then the nanny quit because she had an “eating disorder,” so she could no longer run Sara Evans’ fan club, work on her own Nashville entertainment career, or have Bible Study with Sara.
Here is the happy couple in happier days, with the best people in the world, Dick and Lynne Cheney:
Here’s the announcement from Doctor Congressman Ron “Doctor No” Paul himself!
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Dear Friend of Liberty,
I am writing you with very exciting news about the upcoming Rally for the Republic in Minneapolis and I wanted you, one of my strongest supporters, to be among the first to know ….
I am happy to announce that Country Music Superstar Sara Evans will perform as a special treat for Rally for the Republic attendees. Sara Evans, a multi-platinum recording artist and 2006 Academy of Country Music Female Vocalist of the Year, will bring her remarkable talents to an already stellar cast of performers and speakers for this kick off of my Campaign for Liberty.
Of course, what this means is tickets will be going fast! In fact, I think it will be a complete sell out in a matter of hours after this news hits the press.
So, if you have not purchased your ticket yet, I urge you to do so today.
For all the information you need about the Rally for the Republic please go to www.RallyForTheRepublic.com. You can also click to TicketMaster.com from there to ensure a guaranteed seat at what I believe will be one of the most important events for lovers of Liberty ever held.
EARLIER:
Country Music, Anal Sex, GOP Fund-raising and Dancing With the Stars
ALSO:
We Don’t Have a Name For This Scandal
Wow, looks like there is such a thing as too much sex.
But the key question for me remains unanswered.
Did the Craigslist ads target homosexual anal sex three ways ?
17.76$ OMG ronpaul r so funny rotfloljo
In other news, I guess Republicans are trying to enhance their cred amongst the Christian values set by fucking women for a change?
Dear Paultards:
Please never stop your aimless assfucking.
Thank you.
Dear Wonkette:
Please never stop inserting captions into photos.
Thank you.
“According to his CraigsList ads, Schelske was particularly interested in having threesomes involving anal sex with strangers.”
Was he pitching or catching? Odds are he was behind the plate.
after mulling over this story for several minutes, I have come to the conclusion that:
sometimes, the jokes just write themselves.
drunken porn-loving Craigslist-threesome-having anal-sex addict
Surely I’m not the only one who thinks that really doesn’t sound all that bad.
Mumble Softly:
I think you can pull those adds off, as long as you include the term “Non-sexual.”
It works for the CityPaper, why not Larry Craigslist?
If you look at the picture closely, it’s pretty clear why Craig has that goofy smile on his face.
Sara has her thumb up his ass.
At what point do we rename the anus after the Republican Party?
“…what I believe will be one of the most important events for lovers of Liberty ever held.”
Yes, I put it in a category with the storming of the Bastille and the 1787 Constitutional Covention, myself.
shit. CONvention.
Cheney’s smirk - “His ass is mine!”
Are they gonna pay her in silver doubloons?
Nasara:
GAP?
and, she has apparently gotten over the divorce:
http://www.wtopnews.com/?nid=114&sid=1422897
I thought the great cardboard knights of liberty jousting tournament was going to be their entertainment
His (hot) wife sits on the patio drinking wine and offering herself to the guy and he manages to fuck that arrangement up?
Republicans can’t do anything right.
Nasara: I’d much rather rename anal sex after the party than the anus. It works so well as a verb.
“I went to Mark Foley’s house last week and got GOP’d! *sob*”
Nasara: Repubus?
Or do we name the Republicans after the anus?
The Analican Party? Anal Lickin’ Party? Rebuttlickins?
Dave J.:
Sounds fine to me, too. Except the Christer angle. That makes it fun.
“No Sodomites! Except for me.”
3SUM 4 FREEDOM!!!!!!!11!!1!1ONE
And the way I see it, the way to an amazing marriage is having sex … lots of sex. Sex keeps the marriage young. And a woman should maintain herself for her husband and stay attractive. I like to put the kids to bed, have a glass of wine on the patio or by the fireplace, and I ask Craig, ‘What do you need of me?
“Sweetie, I need you to leave the house so a hobo can bone me from behind.”
Darehead: Buttplugicans? Who stand for truthiness, justice for whites, and Minnesota Bathrooms, and hold a wide stance on all issues of National Security?
Darehead: Rebuttlickins = Win!
Doglessliberal: Hopefully, she has learned her lesson — to keep her man, she has to give up the backdoor, often.
When assfucking goes wrong.
i fucken love Liberty
And the way I see it, the way to an amazing marriage is having sex … lots of sex. Sex keeps the marriage young. And a woman should maintain herself for her husband and stay attractive. I like to put the kids to bed, have a glass of wine on the patio or by the fireplace, and I ask Craig, ‘What do you need of me?
The Jebus-freak part of her aside, she’s pretty much smoking hot. He must have caught teh ghey on one of his business trips.
Dave J.: must have been to Thailand. I hear they have lots of underage kids kept in bamboo shacks for tourist sex there.
GlennBecksTaint: Or I love fucking liberty.
What do you need of me??!?!?!?!?!
Disgusting. Enraging. Get some goddamn self respect, lady!
Dave J.:
I’m guessing the conversation on their sexual boundaries went a lot like this:
“No, we can’t do it doggie style. That’s wrong. Only libruls and atheists have sex like that”
“No, I’m not going to give you oral.”
“No, you can’t go down on me.”
“You want to put it where? NO!”
“I’m not going on top, it hurts my knees.”
“Stop asking about my friends. I’m not going to do THAT!”
“You want me to peg you? Okay. You can also bring in the dog, whips, chains and horsey gear, but that’s all I’m going to allow.”
Sara’s albums (all real stuff here):
Restless, with singles such as, “Suds in the Bucket,” “Backseat of a Greyhound Bus,” “Rockin’ Horse,” “Feel It Comin’ On,” and
“I Give In”;
Real Fine Place, with “The Secrets That We Keep,” “Momma’s Night Out,” “Cheatin’” — also “Coalmine” (is that Country Western code for “anal”?)
shortsshortsshorts: In the ass?
Between an anal sex scandal and a republican, there is always about one degree of separation.
NoWireHangers: Uh, she was married to a Republican.
ManchuCandidate: “No I do NOT want to go talk to that pretty lady on the other side of the bar!”
4tehlulz: And that is why we need Dick for veep.
Okay no more dirty talk from me. Only holy, loving consensual anal sex between a man and a woman from here on out.
ManchuCandidate: You do know your stuff, sir. Quite impressive.
What do you need of me?
i would be willing to give up my back door for that hot quarterback she’s with at the CMA awards! yowza!
Darehead: Jeebs, what’s next, Ow, My Ass Hurts?
Sara’s ex was playing hide the salami with the nanny? Not credible. Alison Clinton looks like an intern for Teen Vogue: http://www.starmagazine.com/media/alisonclinton.jpg
In comparison: http://www.beyondhollywood.com/gallery/wp-content/uploads/2007/10/sara-evans-clevage-big.jpg
Apropos of nothing (at least nothing of the rear entry variety), do you realize that ‘Rally for the Republic’ is the (now former) name of a FRENCH political party? The very one represented by that Hungarian usurper, Sarkozy?
So, will there be wine and cheese at the Paulist extravaganza, or whine and cheetos?
To compete with cornucopia of entertainment that is being provided at the Paultard counter-convention, Michelle Bachmann has promised to dance naked with a snake to the tune of “Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! (A Man After Midnight)” by ABBA.
ManchuCandidate: Ha! You know when you’re reading something and laffing your ass off and then you start saying it out loud? In you’re tiny, shared with 3 people office?
ManchuCandidate:…you forget that this is an REPUBLICAN! Therefore I think her responses went more like the following:
-”Exactly what is a GOLDEN SHOWER”?
-”No! I wont call myself David and wear a strap-on”!
-”I’m sorry but I draw the line at hooved farm animals”!
-”Did you just say that, that dildo was for YOU”?
-”What do you mean that I dont do it like Michael does it”?!
-”Fine! You can wear my lingerie and call yourself Becky”
So Paultards will be having anal sex? Do you think they can figure out how to do that?
Ha ha ha ha ha! You really had me, Wonkette, with your lead photo and brazen headline, “Scandal-Plagued GOP Dancing Sweetheart”…I assumed the frolicksome pirouettin’ would be done by that handsome fella in the middle (his favorite position, I hear tell.)
http://wonkette.com/401831/george-w-bush-also-danced-in-tbilisi-georgia
Aurelio: Hopefully mom will come down to the basement and teach them.
Here’s what puzzled me, from the ABC article:
“I’m totally confused,” [Clinton] said, “because the last time I talked with her … when she was in hair and makeup getting ready for the show…
Does this mean Sara doesn’t normally have hair?
Aurelio: Hopefully they’ll manage to get their heads out of the way in time.
Cans I pay for my block of tickets with genuine, government Authorized Non-circulating Liberian legal tender September 11th $20.00commemoratives?
After all, this $20 Silver Leaf Coin-Certificate is payable like a silver certificate in coin-of-the-realm.
Not like that phony paper money that most people in the ‘establishment’ use.
What is it about guys named “Craig” and assfucking?
GlennBecksTaint: I would love to experience her family values.
Scarab: So two hobos can bone me from behind.
$17.76? Wasn’t the constitution written in $17.87? Or does the average Paultard not have 11 cents worth of extra pennies underneath the cushions of the couch in his mom’s basement?
For Craig, the internet really is a system for connecting with tubes. Or connecting people to his tube. If this is the guy who explained things to Uncle Ted, I suddenly understand his confusion.
i guess olympic swimmers michael phelps and erik vendt are “paul tards” living with their mom because they support ron paul.
maybe you should try to take swings at dr. pauls perfect constitutional voting record. or better
yet the fact he didn’t vote for the iraq war or the patiot act.
maybe these successful olympic gold atheletes know something you don’t. the difference between new world order pawn peices, and those who really represent the people. figure it out.
So many nice people in the world…kinda makes you put your thumb up your ass too…in a non-sexual way, of course.
Liberty:
“maybe these successful olympic gold atheletes know something you don’t”
They know how to swim very fast. I’m sure they’re very nice people. Erik credits Michael Phelps love of internet gambling as a reason for his support of Ron Paul. I think that’s wonderful.
I really don’t bother attacking Dr. Paul because he’s politically irrelevant except as a likely drain on people who would otherwise vote for McCain. So I guess I’m a big Ron Paul supporter.
I do have to ask a couple speculative questions… If the Australian’s had won, would you be supporting Kevin Rudd? And if the Russians had won, should we have written in Medved or Putin?
snig: Why are you speaking rationally to the Paultarded?
Liberty: Are they Paultards because they live with their Moms or do they live with their Moms because they’re Paultards? discuss.
Liberty: Of course Phelps loves Ron Paul! World records, shmirled records, the man is just tryin’ to stockpile gold the easiest way he can!
Me, I personally don’t choose my presidential candidate until I hear from the Lopez Taekwondo siblings and Kerri Strugg.
there are more people than just ron paul fans who are unhappy with the way this country is being directed.
if anyone here thinks obama is going to save them, they have another thing coming. once his snakeoil hope potion wares off in a few years, mark my words, you’ll start looking for your paul tard and kucinich friends for answers. trust me.
he’ll take troops out of iraq. that was enevitalbe anyway. the media(read propaganda machine) will fall over themselves calling him a hero for that when in reality all he’ll do is shift them to afghanistan and pakistan. more nation building, more continuity of the bush/cheney NWO agenda. more death, more of our $$ not being here at home. for christs sake obama is a member of the CFR and he attended the recent Bilderberg meeting in Chantilly, VA. creepy!
hey and just for kicks everybody, go to http://www.fbi.gov and see if osama bin ladden is wanted for 911. of course he is, right??????? then go check out what the director of the fbi said in response as to why he’s not wanted for 911…
S.Luggo: Shit. Link didn’t work. We’ll try again:
In comparison to Nanny/Intern Alison: http://images.starpulse.com/Photos/Previews/Sara-Evans-sb04.jpg
http://www.fbi.gov/wanted/terrorists/terbinladen.htm
http://www.globalresearch.ca/index.php?context=viewArticle&code=20060610&articleId=2623 article
KevoTron: Because he’s pointed out that two fast swimmers have endorsed Ron Paul. This has changed how I view the whole political process. I’m interested in what the badminton results means for how I should vote for congress, and what the javelin results means for my local school board.
I call shenanigans. Too many conspiracy plots and cliched lines and not enough mouth-breathing. Someone’s having a little fun.
Mista Eko: maybe so, but he seems so earnest, it’s still funny.
S.Luggo: hot damn.
snig: Frankly I look to the American Idol results when electing pols.
Liberty: Stop the blasphemy. Michael Phelps does not support Ron Paul. All that is known is that friend Erik Vendt is on record for having once given Paul $200. That was probably before he found out that Paul hates any acronym related to “global government” — such as IOC!
Mista Eko: Poe’s law applies to Paultardation: “It is hard to tell fake Paultardation from the real thing, since they both sound equally ridiculous.”
i’m voting (mostly due to the outcome of team synchronized swimming and individual rhythmic gymnastics which even though they haven’t occurred yet i can see in my my crystal ball because i’m a seer) for alan keyes: the black man america really SHOULD fear!!!
KevoTron: actually, i’m gussing that you might wait to hear key words spoken from a politician like glistening shiny objects and then make up your mind based on that.
but what lies underneath all that?
and its so interesting all of you can only comment on how i’ve pointed out rp supporters are smart successful people, like olympic swimmers. did any of you go to the fbi link i posted?
are the protester “concentration camps” in denver a conspiracy? do we, or do we not have to have permits to protest in this country now or you can go to jail. what do you all think about the patriot act? how about the national id card? how about verichip planted in your arm? barack obama didn’t see it fit to even vote on hr 418. didn’t think it was important. or maybe he didn’t want a voting record for that issue. maybe it would expose who he really is. to me its shocking he didn’t vote on hr. 418. explain that one, any of you.
She may have been multiple platinum, but her husband wanted multiple diamonds. A Paultard would be confused on this account - is platinum or diamonds less inflation-prone?
the next story you guys write, could you make fun of people who think verichip is good idea. now that is retarded :)!!!
Liberty: From the wiki:
The Real ID Act started off as H.R. 418, which passed the House[2] and went stagnant. Representative James Sensenbrenner (R) of Wisconsin, the author of the original Real ID Act, then attached it as a rider on a military spending bill (H.R. 1268). The House of Representatives passed that spending bill with the Real ID rider 368-58,[3] and the Senate passed the joint House-Senate conference report on that bill 100-0.[4] President Bush signed it into law on May 11, 2005.[5]”
So Senator Obama wasn’t being coy, he just happened to not be a member of the House, so it would have been considered a little odd for a Senator to vote in the House of Represenatives. Unconstitutional and illegal actually. Then, since he didn’t want to be lynched for not supporting the troops, he voted for the bill with the rest of senate.
I think the verichip is a great way to keep lab rats organized, bad idea for humans. Baltimore Sun says Phelps calls himself completely nonpolitical, just nods and smiles at friends. http://weblogs.baltimoresun.com/sports/specialevents/blog/2008/08/eight_things_you_might_not_kno.html But his friend is out as a Paultard.
Liberty:
The black helicopters staffed with secret Muslims, Radical blacks and FBI conspirators behind the faking of 9/11 and the moon landing are not coming to take your guns and stick a chip in your arm. It’s not that they wouldn’t if they could, it’s just they couldn’t pull it off. If you’re given a choice between grand sweeping conspiracy and human stupidity and failure of beauracracy, the smart money is always on stupid.
Oh man, what the hell is happening in these comments??
Wow, so it only took “a glass of wine” for her to lovingly service her pervy, cheatin’, ass-fucking husband… props.
TGY: Pieces of eight will be very useful in a year or two when the US economy goes completely down the toilet.
Aurelio: Come on, they’ve been f’d since birth! Or whelping or whatever you call it.
Liberty: ha ha, you said “another thing coming”. and i bet that’s not a typo. meanwhile, i’m not surprised evans needed a glass of wine or ten before she could ask her husband what he needed her to do.
i want to be a friend of liberty!
and, also, sorry, but, in case you haven’t, you know, seen this? i just thought maybe you might be as mildly terrified as i am…
and i’ve been drinking. hence the muletiple postingsss. lultimple. mult whatever. you get it. at least apple-v works. word.
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/08/20/opinion/20dowd.html?hp
oh and honestly, having lived in minnesota, i know that every thing shuts down in st. paul or “pig’s eye” about 4:30 PM, so, have your box of triscuits ready and a bottle of phillips vodka (”made” in princeton, minnesota. better than fleischmans) ready to wander/stagger over to the minne-apple to get some serious drinking on. meet some cool folks who can tell you where to drink after “bar time” otherwise known as, in minnesota, as “11:55 PM” ‘night y’all…
wow. yeah the senate voted and i went to obamas congressional page, and it stated he didn’t vote. he was senator then, he chose not to vote. so thanks for educating us on the full history. so do you know how he stands on that issue?
just wondering. its pretty important.
i don’t think 911 was faked. no body thinks that! the people who know the truth behind 911, know that there were explosives in the buildings set up prior to the planes hitting them, and then there is tower 7 which was never hit by a plane and that fell at freefall speed as well. i mean i could go on and on about the official coverup, and what really happened.
steven jones, former byu professor of physics, has tested debris from groud zero and surrounding areas and found thermite in every single sample. his findings have been published in peer reviewed scientific journals, so i’m not really concerned about what you might think about it. the truth is, explosives were used. there are so many groups now supporting 911 truth. architects and engineers for truth, scolars for truth, firefighters for truth, there are surviors and families of the victims in the truth movement, and 911 truth groups in every state and major city. do you trust bush/cheney administraion, or do you trust your neighbors, and community. it gets down to that. they had everything to gain. look at the put options that day. some people made a lot of money that day investing in put options that american airlines would go down in the stockmarket on that particular day. i wonder if that is in the 911 commission report? what about the insurance policy that larry silverstein took out like 2 weeks before 911 in case planes hit his building? he made out like a bandit when he pulled building 7. what about norad standing down?
if you stop thinking and just label everything a “conspiracy” you only limit truth in your life. the media wants you to call people like me, a “conspiracy theorist”. that way you can dehumanize me and not think about what i have to say. its like calling someone a racial slurr your whole life and then one day realizing, wait a minute, they are a real human being, just like me.
911 truth makes you uncomfortable because its deeper than you’d like to think. it asks you to forget about the small world you live in now and face reality. it brings up a lot of questions. do you really think its easy to think 911 was an inside job? i was freaked out for years. i have met steven jones, and david ray griffen, and dylan avery. i wanted to understand it from the experts. from the people with the sense enough to pay attention. there is nothing to gain from the 911 truth movement but truth. there isn’t fame, or money. the people who lead the movement are in it to wake the public up before we succumb to tyranny, a police state.
thwanger: Oh … my … god. The first three paragraphs honestly had me thinking romance novel. A strange cruel, pour-lye-on-your-brain romance novel. That needs to be sent to Tips.
Ken Layne: I thank sumbuddy needs an escort to the silent cone.
Ken Layne: My fault, poking the troll with sticks. But if I get a paper route and feed him and promise to clean up after him, can we keep him? Can we, can we?
Ken Layne: please make it stop.
snig: You bastard. This thread was honestly funny until you encouraged the this Liberty character. Liberty….sheesh! That’s SO 1776! This is the new millennium where we’re all about fascism. duh.
KevoTron: I don’t think it’s gotten less funny. I’m always amazed that people believe that Bush, after running into the ground every business that was handed to him, and underachieving at every possible opportunity that was placed in his lap, is smart and competent enough to be a supervillain capable of pulling off the perfect crime of the century.
I think it’s intresting that 9/11 fractured so many people’s belief system about the world and the US, that they have to concoct an elaborate fantasy to explain how it happened, instead of the clear truth of the matter.