Wonkette
He used to be a famous maverick who spent all his time yukking it up with Ed McMahon in the “Golden Age of Television,” but these days John McCain can’t even get a commitment from actors-turned-Republican governors like Arnold Schwarzenegger. This is the sad situation reported today by Hollywood gossip paper the New York Daily News, which says the Dem convention will be one giant sexy celebrity event, while McCain’s convention in St. Paul will be lucky to get Kid Rock, who will probably just wake up in the dumpster behind Xcel Center and decide to attend the RNC because he can get a can of beer there, maybe.
The GOP has even hired a fancy Hollywood talent agent to “book some stars” for the Republican convention, but so far it’s not looking good. The only vaguely famous person who has promised to show up, so far, is a gal who had a hit Wal-Mart song about half a dozen years ago called “Redneck Woman.”
But, the NYDN adds hopefully, “Maybe Heidi Montag will show up.”
Celebs: Dems got the party [Rush & Molloy]
Somewhere Kelsey Grammar sobs and screams: “I was MUTHA FUCKING FRAZIER CRANE!”
You can get beer at the RNC Convention? They’re so much more fun than the tree-hugging DNC.
Is Kid Rock going to wear a flag as a cape again? The Vets love that.
Are you sure of your sources? I mean, “Doonesbury” has been following this story for the past week. i’m just sayin’.
They can probably get Tom Selleck and finally lock in that critical porn ’stach constituency
And why’s he still going by Kid Rock? Is Middle-Aged Lame-Ass Pop-Country taken?
I thought Wilford Brimley was confirmed. What more does the RNC want!
I saw Kid Rock at some festival like 2 years before he got famous, and he was just this junkie-looking dude rapping badly with his pants literally around his ankles. There were so few people in the crowd I just walked up to center stage and stared at him for a minute, sipped my beer, and wandered off when I heard Bad Religion start up across the field.
I trust his reception at the GOParty will be similar.
Tom Selleck.
‘Nuff said.
trophy(forparticipation)wife: “Is Kid Rock going to wear a flag as a cape again? The Vets love that.”
I hear these are the flags of choice for the RNC Convention…
http://www.abcunderwear.com/flagcollection.html
Re the alt text: Isn’t Mr Rock’s claim to notariety/fame/celebrity/glory is that he was the two-thousandth person to fuck Pamela Anderson?
I hear they’re CLOSE to booking Vyacheslav Vyacheslavovich, the big sensation of Tblisi and the southern Caucuses:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7lISPDMfk34
Jon Voight? Angelina?
V572625694: Yeah, but he was only the third or fourth person to be dumb enough to marry her and the only one to reportedly dump her because of Borat, her only redeeming role. Can anyone remember a single Kid Rock song?
McThuselah is gunning for Rudy Valee and Sophie Tucker.
Jon Voight will make the NYDN squeal like a pig.
Awesome pic.
Kid Rock is going? Dude, if Larry Craig gets Hepatitus, I’ll know how it happened. The Republicans didn’t get Skynyrd? Or ZZ Top? Certainly there are some rednecks ripping off old black blues players willing to show up to this thing (looking in your direction, Ted Nugent).
It’s actually not so bleak as it seems…
I understand they have booked the Guy Lombardo band to play “Nearer my God to Thee” on the fantails on closing night…
ManchuCandidate: I’d prefer for Kelsey to get into his “Frasier” character and be flustered and angered for the lack of invite - “OHH REALLY NOW MY STATURE AMONG HOLLYWOOD’S ELITE IS LITERALLY CEMENTED ON THE HOLLYWOOD WALK OF FAME!”
They should book Metallica. What could be more perfect for the RNC than a band made up entirely of homophobic, alcoholic, belligerent, pro-war, blindly pro-business white males?
SuperRounder: Sorry, but the Board of Health has ordered the men’s rooms cleared an hour before and after Senator Craig’s arrival.
Clint Eastwood wants to have hairy manly butsecks with Walnuts, and Clint Eastwood is the man. I don’t care what any of you nancies say about him.
The RNC is getting dirty hairy.
What, is Ted Nugent not good enough for you people?
So, why have we no comment from ANYONE about how McSpuds was not in the cone o’ silence while Obama was speaking? The story so far is that he was in a car being driven to the event, but you gotta wonder if he was listening in on his cel phone to someone’s phone transmitting from the audience?
Yeah, it’s really low tech compared to the wireless ear plug device Shrub was wearing during his debates where he was being spoon fed answers from Herr Rove, but it seemed to work. Well, except for the part where he said “wait a minute” and no one had said anything to him.
Jerry w
http://www.boskolives.wordpress.com
The latest news about Kid Rock - he threw a guy through a plate glass window at a waffle house a couple of months ago - the liquid courage induced equivalent of beating a car with an umbrella….
All the GOP really need is a guy on a tractor in front of a 30′ american flag…singing songs about war and jeebus…cause that’s what this is really about, right?
I’m not surprised that Kid Rock’s a Repub. After all, despite portraying a po’ white trash trailer park refugee for a living, little Rob Ritchie grew up a rich kid. A spoiled rich kid. How spoiled?
“My dad had his own car dealership,” he once recalled, “but I thought we were poor. My mom used to sew our socks. We were coupon-cutters… I knew kids who had Camaros, and their dads worked in the Ford plant on the assembly line. My dad owned a car lot, but I had a f—in’ Mercury Lynx.”
Gee, resenting something he hadn’t earned because it wasn’t quite up to his ‘entitlement’ expectations? Oh yeah, he’s a fuckin’ Republican, alright.
Ladies and Gentlemen…Mr. Conway Twitty.
Kid Rock is also famous because he used to fuck Sheryl Crowe before she started fucking EPO sucking ball-cancer boy and caught tit cancer from him, which proves that cancer is a sexually transmitted disease, the end.
jerryw: My absolute favorite was when MITTENS was caught getting transmissions from his Campaign Overlords at one of the debates. Classy!
Johnny Zhivago: I’m so glad you didn’t go with “an hour before Sen. Craig comes.”
shortsshortsshorts: Clint is definitely one of the few Republican celebs that qualify as cool (Bruce Willis is right on the bubble). I remember at the Oscars a couple of years ago Sean Penn was on stage blathering on about how great Eastwood was for some reason and they cut to Clint in the audience, gritting his teeth and looking even more gaunt and pissed than usual. You could practically see the thought balloon over his head saying “I hate that liberal puke.”
jfruh: But Clint Eastwood supports euthanasia, and his movies on WWII reveal him to be interested in seeing both sides of the story. Therefore, he hates America.
Canuckledragger: He wasn’t a rich kid, nor was he poor. He grew up in the most quintessentially middle class automotive suburban neighborhood outside Detroit. The thing that was different about him is that he wanted to be a star. He had a concert when he was about 16 that drew people from all over to his HS gym. It was weird. I’m not a fan, but I remember his charisma.
He was a seriously driven kid. I can’t hate.
Film and music are the work of the blasphemous. Tread carefully, McCorpse.
Terry: why does everyone think Magnum PI is a republican? He denies it all the time. Here’s an example;
http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/1737416/posts
If Bob Barr holds a convention, though, hold the phone!
dupontd: I saw him in a small hotel bar with a young Asian boy. I doubt that he’s a Republican.
Wait, they can’t even get the cast of An American Carol to show up? That’s pretty pathetic.
trophy(forparticipation)wife: Asian? Pacific Islander? I guess he did take a liking to Hawaiian ‘culture’.
But Charlie Daniels and his band of merry rednecks will be fiddling about the devil & Georgia. (Hmmm….maybe this will be dedicated to Bob Barr.) I’d be surprised if that Canadian American Lee Greenwood wasn’t there serenading Cindy about being proud to be an American, also.
V572625694: I think you’re on the low side of the number — but that’s pretty much all I could come up with as well.
And I’m not just saying that cuz I’m bitter that he got the Pam Andersen herpes and not me. There was this one chick this time at band camp….never mind.
Here’s a whole list of candidates, many of whom are not dead, though a few of them actually are older than John McCain. Some of the people on this list probably do not even smell like grandparents.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Pitchka/Republican_Celebrities_Page
I don’t think they should rule the dead ones out, they could just CGI them into giving a wave.
jfruh: Bruce Willis could definitely go either way, depending on the movie. If its a Die Hard Bruce then hell ya, but I always fell for Jimmy Stewart though. It’s pretty damn hard to hate a guy with a halo around his head.
snig: The Rock!? He’d better switch up if he wants to play Obama in the TV movie!
Slim Whitman would be AWESOME…
What, are the oatmeal and diabeetus lobby withholding the Brimley Star Power from the RNC?
Maverick’s not pure enough for Chuck Norris to make an appearance? I suppose he and Huckabee are too busy gathering Christian soldiers to battle the Muslim Antichrist president-to-be.
snig: Okay, regarding this list… I wonder how many of them would align themselves with today’s sleazy Republican party. And Ernie Borgnine, who I thought was cool because he’s 111 and still masturbates to keep healthy, can suck someone’s dick for supporting GWB.
Johnny Zhivago: Nice one! “Mind the deck chairs, Senator, they are a bit shifty this evening.”
Whenever I see Kid Rock I expect a long, sticky tongue to shoot out of his mouth and catch a fly. What a lizard-lookin’ MF.
John McCain is the anti-celeb. No celeb can stand close to him as they’re firmly, but gently, repelled away by anti-celeb forces (either that or gas). Why hasn’t anybody made a video comparing John McCain to some vapid celebrity, eh? Can’t be done, that’s why. Not even old-like-John-Carradine celebs.
The RNC is getting dirty hairy.
No, as reported above, the men’s at the airport is going to be CLOSED for the convention. No one is getting any dirty & hairy at the Convention.
First time commenting….so the RNC will be a bore it seems and on the other hand the DNC will be a cat fight the “O” MAN AND THE SHE DEVIL who needs hollywood. This will make the WWF or what ever they call it look like a kindergarten fight…..Are you ready to rumble!!!!
Patricia Heaton? Toby Keith?
snig: Goodness gracious. I had no idea that E.D. Hill’s birthname was Edith Ann Tarbox.
Toby Keith is a Democrat. “The Taliban Song” was a joke neither the left nor the right got.
springfield_meltdown: There was that one song, with that guy.
Canuckledragger: And he dated a few strippers and porn starts, albeit female ones.
snig: That list isn’t accurate. I can tell you without that Tom Joyner is no way in hell a Repub.
But McCain has picked up the endorsements of Buddy Ebsen, Buddy Hackett, Shecky Greene, Jerry Lewis, Frank Sinatra Jr., Nancy Sinatra, Phyllis Diller, Paul Lynde, Charlie Weaver, John Davidson, Joan Collins, Lauren Bacall, Ingrid Bergman, Joan Crawford, Olivia DeHavilland, Ed McMahon, Jack Paar, Steve Allen, Vivian Vance, William Frawley, Buck Owens, Nipsey Russell, Evel Kneivel, and Roy Clark!
Schadenfried:
I’ll have you know I found it after twenty seconds hard research on THE INTERNET, so it must be true.
Texan Bulldoggette: Actually we now know that song was really about Putin. Charlie Daniels is a cold war prophet.
sanantonerose: I saw and heard Toby Keith on the Colbert Report a few weeks back. I had only heard his name before then. I now realize that my life before that experience was idyllic. He is a truly frightening human being, worse than the Great Dick.
snig: Glad to hear that Emma Caulfield, famous for playing a centuries old revenge demon on Buffy the Vampire Slayer, jumped the Republican hoard for Kerry. Some things even a revenge demon can’t countenance, apparently.
You ask: “Why Do Celebrities Hate John McCain?”
Because deep down inside, they’re just like regular people, that’s why.
Photo example:
http://boskolives.wordpress.com/2008/02/16/imagine-that-john-mccain-was-a-dog-and/