HILLARY IN THE HOUSE  11:48 am August 14, 2008

by Sara K. Smith

Maureen Dowd is shitting her pantsHILLARY CLINTON WILL BE FORMALLY NOMINATED AT DEMOCRATIC CONVENTION: “Reports of strife between negotiators for Sen. Hillary Clinton and Sen. Barack Obama are exaggerated and the two sides are nearing an agreement on how Clinton’s delegates will participate in the formal nominating process at the Democratic National Convention, according to advisers to both Democrats.” [Marc Ambinder/The Caucus]

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Destonio August 14, 2008 at 11:51 am

Oh, shit, she’s rising out of the bathtub. AGAIN!

SayItWithWookies August 14, 2008 at 11:52 am

THAT’S not alt text I can believe in! Or even cared to imagine, for that matter…

tunamelt August 14, 2008 at 11:53 am

Can we alter the nominating process so it runs like old-timey witch trials? We can weight her with rocks and throw her in water; if she drowns, she’s not a witch and we posthumously nominate her.

If she lives, we either stone her or like, give her some ambassador position in a war torn country or of the moon.

V572625694 August 14, 2008 at 11:53 am

Let them use their hatpins and knitting needles to pop all the red white and blue balloons that fallw when the guy giving the-man-who speech finally says: “Barrack Hussein Obama!”

Noodle Salad August 14, 2008 at 11:54 am

I, for one, am excited to watch America reject Hillary yet again.

NoWireHangers August 14, 2008 at 11:55 am

Clinton delegates should have to prove their loyalty to Obama by running some kind of American Gladiator style gauntlet involving a waffle eating contest, dodging crazy pastors, and burning pantsuits.

Canuckledragger August 14, 2008 at 11:57 am

“…the two sides are nearing an agreement on how Clinton’s delegates will participate…”

So, after doing the laundry and windows and then getting righteously assfucked yet again by the black man who stole her/their show, the Bitters will be allowed to sleep on the wet spot?


AngryBlakGuy August 14, 2008 at 12:00 pm

…relax everyone, the “Nomination” is just part of a black magic sealing ritual that will trap her soul and prevent her from reanimating her body.

The Neoskeptic August 14, 2008 at 12:02 pm

[re=59540]Canuckledragger[/re]: i know a few wonkette commenters that would be *thrilled* to sleep in Hopey’s wet spot.

AngryBlakGuy August 14, 2008 at 12:03 pm

[re=59540]Canuckledragger[/re]: …you left out shirt ironing, remember?

[re=59539]NoWireHangers[/re]: …Barry would settle for a simple and small sacrifice of their first born.

grendel August 14, 2008 at 12:04 pm

The final nomination process will come down to arm wrestling which Hillz will win despite Barry being able to curl 900 lbs with one arm the end.

sezme August 14, 2008 at 12:07 pm

There will be bloodshed at the convention. It will make South Ossetia look like a family outing. But the survivors will emerge stronger, ready to eat John McCain’s liver.

Canuckledragger August 14, 2008 at 12:08 pm

[re=59548]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: That’s part of “doing the laundry.” Clearly, you are unqualified to do mine. [I said extra starch in the collar, MF!!!]

Vanity Smurf August 14, 2008 at 12:09 pm

I just hope any deal hinges on their being required to all wear copies of the bumble bee pant suit.

WadISay August 14, 2008 at 12:14 pm

As Hillary has reminded us, lots of things can happen to a candidate in August. Looootttts of thiiiingggs. [she flexes trigger finger]

edgydrifter August 14, 2008 at 12:14 pm

This is the part where Alice Cooper stumbles towards you and in an eerie, slightly inhuman voice says “I have a message for you… you’re not going to like it,” before dissolving into a pile of cockroaches.

Has anyone checked on that old cannister with the spooky swirling fluid that was buried under Invesco Field’s 50-yard line? I have a bad feeling it’s leaking.

graceless August 14, 2008 at 12:16 pm

Does this mean all of the Hillary Heads can be quiet now?

Aurelio August 14, 2008 at 12:18 pm

From the article: “Clinton originally believed that if her name were included in the roll call on Wednesday, August 27, she would inevitably wind up with fewer delegates than the 1896.5 she earned from the primaries. That would look bad and could demoralize her supporters.”

Yup, this is going to look real stoopid. Heh heh.

freakishlystrong August 14, 2008 at 12:18 pm

Great, more goddamn unity, cue the ALL CAPS bitchez!

UnindictedCo-conspirator August 14, 2008 at 12:19 pm

[re=59561]graceless[/re]: No, because now they have to work out a way to actually steal the nomination and destroy America. THEN they’ll be quiet.

Servo August 14, 2008 at 12:20 pm

Do the Bitters honestly think that anyone will back someone so financially irresponsible just to cater to a tiny group of sore losers?

blowhard August 14, 2008 at 12:21 pm

Three-point shot contest for the nomination?

Scarab August 14, 2008 at 12:22 pm

Without her, who would do all rhythmic clapping and pointing at imaginary people in the crowd?

Not_So_Much August 14, 2008 at 12:23 pm

Smells like a violent coup to me. Those crabby old women are ready to cut a bitch.

Monkey August 14, 2008 at 12:28 pm

Jesus H. I thought we’d heard the end of that tired, ol’ bat. Get stuffed, Hillers! You lost! With a capital L. As in Loser!

dchero August 14, 2008 at 12:33 pm

Anyone else heard the rumor that Obama is naming his VP today? I’ve heard it from a few people now, wondering if this is related…

bup August 14, 2008 at 12:33 pm

Violent Femmes are soooo 80′s.

freakishlystrong August 14, 2008 at 12:34 pm

In all seriousness what exactly does this accomplish?

gurukalehuru August 14, 2008 at 12:47 pm

We will achieve party unity by keeping the opposition alive until the very last second. It’s the Democratic (i.e dumbfuckingest possible) way.

trondant August 14, 2008 at 12:50 pm

Herbert West, Clinton campaign consultant.

Destonio August 14, 2008 at 12:50 pm

I guess the braying wing of the party is going to give us four more years of McSame. Waytago. Stay proud.

TGY August 14, 2008 at 12:53 pm

It’s summer. The flowers are in bloom and the sap is running.

pinko-commie August 14, 2008 at 12:58 pm

Why does Hillary Clinton hate America so?

Servo August 14, 2008 at 1:01 pm

The best on-stage scenario would be if Barry patted her behind and said “Nice try, kid. You sure play hard…for a girl. Now please go home…out the back door. Your better half is waiting.” Could you imagine the meltdown?

Lionel Hutz Esq. August 14, 2008 at 1:09 pm

Hillary is starting to remind me of the bitters in Deliverance. Thankfully, when her hand breaks through the waters of the lake in the end, we will all know it is just a dream.

[re=59537]Noodle Salad[/re]: My thoughts exactly. I’m surprise that she wants to go down in flames again.

Naked Bunny with a Whip August 14, 2008 at 1:25 pm

Then they nominate Elizabeth Edwards, who will outlive McCain.

Naked Bunny with a Whip August 14, 2008 at 1:30 pm

I hope Obama shows up at the Republican Convention…y’know, just so somebody does.

Destonio August 14, 2008 at 1:48 pm

Time for the Ds to take action at the convention:


sati demise August 14, 2008 at 1:51 pm

[re=59563]Aurelio[/re]: Yea, she wants her electoral accomplishment to go ‘on the record’ so her supporters are ‘respected’.

I dont see them respectin’ Barry. Just ask Makeithurt.

To get respect you have to give some respect.

Fear of a Black Reagan August 14, 2008 at 1:51 pm

Hillery is preznit of the night no one watches on teevee!!!

sarcasticusername August 14, 2008 at 1:54 pm

is barry trying to torture the last of the hilltards by making them watch her lose all over again? he really is evil.

queeraselvis v 2.0 August 14, 2008 at 2:16 pm


cal August 14, 2008 at 2:36 pm

I hope all the PUMAs burn their bras and protest for Women’s Lib.

graceless August 14, 2008 at 2:37 pm

[re=59732]Fear of a Black Reagan[/re]: Maybe will have another cascading blackout power failure thing. I was in NY at the time, we had a great party on the sidewalk. Some people brought fruit, one guy bought cooked chickens, but everybody else brought liquor.

[re=59567]UnindictedCo-conspirator[/re]: Promise?

Maus August 14, 2008 at 3:11 pm

[re=59736]sarcasticusername[/re]: THEY deserve to fail over and over again (and do!) WE don’t deserve this continued annoyance, though.

Mecklen August 14, 2008 at 3:29 pm

Someone needs to plant a bucket of pig’s blood (Mark Penn’s will do fine)- right over where She’ll be speaking, a la “Carrie.”

Cord August 14, 2008 at 3:31 pm

Hillary and Obama will be caught having an affair ending both their careers and the democratic convention.

Mo MoDo August 14, 2008 at 3:51 pm

[re=59531]SayItWithWookies[/re]: The alt-text is wrong. Maureen Dowd is at this very moment writing her columns for November 2008 to June 2012 in advance and then taking the next four years off. After Barry loses, the real Clinton campaign begins.

JadedDIssonance August 14, 2008 at 4:12 pm

Mmmm, sweet Catharsis…(from Wikipedia)(Κάθαρσις) is a Greek word meaning “purification” or “cleansing” derived from the ancient Greek gerund καθαίρειν transliterated as kathairein “to purify, purge,” and adjective katharos “pure or clean” (ancient and modern Greek: καθαρός).

So, what we get from this is a final PURGING of all the HillRaiser BitterCrats!!

mmm, sweet and hopey, not bitter!

Jingo August 15, 2008 at 2:48 am

Please people. Hillary needs this catharsis. Politically, she can’t afford to leave Bill over his infidelities, so she has to divorce him by proxy through Obama. While they were together through the primaries, she badmouthed him and spent herself into a hole. Now that Barack has moved on, she wants him to pay hillamony for the debt she’s racked up. If he doesn’t, she’s gonna try to badmouth him to all his friends at the convention. If Hillary can crush the dreams of the #1 man in the country, this will be vindication for all of those poor, estrogen-deficient ex-wives over at PUMAPAC.

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