hillary in the house

Maureen Dowd is shitting her pantsHILLARY CLINTON WILL BE FORMALLY NOMINATED AT DEMOCRATIC CONVENTION: “Reports of strife between negotiators for Sen. Hillary Clinton and Sen. Barack Obama are exaggerated and the two sides are nearing an agreement on how Clinton’s delegates will participate in the formal nominating process at the Democratic National Convention, according to advisers to both Democrats.” [Marc Ambinder/The Caucus]

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Sara K. Smith was Wonkette's morning editor from 2008 to 2010, and now contributes a weekly (?!) column to Wonkette, to prove she still loves you all!

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50 comments

  1. tunamelt

    Can we alter the nominating process so it runs like old-timey witch trials? We can weight her with rocks and throw her in water; if she drowns, she’s not a witch and we posthumously nominate her.

    If she lives, we either stone her or like, give her some ambassador position in a war torn country or of the moon.

  2. V572625694

    Let them use their hatpins and knitting needles to pop all the red white and blue balloons that fallw when the guy giving the-man-who speech finally says: “Barrack Hussein Obama!”

  3. NoWireHangers

    Clinton delegates should have to prove their loyalty to Obama by running some kind of American Gladiator style gauntlet involving a waffle eating contest, dodging crazy pastors, and burning pantsuits.

  4. Canuckledragger

    “…the two sides are nearing an agreement on how Clinton’s delegates will participate…”

    So, after doing the laundry and windows and then getting righteously assfucked yet again by the black man who stole her/their show, the Bitters will be allowed to sleep on the wet spot?

    Su-weeeeet!

  5. AngryBlakGuy

    …relax everyone, the “Nomination” is just part of a black magic sealing ritual that will trap her soul and prevent her from reanimating her body.

  6. The Neoskeptic

    [re=59540]Canuckledragger[/re]: i know a few wonkette commenters that would be *thrilled* to sleep in Hopey’s wet spot.

  7. AngryBlakGuy

    [re=59540]Canuckledragger[/re]: …you left out shirt ironing, remember?

    [re=59539]NoWireHangers[/re]: …Barry would settle for a simple and small sacrifice of their first born.

  8. grendel

    The final nomination process will come down to arm wrestling which Hillz will win despite Barry being able to curl 900 lbs with one arm the end.

  9. sezme

    There will be bloodshed at the convention. It will make South Ossetia look like a family outing. But the survivors will emerge stronger, ready to eat John McCain’s liver.

  10. Canuckledragger

    [re=59548]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: That’s part of “doing the laundry.” Clearly, you are unqualified to do mine. [I said extra starch in the collar, MF!!!]

  11. Vanity Smurf

    I just hope any deal hinges on their being required to all wear copies of the bumble bee pant suit.

  12. WadISay

    As Hillary has reminded us, lots of things can happen to a candidate in August. Looootttts of thiiiingggs. [she flexes trigger finger]

  13. edgydrifter

    This is the part where Alice Cooper stumbles towards you and in an eerie, slightly inhuman voice says “I have a message for you… you’re not going to like it,” before dissolving into a pile of cockroaches.

    Has anyone checked on that old cannister with the spooky swirling fluid that was buried under Invesco Field’s 50-yard line? I have a bad feeling it’s leaking.

  14. Aurelio

    From the article: “Clinton originally believed that if her name were included in the roll call on Wednesday, August 27, she would inevitably wind up with fewer delegates than the 1896.5 she earned from the primaries. That would look bad and could demoralize her supporters.”

    Yup, this is going to look real stoopid. Heh heh.

  15. UnindictedCo-conspirator

    [re=59561]graceless[/re]: No, because now they have to work out a way to actually steal the nomination and destroy America. THEN they’ll be quiet.

  16. Servo

    Do the Bitters honestly think that anyone will back someone so financially irresponsible just to cater to a tiny group of sore losers?

  17. Monkey

    Jesus H. I thought we’d heard the end of that tired, ol’ bat. Get stuffed, Hillers! You lost! With a capital L. As in Loser!

  18. dchero

    Anyone else heard the rumor that Obama is naming his VP today? I’ve heard it from a few people now, wondering if this is related…

  19. gurukalehuru

    We will achieve party unity by keeping the opposition alive until the very last second. It’s the Democratic (i.e dumbfuckingest possible) way.

  20. Destonio

    I guess the braying wing of the party is going to give us four more years of McSame. Waytago. Stay proud.

  21. Servo

    The best on-stage scenario would be if Barry patted her behind and said “Nice try, kid. You sure play hard…for a girl. Now please go home…out the back door. Your better half is waiting.” Could you imagine the meltdown?

  22. Lionel Hutz Esq.

    Hillary is starting to remind me of the bitters in Deliverance. Thankfully, when her hand breaks through the waters of the lake in the end, we will all know it is just a dream.

    [re=59537]Noodle Salad[/re]: My thoughts exactly. I’m surprise that she wants to go down in flames again.

  23. Naked Bunny with a Whip

    I hope Obama shows up at the Republican Convention…y’know, just so somebody does.

  24. sati demise

    [re=59563]Aurelio[/re]: Yea, she wants her electoral accomplishment to go ‘on the record’ so her supporters are ‘respected’.

    I dont see them respectin’ Barry. Just ask Makeithurt.

    To get respect you have to give some respect.

  25. sarcasticusername

    is barry trying to torture the last of the hilltards by making them watch her lose all over again? he really is evil.

  26. graceless

    [re=59732]Fear of a Black Reagan[/re]: Maybe will have another cascading blackout power failure thing. I was in NY at the time, we had a great party on the sidewalk. Some people brought fruit, one guy bought cooked chickens, but everybody else brought liquor.

    [re=59567]UnindictedCo-conspirator[/re]: Promise?

  27. Maus

    [re=59736]sarcasticusername[/re]: THEY deserve to fail over and over again (and do!) WE don’t deserve this continued annoyance, though.

  28. Mecklen

    Someone needs to plant a bucket of pig’s blood (Mark Penn’s will do fine)- right over where She’ll be speaking, a la “Carrie.”

  29. Cord

    Hillary and Obama will be caught having an affair ending both their careers and the democratic convention.

  30. Mo MoDo

    [re=59531]SayItWithWookies[/re]: The alt-text is wrong. Maureen Dowd is at this very moment writing her columns for November 2008 to June 2012 in advance and then taking the next four years off. After Barry loses, the real Clinton campaign begins.

  31. JadedDIssonance

    Mmmm, sweet Catharsis…(from Wikipedia)(Κάθαρσις) is a Greek word meaning “purification” or “cleansing” derived from the ancient Greek gerund καθαίρειν transliterated as kathairein “to purify, purge,” and adjective katharos “pure or clean” (ancient and modern Greek: καθαρός).

    So, what we get from this is a final PURGING of all the HillRaiser BitterCrats!!

    mmm, sweet and hopey, not bitter!

  32. Jingo

    Please people. Hillary needs this catharsis. Politically, she can’t afford to leave Bill over his infidelities, so she has to divorce him by proxy through Obama. While they were together through the primaries, she badmouthed him and spent herself into a hole. Now that Barack has moved on, she wants him to pay hillamony for the debt she’s racked up. If he doesn’t, she’s gonna try to badmouth him to all his friends at the convention. If Hillary can crush the dreams of the #1 man in the country, this will be vindication for all of those poor, estrogen-deficient ex-wives over at PUMAPAC.

Comments are closed.