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PILL RUNS

Cindy McCain’s Hand Is Dead Or Something?

What's grosser than gross?Wonkette Hand Operative “David” writes, “MSNBC just reported that Cindy McCain has been taken to the hospital for a hand-related issue. They went on to claim that she had a ‘pre-existing hand condition’ and that some Bitter had gripped her hand so hard during a campaign stop that she had to be taken for treatment.” We can find nothing about this on the Internets. WTF? What is happening, America??

UPDATE: One source says she suffered a “minor sprain.” Why won’t Barack Obama apologize for breaking Cindy McCain’s little paw? [ClickOnDetroit]


3:52 PM on Wed August 13 2008
By Sara K. Smith
1721 Views

  1. Duck AIDS.

  2. Trollop says at 3:55 pm, August 13th, 2008

    I saw the same report on CNN. I assume the “trouble” with her hand is that it’s not full of pills… They have plenty of those at the hospital, right?

  3. GlennBecksTaint says at 3:55 pm, August 13th, 2008

    Long-Term vibrator use causes severe pain and fragility

  4. Noodle Salad says at 3:57 pm, August 13th, 2008

    Did the hook fall off?

  5. districtsleeps says at 3:57 pm, August 13th, 2008

    Awesome image

  6. superfecta says at 4:00 pm, August 13th, 2008

    She may just need a new script to fill…and fill…and fill…

  7. friendlynerd says at 4:01 pm, August 13th, 2008

    It’s those childproof pill bottles, they’re crippling her!

  8. SayItWithWookies says at 4:02 pm, August 13th, 2008

    Years of giving handjobs to John McCain’s sandpapery tool has finally shredded the last nerve endings and so she just now noticed that it’s become withered and gangrenous. Her hand’s not in good shape either.

  9. This photo is actually from an online shop that makes and sells hand shaped soap:

    http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?ref=sr_list_3&listing_id=13698340

    (This is not my shop)

    Just thought you would want to know where the image came from.

  10. Canmon (the Inadequate) says at 4:08 pm, August 13th, 2008
  11. Doglessliberal says at 4:10 pm, August 13th, 2008

    Godot: WIN!

  12. freakishlystrong says at 4:10 pm, August 13th, 2008

    SayItWithWookies: Well, dammit, well played Wookies, well played…

  13. StripesAndPlaids says at 4:11 pm, August 13th, 2008

    I think this is all a big misunderstanding. Given all the plastic surgery Cindy has been through, I think she just got confused when John suggested a hand job.

  14. BadNewsJack says at 4:11 pm, August 13th, 2008

    She cant handle the handjobs to all her drug dealers anymore. She’s not 12 anymore

  15. Doglessliberal says at 4:12 pm, August 13th, 2008

    SayItWithWookies: actually, I am thinking this is related to certain activities in Sturgis, where her husband so graciously offered to share her.

  16. benj-thewrathofgod says at 4:12 pm, August 13th, 2008

    Is it that damned spot maybe?

  17. The Incomparable Tiny Valdez says at 4:21 pm, August 13th, 2008

    I think it would be more fun if Cindy’s name was Candy. Candy McCain sounds like a geriatric pole dancer.

  18. Botswana Meat Commission FC says at 4:33 pm, August 13th, 2008

    Was she in China? Don’t they use cougar paws to make herbal erection pills?

  19. sarcasticusername says at 4:34 pm, August 13th, 2008

    you’ve got to give her credit, it’s not a bad way to get access to some painkillers. not bad on the execution, however she only gets a D+ for style, attempting a more challenging maneuver such as faking a fall down some stairs or car crash would have shown much greater grit and determination.
    hmm i think i might have stumbled on a new olympic event, the crackie relay.

  20. Mr. Herpes says at 4:35 pm, August 13th, 2008

    Candy McCain, yummmmmmmm. Anyway, I figure Candy sprained her hand during a grueling give-John-a-woody session. I used to get the worst charley-horse in that muscle between thumb and forefinger. Oooops. Shouldn’t have said that.

  21. ReverendGreen says at 4:37 pm, August 13th, 2008

    Better make sure that hand doesn’t cripple up, Cindy, or you is losin’ that hubby to a younger pill-popping more mobile rich gal!

  22. gurukalehuru says at 4:40 pm, August 13th, 2008

    It wouldn’t have happened if she’d've showed her tits.

  23. shortsshortsshorts says at 4:41 pm, August 13th, 2008

    “precondition” actually means “withdrawals.”

  24. Gopherit v2.0 says at 4:49 pm, August 13th, 2008

    The uber-wealthy are so delicate.

  25. Gopherit v2.0 says at 4:50 pm, August 13th, 2008

    Oh, and I call bullshit. Carpal Tunnel? People get that from WORKING Cindy, not working the pole.

  26. Her hand is made of cunts.

  27. Oscar Folsom Cleveland says at 5:39 pm, August 13th, 2008

    It’s the hand she uses to slap Juan when he beats her and calls her funny terms of endearment.

    How will she open her pill bottles now??

    Maybe Barry can come over once a week as a homecare volunteer. If he weren’t so busy on the sands of Tahiti, molesting young children and wasting taxpayer money on corporate lobbyist country club luncheons in his bare feet.

    Like he would if he could. Hah!

  28. obfuscator says at 5:48 pm, August 13th, 2008

    In grade school, we called it “Jacker’s Cramp”, but the politically correct 1990’s brought us the sissified term “carpal tunnel syndrome”. Pfft.

  29. Godless Liberal * says at 5:50 pm, August 13th, 2008

    This will go far in portraying the McCains as youthful and virile.

  30. pinko-commie says at 6:37 pm, August 13th, 2008

    Smart thinking, Cindy! Getting a doctor’s note stating that she can’t perform demanding labor like shaking hands any more, mingling with common people and actually having to touch them and crap like that. “Carpal tunnel syndrome” is a great cover, too. No one will suspect a thing!

  31. kellygrrrl says at 6:46 pm, August 13th, 2008

    sounds like CindyLou McCunt needs a refill on her “candy”

  32. Slutty_Chola_Cobbler says at 7:21 pm, August 13th, 2008

    She prolly sprained that shit while masterbating!

  33. louveciennes says at 7:37 pm, August 13th, 2008

    Yeah right. “I shook too many hands on the campaign trail” is a lamer excuse than “No really, I got this black eye walking into a door”.

  34. jasonelias says at 10:26 pm, August 13th, 2008

    Sounds like sympathy pains for Shia LeBeouf’s recent mishap.

  35. Buffy and Hildegard says at 11:00 pm, August 13th, 2008

    A good choice to play Cindy in the made for teevee movie, McCAIN-STREAM MEDIA: Montgomery Burns.

  36. Smoke Filled Roommate says at 1:05 am, August 14th, 2008

    Take time with a wounded hand
    cause it likes to heal
    Take time with a wounded hand
    cause I like to steal
    Take time with a wounded hand
    cause it likes to heal, I like to steal
    pills.

    Oh, lil’ Cindyhands..

  37. eyesfriedopen says at 8:10 am, August 14th, 2008

    Dont worry Cindy. Just a few more months and you won’t have to shake anyone’s hand ever again. But then you’ll have to come up with another excuse for the meds.

  38. DCBulloch says at 12:37 pm, August 14th, 2008

    I think she cut it off in order to restore Lord Voldemort i.e. Dick Cheney to his original form. I hope JK sues her and takes away all her alcohal and drug money.

  39. Accordion-o-rama says at 4:09 pm, August 14th, 2008

    DCBulloch: Maybe she needs some work done on her Hand of Glory.

  40. villageatrois says at 7:40 pm, August 14th, 2008

    Attention McCain fans: If you shake it more than once, you’re playing with it.

  41. travellabyrinth says at 11:15 pm, August 14th, 2008

    Looks like it’s almost time for a new wife.

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