Wonkette
First, plans were made for the Republican convention in St. Paul during the first week of September, at the Xcel Center, starring John “Oh him” McCain. Then, wacky freedom-fighter Ron Paul and his Campaign for Literacy anounced a Paultard rally, a weeklong thing that would also take place during the first week of September, but at the Pepsi Center in Minneapolis. Oh and there’s also a socialist May Day rally of some kind, which we only know about because hey, free Steve Earle concert. But also: dirty hippies and laborists. And today we learn Ralph “Malph” Nader is having his secret rally in Minneapolis, too.
Basically, the “Twin Cities” are going to be filled with so many bathroom goblins, hobbits, stinkies and plain assholes that physicists from the new CERN superconductor in Switzerland are expecting an “event horizon” that will cause all the comets and meteors in the universe to plunge into Minnesota and finally, dearly beloved, end this thing called life.
From the press release just emailed to Wonkette Corporate Political Headquarters:
NADER SUPER RALLY SET FOR MINNEAPOLIS
WHAT: “Open the Debates” Nader/Gonzalez Super Rally
WHEN: 7:30 p.m., Thursday, Sept. 4
WHERE: Orchestra Hall
1111 Nicollet Mall, Minneapolis, MN 55403
(202) ___-____ or events@votenader.org
Donation: $10 in advance; $12 at the doorAt 7:30 p.m. on Thursday, Sept. 4, during the Republican National Convention, the Nader/Gonzalez Campaign will be holding a Super Rally in Minneapolis at the Orchestra Hall. (Check out our new Nader/Gonzalez video promoting our rallies here.)
The rally will be a call to action for opening the presidential debates.
During his 2000 campaign, Ralph Nader drew sellout crowds to super rallies in arenas from Portland’s Memorial Coliseum to Madison Square Garden.
After the election, the PBS NewsHour’s Mark Shields called the Nader Super Rallies “the most exciting political development of the campaign year.”
Huh, a lot sure changes in eight years. Like, is Mark Shields even alive, still? And wasn’t that Portland thing really just a free concert by the Decemberists?
Anyway, somebody tell Barack Obama and Bob Barr that they better schedule a “Shadow Convention” in Minneapolis/St. Paul, too. Also, there should be a traveling Joint Session of Congress. And then Putin can nuke the Twin Cities and America can start to heal.
Where is Dr. Kevorkian when the nation really needs him?
Remember kids if your driving to the convention: buckle up.
Good Lord, I thought that was a still from Weekend at Bernies.
Damn it you kids! Get the hell out of my town!
Actually, that’s the St. Paul that’s inside the Looking Glass World. His VP pick will be White Rabbit or Alice. The suspense is incredible.
Just when I thought there couldn’t be anyone more smugly self-righteous than Rep. Bachmann, you go and put Nader’s photo up. The man who gave us the Iraq War.
During his 2000 campaign, Ralph Nader drew sellout crowds to super rallies in arenas from Portland’s Memorial Coliseum to Madison Square Garden.
Whatevs. In 2004 Nader couldn’t draw enough burned out hippies to a free event in Portland to qualify for the state ballot–and then he blamed the poor turnout on the fact that the NCAA tournament was on TV that night.
“Open the debates”? What debates? I haven’t seen Burama in a debate for about 3 months. He doesn’t do windows, or debates.
Nader should just challenge McCain to an ugly-off, because, frankly, that way he might finally win something.
He’s got my vote — for OSHA administrator.
This is really Minneapolis/St. Paul’s “moment”.
Dave J.: he blamed the poor turnout on the fact that the NCAA tournament was on TV that night.
Yeah, there are two demographics that overlap. *facepalm*
Dave J.: Maybe he had a tie-in rally with Burning Man.
…just a little advice shitcicle aka Ralph Nader:
-just because your use the term “super”, doesn’t actually make it super. In fact in this case it makes it, that much more of an EPIC FAIL when 3 people show up(2 of which being janitorial staff)
-charging $10-12 for an event that features a candidate that looks like the stereotypical sleazy public defender lawyer may not be such a good idea. My estimate as to how much you will make at the door is somewhere between, “I’m not fukkin paying 10 bucks to see him” and “10 bucks my black ass”!
“Donation: $10 in advance; $12 at the door”
For some reason I find that really funny.
I think they meant Mark Russell.
“During his 2000 campaign, Ralph Nader drew sellout crowds to super rallies in arenas from Portland’s Memorial Coliseum to Madison Square Garden.”
Who knew five people constituted a sell out crowd?
Those eyes… THOSE EYES.
They. Are. Hideous.
“then Putin can nuke the Twin Cities and America can start to heal”
Good plan. It’s well known fact that the destruction of the MSP-metro area is key to the resurrection of the Russian Empire.
So, the toe-tapping, gay ol party, paultards, and al franken aren’t enough? Minneapolis must be a total freak show.
Maybe Jesse “The Body” Ventura can sweep in & crack Nader & McCain over their heads with a chair (& it must be real–not faked).
So, Ralph Nader, Ron Raul, Michele Bachmann, John McCain, Bush, Cheney and those who support or hate or want to lobby them will all be in town in one week.
How come no one I ever voted for is showing up. I am feeling underloved and unappreciated, Democrats!
The Twin Cities area will be so white that it’ll be visible from Pluto.
Fuck all the pols! Say whatnow about Steve Earle?
Is Wonkette sending crack blogging teams to cover the convergence? what happens when these folks are in the same room? I know about matter and anti-matter, but republicans, paultards, socialists and nadarites sound like something we need far, far more weird math to describe. maybe quaternions.
shortsshortsshorts: Have you noticed that they’ve gotten worse since 2000? The left one is squintier and the right one wider. If he gets his way and gets to be in the debates, maybe we’ll get to see the moment when his right eye actually POPS OUT OF HIS HEAD!
Seriously though, let the guy into the debates. It would certainly lend some perspective on the whole “Barack Obama is a crazy librul” narrative. Bob Barr should be let in too. It would force the Greens and Libertarians to come up with a whole new set of excuses about why their parties didn’t win the election, which could be quite entertaining.
I suspect that Jerry Springer will be broadcasting live.
qwerty42: Forget matter/anti-matter. What happens if they breed? *shudder*
This is my favorite part of the press release:
In 2004, the Democratic Party - along with its Republican allies - smothered the Nader campaign with phony lawsuits in a coordinated campaign of petition sabotage.
Well, the part about the Dems is fair, although all those lawsuits WON (he couldn’t make the ballot because they contested his fake signatures), but as I remember it the “Republican allies” part applies to Nader–virtually all his top contributors were Republicans who were unapologetic about the fact that they were giving him money so he’d take votes from Kerry.
What a tool he turned out to be.
Ralph Nader for President!
Not Nader! Whine. As a resident of Minneapolis I just might be taking a vacation while all these dimwits are in town.
MplsMama: Can one place hold all that negative energy or will it cause Minneapolis/St Paul to be swallowed up by the black hole that will sure result from all of those people being there at the same time?
Your photos indicate a distinct difference in mood among the Ralph Nader look-alikes; poor Ralph Anti-Demopublican looks energized and fired up, ready to go. But Ralph Anti-Republocrat is wane and feeble-looking, ready to drop at the mere mention of Paultardpalooza.
Maybe the Nader-Gonzalez movement should stick to Denver, harass the Billary throngs and overthrow the Obama-Edwards juggernaut - surely once Ron Paul and his Veep, Angelina Jolie and her sixteen kids, have trounced McCain in Mnpls, they will be less than chopped liver for the Caped Crusader and his queer sidekick, Matt Gonzalez from Baghdad by the Bay.
(One thing I don’t understand, Why is Alberto’s gay husband Matt running for Veep?)
I wish I could remember which Civil War general it was who claimed that his headquarters were in in his hindquarters. Then, perhaps, I would be able to comment.
Wee Mousie: General John Pope said his headquarters were “in the saddle”. Someone else, I think it was Grant or Sherman, said that his headquarters are where his hindquarters ought to be.
Thanks for the info, ReelectTilden.
Unfortunately, by now, whatever I had planned to write has been lost behind the image of Nader and Gonzalez driving around the streets of Denver with a map and stopwatch looking for imaginary checkpoints.