Wonkette
Do you have the Summer Olympic Fever? No? Neither do we. But now we sort of regret missing the Opening Ceremony, which was apparently done completely with the computer game The SIMS.
Those magical fireworks with the awful Feet of God stomping through the smog-clouded Beijing skies? Done with CGI, just like all current movies. The adorable little Chinese girl singing the beautiful patriotic Ode to Mao while the fake fireworks were inserted into the “live” video? She was lip-syncing while a less-pretty little girl with a better voice did the singing, offstage. Soon it will be revealed that President Bush’s triple-fun sexy drunk time with the volleyball ladies only happened at John Edwards’ abandoned campaign headquarters in Second Life. [New York Times]
…at least they learned one thing from the U.S.
This is a lesson to all you girls out there, the only important thing in life is your appearance.
When did Disney buy China? Those bastards have been doing this kind of thing for decades.
Who produced the show? The surviving member of Milli Vanilli?
I thought the goose-stepping soldiers bringing the olympic flag to the pole was a nice touch.
Here’s the problem with the Olympics: you’re looking at terrific (okay, drug-jazzed) people doing amazing (useless, but still…) things and all of a sudden they start waving flags around and some asshole in a suit starts counting medals nation-by-nation. They ought to call it “The Chauvanistics” or “The Jingoistics”
…the child(if you can call it that) on the left should be locked in a basement and beaten daily. And the beautiful almond eyed cutie on the right should be given ice cream and puppies for the rest of her adorable life!
sonofaBITCH!
Well, to most people, don’t they all looked alike (ditto blacks and mexicans)?
ManchuCandidate: …it would have been dead give away if she started singing “Girl you know its true”!
Skinny kids! They have skinny kids! It’s obvious that there are no buffets in China.
What’s the big deal. You get the best voice. the best face and it makes for a good show.
They do it in Bollywood all time. And in fact the public demands it
Somebody likes Radiohead….
Elitists with their good taste…
The good news for uggles’ parents is that her lungs will now fetch more on the organ market.
Wouldn’t it be something if we find out the whole olympic thing is just one big video game played by competitors on Playstation?
BTW I was shocked to find out they actually keep score for the women’s beach volleyball games.
AngryBlakGuy:
Yang Pelyi was singing from the onion cellar.
Larry Fine: yes, and it starts the moment you are born. no slacking/excuses because you are seven. if only she had gotten some plastic surgery…
This should teach us all a valuable lesson about the spirit of competition. The attractive will always win gold.
I want footage of the moment where they explained to little Peiyi why she had to sing backstage. Watching children cry is sooooooo funny.
that’s ok. if chinese politicians are like u.s. politicians, in a few years,
poor little yang peiyi will be giving hummers to lin miaoke’s husband…
although she should probably get her teeth fixed first.
Apparently the Chinese don’t know that the rest of the world can’t tell them apart.
Cicada: Now, you’re going to stand right here, where nobody can see you, because you are ugly…
Um, is it just me, or are BOTH girls really cute? So one has some slightly crooked teeth. A lot of kids do. The real story is yet to be revealed - that little girl singing backstage was, in fact, just lip synching for ANOTHER little girl locked in the basement, who was cursed upon birth and now has a growth on her neck that looks exactly like Fred Thompson.
tsunami:
Nah. She’ll be sold to some TruckNutz for 10 Yuan and a leather jacket…COD.
I love the friggin’ Olympics.
But, I’m enjoying them under the assumption that anything the Chinese are doing is with the understanding that it’s completely fake or that there’s a sniper rifle aimed at the performer from just off-screen. “Smiles, everyone!! Smiles!!!”
Biz as usual…
The real lesson is here:
Initially, a 10-year-old girl was selected … until Mr. Zhang decided she was too old.
In other words, when you’ve reached double digits, you’re washed up.
CivicHoliday: Sort of like the third Olsen?
The Chinese government was just trying to protect the world from being exposed to the smallpox all over Lin Miaoke’s lips. Or maybe it’s just a reaction to the counterfeit Chinese Chapstick they make out of rendered political dissidents over there.
Mahousu:
Of course. Too old to work at the Nike factory.
Not only are they swapping little girls for the opening ceremonies, apparently they are trying to pass off 9 year-olds as 16 year-olds in gymnastics.
http://www.nbcolympics.com/gymnastics/news/newsid=164058.html
It going to be entertaining when this whole thing blows up like so many opening ceremonies.
Texan Bulldoggette: Oops…”look” alike.
So does this mean Angelina Jolie has to adopt both of them? Or can she just get the one plus the recording of the other?
spencer: Seriously!
Correction
A Getty Images picture that appeared earlier with this article and on the home page was published in error. The girl shown was an unidentified performer in the opening ceremony at the Olympics; it was not Lin Miaoke, a nine-year-old who also performed.
hahahaha.
Mahousu: Sounds like something the Japanese would do.
Sad.
Now the little girl on the left will never be wed to Woody Allen.
If she lived in the U.S. of A. next thing you know she’d be climbing out of a limo without her panties on I bet.
None of this would have happened if the IOC made Karaoke an Olympic Sport.
Dick Cheney is the voice of George Bush and you don’t hear Dick fucking goddam complaining do you, Yang Peiyi? It’s 10 years of re-education camp for you, my little imperialist running dog. And no supper.
The opening ceremony fireworks were faked, the singing by the little girl was faked, NBC is using “live” when things are not really live at all, the commentators suck, some of the stuff chosen to be aired at certain times are baffling, the horrible “features” by NBC are pure crap, and many, many, many, many people just cannot stand Bob Costas for one single second.
It’s time to get the Olympics back to a free western country (yes, really, for many reasons) and back to CBS, where it belongs.
Anything but NBC and Chinese. It’s only been four days, and it’s terrible.
No offense to all of the world’s great athletes–it’s not directed at them, of course.
Didn’t I see these two on Mr. Show?
“There were noooooo survivors!”
Of course they couldn’t let Yang Peyote on stage … she might live up to her name and do something crazy.
thefrontpage: Beach volleyball is not the most exciting sport in the world, but do you really have to narrate it by telling me how the athletes met their husbands? Seriously, fuck NBC’s coverage of everything. It’s terrible.
I heard the medals weren’t even real gold, either. Just chocolate with gold foil on top.
Ummm.. The real vocalist with the pony tales is actually cuter than the lip syncher.. WHo judging beauty, Shitney Spears?
“The Olympics” has always been faked by the Greeks, trying to steal our adorable, preteen gymnast girls.
S.Luggo:
Sooo… Dubya won 2 elections only with the aid of computers.
For some reason, I thought he ‘won’ because he was smart and popular.
I’m kind of surprised that both girls weren’t killed at childbirth.
My faith in mankind, which was going strong up to this very moment, is ruined.
V572625694 and thefrontpage: Both of you are vile Communist dupes! It is our patriotic duty as Americans to beat the rest of the world into submission, and to broadcast it over every television network on earth! How else are we gonna teach these uncivilized Third Worlders that democracy is the only government, Christianity is the only religion, and second place is the first LOSER!
Dick Cheney will beat the snot out of both of you, then send you to Gitmo for re-education!
…and Medvedev is in charge of Russia.
When he speaks, that is actually his voice. It is very important for me to know the voice is coming from the person.
Thank god there was no “wardrobe malfunction” or there would have been some mass beheadings or firing squads.
PeteJayhawk v2.0: Now that they have served the homeland, their infanticides can now take place.
Wow, this is just like Cyrano de Bergerac, only infinitely less likely to turn out well for the less attractive child.
Slutty_Chola_Cobbler: The girl with the pony tails IS the lip syncher.
What’s it like to be six years old and already living a lie?
One of these kids is going to ask Bindi Irwin to feed her to a crocodile … or beat her to death with a pair of Crocs (that she probably made).
Supernatural_Delegate: Oh shit, Im going to hell.
The prettier girl has had extensive work done, of course, starting was a nice brainwashing/botox procedure.
/Radiohead @ Great Woods, MA tomorrow night- can’t wait!
Radiohead’s “lead singer” is actually six pygmies, individually chosen to sing certain songs depending on the level of depression required.
Sorry to break it to you, Kilgore … have fun!
PeteJayhawk v2.0: They must be able to sing first. Little Miaoke thus shall have a long life, as will Jewel.
spencer: Or, conversely, knew and never expected we’d figure it out.
Now if they could only do this little trick with Anthony Kiedis… Seriously.
KilgoreTrout_XL: /radiohead in a few weeks down here in Sandy Eggo too!
They couldn’t have used CGI on the ugly girl’s face?
Anyone else notice that NBC’s schedule posted online is a three-week block labeled “Olympics”?
and now the little ugly girl has been shot in the back of the head…with the bill for the bullet going to her family of course.
norbizness: haha..that one segways into one of my favorite skits. 24 is the highest number.
I heard this on NPR this a.m. and just loved it. First, you had endless Chinese quotes about how the opening ceremonies “proved China’s power” to the world. OK, so hiring a movie director to choreograph a big show means you are a world power. Smoke and mirrors. THEN we find out that the smoke and mirrors were smoke and mirrors! How great is that metaphor? It is a Potemkin Potemkin village?
I just wanted to say that all of America should be hooked up to electronic boner detectors during the girls gymnastics, and any offender should immediately hauled off to local concentration camps.
BTW, the two girls are actually surgically altered, 30-something chi-com apparachik killing machines.
1.3 billion people, and they couldn’t find a little girl who was cute *and* could sing?
KilgoreTrout_XL: Great Woods? That was two names ago.
Cape Clod: Eh, semantics. The ladies at work are excited about Celine Dion at the “Garden” tonight. That has to be worse.
all of America should be hooked up to electronic boner detectors during the girls gymnastics
Luckily, I won’t be wearing pants while I watch, so they won’t mess up the readings.
Doglessliberal: The guy who choreographed the thing lives in New York…
KilgoreTrout_XL: ‘Eh, semantics. The ladies at work are excited about Celine Dion at the “Garden” tonight. That has to be worse.’
That they still call it ‘The Garden’ or that they are excited about seeing Celine Dion?
By the way, have fun. Whatever it’s called now, it’s a great place to see a show.
pondscum: even better!
Slutty_Chola_Cobbler: Yea! I agree, the real singer is ACTUALLY way cuter.
I would have loved to see her sing live. Maybe she will headline at Lollipalosa one day.. I can see her a Bjork cutting an album together.
The opening ceremonies were impressive, but it reminded me of the old line that if you shove a cattle prod up a horse’s ass, you can make it deal cards.
Am I the only one that assumed that ALL the vocal and instrumental were pre-recorded or lip-synched? Hard to believe that these control freaks would chance a spontaneous event that would “ruin” their flawless presentation (like hiccups, nerves, or a wrong note).
Oops! It seems there was a software malfunction during the opening ceremonies and they had to be shut down.
Next thing you know people will be telling me Obamagirl is lip-synched.
It’s DEBBIE REYNOLDCHAN! “I’m SINGING in the RAIN! Jes’ Singing in the RAIN! What a wonderful feeling, my parents are political prisoners who will be tortured if I don’t comply with this scheme to further the triumph of Chinese CULTURE!”
that was lip synced? No frekin way. Those Chinese can do everything more efficiently.
I actually was wondering what would happen if she just shouted out “Free Tibet Hell YAH” when she was singing? Is that a hanging crime?
Why, you ask, are Nancy and Henry Kissinger in Pekin as dead weight, fake live person bodyguards for George and the Barbaras? It’s no coincidence; when Nixon opened China for the US opium trade, Kissinger sold China the NASA fake moon landing studio.
Yup, Henry had it packed up and shipped DHL from Anaheim right to Chairman Mao’s backyard. It was dusted off just in time for the Olympics - a little crusty from air pollution but still works pretty good. And the Chinese have learned real well how to use a computer to create multiple people images.
Uh huh, the entire Olympics is being created on that set, with a little help from George Lucas and the Jim Henson studios. Bush is there to collect; he’ll be coming home with an entire Tibetan fleet filled with lead-painted toys and kitchen gadegets! Our economy is gonna soar in a few months!!
They need to Consolidation their political power,so
Beware,author !although you are talking about only a tip of an iceberg but
They will ask you to shut your mouth,not because you are lying(actually lying or not they don’t
care)because You are hurting Chinese
government political power sourece:trust.
nice article but beware you’re piss Chinese government off,They need to Consolidation their
political power,so although you are talking about only a tip of an iceberg but
They will ask you to shut your mouth,not because you are lying(actually lying or not they don’t
care)because You are hurting Chinese
government political power sourece:trust.
Is smiling we take really for free??
Maybe not always,especially those ones came from the east.