Wonkette
- DICK CHENEY’S UNIVERSALLY LOATHED CORPSE TO BE REANIMATED FOR ONE LAST HURRAH AT REPUBLICAN NATIONAL CONVENTION: Whew! “Cheney plans to speak on the first night of the convention in St. Paul, Minn., the same Monday night that President Bush will speak. … There had been doubts about a speech by Cheney, who remains unpopular with Americans.” [AP]
This is why WALNUTS will announce his VP on tuesday. Anything to get rid of that smell Cheney leaves behind when he farts out another one of his speeches.
It will be the most watched portion of the convention…people love to watch trainwrecks. Maybe he will shoot someone and sacrifice a baby to quench his bloodlust. That would be great television.
That night of his speech, one billion Montauk Monsters will take over America.
Cheney and Bush on the same night as Monday Night Football? Ah, the marketing genious of the Republican pary.
I predict an Ollie North moment where he declares that he did it for the good of the country and sometimes, damn it, the work is dirty and real uhmerikans know this.
Larry Fine: WW Z?
…how many virgins will they sacrifice on that night?
For greater ratings, Cheney and Bush will do their tap-shoe, tails and canes rendition of “Putting On The Ritz”.
StripesAndPlaids: Actually, I think that’s the way McOld wanted it. Don’t want to remind folks that he’s in the same party as these two asshats.
He will use the occasion to declare martial law throughout the country and proclaim himself ‘Vice President for Life.’
More people would probably vote for McOld if he shot Cheney in the fact with a bunch of buckshot. Whoo hooo & the ratings would be out of sight.
Oh please Muslim Jesus, let it be as big a train wreck as Pat Buchanan way back in ‘92. Culture wars! Homosexual agenda! Bring it on!
It would be cool if his head spun around, too.
AfghanVet: That’s actually probably why they’re doing it.
StripesAndPlaids: There’s no Monday Night Football that week since the season won’t have started yet, elitist. BUT GUESS WHAT the season opener is that Thursday! People get to choose between watching McCain speak or watching the Giants destroy my beloved Redskins.
“who remains unpopular with Americans”
Hah! A blatant untruth. Dick Cheney is unpopular with *everybody*.
He’s unpopular with Americans, Canadians, British, ….Marshallese, Tongans….Madagascarians, Burundians…
CorkPopper: No culture war for ol’ Dick. It will be pure fear.
…Im thinking we should just declare Minnesota a “Prison State” as soon as Cheney and Bush touch down at the airport kinda like “Escape from L.A.”
You say that now, but when he’s rampaging Minnesota, turning it’s citizens into the armies of the undead, you’ll regret re-animating his corpse.
Though ‘remains unpopular with Americans’ is kind of understating it. There are more beloved serial killers.
http://thesebastards.blogspot.com/
is he renting a stadium?
bhosp:
g-men 31…skins 10
bhosp: Did you watch the Giants play last night? I think the ’skins are going to pound them. I predict a first to worst for the Giants this year.
I have a copy of speech right here:
Please allow me to introduce myself
I’m a man of wealth and waste
I’ve been around for a long, long year
Stole two elections and their faith
And I was round when Al Gore
Had his moment of doubt and pain
Made damn sure that Scalia
Washed his hands and sealed his fate
Pleased to meet you
Hope you guess my name
But whats puzzling you
Is the nature of my game
I stuck around Washington
When I saw it was a time for a change
Let Enron brown out California
Tom Daschele screamed in vain
I rode a tank
Wore a generals rank
When Iraqi Freedom raged
And the bodies stank
Pleased to meet you
Hope you guess my name, oh yeah
Ah, whats puzzling you
Is the nature of my game, oh yeah
I watched with glee
While your Main Stream Media
Fought for two decades
Over stupid labels they made
I shouted out,
Who hiked up oil prices?
When after all
It was just old me
Let me please introduce myself
I’m a man of wealth and waste
And I laid traps for ambassadors
Who get leaked before they reached Niger
Pleased to meet you
Hope you guessed my name, oh yeah
But whats puzzling you
Is the nature of my game, oh yeah, get down, baby
Pleased to meet you
Hope you guessed my name, oh yeah
But whats confusing you
Is just the nature of my game
Just as every Dem is a criminal
And all Republicans saints
As wars is peace
Just call me Cheney
cause I don’t need of some restraint
So if you meet me
Have some courtesy
Have some fresh human blood, and some babies
Use all your well-learned politesse
Or Ill shoot you in your face, um yeah
Pleased to meet you
Hope you guessed my name, um yeah
But whats puzzling you
Is the nature of my game, um mean it, get down
Woo, who
Oh yeah, get on down
Oh yeah
Oh yeah!
Tell me baby, whats my name
Tell me honey, can ya guess my name
Tell me baby, whats my name
I tell you one time, you’re to blame
Introibo Nosferatu. Ahhh-men.
AfghanVet: yes,we should expect to be told every which way we are under threat and about to be annihilated and that is why that uppity Negro Muslim who can never have enough experience because Negroes cannot lead will just end up causing all your childred to die in flames. It will be fear, fear, fear and a lot of self-congratulatory masturbation about how safe Bush has made the world.
Will he be announcing that he’s dissolved the Imperial Senate?
Shoot, I’ll miss it!
Brain cancer is unpopular. Dick Cheney is despised.
Fear and Loathing together again in Minneapolis…
I wonder of W. will issue a mass Presidential Pardon for everyone in the GOP, kind of like the mass Moonie weddings.
ManchuCandidate: Cheney WISHES he has an iota of the cool Mick possesses. Letting that song cross his lips would be a sacriligious thing. But your point is a good one…
bhosp: Well I’ll be. You’re right. In that case, the Republicans must have lost their minds. As for the elistist comment, I’d respond, but I have to go pick up my Arugula from Whole Foods.
Doglessliberal: children. Not sure who childred are.
In a statement, the White House said, “The vice president looks forward to participating in the Republican National Convention and continuing to work for the election of Sen. McCain and other Republican candidates in the coming months.”
Holy shit. Obama better start stocking up on the Kevlar. Head to toe, Robocop-esque titanium body armor, even.
TGY: NOT SO. He’s still fairly popular among National Socialists.
Larry Fine,SayItWithWookies: Cheney: Execute Order 66
Doglessliberal: “self-congratulatory masturbation” must be a semi-chaste Republican custom. Shel Silverstein had an album title, which may address this idea: “I’m so good I don’t have to brag.”
AfghanVet: Doglessliberal: Of course. I was made temporarily stupid by Hopiness. Instead of “be afraid of brown skinned atheist queer abortionists” it will be “only scary old white people can keep you safe from scarier ay-rabs that want you dead, right now. Oh, and pay no attention to the evisceration of the freedoms behind the curtain.”
Do you think they’ll be able to dig up some melanin-rich people to stand behind him for the cameras?
“uhmmm….is this megaphone on?”
btw, did anyone see Maureen Dowds quip in this mornings column about how McCain “looks at the TV and sees his dashing self-image replaced by visions of William Frawley”?….
thats probably the first time shes ever made me laugh out loud…
weirdiowasculpture: Hm, true. Also with those people who possess more than two pairs of jackboots.
Don’t we have the technology to pipe him in via hologram? That worked in Star Wars. “Yes, my master…”
CorkPopper: JC Watts is guarateed to be paraded out. (”SEE, we haz teh Negroes, too!”) Then some Cuban-American Republicans will no doubt be there.
The VICE -man cometh.
anabellum:
wasn’t that yesterday?
ManchuCandidate: A fitting tribute!
Doglessliberal: Oh, speaking of which, is Alan Keyes speaking? ‘Cause he is like the Sir Edmund Hillary of crazy.
Bush, Cheney and McSame should reenact the American Apparel Essentials X3 ad with McSame as the gay Sonny Bono spawn in the middle.
tsunami:
oh, god, it was wednesday…
a rough nite for both of us, but seems like yours was twice as rough.
who’s william frawley?
[gotcha?]
Excellent. With Cheney coming in, surely a plague will overcome the convention and suffering shall ensue, thereby making WALNUTS the only surviving member of what was once the Republican party. With this, WALNUTS shall start yet another new age in history, and the Golden Girls will decide the next election. MAY IT BE KNOWN AND DECREED.
- Bob Novak
Cheney will stand in the shrubbery across the street from the convention, just staring at it (shudder).
anabellum: “I’m Fred McMertz, and I approve this message”.
SayItWithWookies: oh man, I hope so. On the one hand, he is nuts, so they might not risk it. On the other hand, they need to prove they are a party open to all creeds, colors, etc (hahahahahahaha), and who else are they going to pick? It’s not as if they have a buffet of Black Repubs to pick from here.
Doglessliberal: Fox News has no problem finding them.
Doglessliberal: There’s always Condi. She could talk about how well her Ice Cream Social for Mideast Peace is going, and how they’re still on track for a two-state solution by January 20.
As black clouds swirl violently over St. Paul, lightning leaps out of the sky and strikes screaming, panicking pedestrians, and the dead rise from their graves, I’ll be huddling in the tornado shelter with the shotgun and 1,000 shells, surrounded by garlic and silver cricifixes.
During Darth’s speech, the Secret Service (whose function has actually been out-sourced to the Waffen SS) will shoot anyone near the podium who uses a cell phone or anything else which interferes with an implanted heart thingee device that old people are so irrationaly fond of. So no one use no damn cell phone. Right? http://static-p3.fotolia.com/jpg/00/06/68/42/400_F_6684213_6qShkBrqM9IIO55BVon5YNg3ykkNXLxU.jpg
Has anyone else noticed that Cheney’s smile is just like the “baring teeth smile” emoticon in Windows Messenger? (Sorry, I can’t figure out how to paste it here.)
AngryBlakGuy: No virgins will be sacrificed. Cheney’s minions will draw a pentagram on the floor. Then they’ll slit the throat of a Senate intern and spill his blood on the pentagram while chanting, “Ave Satani!” The convention center better have some super-powered air-conditioning to clear out the smell of brimstone.
And anyone who dares to look Cheney in the eyes will be struck dead.
Cheney will:
a) first have all the doors locked and have every man, woman, and child in Minnesota body-cavity searched
b) praise Bush’s steadfastness in the face of foreigns
c) add his name to the ballot
d) advocate for upholding ban on offshore drilling while cradling an oil-soaked otter
e) bring a defibrillator up on the podium and shock himself with those paddles half way through
f) give the nation the finger and step directly onto Air Force-1 to Paraguay
g) reveal sinister Phase Two of his plan
TGY: No no no. Cheney remains popular with hyenas, jackals, vultures and horseflies across many, many continents.