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DOLPHIN SHORTS FOREVER

WONKETTE EXCLUSIVE SCOOP: CHARLIE CRIST’S LOST PORN ‘STACHE YEARS

Rub mah belly!Hey so here is something funny: That Harry Sargeant fellow — the one who has been raising massive riches for John McCain from a variety of shady, penniless sources — was in the Delta Lambda chapter of the Pi Kappa Alpha frat at Florida State, where he was the “brother” of Charlie Crist and partook in the straightest activities ever. Would you like to see some old frat pictures of Charlie Crist playing football in what looks like a pair of long white panties? No? What about Charlie Crist in a magical crown and cape? Follow us on a wonderful journey into the land of gay rapist facial hair — in other words, Florida in the 70s.


Bros before hos, man. In this photo, Charlie plays the meat in a delicious Bo-Duke-and-John-Denver sandwich. Where are they going? To some sort of pig-humping event, looks like.


Who can forget that wonderful day when Yasser Arafat was made King of Florida? Ha ha, that is actually Florida governor Charlie Crist, wearing the Fez of Homosexuality.


Here is the future governor of Florida, “quarterbacking” while wearing a pair of shorts he stole off a midget with a diaper fetish. The guy in the overalls in the background is thinking, “Damn, I wish I had those shorts … with Charlie still in them!” That came later, at the pig roast. Isn’t it time America had a vice president who can play football in tiny shorts? Consider this carefully, John McCain.

Family’s Donations to McCain Raise Questions [New York Times]


1:42 PM on Thu August 7 2008
By Sara K. Smith
17321 Views

  1. johnbpt says at 1:45 pm, August 7th, 2008

    I believe that those “shorts” are actually an adult diaper.

  2. SuperRounder says at 1:45 pm, August 7th, 2008

    Is that a half shirt? QUEER!

  3. Serolf Divad says at 1:47 pm, August 7th, 2008

    Actually, I’m pretty sure he got those shorts off this guy. Not that that particularly help his case.

  4. V572625694 says at 1:47 pm, August 7th, 2008

    This, along with Bruce Ivins’ sorority obsession, pretty much ratifies the notion that sororities and fraternities are the nexus of all evil. Why do you think they call themselves “Greeks”? It’s an insult to lunch-counter operators everywhere.

  5. ManchuCandidate says at 1:48 pm, August 7th, 2008

    Who wears short shorts? Crist wears short shorts!

  6. masterdebater says at 1:48 pm, August 7th, 2008

    …and he throws like a girl.

  7. CollegeStudent says at 1:48 pm, August 7th, 2008

    Not to live up to my screenname and avatar but..
    isn’t that Pi Kappa Alpha, known affectionatly as Pikes

  8. Doglessliberal says at 1:50 pm, August 7th, 2008

    SuperRounder: You beat me to it: football jersey cut to expose belly=gay.

  9. Spence says at 1:51 pm, August 7th, 2008

    College? Those guys all look like they’re around thirty.

  10. Voyou Charmant says at 1:51 pm, August 7th, 2008

    Pig Roast! BYOTNz

  11. Serolf Divad says at 1:51 pm, August 7th, 2008

    SuperRounder:

    Hey, don’t jump to conclusions. I know a couple of guys who wear half-shirts and who have never been a “bottom,” and who go back to their wives when they’re done poking some silly pansy faggot bitch after hours in a park restroom. Totally not gay dudes at all.

  12. American Apparel has definitely crossed the line. That ad needs to go…RIGHT FUCKIN’ NOW!

  13. That first photo is a super-hot threeway. Charlie looks VERY happy to be in that sandwich.

  14. Sara K. Smith says at 1:53 pm, August 7th, 2008

    CollegeStudent: Shows you how much I know about Greek life. Fixed/updated.

  15. Nice crop top Mr. πKA!

  16. AngryBlakGuy says at 1:56 pm, August 7th, 2008

    …the second photo is of Charlie Crist accepting the Miss Buffalo Chip trophy!

  17. tunamelt says at 1:56 pm, August 7th, 2008

    It’s nice to know Greek life hasn’t changed at all since the seventies. Man-love for the win.

  18. SuperRounder says at 1:57 pm, August 7th, 2008

    Serolf Divad: I dunno know man, I gotta agree with Doglessliberal and say it all sounds pretty gay to me. Wait, do they attend church after the butt sex?

  19. RooseveltFranklin says at 1:57 pm, August 7th, 2008

    The half-shirt displays the trail to paradise. They look like they’ve set up a booth for mustache rides.

  20. AngryBlakGuy says at 1:59 pm, August 7th, 2008

    …I think “Sausage Roast” would have been more accurate than “Pig Roast” or maybe even “Sausage Party”!?!?

  21. thefrontpage says at 1:59 pm, August 7th, 2008

    Yech, all around. Gross! Please run more pictures of Paris Hilton in a bikini, or even, gawd forbid, Sarah Palin.

  22. pat robertsons personal trainer says at 2:00 pm, August 7th, 2008

    when did charlie “wide stance” crist get into american apparel ads?
    and is macaca available for quarterback lessons?

  23. AngryBlakGuy says at 2:01 pm, August 7th, 2008

    …is that Charlie Crist in the American Apparel photo? Naaaaaaaaaaaah, he is sandwiched between 2 women!

  24. trophy(forparticipation)wife says at 2:01 pm, August 7th, 2008

    Love the belly-top frat shirt, happy-trail, Gillette separated unibrow combo.

    Is that an acid-washed Bud logo cap on his right-hand lover?

  25. 4tehlulz says at 2:02 pm, August 7th, 2008

    SuperRounder: My first thought.

  26. queeraselvis v 2.0 says at 2:02 pm, August 7th, 2008

    Now I know where Nintendo got its model for Super Mario.

  27. RuperttheBear says at 2:03 pm, August 7th, 2008

    “Pi Kappa Alpha” is greek for sweaty-man-buttsecs.

    Just saying.

  28. BadNewsJack says at 2:03 pm, August 7th, 2008

    Thats gayer than five guys blowing six guys.

  29. Spence says at 2:03 pm, August 7th, 2008

    Um, is that Charlie Christ in the American Apparel ad?

  30. RooseveltFranklin says at 2:04 pm, August 7th, 2008

    I remember when everyone had that Budweiser cap the lumberjack is wearing.

  31. S.Luggo says at 2:04 pm, August 7th, 2008

    “Charlie Crist sends his receiver out for a long one.”

  32. CollegeStudent says at 2:05 pm, August 7th, 2008

    Sara K. Smith: Or that I know too much. But please don’t read too much into that. I was always too straight/high/jewish to ever be allowed in a frat.

  33. Dave J. says at 2:06 pm, August 7th, 2008

    That really is a pretty wide stance he’s got for throwing the football. I bet it went about five yards.

  34. BadNewsJack says at 2:06 pm, August 7th, 2008

    I’d like to be the meat in that sandwich…….
    oh wait I’m talking about the American Apparel ad, not the Fratboy threesome.

  35. trophy(forparticipation)wife says at 2:06 pm, August 7th, 2008

    I strained to look up his short shorts and then remembered that it’s a picture. What a great idea to dress to accentuate your hirsuitism, though.

  36. johnbpt says at 2:06 pm, August 7th, 2008

    Who knew that Freddy Mercury played football?

  37. Gopherit v2.0 says at 2:07 pm, August 7th, 2008

    He and his frat brothers look like some of the 70s porn finest.

    http://stereogum.com/img/ronjeremy_johnholmes.jpg

    Totally not gay.

  38. Doglessliberal says at 2:08 pm, August 7th, 2008

    SuperRounder: yes, and then they grow up to be Republican legislators who pass anti-gay laws and get enagaged and married to beards and have buttsecks in public restrooms.

  39. Joey Ratz says at 2:12 pm, August 7th, 2008

    Huh. I thought this would be about Charlie’s long-lost porn stash. Gotta go learn how to read.

  40. AnnieGetYourFun says at 2:12 pm, August 7th, 2008

    johnbpt: Going to ironically humming “Fat Bottomed Girls” for the rest of the day.

  41. trophy(forparticipation)wife says at 2:15 pm, August 7th, 2008

    CollegeStudent: And you support McCain? Me thinks you support Leiberman. Even my 80 year old mother-in-law is going to vote for Hopey, even though she fears the blacks “could get arrogant”.

    Boca Mahjong Club for the Black Guy ‘08.

  42. tunamelt says at 2:15 pm, August 7th, 2008

    Hey, bra, let’s take off our shirts and throw a football around and then go to the pier and drink some Natty Ice. I’ve got a cooler in my truck, bra.

  43. tsunami says at 2:20 pm, August 7th, 2008

    nice side shot of the blue american apparal girl.

  44. pat robertsons personal trainer says at 2:21 pm, August 7th, 2008

    also, you can’t see it real well, but take another look at charlie going all y.a. tittle. charlie is definitely wearing his flag over the crotch on his short shorts. rather than having the SAEs grabbing at his hips, he’ll be getting bird yanks, nutjabs, and butt slaps from some strange all day.

  45. blackdontcrack says at 2:21 pm, August 7th, 2008

    Wow, he looked really “ethnic” back then. Probably got a lot of dick in college.

  46. PrairiePossum says at 2:24 pm, August 7th, 2008

    I’m now convinced Charlie is straight. No self-respecting gay man would allow someone to photograph him dressed like that.

  47. keilerm says at 2:25 pm, August 7th, 2008

    Servo: I know it is off-topic but I have to agree with Servo…except it could just be sour grapes about not being the lucky Pierre in that situation.

  48. trophy(forparticipation)wife says at 2:26 pm, August 7th, 2008
  49. sanantonerose says at 2:26 pm, August 7th, 2008

    White coveralls and no shirt. Man, I really wish that fashion would come back in style!

    Note to American Apparel models: Eat a sandwich, already or just douse yourselves in rib sauce. Sheesh.

  50. Not_So_Much says at 2:41 pm, August 7th, 2008

    He is hunkalicious! I can’t believe he isn’t married!

    Wait, what?

  51. CollegeStudent says at 2:45 pm, August 7th, 2008

    trophy(forparticipation)wife: What? What gave you that impression?
    I am full blooded Obamatard, at least since Kucinich dropped out(the only candidte I was taller than)

  52. mr.november says at 2:45 pm, August 7th, 2008

    Now I know the inspiration for screenname shortsshortshorts.

  53. Botswana Meat Commission FC says at 2:48 pm, August 7th, 2008

    Lt. Dangle!

  54. ShortShadey says at 2:48 pm, August 7th, 2008

    Too bad he didn’t play intramural basketball: “Crist saves…”

  55. cynbot says at 2:50 pm, August 7th, 2008

    masterdebater: I’m surprised he can throw at all, considering how limp his wrist is.

  56. keilerm:
    The jury is still out on the gender of the one behind him. Chicks with dicks?

  57. This is like the gay version of Animal House where during the final credits it shows what became of them and the gayest of all is listed as Governor “crisco” Crist which nobody can believe, except that they totally can.

  58. trophy(forparticipation)wife says at 3:01 pm, August 7th, 2008

    CollegeStudent: Is there another college whatchamacallit? Sorry sonny, I don’t see so good. Oy, another reminder to eat some fiber.

  59. freakishlystrong says at 3:09 pm, August 7th, 2008

    “Follow us on a wonderful journey into the land of gay rapist facial hair — in other words, Florida in the 70s.”
    Sadly, sigh* Florida NOW…

  60. Quacker says at 3:09 pm, August 7th, 2008

    Serolf Divad:
    Absolut Win!

  61. Crist - 70’s porn star, magician, and Depends model.

  62. Doglessliberal says at 3:24 pm, August 7th, 2008

    PrairiePossum: no, he’s a self-hating closeted gay man pretending tobe a right wing Republican.

  63. Doglessliberal says at 3:27 pm, August 7th, 2008

    freakishlystrong: there’s a ‘collegeblogger’ or something like that. He posted that earnest McCain-love post yesterday about knowing where McCain’s loyalty lay.

  64. sanantonerose says at 3:32 pm, August 7th, 2008

    Tri-lamb. It’s delicious!

  65. sanantonerose says at 3:38 pm, August 7th, 2008

    larz: Charlie Crist could be the Liberace of the White House. Bling bling.

  66. gurukalehuru says at 3:46 pm, August 7th, 2008

    CollegeStudent: Your comments yesterday. Unless you have a name troll. If so, many apologies.

  67. shortsshortsshorts says at 3:52 pm, August 7th, 2008

    Christ gives shorts a terrible name. Damn him.

  68. KevoTron says at 4:00 pm, August 7th, 2008

    I got nothin’. gay. that is all.

  69. keilerm says at 4:20 pm, August 7th, 2008

    Servo: I think the one behind him is a woman, not a tranny. Plus I do believe the front one is the tight slacks girl…yummy

  70. ColdCupofHope says at 4:26 pm, August 7th, 2008

    Everything is so tight where is should be loose, and loose where it should be tight. *shutter*

  71. GrouchoMarxist says at 4:55 pm, August 7th, 2008

    Don’t know or care if he’s gay…but if he’s a Pike, we know he’s a MAJOR douchebag.

  72. Jukesgrrl says at 5:45 pm, August 7th, 2008

    Notice the pig is above Charlie’s head. You think that was an accident? He had all those guys.

  73. librarianerin says at 5:56 pm, August 7th, 2008

    I live in Central Florida. Some people still dress this way.

  74. expatinOz says at 8:34 pm, August 7th, 2008

    AngryBlakGuy: in my day they called it a “Sausage Fest” but here in Australia it’s know as a “Sausage Sizzle”

  75. hamletta says at 9:36 pm, August 7th, 2008

    Y’all must be reallly young. Porn ’staches and short-shorts weren’t exclusive to Florida in the ’70s.

    These pics could have been of any number of guys in my high school in MoCo, MD.

    Except for the fez-and-cape ensemble. That’s kinda far-out. Was it some kind of junior Mason thing?

  76. LittlePig says at 9:50 pm, August 7th, 2008

    keilerm: Oh hell no. Purple Butt Slacks Girl had a bad case of Butterface. This little number looks cute, albeit dismayed at being groped by ’70s ’stache gay dude.

  77. You want the mustache on, or off?

    “Off, please.”

    …Too bad.

  78. Flounder says at 11:49 am, August 8th, 2008

    If you think that American Apparel ad is naughty, check this out:

    http://store.americanapparel.net/women-tank-tops.html

    Scroll down to the mesh tops……

    naughty indeed.

  79. That’s not Crist. That’s pornstar Ron “Hedgehog” Jeremy.

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