Wonkette
So the whole time this Edwards Love Child scandal has been breaking and breaking, everybody has been asking the same question: where are the photos of John Edwards cowering in a Beverly Hills hotel bathroom and acting seedy all over the place? Well, the National Enquirer has finally delivered the goods, in the form of SPY PHOTOS revealing an Edwards-type figure hoisting aloft a remarkably human-looking child.
Even more intriguing is another photo that shows Edwards in a sweat-stained tee shirt drawing the blinds with the demented expression of an evil surgeon about to perform an involuntary limb removal. Just more proof that, without the makeup and the AH WILL FAHT FOR THE VAWSLESS speeches, he can come across as a scary, soulless creep.
Anyhoo, here are the photos, you monsters.
THE PHOTOS EVERYONE’S BEEN WAITING FOR! [National Enquirer]
The picture actually with the baby looks more like Kerry. DUN DUN DUNNNNNNN!!?!
But yeah the one where his neck is hyperextended for some reason is definitely him.
COVER UP EXPLODES IT IS EVERYWHERE AND EVERYONE IS PAYING ATTENTION!!!!!!!!!!!1!
I am Captain Kangaroo’s love child.
Mickey Kaus: redeemed at last.
Finally, the Fox News department has a lead story. Most use the AP, Fox prefers the journalistic integrity of the Enquirer.
Oh I was WAITING for these photos! Just sitting at home and WAITING. Wait…
See, I would have believed it if it was a democratic donkey-child who went out and ate bat boy. The humanoid shape suggests a blatant plant. What happened to you rstandards, Enquirer? Oh…wait, nevermind.
Oh wait actually squinting at the caption reveals that that picture on the left was actually taken like a year ago with a “similar tshirt with a similar sweat stain.” wtf? Fuck you National Enquirer and your fucking lies.
Holding his baby really makes him sweat.
Brangelina’s pimped out babies are officially upstaged!
Mickey Kaus had John Edwards’s love child? my head hurts.
Why is he so sweaty? And the blurry picture looks like Clay Aiken. Sad all in all.
damn my snark being faster than my grammar-checker!
Somebody run to the Quik Trip and pick one up and scan it for us.
Or don’t.
Eat your heart out, Ron Susskind!
bhosp: They crossed line from yellow journalism to random photo collages. Images, tangentially related assembled to tell an incoherent story. It’s like a new art form. It makes me want to work for that paper, I bet their offices are fun.
Texan Bulldoggette: Maybe the baby barfed on him. I would have.
Darehead: My question is: If (when?) he sells his lovechild photos, which of the two Americas will he give the cash to, hmm?
“Aaahve been faaah-ting foaaa you aaahl maaah laaahf”
The baby doesn’t have perfect hair. No baby daddy.
Rielle Hunter for Miss Buffalo Chip!
It’s truly a sad day in journalism when the body fluid stains of record become sweat rather than semen.
nothing to get upset about.
this enquirer story is simply an example of the reporters’ work,
which they’re using as a sample accompanying their mccain campaign
job application. truth is optional.
WonderWomyn: Except for the anthrax letters. But I guess that isn’t a problem anymore.
Texan Bulldoggette:
I think he was hugging the mom first.
loudmouthredhead:
your snark is faster than a speeding bullet…
neverming spellchek.
[neverming?]
Ok. Small sweaty picture is him. The blurry one? No. Not at all.
…anyway we can get him booked on “Maury”?
Looks like Greg Kinnear. The man, not the baby.
Just look at the way the sleeves fit on the crazy face Edwards picture and the way they fit on the blurry frosted hair baby picture. Did he increase the size of his nose and then either shrink his shirt or get some muscles?
If the baby starts talking about being the grandson of a mill worker, that’s better than DNA, as far as I’m concerned.
tsunami: neverming, indeed!
AngryBlakGuy: Jerry! Jerry! I want a chair thrown, man!
WonderWomyn: That’s called news to the right side of the aisle.
The story from last week was that there was a gaggle of reporters and photographers surrounding Edwards as he tried to sneak out of the hotel, yet these are the best pictures they have.
As if it needs to be said: I call bullshit
WTF, that’s a fucking Second Life photo, give me a break.
It’s really the curtains that are the most offensive thing about this story. When was this hotel decorated? 1975?
WonderWomyn: BUT TEH DRAPES MATCH!!!1
Honestly, this is like something one of my insane/drunk uncles brings to the family reunion to prove that the Freemasons caused 9/11 or something. A photo of the WTC on 9/11 with some random shadow on one of the towers, and from that we’re to conclude that there was thermite planted in WTC 7.
I’m glad he didn’t win the primary. Clearly, the man has perspiration issues.
i see Sara’s working hard today! What, are Ken and Jim on assignment? keep it up
…this is such weak sauce! Can they get anymore circumstantial? By the way I found these photos of Obama with his various love children!
http://www.jillstanek.com/Obama%20kissing%20a%20baby.jpg
http://newsimg.bbc.co.uk/media/images/44458000/jpg/_44458584_obama_baby_getty416.jpg
http://www.jookos.com/content/images/obama%20and%20baby.jpg
Lets see how quickly this ends up on FAUX news?!
Oh, it’s not him… it doesn’t look lime him, boohooo… millworker… two Americas… blah, blah, blah…
You want proof that it’s him? This very litigious man hasn’t sued the Enquirer (and everybody else running this story) for allegatrions that, if they were false, would certainly be actionable libel and an extremely easy case.
WhatTheHeck says WTF. Why are these photos always so blurred, like UFO photos.
And what’s with the drapes? Who‘s hiding there? I see an image of Elvis.
Doglessliberal: You know, this probably IS 1975. He is in some motel with no a/c in the south somewhere with somebody else’s baby. What NYC hotel is not air-conditioned?
Doglessliberal: For a closer look at the drapes. They’re actually a fair bit swankier than the NE pic would suggest.
http://www.beverlyhilton.com/Guest_Rooms/guest_rooms.asp
Looks more like Sam Neil of “Jurassic Park” fame than Edwards…
If this baby was not conceived in an airport bathroom in the “wide stance” position, then I am not interested.
It looks more like a less-attractive John Barrowman, but has he’s got teh gay, I’m guessing it’s not him.
Vewol Mevemont: You have a pre-1964 mind set. Suing someone for libel is not open and shut. READ: New York Times Co. v. Sullivan. The Court decided that public officials could no longer sue successfully for libel unless the reporters or editors were guilty of “actual malice” when publishing false statements about them. As it pertains to Edwards specifically: the Supreme Court later extended its the Sullivan rule to cover “public figures;” individuals who are not in public office but who are still newsworthy because of their prominence.
These tabloid magazines do this sort of thing all day, every day. This is nothing new and, for the most part, is ignored by the targets of their nonsense.
I think that the picture is a dead wringer of Rachel Maddow! They can all the fingers they want at John, However, they cannot prove it unless they do a paternity test.
bhosp: and ManchuCandidate: I disagree - looks like Chris Noth to me. Mr. Big?
Correction: Point all the fingers they want at John.
elfranko: Kaus has made a vendetta of this stupid topic: http://www.slate.com/id/2196758/#whycover
Edwards looks amazingly like the Turtlewax turtle in the smaller photo. The photo quality is not quite the Robert Capa expose that the Enquirer (British spelling for Klass, pal!) promises, and there is a distressing lack of aliens, morbidly obese people and cheesecake in the story. It’s sort of like the paper felt a disturbing, dark need to run some non-fiction, but was unsure of itself in that genre. Rupert Murdoch could run the Enquirer; Sam Zell, probably not — Larry Flynt, no problemo!
More importantly…WHO THE FUCK CARES?
A rich guy gets his concubine pregnant…that’s news. And how does this change anything about the need to address poverty in this country. Oh, it doesn’t. But it is shiny and means he cannot go on pointing out the hypocrisy of the right and the cognitive dissonance of those who vote for them because he is a fornicator…with women who are not his wife. Now, if it was little boys or men in bathrooms…he would be shouting with Newt and the boys in the Capitol Building.
But The Weekly World News of the World is now reporting on its web site that the baby’s parents are actually Jim Morrison and Janis Joplin, both of whom have been living in Tahiti since 1971. Edwards is only providing some money to help them out, because he’s a big fan of Morrison and Joplin, and he apparently is in charge of their royalties from their records. The woman that Edwards was visiting regarding the “love child” was simply a nurse who was helping Edwards, Morrison and Joplin with the baby. And apparently Jimi Hendrix and Elvis are the baby’s godfathers. They live down in Tahiti, also! Pretty crazy development in this breaking news story!
meemers: exactly. where i come from, we settle this sort of thing with a paternity test.
The baby photo looks like the lens was covered in Vasoline. Where exactly was the photographer hiding his camera when he smuggled it into the hotel?
Voyou Charmant: No, the Enquirer itself has been nailed for libel on numerous recent occassions for libel concerning public figures. I’m familiar with New York Times Co. v. Sullivan and its progeny. The “actual malice” standard isn’t insurmountable, and it certainly wouldn’t be in this case, particularly if we’re talking about a phony or doctored photo. The standard doesn’t require a showing of “malice” in the common-sense definition of the word, but knowledge of untruth or reckless disregard (and per subsequent caselaw, the reckless disregard path often requires subjective proof). A phony picture would probably be the easist conceivable target under the actual malice standard, particularly where the fuzziness of the picture lends itself to doubt about its authenticity. The Enquirer would have difficult time convincing a jury that it lacked subjective doubt about the authenticity of an extremely fuzzy picure unless it had a clear link between the photographer and Edwards, or, more likely, the alleged libel was actually true.
Vewol Mevemont: Yawn. That was boring, baby.
Vewol Mevemont: Voyou Charmant: are you two the same person, speaking to yourself as a split personality?
AfghanVet: wrong blog, dude.
Wow! I’ll give him a hand-sized elephant for a gift.
Wow, the Republicans REALLY don’t want Edwards as Veep.
I admit I was doubtful at first, but since there’s no way to fake photos these days I’m now absolutely convinced this is absolutely true. And IMHO Mickey Kaus is as handsome as he is brilliant.
This reminds me of the time someone showed me a blurry, out-of-focus photo and said it was Bigfoot. Now we’ve got John Edwards’ love child. Get me a blurry, out-of-focus photo of the Loch Ness Monster, and we’ll hit the trifecta!
Larry McAwful: Here you go.
http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://z.about.com/d/paranormal/1/7/1/B/loch_ness_2_lg.jpg&imgrefurl=http://paranormal.about.com/od/othercreatures/ig/Gallery-of-Monsters/Loch-Ness-Monster–1977.htm&h=500&w=406&sz=21&tbnid=Gc1qnfrIAnUJ::&tbnh=130&tbnw=106&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dloch%2Bness%2Bmonsters&sa=X&oi=image_result&resnum=1&ct=image&cd=1
I do like that Blur-dwards seems confused by the very concept of the blur-by, holding it as if it were a perplexing sack of potatoes. But now we know the shocking truth: Edwards lives life as human blur! Scandal!!!
http://thesebastards.blogspot.com/2008/08/edwards-bombshell-lives-life-as-human.html
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hnmewRquUxc&feature=related
I don’t want to believe this is true. Not because I like Edwards all that much. Fact is, I really dislike his shrew of a wife. No, I don’t want to believe it because I hate Mickey Kaus. He’s a weasel and I can’t stand the fact that he may be right about this. Unfortunately, Edwards is making it pretty hard to defend him. He’s not behaving like an innocent man. If the baby isn’t his, he could clear it up easily enough. A simple DNA test would conclusively prove he’s not the baby’s daddy. This staffer dude who apparently is such a sycophant that he’s willing to claim the baby as his, failed to put his name on the birth certificate. There’s a plausable money trail that leads from Edwards to this woman. He’s probably the father and he’s lying about it. God damn you John Edwards! Why couldn’t you were a condom like the rest of us? Who do you think you are? You don’t play in the NBA, you should know better.
Doglessliberal: It’s not a split personality. We’re just two people who happen to use the same body.
That blurry picture is totally Edwards. Or possibly my Great Aunt Hildegard, who I must admit, does tend to run around grabbing random babies.
I’m actually disappointed by the Enquirer’s “spy photo” quality. I mean, come on guys. Google Earth probably has a better quality shot of that hotel room. Hasn’t the Enquirer heard of these modern technologisticies?
Clearly this is true, as AngryBlakGuy points out (with the cutest picture ever of cannibal African Obama eating a white baby). I know that whenever I hold a baby, that baby is then, instantly and undeniably, of my parentage. It’s INDISPUTABLE!
I liked Edwards and his actual mention of things like poor people, Sudan, and New Orleans. But I don’t know that he would have made most since as VP anyway. Probably Obama will have to pick someone old. May I suggest Wesley Clark: old, white, wars and stuff, and sexy.