Wonkette
SEX CREEPS: “One day, between now and January, this alleged scandal will have to be addressed — and if John Edwards did nothing more than pay a friendly late night Beverly Hills hotel visit to his former videographer who was impregnated by his married loyalist friend, so be it. He can explain himself and go back to helping the Two Americas or whatever.” [AOL Political Machine]
JOHN EDWARDS
Read More:
Tagged:
Keep it in your pants, Edwards! Or take it out of your pants!
Whichever one helps poor people more…
My favorite is still Gingrich.
What. A. Fucking. Hypocrite.
How he got away with it? Fucking miracle. That’s all I know.
Landstander: Give the poor people your pants.
Jezus. J.E. could have at least had a biracial love child. Of course if the tabloids keep digging they may discover the baby is part alien.
I’m either naive or stupid or possibly both, but I still don’t get why this is such a huge deal, even if true. He’s not an elected official, he’s not inextricably linked to Obama - it’s pretty pathetic and stupid, sure, but that’s nothing new for Edwards. I’ve always considered him pretty irrelevant.
Am I totally wrong here? I seriously, legitimately, honestly don’t get the big deal.
shortsshortsshorts: re: your compliment yesterday, and foreplayish Gingrich mentioning tonight, just what is in those shortsshortsshorts?
Actually, I think the correct timeline of McCain’s class act was: 1) screw around on first wife all around town; 2) hook up with the c*nt; and 3) leave his wife. Also, I’m glad that at least Wonkette is covering this disturbing Edwards tale. I don’t give a crap who is screwing who, or whether you met the person in a bar or a bathroom. But the fact is that the smothering of this story by the MSM is nothing but pure politics. They don’t care about Elisabeth, they aren’t uncomfortable about the details, it’s just that Edwards is a popular democrat. Does anyone here think for one second that a popular republican with a dying wife and a love child would not have spent the last week with swarms of media camped out on his lawn, sick wife or no? Either cover EVERYONE’s sex scandals (yes, please!) or cover NO ONE’s (boring!).
Harumph. That’s some good, old-fashioned moral indignation, Ken. Somewhere in there should be a realization that, yes, even politicians like the sexy sex time. The real scandal is that they feel they have to pry into others sexy sex time.
Buffy and Hildegard: You’re exacty right on the McCain timeline.
Also, which one of you is “wheelie”?
The Incomparable Tiny Valdez: I see someone has noticed I’ve been eating my Hamas Waffles.
Is AOL’s political machine made of Tinkertoys?
PeteJayhawk v2.0: It’s not a big deal, you’re right.
But we could make it a big deal.
On second thought, I don’t think I can make a big deal out of it.
The only sex I find scandalous is the kind that is legislated against by people who practice it.
PeteJayhawk v2.0: We should make a big deal out of it just to drive the point home that Democrats fuck chicks for free, Republicans fuck boys or whores.
loquaciousmusic: If by tinkertoys you mean “fucking idiot bitter retards” then yes, totally. Right on. The comments on this one are okay though, because it is mostly MEEEEEEEEE and other Fine Wonkette Tolerants of a Good Natured Sort.
Be more funny.
call me a kiss-ass if you like….
but thats one hell of a piece…no shit…
One of the comments on AOL was so deep and illuminating, it needs to be repeated here:
wheelie8:09PMJul 29th 2008
tipical libral
switch atention over too ewdards too hide the mislum that is ploting the nex 9/11
u will wrot in hell len kayne
anabellum: please work harder to cover your roots hon…ok?…
no more mentions of monster truck rallies either…
John Edwards’ Love-Child in 2048!!
PeteJayhawk v2.0: the only possible relevance is that he is potentially a vice presidential pick, but most people think that ship has sailed. Personally, I think garden variety adultery between consenting adults isn’t particularly newsworthy, but anything involving children, undercover cops or illegal stuff is fair game. Also anything that illuminates hypocrisy (e.g. you say gays are going to hell but have gay sex in the airport men’s room) is fair game too.
shortsshortsshorts: ALWAYS KNEW THERE WAS SOMETHING SNEAKY ABOUT THE LITTLE BACKSTABBING EDWARDS IDIOT.
HE WANTED TO BE VP TO OBAMA SO HE SOLD OUT HILLARY AT THE WORST POSSIBLE TIME. I WILL BLOG ABOUT THIS ANYWHERE I SEE IT JUST TO FAN THE FLAMES. ANOTHER BACKSTABBER IM EXPECTING SOMETHING ON IS THE JUDAS HIMSELF, RICHARDSON…
WHERE ARE THEY ALL NOW?
QUITE A STORY. . . THE BETTER-THAN-BILL CLINTONS
AT LEAST WE KNOW ALL ABOUT BILL.
TJ, THE CLINTONITE SAYING “ANOTHER JUDAS BITES THE DUST…” NO VEEP FOR THE LITTLE CREEP.
Didn’t the liver girl live in southern California?
shortsshortsshorts: I wanted more of these but you had to ruin it by putting Good Natured Folk there. Now how will I get my entertainment?
Aw, that photo of John makes me nostalgic for the white lip mole-wart that he lobbed off because it was some uber-creepy white trash inbred thingy. Once the baby grows one, we’ll finally have the truth.
Anita Cocktail: The story is now going to be a real “story” for three reasons: 1) The cover up: Edwards must’ve had to pay his “aide” millions to claim the child as his own despite the fact that the aide also has a wife and children; 2) The fact that the media absolutely has refused to cover this story up to now will eventually become a larger story about how the media hates a democrat sex scandal; and 3) Eventually someone will have to explain why neither Edwards nor Elisabeth will be speaking at the convention. (Too many potential jokes about the “two Americas” and how Edwards has family in both of ‘em, yada, yada, yada.)
NotUrEvryDayWEzl: What fun, an apparently genuine all-caps bitter. So Edwards, Richardson, and all the other Judases who failed to remain loyal to the Clintons distinguish themselves from the rightful heirs to the throne by having bizarre personal lives?
slavojzizek: I know! I was quite pleased after I had run it through a few times to verify its genuine origin. After all, given the surrounding raw material, it might have been an elaborate forgery by one of our esteemed colleagues. But this gem is the real thing, and I want MORE.
NotUrEvryDayWEzl: I was trying to infiltrate one of these still-active bitters sites to link to Ken’s post and draw them to comment there. So far, I have been unsuccessful. But I did run across this post from a bitter under the “boycott nbc/msnbc for supporting BO” thread. This may tide you over…
Today, 09:51 AM
Hillarysmygirl08’s Avatar
Hillarysmygirl08 Hillarysmygirl08 is offline
Presidential Member = >1000 Posts
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Pittsburgh PA
Posts: 1,625
Poster Rank: #39
Send a message via AIM to Hillarysmygirl08 Send a message via Yahoo to Hillarysmygirl08
I have digital cable and I keep it on the Rap/Hip Hop music choice station. I do not watch NBC but I have to tell you I cannot boycott the Biggest Loser. That show saved my life.
____________________________________________
YOU MAY TROD ME IN THE VERY DIRT BUT STILL LIKE DUST, “I’LL RISE.” MAYA ANGELOU
http://Hillarysmygirl08.blogspot.com
http://www.hillaryclintonforum.net/discussion/showthread.php?t=21554
Let’s see: a love child that is the product of deviant sex, discovered by the Nat’l Enquirer. Hey, wait just a minute! Is John Edwards the father of Bat Boy!?
I just think no one gives a shit about loser John Edwards. This is why it’s a hilarious story. A love child for a twice-viable (vice) presidential candidate, and everyone’s like, “stop talking about that loser, it makes me depressed to think about all that losing.”
Jim Newell: Thanks, that’s kind of my view on the whole thing. Maybe I’ve just been reading Wonkette too long.
As for him being a viable VP candidate….what?! I don’t think any rational person in the country thought he was a viable VP candidate.
Buffy and Hildegard: Jim Newell: LMAO, does this mean John Edwards is the Biggest Loser? The winniest loser? The losiest loser?
Jim Newell: VOTE RON PAUL HES A DOCTER
Did you catch something from all those sick Paultarded babies you feasted on?
NotUrEvryDayWEzl: Ha ha I am having my fun. This will probably end up in Ken losing his column or something.
What the world doesn’t know is that I gave Edwards head in the back of a limo while he gave me coke and I have like tons of felonies and warrants all over the WORLD, FOREVER. Amen.
Jim Newell: But what better way to kick a man while he’s down? It’s fantastic. It’s scandalous, and it wreaks of South Carolina Sodomy. The best KIND of sodomy.
NotUrEvryDayWEzl: Good show, awesome. You even got Bill in there somehow.
Jim Newell: Uh oh… I like where this is going. By all means, proceed!
PeteJayhawk v2.0: He was being vetted and has been “subtly” saying he’d be open to the job, and given Democrats’ remarkable ability to lose elections, would that be so surprising? Eh… I’m guessing either Kaine or Bayh, whoever is more boring.
Jim Newell: No, it shouldn’t, though there is this naive part of me that really wants to believe all the shit Hopey’s shoveling - and thus that Edwards being a VP candidate would be nothing but a sick joke or a rumor floated by the likes of Jonah Goldberg.
But no - the VP candidate is going to be the most boring white man imaginable, because America is stupid.
Jim Newell: There is no fucking way in hell that he would ever be offered the Veep spot, save Jeebus coming back and giving everybody oral sex.
So, which one of you is “Crystal” on the AOL comments?
Because she apparently just took my “TRUCKNUTZ” comment as reality. That’s awesome.
If tabloid rumors are now fair game does that mean we can openly talk about how Bush is drunkenly fucking Condi Rice?
As an aside… I was just watching the Daily Show and John Oliver was on the green screen supposedly in Colorado. In reality it was clearly the intersection of M St and Wisconsin Ave. I don’t know why I care about this fact but I do, and I felt mildly insulted.
Also, big $ale on truck nutz on AOL. Thanks PeteJayhawk v2.0
PeteJayhawk v2.0: I think Crystal is an actual AOL user.
melving: OH GOD, those exist!?!?!?
NotUrEvryDayWEzl: Having only ever flown over Colorado and those other large, squarish states, I thought the John Oliver bit was awesome.
Do you suppose that people in the media may be showing some compassion for the situation Elizabeth Edwards is in?
jagorev: The words were good, to be sure. But it was distracting… imagine them filming in Times Square and calling it Little Rock, Arkansas. Something wouldn’t quite fit together.
NotUrEvryDayWEzl: I hate to be Captain Obvious here, but isn’t this a shtick they often do on the Daily Show — so-and-so reporting from such-and-such when they are obviously not there?
Who was this?
“tipical libral
switch atention over too ewdards too hide the mislum that is ploting the nex 9/11
u will wrot in hell len kayne”
Buffy and Hildegard: Well, yes, but I’ve run out of things to comment on and my tranquilizers (ketamine) hasn’t kicked in yet.
My cathartic activity is to go on “XX Factor” on Slate at work and observe the holier-than-thou “editors” disembowel each other with their tampons over this.
I saw NoObama today.
InsidiousTuna:
Why, InsidiousTuna, of course….
I saw Barry making love to a boy scout and claiming he should be a Scout leader.
Jim Newell:
Naw, it’s just that he looks and acts so much like Tom Cruise that people take delight in the thought JEd could actually father a human child. It’s so unlikely….
shortsshortsshorts: I was that boy scout.
But wait—there’s more!
Did anyone actually check out the execrable video that the Edwards pop tart was paid to shoot, the one she was paid $114,000 for? In it, our Hero shmoopily talks into the camera about his life, how people don’t know “the real” hiself, how lonely it is on the road. The only cliche missing was “my wife, the one with terminal cancer, doesn’t understand me”…
YES, this is the video equivalent of a bad, bad bar pick-up line.
He does look amazingly lifelike throughout, though.
(Sorry, too lazy, and at this point, uncaring, to provide link).
Jim Newell: you should have your operative Josh give you the story of Sheila Dixon, Mayor of Baltimore. It’s a scandal that’s close enough to D.C. to be interesting. And of course very snark worthy. ( I would do it but i’m kind McCainish with the internets
)
This entire Edwards thing is non-news and a non-story. In every way. He’s not in office, he’s not running for office, he’s not a head of a company, he hasn’t broken any laws, he hasn’t done anything illegal, no one cares about this guy anymore, and, well, that’s it. No one cares about Edwards having an affair! The interesting aspect is really the media running for cover, and the National Enquirer having a field day with the story while no one else touches it! That’s the really funny part!
I think the real reason this is a non-story is precisely because of Bill Clinton. The entire media convulsed itself endlessly through 1998 and 1999 over a couple of blow jobs. Even while it was happening and nothing else was being reported or discussed at all, the media started to realize how tawdry their obsession was - to the point that the narrative started to change mid way through from always talking about the blow jobs to talking about “why are we always talking about the blow jobs?”
In the end, the media collectively decided against ever again letting the Republican propaganda machine play them for fools.
Then 9/11 happened…