Wonkette
OH NOEZ, EARTHQUAKE! Yes there was an Earth Quake at Wonkette’s West Coast Headquarters. But as usual, Drudge’s West Coast Headquarters had it posted before we even came back inside. 5.8 magnitude, down in Los Angeles. (This also caused the LA Times to go bankrupt and vanish.) And now there are chickenshit little aftershocks about every 45 seconds. WHY DOES BARACK OBAMA AND HIS GOD, “ISLAMIC,” HATE AMERICA? [USGS]
It was Jeebus and GWB, trying to slaughter the gays.
This is Ted Stevens at work, trying to take back the news cycle and distract us from his indictment! But no, we’re smarter than that.
IS THIS THE BIG ONE01010101ZOMGBBQ01010101
How this will affect the vital Truck Nutz stock?
It’s my fault and ALL my fault. I was there this weekend.
BURN L.A. BURN.
I thought the UPS guy was outside my office or something. I give this earthquake a C-.
Best of Politico’s comments from the Islamic Liason story:
“no surprise here since he is not a naturalized citizen, raised a muslim, then chose the most rascist christian church in the countrym (see “no quarter” blog, july 28, larry johnson…..these, my friends are the facts….obama is not a naturalized citizen, and will be challenged in court if by some long shot he acutally dupes those to vote for him…. the empty suit and his bitter half are toast”
It was SCARY! My first LA quake. I’m just thankful it was minor and I won’t be trapped in the office building for days forced to drink urine to survive.
I like how this post has four comments, but no views.
Don’t worry, it wasn’t an earthquake. John McCain just knocked over another shelf of applesauce.
you have a West Coast Headquarters? Wow–now you need to go international. I suggest Belize–gorgeous country, and the dollar is set at 2/1 against the Belize dollar. Plus, there are monkeys. And iguanas.
I don’t think there is anything more frightening than an earthquake. How can you live in such a dangerous place?
-Landstander, San Francisco, CA
Whose apartment is Wonkette’s West Coast Headquarters located in?
Rickish: Truck Nutz are always a good buy. Their value holds through all market fluctuations and natural disasters.
…good thing John McCain wasn’t there, he would have had a flash back to Pompeii!
Thanks for the friggin earth quake you liberal hippies! Let a black man on the ballot and see what happens? And I want to talk to the volcano god, or Jesus, or whoever decides on these things happening during work hours. You just scared the crap out of all of the clerical staff! Don’t you know that trasplanted mid-westerners can’t handel the quakez? Seriously though, being a native I thought it was cool, but I’m sure the rest of the state thought it was “news”. Babies, get back to work!
NumbaOneHotDogEatah:
This is Ted Stevens at work, trying to take back the news cycle and distract us from his indictment! But no, we’re smarter than that.
No we’re not! I need to know how the earthquake affected Jessica Simpson!
NoWireHangers: Oh man, I had no idea watersports were part of survival procedure! The end of the world sounds so much better now!
That location replaced Wonkette’s midwest headquarters, formerly in the men’s room of the Minneapolis airport.
Larry Fine: Busey’s.
We felt it down here in San Diego, but we’re pretty far away. It was a “roller” as opposed to an F-ed up kerbang one.
But wait a minute… didn’t John McCain threaten to smite the world with a seismic event earlier this week?
The government is using its earthquake gun to try and kill the Reverend DR. RON PAULZ!!!11!!
shortsshortsshorts: Thanks a lot. The elevators in our building are out so if I want to get lunch I have to walk ten flights of stairs. You suck.
Oh great. Since it was in LA, we’ll have to endure about three days of coverage of people milling around outside, analysis of the dangers of earthquakes and the wisdom of the location of major cities in areas frequented by natural disasters, endless interviews of morons asked to share their earthquake experience, predictions of tsunamsis and aftershocks over the next several days, analysis of whether the earthquake coverage was overdone, and, eventually, Obama will have to give a speech on racism.
I hope your Truck Nutz were insured, Ken.
tunamelt: You’ve gotta find a way to go home for the day. Say you have anxiety. It won’t work for me, but maybe it will work for you.
Pat Robertson was right! It’s just that his god is hopelessly inadequate.
tunamelt: Order in. Make them walk UP ten flights of stairs!
5.8 magnitude, huh? You L.A. folks are wimps. I went through one that size in a bar in Alaska and didn’t even spill a drop of beer. No kidding.
Doglessliberal: I have been all over Belize. Pretty reefs and diving, nice interior jungle, but what a terrible fucking dump of corruption & incompetence. It should be given back to the Pirates.
God, I miss California.
InsidiousTuna: Didn’t work. And now teh gays find the aftershocks cute and chic and sexy and will be buying five pairs each. Right after they stop fucking.
It may have been Mark Penn masterbating. Try to remain calm.
Too much buttseks?
Ken Layne: well, yeah, there’s that. We were on Ambergris Caye most of the time, except for some ruins and horseback riding on the mainland, where it was pretty easy to see life through a haze of mojitos and mangoes. After a few days, you have decided to become an ex-pat and buy the whole Caye. The rum wears off eventually, however.
Terry: We just worry how it will affect the commute.
SayItWithWookies: Naw, if it was god, he would have hit Frisco again. This one hit the I.E. where all of the poor republicans have their McMansions…oh, and the meth labs. Obviously the work of the devil.
magic titty: If I were on the west coast, I’d be all over that fad this very moment. But before I fly out there, I have a date with a duck.
Naked Bunny with a Whip: Is there such a thing?
Ken Layne:
hey…my girlfriend is from belize and she’s h-o-t…
who cares about a little corruption when the action is so gooood?
I hid under my desk in terror. Also, I hope my bookshelf back home didn’t crush my laptop to death.
masterdebater: Not that I’ve found, but I live in the geologically inert and intensely dull midwest.
It wasn’t an earthquake - it was a simultaneous orgasm of all the libruls at Ted Stevens getting indicted.
“This also caused the LA Times to go bankrupt and vanish.” Every cloud has a silver lining.
NotUrEvryDayWEzl: Jealous! Well, start with a pinky, then work your way up.
AnnieGetYourFun: What? You mean it finally fell off the continental shelf? I thought it was just a smallish quake in LA. Alert Drudge!
Oh, and I already miss it too!
It’s those San Francisco Values, again.
Tawmn: NoWireHangers: I’m thinking of going to Weiland’s for lunch. Yes, the brewery.
sezme: Zell is an earthquake?
RaptorAvatar: Drop Cover and Hold, baby. Way to go.
Duck and cover or put your head between your legs or somebody’s legs.
I think the word “earthquake” is terribly passive, and it doesn’t adequately describe the phenomena. It should be called an “earthshake” or “earth-parkinson” or something.
magic titty: PLEASE, you’re talking to an expert here. That duck will have the whole “beak” before the next aftershock.
masterdebater: And teh Wonkette West Coast Headquarters..Now it all makes sense..
True story: A few minutes after the quake, my place shook almost as much when a car emanating a big fat throbbing hip-hop bassline from its stereo drove by.
tunamelt: that rules!!! Worth the ten floors
>>(This also caused the LA Times to go bankrupt and vanish.)
Does this means we won’t be treated to the epic writings of Jonah Goldberg?
Fuck.
Not to worry, teh firez should tamp down teh quakez…
Is Britney OK? That’s all I care about.
Ken,
I work not far from your west coast headquarters. Just checking to see if god dealt a death-blow to wonkette for all the mean things you say about his chosen people - the republicans.
If you survived, it only means he’ll get you with a flood next time.
Well, Johnny, when tectonic plates make sweet, sweet love they sometimes make the ground shake a little, just like it used to shake when your mother and I made love, but that time seems so long ago. Now go brush your teeth.
There’s a McDonald’s in Los Angeles, you know. Coincidence? You decide.
I hear John Voight blamed Obama for the quake.
mookworthjwilson: oh…and Travis Childers said nothing…
Having lived in LA for almost my entire life I can attest this minor unpleasantness was no big deal. Of course, the out-of-staters are losing their freaking minds, but the rest of us lazily looked up from our keyboards, mumbled 5.4, and went about the business whatever it is we do. On a presidential scale with GWB being at the bottom and Lincoln being at the top, I give this a Coolidge or possibly Tyler at best…maybe a Harrison since it didn’t last very long.
It was prolly just them there Kardashian women jogging or something…
Or, Jon Voight’s head exploding from all the voices.
Doglessliberal: Do they also have those little tree shrews that can drink plant beer all night and not show it?
nietzscheprojectile: I would not be surprised, though I did not see any. Lots of enormous iguanas lying all over the place, tree frogs, jaguars on the mainland, and many large fish. If I had a clue how to do so, I would attach a picture of the iguana that chilled right by our condo every day.
I think I shat my pants when it happened
NotUrEvryDayWEzl: call me.
Here’s a great pick up line for today.
“Was there an earthquake or did you just rock my world?”
magic titty: I dont go out of NW unless there’s free alcohol involved.
Citizen Kang: You, maybe. I’ve lived here all my life and I hate earthquakes. So I at least went under my desk–just in case.
Citizen Kang: Living less than a mile from the Northridge epicenter in 96 at quite an impressionable young age and having parents who thought bunk beds with glass shelving above said bed and my head was a good idea in ‘earthquake country’, I had a flashback to elementary school stop, drop, and cover earthquake drills. 10 seconds into the escalating shaking, I did get under my desk like a loser. I’ve never felt like a weaker, native Los Angeleno in my life.
tunamelt: Glad to know I wasn’t the only one.
I had a friend who went through the 96 Northridge and I called him about 10 minutes after the quake.
He and his roommate already did the essential survival check. 2 bottles of wine. Check. Half a carton of cigarettes. Check. Perfect view of the broken fire plug spurting. Check. The downside was their entire apartment was trashed like their stuff was in a blender.
You guys down south always have the fun quakes. Either we get the wimpy ones or the Loma Prieta. Gotta great Loma Prieta story for you sometime.
Citizen Kang: And THAT, my dear, is why I must return to the Golden State.
mothermaven: That part, not so much.
The ‘quake scared me so much I decided life was too short to lurk on Wonkette any longer…So here I am. In all reality, though, I work on a congressional campaign in SoCal, and I continued candidate call time straight through the earthquake…Money waits for no man(or earthquake)
trh: I was 8 for Northridge. I think maybe that memory has something to do with my instinctive hate for earthquakes. Everyone I know who was young and from Southern California, and experienced Northridge, has a total hate-on for earthquakes. Like little kid flashbacks.
tunamelt: I was in both the Loma Prieta and the Northridge… Loma Prieta was a crasher, like a punch in the jaw. Northridge just seemed like it would NEVER end. I also remember Pete Wilson fixing the roads in LA way before the roads in SF were done.
Buffy and Hildegard: I can’t wait for all of the PBS stations to run the disaster preparedness thing from that LA County Fire chief with the Porn Stache. They’ve been busting that thing out after each Quake since Northridge. The day I tote that much bottled water around in my car in case of an earthquake is the day I know I’m ready to vote for Walnuts as I am completely brain dead.
The Loma Prieta is why SF doesn’t have overpasses into the city anymore. Caltrans took so long up here residents started liking not having an overpass into their neighborhood! It used to be so easy to get in and out of the city. Central and Embarcadero freeways — I miss you.
I was living in Boston when Loma Prieta hit, but I came home to visit a week before and cursed myself that I didn’t plan my trip for the World Series. I drove over the Bay Bridge and Cypress structure to hang out in Oakland with friends, went to the city several times especially the Broadway exit which was always my favorite because that was how you got to the clubs.
I get back to Boston. Nobody cares about the World Series. I am watching 911 Real Life Emergencies with William Shattner, then Dan Rather breaks in and says just moments at the Start of the World Series the San Francisco experienced a strong earthquake. There are no word about casualties or damage because all communications have been cut. WTF? Then ten minutes later Dan comes on telling us it is not a strong earthquake, but a MAJOR earthquake. WTF?
It turns out Dan Rather wasn’t very liked by his local CBS station and had to broadcast via Channel 2 (which was or was going to be the FOX affiliate). The local lore goes that Dan came to town that has just had a disaster with a caterer. Dan riffs on the stench he smells from the cypress structure and someone said, “Nevermind the stench, Dan. How’s the pate?”
I went to dinner with a fellow ex-patriot from SFBAY and we felt bad not being at an event that is a rite of passage for a Californian. I have this strange feeling that when the big one hits I will be somewhere else as I tend to avoid disaster whether it is natural or man-made (except for the disastrous Bush administration).
I can also feel the tiniest of earthquakes others cannot feel.
We have an extra tank of propane to cook outdoors. I always have an extra jar of peanut butter, canned meat, plenty of pasta.