Wonkette
- SENATOR TED STEVENS INDICTED: The elusive Alaskan snow leopard who brought you “a series of tubes” has been indicted by a federal grand jury in relation to a year-long corruption investigation. [McClatchy]
TUBES IN THE CLINK
NOOOOOOO!
The house of cards is beginning to fall and the timing could not be more perfect.
Now, for something completely different…do you think Monica Goodling will engage in lesbian prison sex?
WHO WOULD HAVE SEEN THIS COMING I THOUGHT HE WAS AS PURE AS WHITEY SNOW.
Oh noes! On whom will John McCain unleash his senatorial spending anger when he returns to those hallowed chambers next spring?
Indicted?
NO!
You know what else is like a “series of tubes?” A man’s rectum…in prison.
…he should have left last year when the getting(and lobbying) was good!
ManchuCandidate: NOOOO! (Well, at least I had a link.)
Beautiful. Guess you won’t be needing that bridge to nowhere, Senator.
Bwaahahahaa!
And I was having a shitty day.
My god… who is keeping the tubes running now?
This concept of “justice” is foreign to me.
A Nelson Muntz quote seems appreciate at this time. Ha Ha.
No! Surely not!
Wait… you mean inDICKment! Well, of course he’s got his dick in men!
Volumptuous: As is Alaska.
You already live in Alaska - where the government PAYS you to live. Why spoil an already lucrative gig?
AfghanVet: No. She’s strictly dickly. And LOTS of it. She will serve at the pleasure of her warden.
Sen. Stevens,
Out West, the aspens will already be turning. They turn in clusters because their roots connect them.
…WOO-HOO, home from work early! Time for vodka with a vodka chaser!!!
AfghanVet: Don’t know about Monica, but I just saw Kyle Sampson eating lunch at the Corner Bakery at 19 & L with some Federalist Society looking twink. Kyle short and has a five finger forehead and has eyes that resemble a post-lobotomy McMurphy in One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest
THERE IS A GOD!!!!!! Praise him or her or it.
AfghanVet: Ewww — butterevil.
Anyone read any of those wacky posts?
“Oh, grow up! Like no Democrat has ever been indicted. Like all Democrats are good. Get real. All you namby pamby liberals want is a nanny state so you don’t have to work. Just take it all from the government. Does that make you any different from those you are so quick to condemn?”
WTF does any of the above have to do with a dirty, rotten scoundrel(R)?
magic titty: Ahh…so she will be shopping here: http://www.passionslingerie.com/
The tumor strikes again!
“You either die a hero or live long enough to become an indicted politician.”
ph7: Egads…evil so close to where I work.
Oooh, Wonkette needs to live blog this trial.
RuperttheBear:
I think it’s more like:
“Do I look like someone with a plan?”
AngryBlakGuy: OMG my favorite drink.
You can also coat the glass with a spritz of vodka if you’re fancy like that.
Is Girdwood slang for a strap-on? They have a resort town? Sweet.
ph7: so…does he look like he’ll let the twink has sex with his face, or not?
And it true Ted Stevens fashion, the good Senator from Alaska will simply refuse to comply, refuse to enter a plea, and refuse to show up for the trial. And then nothing will be done about it and Ted will be relaxing in his compound chuckling as he shovels bales of money into his fireplace six months from now when the whole affair blows over.
Politics and CORRUPTION seem to go hand in hand!
*SIGH* OsiSpeaks.com
trophy(forparticipation)wife: He’ll be seeing plenty of girdwood in the slammer.
AfghanVet: Wouldn’t you?
Alaskan of the Century, 2000. http://thecaucus.blogs.nytimes.com/2008/04/21/anchorage-mayor-to-challenge-stevens/
Such a long reign.
Delicious: And he’ll be seeing plenty of “tubes” in there too.
KYJurisDoctor: NO silly. Politics and Assfucking go hand in hand.
AfghanVet: “do you think Monica Goodling will engage in lesbian prison sex?”
Definitely. But I doubt it will be voluntary.
This has truly been a week of miracles.
Monsieur Grumpe: What DOES Nelson think about this?
KYJurisDoctor: …Also, it seems the pope is indeed Catholic.
Gopherit v2.0:
I thought last week was pretty good, too.
Knowing Ted Stevens he will handle this indictment with class and dignity.
Let’s watch and see…
ManchuCandidate: YEEEEESSSS!!!!!
ManchuCandidate: or
Harvey Dent: Does she have any psychotic ex-boyfriends?
Alfred: You have no idea how corrupt Senator Ted Stevens is.
Just send His Majesty to a remote Aleutian island with nothing but a Swiss army knife.
edgydrifter: Alas, entirely too true. This is hardly the first time that he’s been accused of being sketchy. He’s a greasy bastard, though, and always gets out of it. HATE.
Don Young, Sarah Palin, Ted Stevens… are there no honest Republicans in Alaska? I mean, there aren’t any honest Republicans in the other 49 states, so I don’t see why we should expect any up there, but still…
Better watch out for Senator Stevens when he puts on that Incredible Hulk tie. That means he’s angry. You won’t like him when he’s angry.
It’s so unfair. It’s just influence peddling and other time honored Washington stuff. No one got killed or anything. Jeeze, isn’t there a way our president could help Ted out?
If Yosemite Sam Stevens winds up in the clink, he’s going to really learn about a whole new series of tubez (steak)…
Apparently there was a bit of a delay in the ’series of tubes’ to Alaska:
Harvey Dent: The famous Ted Stevens. Rachel’s told me everything about you.
Ted Stevens: I certainly hope not.
He should learn from his GOP colleagues that if he wants the buttsecks that much, he doesn’t have to go to prison to find it.
AfghanVet: I’ve always known so.
Stevens should rent Papillion to find out what kind of tubes await him in prison.
As the head of the Senate Appropriations Committee, does Ted Stevens get to select Miss Appropriations of 2008 ?
gulcer:
“Do you want to know how I got these enormous bales of cash?”
Srsly, Ted and Monica are going to wind up working on their tennis games at a federal day care in Alabama, not go to PMIA prison. But I guess it’s fun to fantasize.
I think Ted should use the Ken Lay defense tactic.
I hope some of those earmarks went to build a cushy minimum-security prison.
It’s wonderfully ironic that the party that hates trial lawyers has to hire so many of them.
I hope the Feds didn’t use any illegal wire-tapping/snooping to indict this guy, ’cause
you need a court order to do such dastardly, underhanded things. Right?
Oh, did the presnit just sign something or the other into law about snooping on its citizens?
RuperttheBear:
Bruce Wayne: [to Rachel] You know that day you once told me about, when Alaska would no longer need Ted Stevens? It’s coming.
He’s like the epicenter of corruption, which means that he surely has enough dirt on Bush & Cheney to wrangle a pardon.
I think Ted is about to develop a brain tumor.
My prediction: Ol’ Ted and Bob Byrd will have a come to Jesus meeting on the Senate floor with both of them speaking in tongues right there on C-SPAN. They’ll get teary about the great and wonderful Senate and how mistakes get made when you’re busy doing God’s work. Come to think of it, Claude Pepper used to speak in tongues, too, didn’t he? What? You mean he really talked like that?
I’m Ted Stevens, and I approved this house renovation.
I’m Ted Stevens, and I approved this indictment.
I’m Ted Stevens, and I have a brain tumor!
gulcer: Win
Shame on all of you. Ted Stevens does not have a brain tumor. I know this because he hasn’t twittered about it yet.
http://twitter.com/tedstevens