Wonkette
The first three paragraphs of New York Times “lightning rod conservative” columnist Bill Kristol’s fare today:
Life is full of disappointments.
Early Friday, I went to the Real Clear Politics Web site, as I do every morning, for my fix of political news and commentary. I perked up when I saw the third entry on the list of that day’s notable articles — “No. 44 Has Spoken.”
“Hank Aaron has spoken? Wow,” I thought as I clicked through.
You’ve gotta be a rare strain of “cheeky asshat” to write this horseshit every week. [NYT]
I thought Barack Obama was a 27 year old NBA superstar, but now I’m told he is a lanky outfielder? I think we should compromise and make him a Bo Jackson.
I’ve seen hyperactive 5-year-olds off their Ritalin who whine and thrash about less than Kristol does in this piece.
The biggest disappointment in my life is that this douchebag hasn’t been hit by a lightning rod…
I’ll give him another seven months.
/fake $10
Before today, I never read/watched.listen to this guy. Now that I have, it just makes me angry. Thanks for nothing Wonkette Editors.
He honestly thought Hank Aaron came back from the dead and wrote on a shitty political blog???
What a fucking asshat.
OMGZ! Where did Ken Layne’s story about Dick Cheney and the bitter war vets go? Was it “disappeared”? Has the internet anschluss started?
Ahhh, I get it. Cuz Hank Aaron was no. 44 for the Atlanta Braves, seee. Thats funny, kinda, if you were kicked in the head by a steel toe boot.
His bitter, baffled tears of rage on November 5 are going to be so, so fuckin’ sweet. Hey, Bill! Like your idol George W., you’ve officially failed at everything you’ve ever tried.
Jesse Helms, Tony Snow, Robert Novak……….Bill Kristol? If there’s a God.
Did somebody feed him lead paint chips when he was a kid? Did he get hit on the head by a ball-peen hammer?
What. A. Load. Of. Crap.
Another nerdy Republican columnist makes a tortured sport reference to appear less nerdy. George Will and Bill should traded baseball cards while shopping for foppish clothing.
Real Clear Politics? Epic fail.
Yes, Bill, life is indeed full of surprises. For instance, you still have a job.
Did you ever notice that an unusual number of Neo-cons lack an upper lip?
I realize that Billy the K. needs to empty his colostomy bag weekly. But does he have to do it on the pages of the NYT?
Does he think baseball references will make him seem less closeted? Or is his reference to Hank Aaron a signal that he’s secretly lusting after athletic black men?
He’s due for about 10 more pies in the face.
http://www.truthdig.com/images/eartothegrounduploads/william_kristol_cake.jpg
superfecta:
It’s the Goerge Will school of “I’m not a pussy, honest… see how much I love baseball?”
” Do they really believe their fellow citizens who happen to prefer McCain are hopeless?”
Yes.
Delicious: Looks like it could have been JFK in Dallas, except poor Bill the K doesn’t have any brains
“Are they impressed by the cleverness of a political slogan that plays off a rather cheesy (sorry!) campaign to get people to drink milk?”
“Got Hope” is certainly nothing as clever or original as something Ronald Reagan would say, like “Where’s the Beef?”
I love the smell of vinegar and water. REFRESHING!
Yikes! Not only does he make the Hank Aaron joke twice, he translates the three word German sentence for us. Anyone who’s ever seen Hogan’s Heroes should be able to context out that one without being treated like a retarded child. I guess it takes one to know one.
“And so I drifted off into a pleasant daydream. It’s election night, and a victorious John McCain is waving around the Spiegel article, “No. 44 Has Spoken” — just as Harry Truman, 60 years ago, triumphantly held aloft the early edition of the Nov. 3, 1948, Chicago Tribune, with its banner headline, “Dewey Defeats Truman.””
Keep daydreaming, Billy.
I still don’t think Grover Cleveland should be counted twice. Obama’s would be the 44th presidency but he would be the 43rd president. Maybe that’s what Kristol meant.
I perked up when I saw the third entry on the list of that day’s notable articles — “No. 44 Has Spoken.”
“What a coincidence, the number of gay prostitutes I’ve visited this month? Wow,” I thought as I clicked through.
Fighting Bill: “You shall not put the Lord your God to the test.” (Luke 3:12). Besides, heaven doesn’t want him, and hell is afraid he’d take over.
I think it would be MUCH more satisfying if the NYT fired Kristol after some hideously public scandal, and then he never worked as a journalist again. What do you think, Wonketteers? Do you have a “dirty tricks” department to handle such a task?
shit, i read Real Clear Politics…i hate myself
I really liked him in “When Harry Met Sally.”
BadNewsJack: Ha ha ball-peen hammer. Ha ha. CLANG CLANG CLANG CLANG CLAAAAANG
I caught a rare strain of cheeky asshat this summer and now I get to have my tonsils purloined come December.
“Nicht so schnell, Herr Spörl,” I thought, drawing on what Obama would consider my embarrassingly limited German.
Does Kristol frequently talk to himself in embarrassingly limited German? But more importanly, why does Kristol care what Obama thinks about his embarrassingly limited German?
MAN CRUSH
This guy looks like he caught a bursting steam pipe in the face…and that tiny, tiny hand!!!
But I love the narrative style “and then it occurred to me…” and “but then I realized,” “and then I was morose”… “but then I cheered up!” And then I thought, I’ll never read the fucking New York Times again in my life…so something good came of it after all. Life IS full of surprises…
Bullshit. Everybody knows that #44 is Nets swingman Trenton Hassell. Wise up, Bill!
And no, I’m not reading a BK column that contains baseball references. Wonkette does not pay me enough for that.
No comment
That’s funny because the first thing that came to my mind was, “Reggie Jackson has spoken?!?!”
quick! say a bunch of really nasty things about him….maybe he’ll get a brain tumor so everyone can say “shame on wonkette”. or not.