Wonkette
ROBERT NOVAK HAS A BRAIN TUMOR! Is this why he ran over that guy last week? Best wishes for a speedy recovery, Prince of Darkness. [Human Events]
WASHINGTON, DC, 09:38 AM, SAT NOVEMBER 22 | Advertise on Wonkette |
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Of course this invites the obvious response: “What, Novak has a brain?!”
Brain tumors are no laughing matter.
But in this case, WTF:
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA.
Maybe there is a Yahweh after all.
I was sort of guessing that he’d claim to be an alcoholic, head off to Betty Ford for a long weekend, then emerge a “new man”.
I hope the tumor thing isn’t true. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone.
His neurologist leaked it to him, later stating in back-ground, “Bob’s brain is fair game!”
My eyes! My eyes!
Rush Week?! WTF!
Ted Kennedy’s brain tumor could beat up Robert Novak’s brain tumor.
Did he catch this disease from Ted Kennedy?
First Jesse Helms and now THIS? Why, o lord, why?
Why was this news broken on what appears to be a website devoted to “human” events?
As excuses go for mowing down pedestrians, this is a pretty good one.
We’re going to have to brush up on our brain tumor humor to find the funny in this…..
…the power of prayer?
I doubt he’ll make a comeback. At 77 a brain tumor is pretty much a death sentence. I hope he gets to enjoy the last months of his life with minimal pain and suffering.
Buffy and Hildegard: Ha Ha! Good one!
I wonder if the Plames will publish their get well message…
Jesse Helms, Tony Snow and now Bob Novak.
I am an evil, bad person, I know it, but this makes me happy. This, and the fact that Radovan Karodzic is in custody.
Serolf Divad:
Larry Fine:
The hivemind is strong in these two.
Hard to be as happy about this as about Jesse Helms since Helms was in a position to do actual harm to a lot of people and did so whenever possible and Novak was/is a hack commentator but I can’t be sorry the Robert Novak won’t be living much longer.
I wonder if Novak and Kennedy have Bucket Lists. You know, other than a Cage Match to the Death for the two of them.
This is shocking. Novak has always been so healthy looking.
Gopherit v2.0: Maybe he already knew, and mowing down a pedestrian was on his bucket list. He waited to reveal so he could keep the license until he could cross this item off his list. I shudder to think what else is on that list.
A brain tumor is never pretty and can be an ugly way to die depending on where it is on the brain.
On the other hand a brain tumor might also explain Novakula’s general assholishness.
False alarm, everybody. I mean, we all know that Robert Novak secretes brain tumors from the venom sack on his abdomen. Chances are one of migrated and got stuck in one of his mandibles.
Maybe he’ll have surgery and become a completely different person, like those people you hear about on TV. Perhaps he will devote his life to good, not evil.
Doglessliberal: http://therealzordak.de/GeorgeBushEatingA_kitten.jpg Substitute Novak for Bush, and 3 babys for the kitten…
Michael Savage broke the news by playing ‘Banned in D.C.’ by Bad Brains.
Dramatist:
They’d have to take out his ENTIRE brain and replace it with a functioning one to bring about this change.
Young Frankenstein, anyone?
You may hate his opinions and think he looks creepy, but he’s actually a nice guy. Sorry to hear about this.
Couldn’t have happened to a more deserving person.
Delicious: well, yes, if revealing the ID of an undercover spy is an “opinion”, then yeah, I hate that.
ManchuCandidate: Sorry if this seems pedantic, but I believe you meant “assholicity” or “assholituity.” Captain Grammar strikes again.
Scarab: …and then ranted that people with brain tumors are just whiney brats that won’t behave.
Delicious:
You may hate his opinions and think he looks creepy, but he’s actually a nice guy.
Hmm, just like Dick Cheney. Maybe I’m being unfair?
Best wishes for a speedy death, ass hat!
Surely, all the X-rays are showing are his vestigial horns.
Fighting Bill:
“We’re going to have to brush up on our brain tumor humor to find the funny in this…..”
Okay,
Q: what do you call a Republican with a brain tumor?
A: A Republican.
Thank you, I’m here all week.
It’s actually a demonic brain-child sired by Lucifer. It’s ready to bust his head open in emerging fully-formed, like Athena.
Scarab: well, technically, Cheney is not a “guy”. Guys are human, and Cheney is something else (demon, alien being, undead, etc).
AxmxZ: except she was the Goddess of Wisdom, something in short supply Chez Novak. Maybe there’s a more applicable myth lost to history: the myth about her deformed twin, Idota, the Goddess of Evil Morons. It didn’t prove as popular, and thus died out over the years.
Doglessliberal: Hey, I’m not saying the product is the same - just the process. Novak clearly got mindfucked by Satan, and it’s all about to come oozing out in the open.
Not to defend the Prince of Darkness, but he may have been telling the truth when he said he didn’t know he had hit someone. He may have blacked out as a result of the tumor. Instead of giving him treatment, perhaps we should send him and his Corvette to Sadr City.
I wonder what kind of Gay love song Orrin Hatch will write for him?
Fighting Bill: Yeah, but what’s his excuse for being a sorry, miserable, hating bastard?
Damn, I knew I should believe in that karma shit.
Luckily, Ted’s tumor has been tempered in a lifetime supply of scotch so he’ll outlive Novak.
Hey Bob - my recommendations for the time you have left:
- repentance
- as much reparation and good deeds as you can fut in
- prayer
Hmm, so it appears that this Boston hospital has a special wing for brain tumor patients who harm others with automobiles. Finally, common ground for Kennedy and Novak.
Delicious: Maybe you have some personal knowledge that Novak’s a nice guy, but it’s hard to forget him saying the Enron employees were stupid because they didn’t diversify their investments. Just because he was right doesn’t mean it wasn’t a cold, heartless thing to say on that fine, fine program, “Capitol Gang.” Still, a brain tumor is inappropriately harsh punishment for accidently running over a pedestrian and leaving the scene. Thirty days in the DC jail would’ve been about right.
While Novak’s over there they can finally remove that bug that’s been in his ass since birth.
Larry Fine: He was diagnosed while visiting his daughter here on Cape Cod. He obviously caught it from Teddy.
I think the headline more accurately should read “Brain tumor has Robert Novak.” We wish the tumor a full and complete recovery.
Um, think I’m gonna take a pass on this one. Too tasteless, even for me.