Wonkette
COMMENTERS ARE RUINING THE WORLD: Not you people, of course. We mean everybody else. Here’s Daniel Libit’s Politico story about the Age of Wacky Commenters, featuring some friendly words from your editor. [Politico]
APOCALYPSE
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Dammit Ken, you have said too much.
Now all will be aware that we are the ‘“the Great Enemy of America,”’ and for that I call Jihad on you. In fact, I call Jihad on all of you, and a Jihad on myself as well.
There’s gonna be a blood bath. What do you plan on doing with your virgins?
Indeed we are. All large breasted brunettes report to Q2’s residence immediately.
What? A commenter was the first person to break the story about John McCain being a hermaphrodite. What, you didn’t hear about that? Now you have, mofo! I’m that commenter, and you’re witnessing the news in action.
Just so you know, none of us would ever post your address in comment forum. We’d fly it on a Paultard blimp over Ronstock or something.
Just what in the hell do you mean, “you people”?
I read the comments on any CNN Ticker article and I kind of want this whole Web 2.0 thing to just fucking die, already. But then Wonkette would go away and I would have to do a solid 8 hours of work each and every day. So I think a fair compromise would be for CNN’s Political Ticker to die.
Site moderators removed his information, but not before Erickson received a number of ominous phone calls and e-mail messages, including one from a writer who threatened to “rape my wife and unborn child.” He placed a call to the FBI in response, and nothing came of the threats.
Hey, it looks like shortshortshorts finally figured out how to use *67!
The crazy generate this self-reinforcing dynamic
Oooo. Didja read that, folks? We’re DYNAMIC.
i blame Chuck Norris
OH NOEZ!!!!11!1! I just tried to post a comment and I got some weird error about how the Intertubes are clogged up with poo!
How did they find out?
Jesus Christ, the Huffington Post has 30 employees who are paid just to go moderate their commentors? This inspires two thoughts:
*Where the fuck does the Huffington Post get enough money to pay 30 people to do this?
*There is no amount of money that you could pay me to do this.
Josh Fruhlinger: Yeah, but they’re illegelz.
Josh Fruhlinger: I will email you something about that.
Wow, Politico’s on top of the trends. What’s next? Bubble tea?
Q2: Shit…”ruining”…I read “running.”
I can’t wait till Politico discovers this new “Youtubes” thing that all the kids are talking about.
No, seriously, hasn’t it been like over a decade since blogs were invented? I remember arguing with crazy Paultards at least seven years ago, mostly on Fark.
Ken: I sincerely and respectfully urge that you give us our stars back, as a way of moderating comments. Actually, that was a pretty filthy thing you did, taking away the stars. Look, I’m only going to say this one more time, give us the GODDAM MOTHERFUCKING STARS BACK!!! Now please!!! Thank you and have a nice evening. w
“Nobody would tolerate if, at the end of ‘Meet the Press,’ if a bunch of weirdos stormed the studio and started screaming weird racist stuff,” he says. “They’d call the police.”
Have you watched 60 Minutes, Ken? This is exactly the idea behind A Few Minutes With Andy Rooney, although, to be fair, it’s only one weirdo screaming weird racist stuff.
Ken Layne:
Surely, Ken, you were misquoted and actually meant to call us the great “Enema of America.” I’d like to think he have the effect of flushing America of her bullshit.
WadISay: It’s on the Fix List, I promise. (Along with some other things you people will like, if you like things.)
I can’t believe that Huffington Post doesn’t allow conspiracy theorists. I guess it keeps the Paultard Crowd away.
“I think it will become a crazy memory that a paper like The New York Times was letting any dingbat come in and write [almost] anything on its website.”’
Yes, that’s true. Eventually they’ll give them a regular gig on their op-ed pages and call them their ‘Lightning Rod Conservative.’
Ken Layne: Good, I missed the ‘things’.
The best nickname for McCain that Politico commenters thought up was “Songbird?”
Wow, Politico’s commenters suck as much as its writers do. If they ever realize how badly they all suck, we could have a group suicide on our hands.
Following in the footsteps of Politico, when will Wonkette offer commenters prizes for taking
part in dumb surveys. Come for the comments, stay for the prizes.
Yes as I sit here commenting away, I often reflect upon the weighty responsibility that has been given to me. I try to use my powers for good. It’s a lot of work, but when you consider that there are people out there depending on me to know what to think, for whom to vote, and all of their life’s decisions…well it is just something I have to do. I know. You’re welcome.
I am aware of all internet things.
“I think that for our current Web user generation,” says Wonkette Editor Ken Layne, “there is very little difference between the content and the comments. To this day, I get e-mails [from readers who] don’t know comments left by someone aren’t actually the story.”
But do you ever answer my emails? I think not.
Layne, who half-jokingly refers to commenters as “the Great Enemy of America,” edits a site that uses purposefully ambiguous rules about which comments are encouraged. The approach has had some success in forcing the crazy crowd to take its comments elsewhere.
Why do they think you were joking? We all know that you, Jim and Sarah have been giving all of our information to the CIA for years. Still, you have not prevented us from marching on toward glory.
And is there any other rule around here other than you have to post about butt sex or have it with an editor to post?
“Nobody would tolerate if, at the end of ‘Meet the Press,’ if a bunch of weirdos stormed the studio and started screaming weird racist stuff,” he says. “They’d call the police.”
And yet they let Bill Kristol on Fox News Sunday.
masterdebater: BOOBIES
WhatTheHeck: What, the Swim girl isn’t enough?
Unique commenting communities, cultures and hierarchies have formed at various sites, distinguished from one another by the province’s ideology, protocol and professionalism.
Wonkette - the site of unprofessional trucknutz devotees with only one protocol: mock or be mocked.
“Layne, who half-jokingly refers to commenters as ‘the Great Enemy of America,’ . . . .”
– Well, that about cover us . . . or at least me, anyway.
Wonkette uses “purposefully ambiguous rules about which comments are encouraged.”
– Gee, I thought it was our sexual preferences that were “ambiguous.” Save for buttfucking, of course. We’re ALL for THAT!
“The approach has had some success in forcing the crazy crowd to take its comments elsewhere.”
– It has? I see NO evidence of that WHATSOEVER.
“’Nobody would tolerate if, at the end of ‘Meet the Press,’ if a bunch of weirdos stormed the studio and started screaming weird racist stuff,’ he says.”
– Well, not during the Reign of St. Timmy Of Russert. It would have been duplicative of the programing.
“’They’d call the police.’”
– That’s been tried, and it doesn’t work. Better to call Blackwater. They’ll restore law & order — albeit at a slight cost.
If you’re other than a Rich White Guy, that is.
“Dejecta?” “Aspersed?” What the fuck language is this supposed to be in, anyway?
No comment.
WhatTheHeck: Oooh, prizes.
Wonkette could offer:
-Bag of donated toiletries from the downtown men’s shelter, or
-Subscription to Swank magazine.
Serolf Divad: Enemas are Ken’s “fix list” of things we people will like.
Where the fuck is homofascist, anyway? I haven’t seem him since the klan rally.
jagorev: SayItWithWookies:
What?!? you know about Bubble Tea too?!?
I thought that was my secret preserve.
“Nobody would tolerate if, at the end of ‘Meet the Press,’ if a bunch of weirdos stormed the studio and started screaming weird racist stuff,” he says. “They’d call the police.”
Ummm, that actually happens. It’s called The McLauglin Group.
Guppy06: Well, sure, but that’s a little too on the nose.
“Not you people, of course.”
Ross Perot could have been president of these United States if he had never said “you people.”
SNARK OFF
I agree that tragically, assfucking has taken the back seat of internet commenting. There just aren’t as many tits, cum-guzzling tranny’s, women being fucked by horses, or pure, unfiltered 4chan on the interwebz. Now, I am fairly new to this palace of sin they call “blogs,” most of the time I have thought of Wonkette as a town hall forum and not a blog, where people could express their desire for mooslims, guerrilla rape, incestuous relations with cousins and other things that all of us can thoroughly agree on (these are the serious issues). But I am a bit puzzled by these people who think that their opinion means something, such as “Coolguy 17,” or “HighSchoolStud,” both of which are 48 year-old men destined for Dateline. Things should change on the blogs. There should be more abortions, mostly. There should be many, many abortions. Coat hangers, Short spears, and new forms of abortion may be helpful. We should all play our part and bring the commenting back to where it belongs- legions on the skin, and poking with hot irons.
For your consideration.
SNARK ON.
Sorry, some issues just need to be discussed very seriously.
sanantonerose: Enemas are ON Ken’s “fix list”
Sheesh. I need one RIGHT NOW.
I didn’t see our Facebook group mentioned in that article. When will the correction be printed?
Tito Puente: Okay, that made me laugh.
10 points to you.
Commenters are definitely the problem, and not that fucking reactionary prick who lead off that story.
shortsshortsshorts: Damnit, man, I LIKE the way you think.
Every consider running from public office?
No, wait. I meant “for.”
Or maybe I didn’t.
Whatever.
shortsshortsshorts: Oh, and the serious social commentary that is “Two girls, one cup”. You just don’t hear enough discussion about this bellwether of the intertubes. Very cosmopoliton.
We are at arm’s length? NOOOOO!!!! Seriously I hate masturbatory articles like this because they trick me into thinking it’s okay that some days my greatest accomplishment is writing some sub-Weird-Al song parody about Hillary Clinton. It’s not. And that goes for all y’all wastes of life.
ronaldpagan: I can’t wait for Morrissey to write a song about commenters.
To how many communities of discourse does your average commentator belong? I just virtually flew in from Slate ( or was repelled in this direction), having read there, in Mickey Kaus’ blog, that the National Enquirer agrees with his theory about Edwards’ love child, and what does this mean to me? That it isn’t just blogs and commentators on one side and the big smelly field of MSM on the other, but instead a larger, all-encompassing smelly field, in which we wander, checking out the cowflop to see which are firm enough to frisbee and which are a bit too moist, just yet.
It’s true enough that every corner has its special flavor. Slate is good for calling people assholes, and this is a good place for wondering if Bush has ever cornholed Ms. Beazley by accident (can YOU sex a scottie when you’re drunk? I know I can’t), and would he regard that as a “lifestyle” decision?
Then there’s Nerve, where one can post to the bloggers that Jesus loves them in spite of their posing and bad art.
Some days, I feel just like Eloise at the Plaza, I swear I do.
masterdebater: Funny enough, it was the woman who told me about the serious social dialog surrounding “Two Girls, One Cup.”
Neilist: To have a serious aspiration for public office, aren’t the above-referenced comments required? Shit, there’s a legacy of 200 years of assfucking to live up to here.
First you have to assfuck the slaves,
and THAN you must assfuck the renters, and the people who have the slaves, and then the womenz, and then the ex-slaves again…
I say thank gawd for the interwebs. However a college degree or six figure income should be a requirement for taking the ride. That or rich parents. We have to keep the tradition real here.
shortsshortsshorts: Clap. Clap. Clap. It’s a damn shame that the interwebz have become profanely earnest instead of earnestly profane. Ms. Huffington, god bless her for trying to curb the disgusting and vulgar results of pure, anonymous, freedom, is a syphilitic cockplumper.
shortsshortsshorts: Speaking of which, how could Ken mention his commenters without mentioning assfucking? Where’s your sense of roots, Ken?
Oh, and: Yea! Stars!
Layne’s World, Layne’s World, party time, excellent! Wonkettinis, enemas, and McBilderburgers with Special Sauce and Friedman Fries! All in the ambience of the New World Odor. Music by “Ken Layne and the CORVIDS”
And shortsshortsshorts: is supplying the slaves and the porn! Hothothot!
poop
Josh Fruhlinger: Dear Josh,
Please to be posting all of your Jeopardy fun over at CC. I’ve been waiting all day.
Thank you and come again.
Gopherit v2.0: Stars? I was kinda getting used to egalitarianism. Help me. I’m turning Commie, I really think so!
Diamonds, perhaps?
For our wish lists, meh-bee we need a whole new thread. We are the Commentacracy!
artbot2000: I only come here because I like the idea that there are literate people online. In fact, I limit my interweb exposure purely to the snarky blogs where people can spell good.
AnnieGetYourFun: Gud.
Gewd.
Goud.
Guid.
Gued.
That is some difficult hawrd stuff.. You probably want to lower your standards.
shortsshortsshorts: Don’t you know that I fuck Republicans for fun? We’re talking about pretty low standards to begin with.
AnnieGetYourFun: Little boy, are you old enuf to be on this site?
Darehead: Zing! I’m hurt. That was really good.
I remain unaware of the “purposefully ambiguous rules”.
wonk_the_heck: In the end, it’s the ambiguously purposeful rules that always getcha.
NotUrEvryDayWEzl:
Thank God! Finally somebody said it right. It’s Truck Nutz’ world; we just live in it!
That’s the point.
wonk_the_heck:
Darehead:
I’m sorry to inform you that you both have run afoul of the purposefully ambiguous rules.
Wonkette has put you on double secret ambiguous probation for a period of time to be determined. Say three Hail Larrys and have buttsecks, and we’ll see what we can do.
(quack)
Speaking of commenters… Paultards on Digg are being especially hilarious:
http://digg.com/politics/Ron_Paul_on_the_Mother_of_All_Bailouts
Apparently… “Don´t marry a foreigner, like I did. It´s not worth the strife. Marry someone LIKE you, not just someone you like, you won’t regret it.”
iwillsavethispatient: Isn’t that the stance of the LNS guys? Wait. LNS is Paultards!
I’ve never read Politico comments until now. Does Ed Hale run this site?
wonk_the_heck:
The first rule of Wonkette is never talk about Wonkette.
The second rule of Wonkette is never talk about the Snorg Girl.
You guys are proving him so, so, so right.
And that’s why I love you.
Sabre_Justice: That we are the enema of America? Sure, but why not conquer the world! Neo-Commentarianism! Wonkers of the world, unite!
Quacker: And you know all about foul rules now, I presume! BTW. Polly called. She wants you.
Darehead: I meant, “fowl”
iwillsavethispatient: Good lord. I only had to read two comments down!
No one should be allowed to graduate High School in the U.S. without being exposed to these concepts. Social Studies should include watching Ron Paul videos, and dammit, this video should have been number 1 on YouTube BEFORE the vote.
And another:
There will always be boom and bust cycles as long as paper money exists. Learning about the paper money is the equivalent of when Neo “wakes up” on the other side of the Matrix. He actually vomits and passes out after saying, “No.. get away from me…..” Then, he wakes up and everything was back to normal. People can’t handle the truth.
I don’t even know where to begin, except to say that, if I taught Ron Paul videos in social studies class, I would be fired faster than a Congressional page who doesn’t put out.
iwillsavethispatient: loquaciousmusic: ‘P-Tard commenters do seem to be letting their insanity out more, let’s hope the catharsis continues. Maybe it’s the ban on their “Troofer” stuff that has created the opening. Here’s another one that gets into their anti-democracy, Jesus-saves feelings, but their gold standard-red herring always dominates.
http://blogs.abcnews.com/politicalradar/2008/07/ron-paul-gets-b.html
Ha! And I’d rather be a putting-out page than a teacher showing Paultard vids too! Pro-stitution before Consti-patriotism!
“Nobody would tolerate if, at the end of ‘Meet the Press,’ if a bunch of weirdos stormed the studio and started screaming weird racist stuff,” he says. “They’d call the police.”
-Isn’t that why Crossfire got canceled?
I am quite fine with the knowledge that my comments or opinions mean no more than my vote. Both are exercises in vanity. I live in Texas. My state will vote for the Repub candidate no matter what my opinion or ballot indicates. I don’t comment because I want to make a difference. I just like seeing myself in print but I’m too cheap and lazy to really learn to write. I don’t vote hoping to make a difference either. It’s just a big ‘fuck you’ to the system. If the democrats ran Texas I’d be a flaming conservative (although I’d have to fake enjoying public bathroom sex ’cause that kind of grosses me out.) I also work out, not because it’s healthy, but because it helps me get laid and I like watching myself in the mirror. So there. That, my friends, is the essence of the internet commenter.
Wait, we commenters are the ‘“the Great Enemy of America?”
Crap, I am never getting through airport security, now.
Politico commenters make me hate Al Gore for ever inventing the internet. I have to return here to get sane again. And to read assfucking jokes.
Paultardville:
Swim girl is NOT enough. The ads give nice eye candy to you fellas, but when photos of men appeared (Gawker art days) they all looked like heroin addicted high schoolers. Ewwww.
We want beefcake! When do we want it? NOW!
What kind of death threats does Our Wonkette receive? I imagine it’s only a matter of time until the Paultards figure out here Jim lives.
jagorev: Paultards have been around for SEVEN YEARS? That’s a shock. I thought they sprang forth from Dr. Paul’s virgin ass sometime around late 2007. Show’s what I know. Fuck I have trouble turning this goddamn thing on and off. Honestly, I think I still had an AOL account seven years ago.
*I’ll now sit back and wait for all the programmer geeks to make fun of me and my ancient Dell PC.
artbot2000: I nominate you, sir, for today’s best use of the word “frisbee” as a verb on teh interwebs. Also the award for striking imagery involving cow flops.
Who says “commenters” are wacky–GET THEM OFF OF ME! SNAKES! SPIDERS! COCKROACHES! THEY’RE EVERYWHERE! THEY KILLED KENNEDY! THE RUSSIANS ARE GOING TO INVADE US! I’M GETTING ALIEN VOICES FROM PLANET ZOLTAR ON MY IPOD! GET THESE SNAKES OFF OF ME! YAH! ELIVS IS STILL ALIVE!—and why are people saying this? What do they know? Commenters are extremely intellectual, intelligent, well-grounded people.
a;loal; hoi;kl alil jpaoij;alk kah;doiflel aldil 1897098370 ljl,c,i83l..
Is Angryblakguy on vacation?