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HEAVY-HANDED SYMBOLISM

Barack Obama To Deliver Speech In Front Of Massive German Phallus

Ich bin ein Donkey DongAfter veritable days of speculation about where Barack Obama would deliver an inspirational speech to the German people — the sausage barn where JFK declared he was a donut? the Reichstag? Angela Merkel’s bosom? — we finally get an answer. He will speak in front of Berlin’s “Siegessaeule,” or Victory Column! According to Politico, it is “a symbol of Prussian military dominance in the 19th century.” Barack Obama will spread his message of hope and peace from atop a giant War Dildo. [Welt Online via Politico]


10:38 AM on Fri July 18 2008
By Sara K. Smith
2478 Views

  1. Makeithurt says at 10:44 am, July 18th, 2008

    What an idiot. Barack Obama makes me puke.

  2. tsunami says at 10:44 am, July 18th, 2008

    perpetuating the stereotype.

  3. Bandito says at 10:48 am, July 18th, 2008

    Our war dildo is bigger than their war dildo.

  4. loudmouthredhead says at 10:48 am, July 18th, 2008

    Merkel was annoyed that he wanted to go to the Brandenburg Gate, so she thought this was a witty retort. Oh, that obscure German humor.

  5. shortsshortsshorts says at 10:49 am, July 18th, 2008

    I do hope Barry makes it to a sausage fest.

  6. loudmouthredhead says at 10:50 am, July 18th, 2008

    Wait, when he’s done, will a geyser erupt from the top of it, like a symbolic hope-gasm? That would remind me of that Christina “Dirrrrty” video…

  7. NoWireHangers says at 10:52 am, July 18th, 2008

    Next stop, the Mars Cheese Castle in Kenosha, Wisconsin!

  8. Rev. Peter Lemonjello says at 10:55 am, July 18th, 2008

    Could someone please photoshop an appropriately colored pair of truck nutz on the base of the HOPE Dong™?

  9. masterdebater says at 10:56 am, July 18th, 2008

    If he were a real pinko he would speak from the cell in Stammheim where Ulrike Meinhof was murdered. Fascist! You just can’t trust these American liberals.

  10. Darehead says at 10:56 am, July 18th, 2008

    Ich bin Ein Binladener.

    (note: that is satire.)

  11. loudmouthredhead says at 10:57 am, July 18th, 2008

    I would pay money to see Merkel and Barry whip ‘em out and see whose is bigger.

  12. loudmouthredhead says at 10:58 am, July 18th, 2008

    Rev. Peter Lemonjello: What would you do with the “attachment” on top, though? Leave it and just label it the “German Tickler”?

  13. shortsshortsshorts says at 11:01 am, July 18th, 2008

    You know, the Germans made the jews wear war dildos.

  14. V572625694 says at 11:03 am, July 18th, 2008

    loudmouthredhead: Gate vs obelisk: the Freudian symbolism is pretty clear. Nicht Kleben Sie Ihre große schwarze Ding in meiner Dame Loch, schwärzlicher Amerikaner!

  15. loudmouthredhead says at 11:04 am, July 18th, 2008

    shortsshortsshorts: Nono, that was the Kaiser making his soldiers wear those damn silly helmets:
    http://www.diggerhistory.info/images/enemy-ww1/german-helmet.jpg

  16. Rev. Peter Lemonjello says at 11:04 am, July 18th, 2008

    loudmouthredhead: replace it with a bronzed whore diamond.

  17. MoodProcessor says at 11:10 am, July 18th, 2008

    His Hopeyness at the Hopenis.

  18. JeffGoldblum says at 11:16 am, July 18th, 2008

    Forgive me if this sounds crass. But… I’m just relieved to finally have a Presidential candidate who is willing to do something about these damn Jews.

  19. shortsshortsshorts:
    Along with other types of flair.

  20. magic titty says at 11:18 am, July 18th, 2008

    Makeithurt: why so, honeysuckle? Hopey giving you the blues?

  21. RuperttheBear says at 11:19 am, July 18th, 2008

    From TPM:

    “But the report is un-sourced. The Obama campaign is refusing to confirm it, though it isn’t denying it, either. And Berlin City Hall declined to comment to us, too.”

    For the record I DON’T CARE because I’ve got to get ready for buttsecs (gas tank is empty).

  22. Sufferin’ succotash, the Siegessaeule!

  23. loudmouthredhead says at 11:21 am, July 18th, 2008

    TGY: Replace them S’s with TH’s, and you has humor

  24. NotUrEvryDayWEzl says at 11:23 am, July 18th, 2008

    A massive dark brownish phallus is sure to featured in one of those excellent german pr0nographies documenting his life.

  25. loudmouthredhead says at 11:27 am, July 18th, 2008

    RuperttheBear: After Larry Craig talking about gas nozzles and jerking, I don’t know what part of your last sentence is euphemism!

  26. WadISay says at 11:28 am, July 18th, 2008

    Seems like a pretty crappy choice of a place for Hopey to give a speech, but 300 foreign policy advisors can’t be wrong.

  27. Guppy06 says at 11:30 am, July 18th, 2008

    Bandito: I dunno, it looks a bit taller than Dick Cheney to me.

  28. Truculent says at 11:33 am, July 18th, 2008

    Next stop — Lenin’s tomb. Followed by a speech before the statue of Lord Nelson in Trafalgar Square and an important domestic policy speech at Mao’s grave.

    McCain will be at the Joplin, MO American Legion for the Friday Fish Fry and dollar beer night

  29. tsunami says at 11:34 am, July 18th, 2008

    “a symbol of Prussian military dominance in the 19th century.”
    yeah, great. i needed to be reminded.

    and an echo of german military activities in the 20th…
    not to mention the genocide.

    but, hey, all is forgiven…mmmm, beer.

  30. He’s massing his Army of Hope.

  31. Guppy06 says at 11:51 am, July 18th, 2008

    “a symbol of Prussian military dominance in the 19th century.”

    So… it’s in Poland?

  32. WhatTheHeck says at 11:53 am, July 18th, 2008

    Oh Sara, you and your alt text. Methinks Barry has his own edifice to stand behind.

  33. ALIVE! says at 11:59 am, July 18th, 2008

    tsunami: In their defense, it is awfully good beer.

  34. obfuscator says at 12:03 pm, July 18th, 2008

    “When will we have a black president?”

    “When a Bavarian angel dances on the heads of gigantic black penistower.”

  35. magic titty says at 12:05 pm, July 18th, 2008

    WadISay: As one of Baracks’s esteemed policy advisors, I backed this decision firmly. Especially after learning we could have the turgid sculpture to ejaculate Lowenbrau at the end of his speech.

  36. magic titty says at 12:11 pm, July 18th, 2008

    And he surely will be the champion of the religious right after starting with these fine words:

    “At night I sit in my chamber and read the bible. Far in the distance roars the sea. Then I lie down and think for a long time about the calm and pale man from Nazareth.”

    …OK, sure, it’s a quote from Goebbels, but that is sooo NOT the issue….

  37. popsicle schitk says at 12:17 pm, July 18th, 2008

    So Berlin’s Mayor will be right up front with a salute!

  38. wheelie says at 12:34 pm, July 18th, 2008

    It’s a shame all the cheap flights to Berlin seem to be sold out. It would have been fun to head over there for the day.

  39. Canmon (the Inadequate) says at 12:47 pm, July 18th, 2008

    It’s too bad that Leni Riefenstahl passed away because she could have documented this rally appropriately.

  40. Hooray For Anything says at 12:54 pm, July 18th, 2008

    since the state is “a symbol of Prussian military dominance in the 19th century” will that mean McCain will accuse Obama of appeasement?

  41. jagorev says at 1:01 pm, July 18th, 2008

    Ich bin nein muslimischen?

  42. WimWenders says at 1:23 pm, July 18th, 2008

    I think Barry is just a cineaste.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_lt6o6QSQv4

  43. Hooray For Anything says at 1:57 pm, July 18th, 2008

    “Is it true what they say about the way you people are ‘gifted’?… Oh it’s Twue…. it’s twue…. it’s twue!”

  44. Wee Mousie says at 3:10 pm, July 18th, 2008

    That is the world’s first alternate energy, methane-powered dildo.

    After all, the Germans, have to do something with all those wiener schnitzel, sauerkraut und Doppelbach beer farts.

  45. nietzscheprojectile says at 4:41 pm, July 18th, 2008

    Wir wollen unseren alten Kaiser Wilhelm wieder haben!

  46. regisgoat says at 7:38 am, July 19th, 2008

    WimWenders:
    Glad you got a word in between the dick jokes. Hopey is our schwarzengel, of course he’s roosting there!

  47. I still vote for the Reichstag.

    What? Have you guys seen the Reichstag lately? It’s all shimmery and glassy and well-groomed, and there are hordes of students studying and playing frisbee on its front lawn. It’s surreally utopian.

  48. schvitzatura says at 3:07 pm, July 20th, 2008

    That’s not Dane-Austro-Franco transcendence!:

    The Victory Column…designed by Heinrich Strack after 1864 to commemorate the Prussian victory in the Danish-Prussian war, by the time it was inaugurated on 2 September 1873 Prussia had also defeated Austria in the Austro-Prussian War (1866) and France in the Franco-Prussian War (1870/1871).

  49. Mr-Clark says at 12:42 am, July 21st, 2008

    Sara K. Smith,

    Larry Sinclair says that Sen. Obama can take the whole column. He supposedly has no gag reflex at all.

    Sincerely and respectfully,

    Mr-Clark

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