Wonkette
WEEKETTE: Do not forsake your Weekette, which is a wonderful weekly collection of your Wonkette items, in the LA CITYBEAT newspaper. Also, oh lord, what is your editor doing now? [LA CITYBEAT]
JESUS
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What does ectogamit mean?
Is there also a Weekettini?
This is Ken Layne shamelessly pimping his own screed. Click on any link and you will see his nom de plume, “Ken Layne,” prominently displayed. A little self-referential piggy-backing, huh, Ken?
Aurelio: Yeah, it is true. Next thing you know, I may be trying to convert these American “page views” into “dollars” … which are also worthless. [Buy my cereal.]
I, for one, am not averse to feeding a starving editor. And his labrador too. I don’t know about that regal looking cat, though.
Ken Layne: “Too Poor, Dumb and Ugly” was great. It gave me a visceral flashback to one of those cranium-splitting hangovers I had where I spend the whole day moping about in squalor and contemplating mortality. Not that Sunday was so long ago, but still…
Yes, beautifully written “litter”-ature. This is a much needed snarky revenge on ho-hum maudlin white-sandy beach travel writing. Indeed, I hope it launches a whole new genre of apocalyptic reveries with literary analogies, longue duree and smart multicultural theology all thrown in. The “National Trails Highway,” indeed! They should have just added one more “6″ to “Route 66.” Just one question: how did you get so close to the old shorts that you could see just how crusty they were? Oooooh. And why did you make such a big deal of asking for the check? Did you want readers to know you were at a real elitist sit-down place and not the profane gay-loving McDonalds? Yinny-way, read it, y’all!
Was that your way of admitting to giving Jesus a righteous Fu Manchu?
Marines get to supplement their income by breaking and entering? Maybe my nephew was on the right track when he signed up.
Mos Eisley has really gone to shit.
“…across from the landfill and next to the shooting range.”
whew. when i clean up the coffee i just spit out of my nose, i’ll screw up
my courage and click on more stories by ken layne.
Ken Layne: You mean “theoretical internet dollars”
The piece on the desert was spot on! The only sight you missed was of course that aircraft graveyard where 747’s are parked for miles amidst tumbleweeds…
Thanks Ken. I appreciate a vivid, enriching read when relaxing after riding my motorized dildo around
the double wide and stirring up the dust…haw, ha-ha. I also enjoy choking with laughter after I choke on the dust.
Great reading…and you nailed the feeling down in that part of California. God-forsaken area. That part of the state, along with the Delta, always creeped me out. Both would be fabulous settings for an X-File/Slasher Movie.
You don’t LIVE there, now, do you? If so, I’m sure you’ll be, um, very happy and able to find some terrific real estate values.
Hey Ken, Hunter S. Thompson called, he wants his unique journalistic voice back.
Haha. I keed. Loved that shit, and I’ve never even been to southern california.
hockeymom:
Didn’t “Kill Bill 2″ take place in that area? Also, there was a flick about meth heads starring a scary-looking Mickey Rourke from a few years ago that was set there, too. Forget the name of it, but it involves watching Mickey Rourke ride around town looking for starter chemicals and waxing philosophic.
Botswana Meat Commission FC:
Isn’t “scary-looking Mickey Rourke” redundant?
Sounds like a perfect place for both movies. I wouldn’t know…I only go to movies involving magical unicorns and winsome looking children who turn into butterflies.
This is Ken Layne shamelessly pimping his own screed.
Ken’s plan to make Wonkette profitable: whore himself out to with every outlet he can.
Ken Layne: You need to convert them to Whore Diamonds or Euros.
Jesse Helms is dead. Show some respect.
This Weekette thing is pretty cool, is there any way you can get this in the Sunday NYT Magazine? It’s better than 99% of everything ever published in that rag. It’s weird to think that I could get my weekly summary of Wonkette printed out, on sheets of “paper”, for reading in the “park”, which is “outdoors”.
Also, you might want to let the LACITYBEAT editors that, at least on the web version, they should include the original links from your posts.
Also, nice article on the Mojave. Very Hunter S. Thompsonish of you.
oh mr. layne you are making me homesick!
jagorev: yeah, but you need to have the weapons yourself. including the gerber minimagnum. driving in a 70’s model convertible might be a good idea too. and what about the ibogame?
Does the article have any ending or was that it? Lay off the buttons.
Yeah, but why did you move to the Mojave Desert?
Doglessliberal: You mean Ameros.
hockeymom:
Yeah, sorry. I meant the more recent “scary looking Mickey Rourke” as opposed to somewhat-suave “Pope of Greenwich Village” era Mickey Rourke.
Barstow does have a super deluxe McD’s.
I picked up my Xolo puppy there in June, a compromise with the breeder to driving all the way to LA.
Of course there was a huge dust storm all day, we saw a house trailer blown over by the wind.
Getting gas was a fine experience in sandblast spa treatment. Am exfoliated for the whole year.
So, two growth industries there, besides meth…tie down cables and sandblasting.
Ken, I just had to say that was sheer poetry. Not in the ‘That made me feel warm and fuzzy’ sense, but more like ‘Oh shit, that scared me’ sense.
In the desert only black widows and scorpions are your friends.
Botswana Meat Commission FC: Spun
ken is everywhere, like teh hepatitis
I’m so excited to have your stuff in the one-free-paper-that’s-better-than-the-other-free-paper, Ken Layne! The Mustache Jesus And His Scary Environs piece seems like a harbinger of good things to come. But now, most importantly: does the presence of an editor on the West Coast mean that we finally get to have a Paultardpalooza West?
Kaclon: ” … harbinger of good things to come…” yeah. some kind of Mad Max world. From the looks of things, it has already started out there. christ.
qwerty42: Oh yeah, I mean, it’s already pretty clearly Mad Max 4: Electric Meth-a-loo about 10 miles outside of Bakersfield anyway.