Wonkette
Few things brighten your Wonkette’s day more than a fresh new e-mail from McCain’s figurehead campaign manager, Rick Davis, announcing some lame new fundraising schtick. Today he informed us that the campaign would launch “McCain Aces II,” an exclusive club for rich Fat Cats who donate over $25. It’s a follow up to the original “McCain Aces” group that Davis claims was “popular,” even though that contradicts the basic fact that no one ever fucking knew it existed.
Piling one exciting development on top of another, those who join “McCain Aces II” will suddenly gain access to the playthings of the rich and powerful:
So they’re saying that if we give them enough money to join this fake club, we actually get our name listed on some dark corner of his terrible website (engraved on a divot tool?), a computer picture of five dark blue clip-art jets with some lines in the background, and a folded piece of paper to throw at figures of authority? Fun. What was the kicker for joining the original McCain Aces club — three of McCain’s yellow toenail clippings circa 1981?
McCain Aces II [John McCain]
How long before one of those planes get shot down over enemy territory?
Sorry to burst your bubble, Newell, but it looks like we just get a sexy desktop image of a paper airplane.
Do you also get a Top Gun style nickname? If so, it’s too bad McCain already has dibs on Maverick.
Are the five “Ace II” planes supposed to represent the five planes WALNUTS! crashed?
I forget, do republicans support piracy or copyright protections? Because I think we could just pass that stuff around once one of us downloaded, right? Fold puff pass.
DarkSynergy: Donate over $100 and become a McCain POW. You get: post-traumatic stress disorder and a fat sack of walnuts.
Cicada: win.
Do we also get a visit from Lou Gosset Jr., star of Aces: Iron Eagle III?
John McCain is unaware of his own website.
If you donate $50 or more, you get an iron barrel hoop and a stick to roll it with!
Given McCain’s level of internet awareness, I’m assuming when they say desktop wallpapers they’re talking about an actual physical desktop.
Will the paper airplane be used to gun down the Paultard blimp?
Holy shit, I gave them $2300 to get that paper airplane! Next thing you know they’re going to give away yard signs to anyone who donates $50.
I assume “exclusive desktop wallpapers and images” means n00dz, but does this include McCain’s
Brazilian
firecracker? And if so, are these contemporary shots (no thanks) or the original (hot, hot) daguerreotypes?
I already donated….I mean, a real paper airplane?!?!?!?!?!?!
ooooh, “EXCLUSIVE” downloads! Just what I need for my low self-esteem!
As we comment, Jenny2 and Flagold are engaged in an awesome paper airplane dogfight for the very soul of this, ahem, cunt-ry.
Marcel Parcells: Cindy = Cougar ???
Howard Wolfson = Wolfman??
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0092099/
Obama would have to be Ice because of his drug addiction right?
Donate $25 and get your name listed on our website.
Donate $100 and we’ll keep your name out of this!
The green button is so… green.
Excuse my nerdiness here, but that silhouette of a jet the McCain campaign is using is of an F-14.
To quote wikipedia: “The F-14 was the United States Navy’s primary maritime air superiority fighter, fleet defense interceptor and tactical reconnaissance platform from 1974 to 2006.”
So, first of all, McCain’s using OLD planes!
But there’s more: “As of 2007, it remains in service only with the Islamic Republic of Iran Air Force.”
OMG! Vote McCain for President of Iran!
Here’s a better logo for McCain Aces — plus it has the benefit of showing an actual A-1 Skyraider, not a hot modern jet (yes, apparently the Skyraider was a prop job):
http://members.tripod.com/airfields_freeman/TX/Cabaniss_TX_07_A-1_mural.jpg
Cicada: Beat me to it.
Stinger: Maverick, you just did an incredibly brave thing. What you should have done was land your plane! you don’t own that plane, the tax payers do! Son, your ego is writing checks your body can’t cash. You’ve been busted, you lost your qualifications as section leader three times, put in hack twice by me, with a history of high speed passes over five air control towers, and one admiral’s daughter!
Goose: Penny Benjamin?
[Maverick shrugs]
Stinger: And you asshole, you’re lucky to be here!
Goose: Thank you, sir.
Stinger: And let’s not bullshit Maverick. Your family name ain’t the best in the Navy. You need to be doing it better, and cleaner than the other guy. Now what is it with you?
Maverick: Just want to serve my country, be the best pilot in the Navy, sir.
Stinger: Don’t screw around with me Maverick. You’re a hell of an instinctive pilot. Maybe too good. I’d like to bust your butt but I can’t. I got another problem here. I gotta send somebody from this squadron to Miramar. I gotta do something here, I still can believe it. I gotta give you your dream shot! I’m gonna send you up against the best. You two characters are going to Top Gun.
They also failed to realize that the silhouettes on the logo are for Russian planes(MiG 29’s). tsk tsk. Commie Aces!
A reem of paper is $7.30 for 500 sheets…he might be on to something with this. Unless, of course, they are paying whoever folds the damn airplanes $25 per plane…
Pfft, I can get better swag by donating $25 to the local PBS station.
Or I could spend it on 5 gallons of gas.
There are going to be a lot of angry bitters waiting by the mailbox for a roll of wallpaper from Grandpa WALNUTS!
pondscum: I think you have to print and fold it yourself. Don’t be such an elitist.
Well, the only way to get around the Internet is with a small, private link to a paper plane.
You know, I could just go into Microsoft Publisher, and print out their paper airplane “folding projects”. They have four different planes, I already have that program on my computer, and I don’t have to donate money to someone who votes against making my insurance carrier pay for my birth control.
I hear those paper airplanes crash your computer.
iwillsavethispatient: Excuse me, but alas the shilouettes are of F/A 18s. McCain flew Sopwith Camels.
floraway: Publisher has paper airplane “folding projects?”
Cool.
how strange…the folding instructions look like they come off a Depends box…
http://www.depend.com/products/app_instructions/briefssit.asp
floraway: So I just looked and there is origami, too! The more you know.
>>a computer picture of five dark blue clip-art jets with some lines in the background, and a folded piece of paper to throw at figures of authority?
ZOMG TORRENT PLZ
So McNasty is still trying to fool people that he was an ‘ace’ fighter pilot, when he flew a bomber.
No actual aviation fighting, just bombing runs from the air.
Snoopy is extremely upset about this.
I believe, in the context of Walnutz, the correct spelling is aeroplane.
tunamelt: http://office.microsoft.com/en-us/templates/CT101439601033.aspx NEATO!
“I wanted to leave a comment, but there is no way to type a comment in.”
WadISay: Spoilsport! You sure? They look too fat to me… http://www.herogearstore.com/Small_Decals.jpg
Escueto: You do have a point there… But do we want McCain to be President of the USSR or Iran…
4tehlulz: Them ain’t no pretty lines, they are property of WWII era Japan, notably the emperor. It’s the rising sun, only blue and less scare-the-shit-out-the-worldish.
Botswana Meat Commission FC: Awesome.
See also Tarantino in one of the world’s greatest cameos. (The film is “Sleep With Me,” which may not be clear from the YouTubes, and is worth watching all the way through. It’s even got Adrienne Shelly, RIP.)
Alright gang, let’s pass the hat.
It’s high time that the name “TRUCK NUTZ” gets listed on the McCain website.
mookworthjwilson: Oooh! Paper dolls!
mookworthjwilson: Nobody donate to McCain. That link has hours of entertainment, instead.
Just how many “kills” did this ace fighter pilot hero have?
tunamelt: And due to his skill (or lack thereof) as a pilot, “Look Out!” is also what it said on the side of McCain’s plane.
I read that as “McCain Ages.” Yes, he does.
man, i’ll get my name on his website? i’ll be immortatal!
isn’t that required by the pesky FEC…ah screw their rules!
sati demise: Not just any bombers, either - he flew dweeby, little bombers! This patch sums it up well: http://www.bluejacket.com/usn/insignia/av/oth/a4_skyhawk_last_insig.jpg
These are for his air war on Czechoslovakia. Keep surging, Walnuts!
You know us bitters love sequels. Remember Breakin’ 2: Electric Bugaloo??!!
Where’s my checkbook? I want my Aces II-day!!
Escueto: iwillsavethispatient: Definitely not F-14s, and, yeah, not F/A 18s either. But Escueto is right: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/MiG_29. Too funny for words: McCain’s website uses the shiloutte of a Commie MiG 29 fighter. To be fair, he’s only learning to use the internet.
WadISay: Okay, I’ll accept that. Shame, I quite liked his retired planes.
Nevermind, lets all agree it’s all part of his plan to become President of the USSR and overthrow the regime in the Czechoslovakia.
OMG!!! PAPER AEROPLANES!!!! AWWSOMMEEE!!!!
Joey Ratz:
McCain flew dweeby, little bombers?
That explains a lot! yes indeed.
mookworthjwilson: You get to watch Sailor beat up Patrick Swayze in the comfort of your own home.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=QTG8Z3j1vXY
I would pay fifty bucks to watch Walnuts! turn on The Internets and use a Computer to find The Google and then fly those five clip art jets all the way to the inaguration.
No, I’d pay fifty bucks an hour for that…believe me, McSame would have some coin given how long it would take him to find the On button.
BadNewsJack: I’m getting all hot and bothered just thinking about it!
iwillsavethispatient:
Escueto:
WadISay: Yes, definitely MiG-29’s, I about spit my Wonkettini out when i saw that graphic. WALNUTS has some real geniouses in his marketting department.
RuperttheBear: Can I watch Sailor Moon beat up Patrick Swayze?
MARCdMan: They’re F-14s - MIGs are longer and slimmer.
[spoken in the voice of Kevin from The Office]: Oh, I am so joining McCain Aces II!
AxmxZ: You flirt. Now we’re going around in circles… Go Iran!
Ace vs. Ace, or, Sleepy vs. the Red Barry
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oxzg_iM-T4E
Up in the sky, a man in a plane
Barry von Ricktossein was his name
Eighty men tried, and eighty men died
Now they’re buried together on the countryside
{Refrain}
Ten, twenty, thirty, forty, fifty or more
The Bloody Red Barry was rollin’ up the score
Eighty men died tryin’ to end that spree
Of the Bloody Red Barry of Obamany
In the nick of time, a hero arose
A funny-looking dork with a big walnut cheeks
He flew into the sky to seek revenge
But the Barry shot him down - “Curses, foiled again!”
{Refrain}
Now, Sleepy had sworn that he’d get that man
So he asked the Great Trollop for a new battle plan
He challenged the Obaman to a real dogfight
While the Barry was cruising, he got him in his sight
That Bloody Red Barry knew all the tricks
He had everything, including the chicks
Sleepy fired once, and he fired twice
But the Bloody Red Barry went soaring out of sight
“Curses, still foiled again!”
I was hoping for my $25 I’d at least get to drop cluster bombs on rural civilians before flying back to a hot dinner, cold beer, and a warm bed at the airbase in an adjoining, developed country. Shucks…
[URL=http://imageshack.us][IMG]http://img373.imageshack.us/img373/1023/acesaregotj3.jpg[/IMG][/URL]
do you get to touch the paper plane with more than your eyes?
oh my god i’m melting…
Mahousu: Oh, man. Now I’ve got to masturbate. Again.
““The F-14 was the United States Navy’s primary maritime air superiority fighter, fleet defense interceptor and tactical reconnaissance platform from 1974 to 2006.”
So, first of all, McCain’s using OLD planes!”
Actually, no. McCain was shot down on October 26, 1967. The Navy first used the F-14 in 1972. So, Jamacane was using a plane that hadn’t been flown yet (straight line opty, heh). When you’re the admiral’s child and grandchild, you get these perks. That’s why you have to refuse them later.
iwillsavethispatient: Actually, I can out-nerd you: Those are not F-14s.
You can tell from the planform of the wings. The F-14 wing has a different aspect ratio: It’s longer and narrower, even in the full sweepback position.
Those look more like the trapezoidal wings of an F-15, but the planform on the tail is wrong.
So there.
Actually, to out-nerd everyone in here for good and all:
ACES II is the designation for the standard issue ejection seat system used (with various aircraft-specific modifications) in most US fighter aircraft.
ACES stands for “Advanced Concept Ejection Seat,” and the “II” refers to the second-generation system.
See http://www.ejectionsite.com/acesii.htm
So what’s the message here: “His campaign’s going down in FLAMES, so . . . punch out with WALNUTS!”?
I’m confused.
Neilist: So he’s offering to make us part of the same club that wrenched his arms out? I’ll pass, thanks.
Joey Ratz: Don’t be hating on the A-4. It may have been an attack plane, but it was so maneuverable that the Blue Angels used it for years, and it was one of the opponent planes (along with the F-5) at Top Gun. If that’s dweeby, then so is a Lamborghini Gallardo.
Looks like the F-18 E/F Super Hornet to me.
http://www.aerospaceweb.org/aircraft/fighter/f18ef/f18_schem_01.gif
If WALNUTS! is elected POTUS, I predict a supplemental to the defense budget for 2010 for cyan inkjet cartridges…
Well,if the definition of an Ace is a pilot who has destroyed 5 or more enemy aircraft, then John McCain is an Ace - for the North VietNamese!
i’d prefer the flying penis… i mean, is McCain really going to let those commie bastards one-up us? the shame.
It’s clearly a MiG-29; that was my first thought, too. Check the engines and tail layout on the F/A-18–the engines are right next to one another. The MiG has more space in between them.
Seriously, I know the candidate doesn’t approve every piece of clip art, but this is pretty frigging hilarious.
Using MiGs in the US Navy? That’s not change we can believe in.
schvitzatura: Inkjet? He’s still rockin the dolly wheel.