Wonkette
Jesse Ventura, the former governor of Minnesota, has given the collective electorate blue balls for a whole week. We’ve been anxiously awaiting his declaration of candidacy for Senate against incumbent Republican Norm “Boxcar Willie” Coleman and Democrat Al Franken, who used to be a comedian once. But then Jesse Ventura went on the Larry King last night and said he wouldn’t be running after all, boo.
“If between now and five o’clock, maybe God comes and speaks to me like he did the president, and tells me I should run like he apparently told to president to invade Iraq … just understand God sent me to file,” he told Larry King.
He also suggested that Coleman would probably win this in a walk, because polls showed him, Jesse Ventura, taking away loads of votes from Al Franken when he wasn’t even running. Al Franken is hosed, Jesse Ventura has failed us as a candidate and an entertainer, the end.
Ventura won’t run for Senate [The Hill]
Ventura: I’m not running for Senate [CNN]
I was startled as hell last night. I agreed with just about everything Jesse had to say. Jesus, what’s wrong with me! I need body slammed or something. I mean, I can’t vote for that boob Obama. I just can’t do it. Wouldn’t even occur to me to vote for a Repub on any level for anytning. Tuning in, turning off, dropping out — that’s my option.
When Jesse bailed out of the Senate race, the Predators have won in Minnesota.
Fear not, Wonketteers. Jesse’s former chief of staff, Barkley somebody, is running instead. he served in the Senate for about 45 minutes as Paul Wellstone’s replacement. And don’t forget, Jesse is sitting by the phone waiting on God’s call. Still plenty of time to file if the Holy Spirit descends on him like tongues of skin bronzer
Call Brett Favre.
God that’s disappointing.
Oh, and his book has the worst title EVAH.
columnv: His book would look nice next to “Steal This Book” and “The Anarchist’s Cookbook.” However, it is written at a third grade level.
Thanks for the memories, Jess. And if you want to hear the voice that told Bush to invade Iraq, do your praying in the Naval Observatory.
He’s giving God a deadline of five o’clock, so don’t start the fireworks yet.
This might be a play borrowed from Ron Paul’s book.
See Jesse Run.
See Jesse Not Run.
See Jesse still Run.
See Jesse Not Run Again.
…Then the Runs turn into a full-blown Movement.
Maybe if he was allowed to bring his minigun on the Senate floor he’d change his mind.
Boy, Ming the Merciless sure has changed. You’d think he’d want political power to kill off Flash Gordon.
And how the hell can anyone lose in the polls to Norm Coleman?
I just read that whole SKS post in my Jesse Ventura voice. Basically, it sounds like when you inhale nitrous oxide and then stuff your mouth with cake/beef jerky.
If we all pray in our respective religions, maybe one of us will be right and god will hear us and pass the message on to Jesse. He MUST run. I think it is written somewhere in the Bible, probably near the end where the pages stick together. HILLARY/VENTURE 08!! FUR SHURE!!!!!!
Oh, god can also tell him to personally invade iraq. that will teach them there those pesky americans
Cartoons!! The whole world is turning into cartoons! It started with info-tainment and now the
news makers are actors along with the news readers. Next the audience will be computer generated and their votes will count.
How sad for a comedian like Al Franken to be considered less hilarious an option than Jesse Ventura. I’m assuming Minnesotans only vote ironically, yes?
Borat: Rusty Venture? Boy Adventurer?
BobLoblawLawBlog:
It isn’t that Franken is is less hilarious. It’s Jesse that’s too serious for the Senate.
He’d Pile Drive Harry Reid’s head into the Senate floor in a heartbeat.
VIVA PRESIDENT VENTURA 08′!!
BobLoblawLawBlog: Minnesotans onlyvote ironically.
I love this. He’s been saying since like, 1684 A.D. that he would not be running, but for some god awful reason the press kept being like
“JESSE VENTURA IS GOING TO SAVE US FROM OURSELVES.”
Why the fuck does he get all the fucking press? Al Franken only received about 10 minutes of spot-light. But more importantly: who gives a fuck about Minnesota anyway?
mookworthjwilson: He’s Brock’s and Venture’s lovechild. I guess that means Brock was the mommy.
AxmxZ: Hank is a clone of Brock and Dean is a clone of Rusty.
Wait, what was the topic again?
Oh yeah, somepne pls steal DARPA tech and beam God’s commands into Jesse’s brain, ASAP, kthxbye.
Darehead: A movement has got to be better than the runs… you just never know when they’ll hit.
He was just on the big idea with donny deutsch last night. I wrote about it on my blog,
mnanchors.blogspot.com
To be fair, I think jesse lacks tact and is a little rough around the edges but he says what he means and sticks to his word. As a native minnesotan, I can honestly say that our governor, Tim Pawlenty is by leaps and bounds much worse and I hear is rumored to be John McCain’s running mate!