Wonkette
Now that your Wonkette has napped and commenced working on Drunkenness #3 of the day, it’s time for our first batch of Paultardpalooza photos! Here are some of the best Paultards we saw at the Ron Paul Rally, at the Capitol, courtesy of Wonkette Natty-Bo Operative “Taylor.”
Our first non-racial transcendence of the day.
This fucker ran up to us before we even entered the Capitol’s west lawn, and immediately began asking our members if we were With The Government. We told him we all were. Are we?
QUICK, POLICE: THE PAULTARDS CAPTURED AN ATTRACTIVE GIRL.
Look: This Paultard is his own uncle.
And now begins a section without comment called “No Teeth,” which aptly describes at least one of these:
Thus concludes the “No Teeth” section. Who got $5 for having sex with one of them?
A Patriot (Jesus).
A Muslim.
A transsexual.
Jesus’ wife, Cleopatra.
Can I GET A FUCKING CUP OF WATER AT THIS RALLY instead of READ THE LONGEST SHITTIEST BOOK EVER?
More photos to come, including those of your Roving Gang of Wonkette Drunks.
Anti-Zionist Paultard narrowly loses to Liberal Denver Librarian for worst sign penmanship.
O.
M.
G.
Uncle Sam’s got the shakes.
ALIVE!: Agreed. And the guy behind her has an interesting sign as well. Are TVs (transvestites) weapons of mass destruction?
Between the four horsemen of the Paulpocalypse, they have gotten laid .3 times.
That last one should be the new American flag.
Proof that the white race has peaked and is now in exponential decline. I, for one, welcome our new Harvard-Educated Muslim Overlords.
Some revolution. Signs telling me to read. Boo!
The guy with the I Like Mike shirt and the Elmer Fudd hat is a cult leader from Wyoming. Where else? He founded the Church of Perpetual Political Lawn Signs about 3 and a half weeks ago and it has taken off like flaming farts on Youtube. His 3 followers, 2 of them are his sons and the other is a mildly retarded neighbor, are seen in the in the first photo. The cult has appended itself to the Paultards for the free food and conversation. At this time, they are currently considered harmless other than the tendency to steal lawn signs cut them up into clothing. They believe that the Holy Lawn Armor will protect them from cooties, bad breath and bed wetting.
who wants to bet the flip side of toothless #1’s sign reads “Insane Clown Posse RULZ!”?
Why are the Flesh Gordon Paultard triplets wearing clothes? Usually they come arrayed simply in rally signs and white socks only - elegant, sophisticated and what a statement. Always a big favorite at military rallies and State Department lunchtime hoedowns. But this time my vote goes to the goateed pirate in shades with the joints in his rolled T shirt sleeve…revolutionary!
Now that Jerry’s dead, and the Dead don’t tour anymore, these people have nowhere to go
Those helmets are pretty kick-ass.
Wait…Paultards read Rand?
Dreadful Gate: Phish and Fishbone please report to DC immediately
I think I saw “No Teeth” #1 in Adams Morgan tonight. And yes, he was still carrying the sign.
I’m sportin some serious wood from the Anti-Zionist girl retard.
Not sure if it’s the fact that’s she’s barely literate, or how her shirt is decorated with what appears to be baby-puke. Oh wiat, hold on a sec…no, it’s definitely the Jew-baiting.
HOT.
TheMacWonk: They learn to read using Rand!!! It used to be McGuffy’s Readers, but now it’s all Rand all the time.
The first sentence they are taught as infants: “Who is John Galt?” Answer: “He’s yo baby daddy!”
Dwayne: [giving a tour of the underground mutant city in the sewer] This is our library.
Bender: Nothing but crumpled porno and Ayn Rand.
TheMacWonk: the graphic novel version?
Fear of a Black Reagan: She IS the Tard in the Machine!
WonkaBee: Ron Paul named his son, “Rand.”
brakattack: I was in Adams Morgan tonight, and I found a parking place. Yay,
InsidiousTuna: dude, you should have seen the Dr. Paul swords. Latent homosexuality never looked freedom-loving…
TheMacWonk: I’m going to guess that those that can read probably ONLY read Ayn Rand. It makes sense: individualism? Check. The tyranny of anything done in the name of “common good”? Check. Female characters who will desire you once you break into their homes and rape them? Check.
Yup, sounds like a Paultard platform if I ever heard one.
I am still convinced that no one who is mentally healthy that adopts Rand’s “philosophy” has actually read anything she wrote from cover to cover. And I am not entirely sure the sociopaths that support her have read any of her crapfests either.
This is the funniest Wonkette entry I’ve read in a while.
that spliff in swami santa’s hand is an obvious photoshop. i’ve seen
more convincing iranian missiles. in fact, i think it is one of those missiles.
incense? never mind.
ALIVE!: Oh, just wait until liberal move to Denver for their little shindig. I have no doubt it will get worse.
And also, Cleopatra chick is not un-hot in her own way. Or, at least she’s not Paultard hot.
Everyone I know who ever read Rand was arguably a douche who thought he/she understood the fucking secrets of the universe for the next 3 months. I’m actually terrified how that scenario would play-out added the base retardation of Ron Paul supporters.
Also, hey guys.
Go go Paultard Rangers!
Worst, dumbest crush of my life (lasting for several years) was on a chick who considered Rand her favorite author.
It has so got to be all uphill from there.
9/11 WAS an inside job. Seriously.
I wonder about the Statue of Liberty guy, though. Was this a transvestite who saw a good excuse, a heterosexual man so confident in his own sexuality that he was unconcerned what others thought, a disturbed and confused individual, or just someone so oblivious to real life that he didn’t consider the sexual implications at all? (that was the obligatory snark section. 9/11 really was an inside job.)
Anti-Zionist girl fits into two categories: No teeth AND no tits.
gurukalehuru: option #2, with at least 90% certainty. Cross-dressing at 9am is at least much fun as drinking at 9am, though in my experience, they’re best enjoyed simultaneously.
. . . people are WASTING you time with THIS?
Why are you all whining about what a “wonderful guy Tony was”; “the only member of the Bush Administration with a sense of humor”; “a good man in a tough job,” etc., etc.??
I mean, I think he interviewed Benazir Bhutto once.
Or said something about her.
Or was on MTP with St. Tim of the Media.
:::Sob:::
TONY, COME BACK!!!!
The first photo… are these guys dressed up as fontain pens?
AxmxZ: …representing the truth which will, uhm, spill from them and stain the front pocket of your good shirt.
“I Like Mike”.An emissary from the Gravel Pit brings tiding of great psychosis from that other keeper of Liberty’s flame,Mike “Alaskan Mosquitoes Eat Babies” Gravel.He brings an offering of peace in the form of expired KFC coupons.
AxmxZ: I’ve been trying to figure out what positions one would need to put those three Paultards in, with respect to each other, to make all those letters line up properly, and the results keep coming up dirty.
Turning GOP, I think I’m turning GOP, I really think so.
Neilist:
Be careful what you wish for. You might get the wrong Tony. back….
Dear.
Fucking.
Lord.
The truly terrifying thing is that the majority of those people are absolutely convinced that they’re well=informed on the subjects of constitutional law, the federal reserve system, and economics.
I think Cleopatra is married to Ayn Rand. All in all, this is the scariest bunch of losers I’ve seen in a LONG time. They look so…. untalented.
gurukalehuru: The Jews stole her tits with their Jew magic and the United Nations.
#1 photo:
Paultards! Ready your breakfast and eat hearty… For tonight, we dine in hell (or Ben’s Chili Bowl, take your pick)!
If they have no teeth, that’s cause they reject socialist notions of Public Health and Dental Insurance, much less the doubly communist Public Dental Insurance! Let ‘em rot if you can’t pull ‘em yourself! And besides, aren’t a lot of the dentists Jews? RUTHLESS & TOOTHLESS= RON PAUL 2008! KEEP ZIONIST GUTTA-PERCHA OUT OF OUR ROOTS!
Having just returned from Drunkeness #3 of the day, I can say with some certainty that this was the most epic day of my life. I must ask the universe, though, why is it that guys with loud in-your-face voices always happen to be 9/11 Troofers? He was definitely my favorite though. Also, HOW ON EARTH DID I MISS THE TRANNY?!?!?!?!?
Good Lord. Just how many of these products of slow sperm and RC cola douches actually showed up for this little shindig?
I have to repeatedly push the phrase ‘gird your loins’ (for the knights-in-shining) out of my head, as ‘gird your loins with Ron Paul’…you know…
Otherwise, I am nearly pissing myself with laughter at the pics. Thanks!
CometHasTheFloor: I wanna a Ron Paul, to take a picture, so I can look at you from inside as well.
TheMacWonk:
“Wait…Paultards read Rand?”
No, they saw a web site that says that Atlas Shrugged TOTALLY supports Dr. Paul. Who needs to actually read the book?
Hey, isn’t that Charles Manson?
I came late to the rally and tried to find the Wonkette crowd. I couldn’t find a group that was constantly laughing and pointing.
AxmxZ: Glad-As Mike and the Nibs!
AnnieGetYourFun: Exactly. It just warms my heart to see so many people trashing Rand.
I bet more than a few Paultards know the pleasures eating squirrel a la popcorn popper.
Oh, I get it now! Non-racial transcendence boy’s sign meant to read “Booth/John McCain”.
I’m trying to figure out what dreadlocks girl is doing with her hand. Is she attempting a one-handed roll? Is she loading a girly .22 handgun? Reading a little red rand book?
I’ll bet the dreadlocks tattoo girl told the 911 Truth Guy if only he had his hat design tatooed on his forehead she would do him.
I’m guessing Jim hasn’t officially awarded any five-dollar bills for P’tard-Wonkette trysts. I also saw no evidence of buttseks in those pics. I await confirmationm, either way.
I heard that all the stores in the DC area near the Tard March were sold out of Velveeta, Wonderbread and Koolaid. Anybody check on fertilizer supplies?
Borat: Rummaging through her handbag for her Twin Towers sex toy.
gurukalehuru: If by “inside job” you mean “totally preventable”, I would agree. If otherwise, I think you need to leave your basement more often.
What the hell is in the lower-left corner of Toothless #1’s photo? Did they capture and bind a space alien?
Thank you guys for doing that, I’ve never laughed so hard in my life, just fucking brilliant! I have to go look at the pictures again…
I await the photos of the “Roving Gang of Wonkette Drunks.”
Canuckledragger: her face looks 20 years older than her body. what do you think that’s from? eating fetuses?
I’m still hoping you managed to snatch a photo of some of my confused negroid brothers and sisters. There’s always at least one. Always.
somelegalbitch: If you ever want to read an epic trashing of Rand and the morons who believe her crap, read the book, “Why People Believe Weird Things”.
Borat: I hear Dr. Paul frowns on such things.
PeteJayhawk v2.0: In D.C., that sign should read “Atlas Mugged”. And yes, I read “Why People Believe Weird Things” and it was very good.
TheMacWonk: Wait, Paultards read?
SocialList: Oh boy, you just answered my next question. (i.e. was the I Like Mike referring to Mike Gravel)
The guy in Statue of Liberty drag thought it was a Ru Paul rally.
Definitely the prime demographic for Truck Nutz.
Canuckledragger: so that means he’s lost the Witch and Wizard vote then? I thought that is a central plank in his platform
Guy in the blue shirt: “Why are you ordering Atlas Shrug to read?”
Where were the black people?
1. I am really scared.
2. Columbia Rd is completely blocked off by the police with yellow tape in front of Old City Cafe of Jerusalem. Do you think that lady was searching for Zionists in Adams Morgan this morning? Because I think the owner is Palestinian, so, uh, oops.
3. The guy in the last picture might sue Wonkette for copyright infringement. Watch out.
http://jezebel.com/5022033/i-could-be-writing-to-tell-you-your-feature-is-tasteless-promotes-sexism-and-secures-its-readership-by-offering-slanderous-and-sensationalized-accounts
Cleopatra looks like she smells bad. They all do, but it’s much worse when chicks look like they smell bad. Brittney Spears now looks like she smells bad, but she didn’t always.
Happy Fun Ball: There is a lingering smell of patchouli in the DC air today
SuperRounder: Did you not see that one brown chick in the white dress in the back of the Uncle Sam pic? Geez, learn to spot a brownie…
Priceless. What do we do with them now that we got them all gathered in one place? Should we walk to up to them, one by one, ask “Cake or death? and proceed according to their replies”
InsidiousTuna: I was thinking the same thing. It must have taken a lot of time to make them.
SuperRounder: Blacks don’t like freedom. That’s a well documented fact.
TheMac: While I am always up for some brownie love, I want to see some darkies up in this joint. Did anyone get a pic of a darkie-brownie couple? Anyone? Hello?
SuperRounder: There’s actually behind Uncle Sam… the one wearing a white dress.
kudzu: Well that’s a pretty easy question. I’ll have the chicken please… taste of humans, or at least Paultards.
S. Cullen Bonz: Win!
kudzu: hmm…more mulatto.
S. Cullen Bonz: Have you ever studied the actual Statue of Liberty closely? IT’S A DUDE! The French Freemasons totally punked us on that one…
hey, here’s a video from Iranian TV “Press TV” who loves these guys and covered the events–enjoy!
http://217.218.67.244/presstv/20080713/OUTPUT_05-31-00-SNG-JIHAN-WASHINGTON.wmv
Gormogon: Hmmmm, maybe the model for the Statue of Liberty was the “guy” seated next to Jesus in the Last Supper. Was Da Vinci a Freemason?
Assassinate the assinine! Quarantine the quinine! Emulate the equine! uh…now I’m all out of rousing imperatives. Damn.
You got your Vice Don’ts in my Wonkette.
Gormogon: Gormogon: Actually, the Statute of Liberty is modeled on a woman.
But it was a French woman, and Frenchwomen frequently are mistaken for French “men.”
And vice versa, come to think of it.
It’s a common enough mistake. So don’t feel bad about it.
Me thinks the second ‘No Teeth’ guy is this guy: http://www.sheldonbrown.com/eagle.html.
He’s a weird, bicycle-loving old coot. So… Mystery solved.
Oh yeah, and 9/11 was an inside job.
Gormogon: ‘Hee’ at your name. I lurves you.
SuperRounder: Well, that may or may not be Fidel Castro to the far other side of the brown chick. Do two brownies equal a black person? By the way, I’m half-Cuban and therefore authorized to make Fidel-sightings.
Weren’t we promised photos of roving drunk Wonketeers?
What’s Cleopatra saying with her tattoos, anyway? I tried reading them as English and got “sparcm,” which I guess would be some sort of reference to Sun’s old processor architecture.
I also tried reading them as Japanese, and the best I could get was “anaaki.” That is great, because in Japanese it means both “anarchy” and “full of holes,” like “anaaki chiizu” (swiss cheese).
qualiall: very good find. i get about 2/3 of my news from independent iranian tv. you can’t trust that non-independent iranian tv you know, their all in the bag for bush.
Mahousu: its a version of farsi most commonly used 500 years ago. the phrase roughly translates to into “DEATH TO THE AMERICAN INFIDELS”
TheMac: That could be him. I can’t really tell. Which means it’s time for one of my favorite games, “Fidel or a Homeless Guy??!!”
loves it all. esp cleopatra’s attractive red tattoo. wish we were drunk FOR FREE with you *kettes
i got pictures of myself with both the guys in RP armour AND the read atlas shrugged sign.
Cinderelliotte: Pictures, schmictures. Was there buttseks?
the pics look like a white persons dream of mardi gras…well, actually much more crappy than that…[my apologies to white people]…
and that brings up a good question…am i white?…
sorry, but the whole thing about racial transcendence has got me confused…
would i have felt out of place at this march?….possibly even have been singled out for a photo?…
you bet ya…
First: We’re approaching the seventh anniversary of the SEPTEMBER 11, 2001 attacks. It’s long past time to move on.
Second: If they insist on clinging to that date, why is it given all of the solemnity of a HR “save the date!” email or a movie release date? Is it really beyond them to show some dignity for the lost souls by WRITING OUT the date, or are they just bandwagon patriots? Imagine the outcry if we followed that pattern by changing other dates in our nation’s history to 7/4 or 12/7.
Servo: Man, I LOVE 7/4. 2/2 and 1/1 are pretty sweet too. But you know what day annoys the hell out of me? 12/25.
more photos coming later tonight (oh boy!)
Servo: wow, has it really been that long?….
personally, i prefer to celebrate 8/29/05….McCains 149th birthday…and the day New Orleans fell into the swimming pool while all the adults were busy drinking their 40’s of malt liquor…..
ill match me bitterz against anyones on that date…
Jim Newell: my bodice heaves in anticipation….
NotUrEvryDayWEzl:
I get a little medieval the whole month leading up to Christmas smart ass.
Now it’s lesson time.
Do you know the origin of Groundhog’s Day?
That READ ATLAS SHRUGGED poster just rulez. I am going to make one for myself and take it to every Obama or McCain rally I can find.
Do I have a problem if I sort of prefer “Jesus’s wife, Cleopatra” to the “Alert Police: Paultards have captured a pretty girl” girl?
Slightly less than if you had preferred the “Lady Liberty” … er … um … lady.
Servo: Wikipedia provides me with all knowledge that I do not otherwise obtain from Wonkette.
josereyes.theroof:
Perhaps a drinking problem. She screams Jack-n-Coke. To be fair, “pretty girl” almost certainly has nasty feet from wearing flip-flops everyday and, if her hand was free, would be texting like mad.
wow. 118 comments, and no one has stated the obvious.
i’d do them both…pretty girl and cleopatra.
more photos, please. photos of the wonkette gang, too.
blurred faces or some such thing ok, if necessary.
josereyes.theroof: not at all hon…just shows youve got a bit of life in ya….’cleopatra’ may lead you to the inside of a jail…but ‘pretty girl’ will only show you how very interesting reality TV can be……..
josereyes.theroof: cops versus *Cops*…if that makes more sense…
josereyes.theroof: not that i mean to undercut my own take on this…but have you ever touched a ‘dread’?….
if not, think brillo pad….thangs get stanky too, and thats fo real…hawt dawg…
Can we get a “Woot woot!” for the half deflated Uncle Sam?
Some of these Paultard ladies are kind of r3V0Lting.
This piece says more about the poster than either Dr. Paul or his larger group of supporters. What a bunch of vacuous snarky bigots you all are.
SethX9: ah hon…awfully easy to presume online, isnt it?….
Wait, the Knights _weren’t_ Wonketters taking the piss? Oh, the trauma..
Clearly, the gentlemen in the first photo have never had sex, EVER.
SethX9: in fact, if youll allow my own very personal set of presumptions to rule for a moment, id say that most folks on this site care a great deal….theyve just a low threshold of tolerance for hypocrisy, lack of rational thought, and yes ..the intolerance of others…
think of it as having ones bullshit detector set on high…all the time…and tuned to a very high degree…
i myself consider it positive to at least laugh at the world rather than despair….
if thats not your taste in humor, then dont read the comments….right?…
Monsieur Grumpe: The Tree of Liberty must be refreshed by Thorazine.
TheMacWonk: The atlas.
I find it hard to believe that not a single Ron Paul supporter logged a comment on this atrocity of a blog. I also find most of the ad hominem attacks to be childish and mean-spirited. These people actually cared enough to go march for what they believed in. What the fuck have you done? Think about that.
I was too busy skullfucking squirrels to march.
Like the Ron Paul speech, I am still hoping he will give in and become the VP on the LP ticket. They have a sight commited to seeing this happen. Its http://www.BarrPaul08.com
Go sign the petition!
Go Ron Paul REVOLUTION…!!!
You might be able to sign the Petitioin at http://www.VeepPeek.com as well
JeremiasX: So…Nazi’s actually care enough to march for what they believe in too. What do you want us to do, blow them? (I’m not really comparing Paultards to Nazi’s. Everyone knows Nazi’s are generally better looking and have better hygiene.)
It’s a fucking Ren Fair. Did they all have pirate accents?
JeremiasX: “What the fuck have you done?”
Well, I have not marched to support any people that have been in bed with white supremacists movements for a couple of decades. I know, I should be terribly ashamed of myself.
james_cambridge: Not to mention a consistent foreign and economic policy.
OK, I’ll (re)read Atlas Shrugged if they’ll read Fear And Loathing On The Campaign Trail ‘72.
glamourdammerung: And the Nazi’s like the Jews better than the Paultarded do.
i’m going to get MAJOR shit for this but what the fuck. Um, i think you have to take into consideration that when Rand wrote Atlas Shrugged, society was in a different place. Also, it’s totally cliché, but you don’t have to throw the baby out with the bathwater when it comes to Objectivism either. I studied French Postmodern philosophy in college, and i still hold a lot of those ideas to be true. But, i also got fed up with the lazy mentality that, “well, we can’t really know anything for sure, so, everyone can think whatever they want. it’s all subjective.” I guess there is a difference between the Rand-roid that blindly adheres to her dated, absolute philosophy, especially the more political, governmental, and economical aspects, and one who can appreciate the Philosophy of Objectivism as more of a way to influence one’s thinking. It is a search for reason, truth, and personal growth, not solely for greed, selfishness, or Paltaurds. It’s a shame that they’ve tried to claim her as their own.
I’m afraid I’m getting frighteningly preachy now, and I would rather save Wonkette for snark and just overlook the philosophical debate, but I just wanted to share one of my favorite quotes which happens to be from The Fountainhead:
“Peter Keating had never felt the need to formulate abstract convictions. But he had a working substitute. ‘A thing is not high if one can reach it; it is not great if one can reason about it; it is not deep if one can see its bottom.’ – this had always been his credo, unstated and unquestioned. This spared him any attempt to reach, reason, or see; and it cast a nice reflection of scorn on those who made the attempt.”
TheMac: I’m going to have to read this book one of these days. Would reading Confederacy of Dunces right after erase any effects of retardation?
Deepthroat: It’s not entirely Rand’s message that draws forth snark and criticism: it’s the messenger. Also, the vehicle of the message. Uh…And many parts of her message, too. Ah, well, c’est l’ennui.
TGY: i acknowledge and agree. thanks for not cutting my imaginary nuts off
Schadenfried (fka Whore Diamond ITR): Definitely. The two most important novels of the 20th century.
More like Ann BLAND! Am I right, people? Also: Who knew Jesus was married to the Predator?
Rickish: awesome AD reference, but it would have been even better if her name actually was pronounced “Ann” instead of “Ayn” (eye-n)
did i hurt somebody’s feelings? I’m sorry, I thought we could make fun of the fools?
ithinkyourtrash: I didn’t see any initial comments, but you certainly didn’t hurt my feelings. Objectivists have no emotions.
Darehead: WIN.
I give my moral support to the 4 valiant virgin warriors in picture #1. Fighting for the good reverend Dr. Ron Paul King Jr. is always a worthy and noble cause.
I give my moral support to the 4 valiant virgin warriors in picture #1. Fighting for the good reverend Dr. Ron Paul King Jr. with yard sign battle equipment is always a worthy and noble cause.