Wonkette
- SEND YOUR IDEAS FOR PAULTARDPALOOZA PRE-GAMING: We need more suggestions for our Wonkette Paultardpalooza Drinking Binge At Nine A.M. On Saturday Party. Here is one reader’s plan: “I don’t have a place where one can safely become intoxicated enough for a Paultard march that starts at 9am, but I know Glenmont Metro station’s still got a load of construction equipment on the top floor. It’s perfect for ‘pre-gaming’ before an literary assault on The Hill. Security there has been laid-off, and no one really goes to that end of the line that early on a Saturday, unless their hungover and trying to get stoned. The Stainedglass Pub is also right there, good bar food, cheap booze, layed back bartenders.” This all sounds fantastic, except for the fact that Glenmont is at the END OF THE RED LINE, a.k.a. Outer Space (”Maryland”). Oh, and to any Capitol Hill bars out there: If you open at 9 a.m. for us, we will give you all the publicity you ever wanted.
Oh c’mon, there are like a THOUSAND BILLION bars open at 9:00 a.m.
the Ugly Mug or Mr. Henry’s should be ashamed if they do not open for you.
Like hell I’m going out to Glenmont. Does Irish Times open for breakfast? The Irish are pretty consistently drunk at all hours, right?
Yes, but this needs to be staggering distance from the U.S. Capitol, and requires a kitchen with decent bar food, and a patio for smoking / drinking / socializing, and all that. I know just the place and just put in a call. Details TK.
whats the matter with you guys?…get an eight ball or two of coke the night before…buy ten cases of beer…hide three in the trunk of your car…
8 o’clock the next morning your ready to roll…beer in hand…
going to school in texas does teach you a few things…
Try this: pick up one of those free Constitution reprints, and quote passages to anyone who challenges your various rights to be totally obliterated while you peaceably dissemble for undress of your grumbles. Clear shpeech not eben requiremented.
Okay, well, now I’m kind of jealous.
I sugggest you hold it in the Wizards Sanctum in the Mage Quarter of Stormwind- Most of the ‘Tards will be there, and it’s cheaper to buy your own bottle and sit in front of your computer anyways.
The Irish Channel in Chinatown. Not super far away from the capitol but otherwise, perfect.
Youz are in luck, I think.
Looks like the Dubliner by Union Station opens up at 7:30 for breakfast on Saturdays…beats the shit out of Irish Times, at any rate.
tunamelt: That’s how I feel. Even our Editing Overlord will be there. WTF?
I suggest you have someone simulate “butt seckz” Get a Ron Paul blow-up doll and have someone have their way with it. Or get two blow up dolls one of Ron Paul and blow-up doll of an Elephant.
mbprice: An Irishman will never admit that he is drunk, as long as he has one blade of grass to hold onto–so that he does not fall off the face of the earth.
You Americans are such lightweights. Two shots of Jameson’s and you’re out cold.
Here’s an interesting drinking game for the occasion. Hook up a DVD player and a computer projector. Hang a bedsheet on a wall. Show the movie “300″. Everytime a character in the film shouts, “This is SPARTA!”, everyone in the audience has to down a shot. This should get everyone liquored up and worked into a fine rage just in time for your march on the Capitol building. I’m sure the DC cops will just LOVE you.
villageatrois:
Also covered by the Declaration’s “Purfuit of Hapineff” clause.
Wanna know what’s outer space? The David’s Bridal in Glen Burnie where I’ll be trying on bridesmaids dresses while y’all are partying.
Don’t forget to wear your Slim Slack. Maybe you can coordinate so that Ken wears the red ones, Sara wears the red ones and that other guy, oh yeah, Jim, wears the white ones. Except if Jim has his period, he can switch with Ken.
Hey Ken, after the assault on the Capitol, I recommend a trip to Bullfeathers for more drinks, followed by a drunken attempt to gain access to the Page Dorm.
Damn, Sara needs the BLUE ones.
Brutus Harlot: For Christ’s sake, YOU’D better bring the whiskey.
Damn, I wish we could be there, but we have another commitment Saturday morning that we can’t get out of it! But the Dubliner, the Irish Times, any number of Capitol Hill bars on Constitution itself, or one of those weird hotel bars in the area just south of the Capitol should do fine. The Dubliner or Irish Times, though, are probably the best bets. Have fun! Yell funny things at the Paultards!
Anita Cocktail: The dresses will be fabulous compared to the fact that I have to wake up at 8am on a Saturday morning.
snig: Thanks for the timely reminder that the Founding Fathers were eff dup all the time. All hail Sam Adams!
As a long time reader of Wonkette, I believe that the “fund to bring shortsshortsshorts to D.C.” should now be created, immediately. That or you can just send me a check made out to shortsshortsshorts, 25 *click click* road, Nigeria.
shortsshortsshorts: Are you really resorting to begging, now? At least have a paypal.
shortsshortsshorts: hon, get a grip…nobody WANTS to go to DC…its all about Satan demanding your attendance…
anabellum: I MUST SEE THE GOOD DOCTOR SAVE US FROM OURSELVES.
Paultardapalooza sounds like a fun time, wish I could be there! Well, maybe not.
But clearly the best way to handle this is to start drinking at, like, 2 or 3 on Friday night and keep it up for 7 hours. It may also be in your best interest to smoke a bunch of crack (if you ask Obama nicely he’ll tell you where to get it, but come on, it’s all over DC. Also not specifically prohibited in the parade rule book.)
You’re welcome, guys.
ronaldpagan: Oh, hey, can you friend me on Facebook, too. I want to be your cool friend.
tunamelt: ronaldpagan: Yes I too said me. Friend shorts. I always enjoy fresh blood.
shortsshortsshorts: calm down Renfield…Dr. Van Helsing will see you soon…please leave the rats alone…
John McCain hates college.
Specifically, MY college.
tunamelt: But now I know Cindy “Cunt” McCain was a Theta at USC and ohmigod that makes so much sense on infinity levels.
shortsshortsshorts: Over on the Facebook group, we are all setting up a PayPal account for drunk Paultardia and Denver shenanigans.
Well, we aren’t, but we should.
anabellum:
please change your avatar, [picture].
your hilarious shit is distracting enough.
please.
loquaciousmusic: You would be surprised.
shortsshortsshorts: Friends don’t let friends get banned. So, only if you’re coming to the DNC.
tunamelt: i wonder if McCain knows he is mocking the alma mater of John Wayne…[tread carefully asshole]..
but of course its ok if he mocks his wife…right?…
tsunami: thats the nicest compliment ive had all day…thank you…and done…
anabellum: John McCain hates America and cowboys.
ronaldpagan: And since then I have given you nothing but helpful dont get banned advice, sez me.
Clearly the only way to prepare for the festivities is to pour yourself a nice Irish coffee in your Founding Fathers mug (wait, how did Reagan get in there?!?), queue up some pro-Paul videos, and drink whenever the gold standard, NEW WORLD ORDER, or pictures of the Constitution with Paul’s head superimposed happen to pop up.
You’ll be dead, of course, but think of the hilarity!
shortsshortsshorts: …you got ronald banned?
GunStreetGirl: Reagan has always been there helping America with the freedoms. He told the founding fathers we would win the war against Britain, just like Jesus has always been around and told Abraham that God wasn’t really going to make him sacrifice Isaac.
anabellum: aw, shucks, ana…yur welcome.
i am a smooth-talking sumbitch, i know.
tsunami: *bats eyelashes*….seems so…
tunamelt: Ronald got Ronald banned. I have no ban hammer (OH HOW I WISH I DID) but I was a different pair of shorts when Wonkette was at Gawker. A merciless, unforgiving pair of shorts.
shortsshortsshorts: i have the feeling ill be pondering the phrase…”A merciless, unforgiving pair of shorts.”…far into the night…god help me…
Has everyone been practicing their chants? Apparently an inability to rhyme in English is a requirement for being a marshal.
“Drinking water should be-e-e
Fluoride free!”
“An abomination
The United Nations”
“Gold standard
is underhanded!”
Believe it or not, mine are actually better than theirs.
Oh Jesus I am so there Saturday morning…I live in staggering distance of the Capitol, but my puny little studio could not possibly…nonetheless, Dubliner sounds like a fine fine idea…also, I will bring my “cloak of hangover invincibility with +20 charisma points” if anyone wants to borrow it.
Anita Cocktail: i leave the chanting to followers of the anti-christ…..its in the split-tongue hon…somehow they make all that shit rhyme…
the way they say gold gives me chills…
tunamelt: Anyone begging for a trip to DC in July is either stupid or into S&M - the later only because they expect to be far underground in a dank, dark, though pleasingly cool, dungeon.
I didn’t know Paultards existed in the real world. Are you sure you all shouldn’t be meeting to drink in Second Life?
Advocatus_Diaboli: Oh please. It’s a change of pace for fuck sake and it involves Wonkette folks and Paultards. Give me a fucking break.
shortsshortsshorts: or sometimes a merciless unforgiving pair of pantspantspants.
wanta hop a red eye from the other coast?
Advocatus_Diaboli: Or lives in Richmond, VA. Hell if I go up, I’m sending people here postcards so they can be jealous that I’m spending the day in a swamp 110 miles north of them.
ladymacbeth: Yes.
SayItWithWookies: LMAO. Do it, please!
I prefer to remain anonymous. I might be in DC. I might not be in DC. I might be that man marching next to you wearing the furry suit with the huge silver dollar on its head and the buttplug/tail assembly (with ribbing). I might be the cop lightly tapping his riot stick against the palm of his hand and charging up his taser while eyeing the oncoming mass of Paultard bozos. I might be the mild-mannered-seeming executive sheltering behind his briefcase as the parade metaphorically passes by.
“Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of just-about-damned-anybody? TGY KNOWS, THAT’S WHO MOO HA HA! Oh, buggers.”
NotUrEvryDayWEzl: Oh hell, then — done. Like I need a whole lot of incentive to get outta town.
SayItWithWookies: Excellent!
And along those same lines… if anyone would like us to send them a postcard from Paultardpalooza just let us know!
::Note to self:: Buy new flask.
I am old and unhip, so please help me out here. Why is “a load of construction equipment on the top floor” perfect for “pre-gaming.” Is this one of your gay references?
gurukalehuru: Nope. Just elitist.
At 9am DC time all the bars will be open where I live, which is in the future, so I’ll drink enough for all of yers, and will be singin’ Wonkette goldies “up against the wall Paultard mother” and “Big Rock Paultard Mountain”………
Don’t forget: lots of photos, please. Take a point-and-shoot camera so you don’t have to worry about focusing.
SayItWithWookies: You guys know know nothing of heat. Myself (and AngryBlakGuy, if I’m not mistaken) are trapped in South Florida, where you literally CATCH ON FIRE every time you leave your house. I’d be making drunk snow angels on the Capitol steps if I were able to come up there tommorrow.
I’d rather go to Anacostia. I think I’d have a lesser chance of getting shot. Although, I’d love to blaze with Liz sometime. Ta-ta! (call me!)
You can totally hang out in the parking lot of Tick-Tock liquors in Langley Park.
I would be there in a heartbeat if I still lived in the dried up swamp that is D.C.
I have to say, Paultardpolooza just made my month. I just had my 21st birthday, so this party means that I will have been piss drunk for the past two weeks!
If there are any furries out there with fursuits, feel free to join the Paultard parade to ensure a ‘confurvative’ voice…
B.Y.O.B !! If you gotta run, at least you can throw it at the police!
NotUrEvryDayWEzl: i would def like a postcard.
NotUrEvryDayWEzl: You owe me a postcard.