toys for children

GIMME GIMME GIMME: Here is an appropriately rat-sized “McCain Party Box,” one of the various cash crops that will be sold (for money!) at the upcoming Republican National Convention. What, pray tell, cums inside a McCain Party Box? [Sigh]. It will probably just be toffee or some other old man candy. [Star-Tribune]

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Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

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  • Guppy06

    Cougar pills!

  • tunamelt

    Dude, obvs it’s viagra.

  • tunamelt

    At least, viagra is the only old man candy I can think of offhand.

  • Hart88

    Shhhhh – it’s peyote. This will be the best rat-fuck of all time!

  • EnBuenOra

    Here’s yer g** d*** “Happy Meal”, trollope.

  • FMA

    Cialis, Vicodin and a couple of vodka miniatures. A fella could have a pretty good weekend in Vegas with all that stuff.

  • ForeignSickSpecialist

    Werther’s Originals, Buttermints, dentures, Depends, Metamucil, a colostomy bag, WALNUTS!, a rhinestone glove for “pimp slapping cunts,” a bottle of Viagra, liver spot cream, Rogain, a toothpick, a wheat penny, tiger balm, and powdered rhino horn for vitality.

    Enjoy!

  • cal

    Here ya go, America! Have a party!

  • AxmxZ

    Ancient cough drops without wrappers and an unidentified pill.

  • jasonelias

    Be careful, there’s nose candy in there!

  • scott_dog

    I’d love to cum inside Cougar McCains party box. Well, not really, but I figured it needed to be said.

    But seriously, I assume uppers for the missus.

  • Larry Fine

    Its a snuff-box.

  • graceless

    Viva, Viagra, am I the only one creeped out by that commercial?

  • TGY

    …those would be the balloons for angioplasty? All saying ‘Vote McCain’? Either that or the world’s smallest condoms for a ‘little fuck’.

  • Combover

    Quaaludes, condoms, and untraceable bearer bonds.

  • SayItWithWookies

    It’s a lubed condom and a Handi-Wipe — or, for the real McCain fans, a dollop of Preparation-H.

  • MathewBrooks

    its ribbon candy…maybe they can gum it

  • NotUrEvryDayWEzl

    As long as the party boxes are DEA approved, then I’m all for them.

  • TGY

    Also, AHahahaha, “John McCain: A Party of One”

  • Lazy Media

    [re=30444]MathewBrooks[/re]: Correction, a solid lump of ribbon candy originally purchased in 1963 by McCain’s mother.

  • shortsshortsshorts

    I hope its a box of condoms. If those fuckers wont abort they better stop shitting children out for the welfare system.

  • tunamelt

    As long as it’s sugarfree.

  • Rev. Peter Lemonjello

    “Whether they’re peddling $18 stuffed toy elephants that giggle when squeezed…..”

    Wonder if it also says “Don’t tell your mom about this, it’s our special secret.”

  • ManchuCandidate

    I thought a McCain Party Box was a Lobbyist named Vicki Iseman.

  • Canuckledragger

    Assorted Vicki Iseman body parts.

  • anabellum

    its the McCain ‘true to life’ dildo…..meticulously reproduced in in specially aged vanilla flavored gelatin…if you want it to stay hard…keep it in the freezer…

  • Canuckledragger

    [re=30453]ManchuCandidate[/re]: Jinx. Shee-it!

  • Monsieur Grumpe

    Red, white and blue suppositories with a hint of American Values scent.

  • WadISay

    If you gave Jessee Helms an enema, you could bury him in one of these.

  • graceless

    [re=30453]ManchuCandidate[/re]: hat tip.

  • TGY

    A misprint, obvs: “McCain 2008: Potty Box”

  • NoWireHangers

    It’s just the right size for my GOP Barbie®!

  • 4tehlulz

    Roofies, Viagra, and Preparation H.

  • Advocatus_Diaboli

    Yay! Everyone’s getting an onion to wear on their belt! Of course, it’s the big yellow ones, on account of the war.

  • 4tehlulz

    Will it come with a nice guide to Minneapolis Tearooms and Glory Holes?

  • freakishlystrong

    The heart and soul of the GOP, with room enough left over for some JewJewBees…

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …geez, is it suppose to be a Republican convention or a fukkin swap shop?!

  • MoodProcessor

    [re=30433]ForeignSickSpecialist[/re]: Don’t forget the Ensure!

    btw, Gotta think that Wally would support some form of birth control. He’s talking about doubling the child tax exemption to 7Gs. (though, I’m sure he’ll change his mind later.)

  • whiteguyinshaw

    cyanide pill?

  • RobPetrified

    Maybe: Viagra, Ecstasy, B-12, Astroglide single serv, and condoms.
    More likely: Centrum Silver, Ex Lax, and Doans pills. And the box makes a dandy coin purse.

  • PrairiePossum

    The party box isn’t big enough to hold supplies for a victory party.

    GOP must be planning on a second place, thanks for trying kind of party.

  • wheelie

    It’s a case for the violin that he plays for America’s new repossessed home owners.

  • sanantonerose

    One wooden nickel.

  • DemmeFatale

    [re=30433]ForeignSickSpecialist[/re]: Bravo!!

  • jimh

    At first glance, it appears empty- until the lucky RNC member discovers that it’s filled with an actual John McCain Old Man Fart™! That’s change I can breathe in!

  • jimh

    [re=30523]sanantonerose[/re]: Oh, WIN!

  • crookedE

    Ain’t no party like a comically tiny John McCain party. w00t!

  • Servo

    A purple microdot. You’ll need it if he’s elected.

  • AzDownboy

    If it’s candy that old men give, it’s got to have Wurther’s

  • StupidGeek

    I hope it’s filled with gum drops. That would be a party box my great grandma would believe in.

  • Borat

    thank god the fingers are in the photo to help us know the actual size.

    I’m shocked and disappointed with all this drugs talk. You should know better than that. Shame on you Wonketeers. Things republicans oppose in public (but enjoy in private) are off limits. Now something worth talkin about, oh yeah, mmmmmm

  • bitchincamaro

    Well, it’s either McNutjob’s health-care plan or some sort of golf tool.

  • columnv

    lube and a shot of red bull.

  • Tawmn

    amyl nitrate and a glossary of men’s room hand gestures

  • Sabre_Justice

    Bullets. Duh.

  • CalamityJames

    Applesauce