TOYS FOR CHILDREN  1:56 pm July 7, 2008

by Jim Newell

GIMME GIMME GIMME: Here is an appropriately rat-sized “McCain Party Box,” one of the various cash crops that will be sold (for money!) at the upcoming Republican National Convention. What, pray tell, cums inside a McCain Party Box? [Sigh]. It will probably just be toffee or some other old man candy. [Star-Tribune]

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Guppy06 July 7, 2008 at 1:58 pm

Cougar pills!

tunamelt July 7, 2008 at 1:59 pm

Dude, obvs it’s viagra.

tunamelt July 7, 2008 at 1:59 pm

At least, viagra is the only old man candy I can think of offhand.

Hart88 July 7, 2008 at 2:00 pm

Shhhhh – it’s peyote. This will be the best rat-fuck of all time!

EnBuenOra July 7, 2008 at 2:01 pm

Here’s yer g** d*** “Happy Meal”, trollope.

FMA July 7, 2008 at 2:02 pm

Cialis, Vicodin and a couple of vodka miniatures. A fella could have a pretty good weekend in Vegas with all that stuff.

ForeignSickSpecialist July 7, 2008 at 2:02 pm

Werther’s Originals, Buttermints, dentures, Depends, Metamucil, a colostomy bag, WALNUTS!, a rhinestone glove for “pimp slapping cunts,” a bottle of Viagra, liver spot cream, Rogain, a toothpick, a wheat penny, tiger balm, and powdered rhino horn for vitality.


cal July 7, 2008 at 2:02 pm

Here ya go, America! Have a party!

AxmxZ July 7, 2008 at 2:03 pm

Ancient cough drops without wrappers and an unidentified pill.

jasonelias July 7, 2008 at 2:03 pm

Be careful, there’s nose candy in there!

scott_dog July 7, 2008 at 2:04 pm

I’d love to cum inside Cougar McCains party box. Well, not really, but I figured it needed to be said.

But seriously, I assume uppers for the missus.

Larry Fine July 7, 2008 at 2:05 pm

Its a snuff-box.

graceless July 7, 2008 at 2:05 pm

Viva, Viagra, am I the only one creeped out by that commercial?

TGY July 7, 2008 at 2:06 pm

…those would be the balloons for angioplasty? All saying ‘Vote McCain’? Either that or the world’s smallest condoms for a ‘little fuck’.

Combover July 7, 2008 at 2:06 pm

Quaaludes, condoms, and untraceable bearer bonds.

SayItWithWookies July 7, 2008 at 2:06 pm

It’s a lubed condom and a Handi-Wipe — or, for the real McCain fans, a dollop of Preparation-H.

MathewBrooks July 7, 2008 at 2:06 pm

its ribbon candy…maybe they can gum it

NotUrEvryDayWEzl July 7, 2008 at 2:06 pm

As long as the party boxes are DEA approved, then I’m all for them.

TGY July 7, 2008 at 2:11 pm

Also, AHahahaha, “John McCain: A Party of One”

Lazy Media July 7, 2008 at 2:13 pm

[re=30444]MathewBrooks[/re]: Correction, a solid lump of ribbon candy originally purchased in 1963 by McCain’s mother.

shortsshortsshorts July 7, 2008 at 2:13 pm

I hope its a box of condoms. If those fuckers wont abort they better stop shitting children out for the welfare system.

tunamelt July 7, 2008 at 2:13 pm

As long as it’s sugarfree.

Rev. Peter Lemonjello July 7, 2008 at 2:13 pm

“Whether they’re peddling $18 stuffed toy elephants that giggle when squeezed…..”

Wonder if it also says “Don’t tell your mom about this, it’s our special secret.”

ManchuCandidate July 7, 2008 at 2:15 pm

I thought a McCain Party Box was a Lobbyist named Vicki Iseman.

Canuckledragger July 7, 2008 at 2:16 pm

Assorted Vicki Iseman body parts.

anabellum July 7, 2008 at 2:16 pm

its the McCain ‘true to life’ dildo…..meticulously reproduced in in specially aged vanilla flavored gelatin…if you want it to stay hard…keep it in the freezer…

Canuckledragger July 7, 2008 at 2:17 pm

[re=30453]ManchuCandidate[/re]: Jinx. Shee-it!

Monsieur Grumpe July 7, 2008 at 2:18 pm

Red, white and blue suppositories with a hint of American Values scent.

WadISay July 7, 2008 at 2:19 pm

If you gave Jessee Helms an enema, you could bury him in one of these.

graceless July 7, 2008 at 2:20 pm

[re=30453]ManchuCandidate[/re]: hat tip.

TGY July 7, 2008 at 2:20 pm

A misprint, obvs: “McCain 2008: Potty Box”

NoWireHangers July 7, 2008 at 2:21 pm

It’s just the right size for my GOP BarbieĀ®!

4tehlulz July 7, 2008 at 2:22 pm

Roofies, Viagra, and Preparation H.

Advocatus_Diaboli July 7, 2008 at 2:23 pm

Yay! Everyone’s getting an onion to wear on their belt! Of course, it’s the big yellow ones, on account of the war.

4tehlulz July 7, 2008 at 2:24 pm

Will it come with a nice guide to Minneapolis Tearooms and Glory Holes?

freakishlystrong July 7, 2008 at 2:27 pm

The heart and soul of the GOP, with room enough left over for some JewJewBees…

AngryBlakGuy July 7, 2008 at 2:28 pm

…geez, is it suppose to be a Republican convention or a fukkin swap shop?!

MoodProcessor July 7, 2008 at 2:32 pm

[re=30433]ForeignSickSpecialist[/re]: Don’t forget the Ensure!

btw, Gotta think that Wally would support some form of birth control. He’s talking about doubling the child tax exemption to 7Gs. (though, I’m sure he’ll change his mind later.)

whiteguyinshaw July 7, 2008 at 2:36 pm

cyanide pill?

RobPetrified July 7, 2008 at 2:39 pm

Maybe: Viagra, Ecstasy, B-12, Astroglide single serv, and condoms.
More likely: Centrum Silver, Ex Lax, and Doans pills. And the box makes a dandy coin purse.

PrairiePossum July 7, 2008 at 2:41 pm

The party box isn’t big enough to hold supplies for a victory party.

GOP must be planning on a second place, thanks for trying kind of party.

wheelie July 7, 2008 at 2:45 pm

It’s a case for the violin that he plays for America’s new repossessed home owners.

sanantonerose July 7, 2008 at 3:04 pm

One wooden nickel.

DemmeFatale July 7, 2008 at 3:07 pm

[re=30433]ForeignSickSpecialist[/re]: Bravo!!

jimh July 7, 2008 at 3:07 pm

At first glance, it appears empty- until the lucky RNC member discovers that it’s filled with an actual John McCain Old Man Fartā„¢! That’s change I can breathe in!

jimh July 7, 2008 at 3:07 pm

[re=30523]sanantonerose[/re]: Oh, WIN!

crookedE July 7, 2008 at 3:11 pm

Ain’t no party like a comically tiny John McCain party. w00t!

Servo July 7, 2008 at 3:16 pm

A purple microdot. You’ll need it if he’s elected.

AzDownboy July 7, 2008 at 3:21 pm

If it’s candy that old men give, it’s got to have Wurther’s

StupidGeek July 7, 2008 at 3:31 pm

I hope it’s filled with gum drops. That would be a party box my great grandma would believe in.

Borat July 7, 2008 at 4:12 pm

thank god the fingers are in the photo to help us know the actual size.

I’m shocked and disappointed with all this drugs talk. You should know better than that. Shame on you Wonketeers. Things republicans oppose in public (but enjoy in private) are off limits. Now something worth talkin about, oh yeah, mmmmmm

bitchincamaro July 7, 2008 at 4:50 pm

Well, it’s either McNutjob’s health-care plan or some sort of golf tool.

columnv July 7, 2008 at 6:04 pm

lube and a shot of red bull.

Tawmn July 7, 2008 at 7:44 pm

amyl nitrate and a glossary of men’s room hand gestures

Sabre_Justice July 7, 2008 at 10:52 pm

Bullets. Duh.

CalamityJames July 9, 2008 at 3:08 am


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