Wonkette
Now that a gallon of gas costs approximately “go fuck yourself” dollars across the nation, the United States House of Representatives is saving the middle class again by introducing legislation that is not only a waste of all human resources, but actually mocks America by romanticizing something which no one can afford. Three cheers to Rep. John Shimkus (R-Ill.) for his “National Corvette Day” bill, for its deserved praise of the “dependence on insanely expensive foreign oil” concept. You may read the bill after the jump, if you can afford it.
H. Res. 970
In the House of Representatives, U. S.,
June 26, 2008.
Whereas the Chevrolet Corvette is America’s first sports car;Whereas the first production Corvette rolled off a Flint, Michigan, assembly line on June 30, 1953;
Whereas the Corvette is now manufactured in Bowling Green, Kentucky;
Whereas the Corvette is the most widely respected production sports car in United States history;
Whereas the Corvette is truly a symbol of American pride;
Whereas General Motors is celebrating its 100th anniversary in 2008; and
Whereas the 30th of June would be an appropriate day to designate as `National Corvette Day’: Now, therefore, be it
Resolved, That the United States House of Representatives supports the designation of a `National Corvette Day’ to honor the Chevrolet Corvette.
“A symbol of American pride.” Those famously heartfelt words that mean, or symbolize, nothing.
Stupid House resolution of the week: National Corvette Day! [The Crypt/Politico]
But only manual transmission ones. Automatic sports cars are for sissies.
Whereas the Corvette is the most widely respected production sports car in United States history;
WTF? And all this time I thought it was the Mustang…
A Repub sponsored ode to a gas guzzling penis extension.
Can’t these guys stop thinking about their dicks for once?
“Whereas the Corvette is the most widely respected production sports car in United States history…”
If I’m not mistaken, it’s the only one.
Leave it to Congress to screw up something this silly.
Little Richard like Corvettes, and he wasn’t too manly a man.
I prefer Ford Falcons.
It’s like when they staged the Congress Does Cartwheels Parade to “entertain” the amputee ward at Walter Reed.
Is Prince sponsoring the bill, as well?
HA!
There’s a sports car in the United States that deserves respect?
Sure, maybe the Ford GT, but the Corvette?
What the hell did a Corvette ever do for me? WHAT??? OH I KNOW. It made me look POOR to the conservative douchebag driving one. I will designate the same date as “National Proletariat small-car driving day.”
Let’s make up some more days that hail gas-guzzling piles of steel, for Jeebus.
If this means we have to watch that stupid Corvette Summer movie on the 30th, I’ll be busy.
How the fuck can the Corvette be patriotic? A) Chevrolet sounds French. B) My magnetic “honor the troops” ribbon doesn’t stick to the fiberglass bodywork.
tunamelt: Actually, I’m going to expand on that Prince thing and assume that this is all just a metaphor for Slutty Women Appreciation Day.
So when is Congress going to honor the mighty Buick Electra? I mean, seriously, you could seat 16 in those things comfortably. Or use it as housing once your house gets foreclosed.
The Corvette is the most respected US car, like Hillary Clinton is the most respected US woman. HA!
“Whereas the Corvette is the most over-rated vehicle on Earth;”
Whereas everybody who gets to vote on this bill already owns at least two, not counting the ones they bought their mistresses/poolboys.
johnbpt: Yup. Just like HRC!
pondscum: Actually the Mustang’s a pony car, not a sports car.
But where’s the love for the Dodge Viper? Is it just because it’s a Dodge? Corvettes are strictly for assholes who are going through a midlife crisis and can’t afford a European sports car.
“Whereas the Corvette is truly a symbol of American pride;”….
for the first time in my adult life I am proud of my country…
queeraselvis v 2.0: Or the IROC. To appeal to that lunkhead demographic.
WHY DOES THE GREMLIN GET NO RESPECT???
Good God, I own a 1993 Corvette, (which I can no longer afford to drive), and even I think this is the biggest waste of time and energy those asshole in congress have come up with in a long time.
A gas-guzzling, poorly built, plastic car?
Red White and Blue baby, RED WHITE AND BLUE!!!!
“Corvette” is General Motor-ese for “Piece of Shit,” isn’t it?
pondscum: The Ford Mustang never was, is not, and will never be, a “sportscar.” For example, about 1/2 the parts in the first three years’ production runs were shared with the Ford Falcon/Futura, e.g., Robert “Bomber” McNamara’s “People’s Car.”
The Mustangs never could handle worth a damn, and the brakes were a bad joke. (Trust me: We put a 427 in a 1968 Fastback, and rolled it at the end of the straight at Sears Point. Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!)
But I digress.
Now, the Shelby Cobras were CARS. The REAL Cobras, not the whored up Mustangs.
Say it with me people:
DOUCHEBAG!!
Hayzoos Kreesto. They aren’t even trying to pretend that they actually want to do any work on behalf of us Bitterz.
Shimkus. Isn’t that Lithuanian or something for “Eats-a-bag-of-dicks”??
this begs the obvious question:
is Rep. John Shimkus actually Jay Leno?
i hear that next wednesday is …National Take Your Credit Card to the Gas Station Day…
Whereas many Americans now spend more on gasoline than food…
Whereas the only way Americans can afford gasoline is to charge it and hope they can pay the bill off years from now…
Whereas a large percentage of Americans will shop for dinner in a gas station…
Whereas Americans should never forget to buy more Doritos, cigarettes, beer, or toilet paper…
It is resolved…
Meh, Bush will append a signing statement, essentially eviscerating this resolution.
You can’t even hang TruckNutz from a Corvette. What an elitist piece of legislation.
What?
Have we not yet honored small, lightly armed, highly maneuverable warships smaller than frigates?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Corvette
shortsshortsshorts:
Howzabout the Pacer, Pinto or the mighty Vega? The car that came prerusted.
EnBuenOra: I have learned something today. Wikipedia is just GRAND.
The secret to great comedy? TIMING!
shortsshortsshorts: Excellent. In the same vein, you might find that Coast Guard ships are called “Cutters”, since they began in the Revenue Cutter Service collecting tariffs & fighting rumrunners avoiding tariffs, and were the nation’s main source of revenue throughout the early independence period.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coast_Guard_cutter
…I always thought the Delorean respected car made in the U.S.?! Helllllo McFLLLLLY!!!
In honor of National Corvette Day, Rep. Shimkus is going to divorce his wife, start dressing like Don Johnson in Miami Vice, get wasted on Mike’s Hard Lemonade, and drunkenly hit on his daughter’s 16 year old friends.
ManchuCandidate: Only of they can think about something young and male to stick their dicks into…
AngryBlakGuy: Sir, the Delorean was made by the proud, drunken auto workers of Northern Ireland. And sucked.
Headline should read
BREAKING: Corvette
Spence: …damn it, well this isn’t the first time Ive been wrong. In any regard its still better than the Corvette just because of “Back to the Future”!
Spence: Didn’t the guy who designed it, or owned the company or something, go to jail for drugs?
Rep. Shimkus? More like Sckmuckus
Hail the Corvair !
Corvettes are warning cars: “Here I am and I’m an asshole!”
A real car? no nonsense 1963 Studebaker Lark VIII (a big 12 miles/gal.)
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/4/4b/Studebaker_Lark_VIII.jpg
I just KILLED a freakin’ gay-ass purple corvette off the line on Highway freakin’ 1 man! It was great. I ride a Honda 600F4i… like the wind, baby.
graceless: Nope, DeLorean claimed entrapment and was acquitted.
However, the last owner of Avanti Motors, Michael Kelly, was charged with running a Ponzi scheme and arrested. So far as I know, he’s still in jail. Now that’s an American hero, if you ask me.
Oooohh! Avanti!
I have a friend who dated Fred Thompson for a while (I know, ew), and she got to drive his Avanti for the, uh, duration. It was so mod! Like the Avengers should be drivin’ it or something.
I propose January 30th as National Remember Those Frozen to Death Day to commemorate the poor and elderly who will no longer be able to heat their homes starting this fall.
I also propose the day AFTER election day - every year - be declared and commemorated within the halls of Congress as “Remember the Great American Chump Day”.
DoctorCulturae: Make mine a ‘62 Studebaker Gran Turismo Hawk
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/c/ce/Studebaker_Gran_Turismo_Hawk.jpg
“Old fat guys with male pattern baldness resolution” is way harder to remember. I personally think more than two wheels is a waste of resources. Corvettes are for people who are too scared to ride a motorcycle…or you know, the mid-life crisis thing. I hope when I start to feel old I find something better to spend my money on. Like hookers maybe.
Jim Newell,
Gee, I wonder what the vote on this important piece of legislation was? Republican sponsor, so, there must have been a bipartisan take on the corvette. Isn’t that encouraging?
Sincerely and respectfully,
Mr-Clark
shortsshortsshorts: ShortShortShorts…you and I should do our part to conserve energy by carpooling to work each day. You can ride on my lap all the way to town.
econdave:
IROC= Italian Retard Out Cruisin’ (that’s what we used to say)
Spence: First car (cringe) Pontiac Fiero (or Fire-o!) not exactly gas-guzzling but all fiberglass (Body by Fisher Price. Believe it or not, I hit a deer with that car and still lived to tell about it.
DoctorCulturae: I’m so happy someone brought up the Lark! What a sweet little ‘mobile.
After my ‘87 323, Mazda has been my brand for great little compacts (haha, GLCs). Let the U.S. have whatever dumbed-down Ford model they want– e.g., Focus..
Does Rep. Shimkus get a free Corvette for introducing this resolution? I hope so.
I always liked the Thunderbird, ca~ 1957 — I got to sit in one when I was a kid. Corvette was cool. I’ll take a Jag any day, but that’s anti-American.
Hell, let’s buy classic cars for the whole damn Congress! Proviso — they have to take the money out of the Iraq War budget.
American Dreamer: Dammit you Cereal-Nazi! You ride on my lap. I have to drive. I. MUST. DRIVE.
Not_So_Much: “Shimkus. Isn’t that Lithuanian or something for “Eats-a-bag-of-dicks”??
Shimkus.”??”
Slime-cuz is an abominable neo-con. He’s opposed this Fall by a 26-year old State employee, placed in nomination and funded by our abominable governor (and his boss), Rod R. Blogodoujebag. Oh gosh — which douchebag is right for me? Ask my doctor?
{Notice: Voting for douchebags may be hazardous to your well-being. Don’t vote at all if you have used alcohol, or if you will feel compelled to use alcohol after your decision. Do not reveal your vote to pollsters by phone or internet since that may cause a sudden and fatal visit from government agents. If you are in proximity to my opponent during daylight hours, run and hide in a safe, darkened room. Chronic reliance on douchebags may impair your physical, spiritual, and mental health. Pregnant women and mothers who are nursing should call me. 202 225-5271}
Mahousu: Thanks. My brother owned an Avanti, he had it fitted with an Ah-ou-ga- horn. He lost a hubcap once. He’d turned the radio up so loud that he couldn’t hear it give. He later found it, concrete all around, Dad felt that he should have heard it.
JeffGoldblum: Jeff:
Exclude [‘s 16 year old friends.] Flesh is flesh.
villageatrois: I see that electro-shock ia still not working.
villageatrois:
Why won’t you pick up my phone calls?
masterdebater: I tend to prefer creature comforts like “air conditioning,” “heating,” and even sometimes “roof over my head.” Oh, and “no bugs in my teeth.”
S.Luggo: Hello, Congressman! You call your neo-con ass “Sluggo” now? What a hoot! While I’ve got your attention, please re-think this WWIII thing. The people in your district are trying to cope with our second 1000-year flood in 15 years. Oh yeah — and the auto industry died, taking that Corvette thingie with it. Really! Come visit your district if you ever get a weekend off.
Hey guys, relax, he’s on the committee for Energy and Air Quality Committee(!!!)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Shimkus
Whereas, the Corvette jumped the shark by 1966, became a total piece of shit in the 1970’s, a deathtrap in the 1980’s, and has continued to dig a hole in the national psyche of American sportscars ….
Thank god he left my Camaro out of it.
When are we going to have National Bitchin’ Camero Day?.
Oh, and whereas GM is “celbrating” anything in 2008, I call BULLSHIT, unless mastering the arts of unbrideled greed, short-sightedness, hubris, corruption, and the 7 Deadly Sins are cause for celebration. Oh, wait.
bitchincamaro: Damn, I got beat by one minute and by a commenter named bitchincamero! Sheesh.
Delicious: Worlds just collided and Wonkette is responsible.
But when will we declare a National Assfucking Day?
shortsshortsshorts: Not only is Barry Hussein going to lose this election big time but he’ll be ejected from Congress for his criminal ties to Rezko and North Korea and when it finally comes out that he is the bastard son of Idi Amin and Chaka Khan.
Barry Hussein will be barbacking and barebacking in West Hollywood by next spring. ShortsShortsShorts can teach him the ropes.
After national mouth-fucking day and possibly national vag-fucking day? There’s a certain order to things you know.
shortsshortsshorts: why must you always reduce us to your level.
American Dreamer: Is that you, Bubba?
you guys are all stressing about corvettes when you should be asking the question: what did wonkette do to get kicked off Huffpo’s list of approved blogs? did you publish kinky pictures of arianna while i was on vacation? enquiring minds want to know!
American Dreamer: Divide and conquer, you inconsolable wretch.
Will you coming to my alleged West Hollywood bar-b-que tomorrow?
shortsshortsshorts: /”will you *be coming”
And if you do, which alter-ego will you take with you?
I thought we already had National Micropenis Overcompensation Day on July 4.
ronaldpagan: Isn’t that more like National Be Irresponsible With Booze And Fireworks Day?
ronaldpagan: Sabre_Justice: Yes, and Yes. But it is also Scare all the dogs and young children in the neighborhood day. Why can’t we have quiet fireworks?
Will there be a National Truck Nutzzz Day in my lifetime??? I think it should be on July 3rd and 5th.
columnv: How near death are you?
micropenis….finally somebody has given voice to my pain.
I’m glad congress hasn’t lost its sense of humor.
OH. MY. GOD. Did all you all the see latest headline on Obama and Scarlett Johannson as the latest Obama girl? Obama is so totally doing Scarlett. This is perfect.
I hooked up with Scarlett once at a party in the Hollywood Hills. (She isn’t really my type but kept throwing herself at me (or more specifically my bulging biceps.) But when I got home and took her to bed I discovered (to my disgust) that the carpeting didn’t match the drapes so I threw her out of bed.
American Dreamer: And then you woke up.
NEVER CROSS HILLARY’S BIG PANTY POSSE!
http://www.local6.com/news/16738523/detail.html
iburl: Vandals with business cards?? Did we import them from Japan or something?
So…can NAS(S)CAR Dads afford a Corvette? I mean, that’s who Rep. Shimkus is thinking about, right?
Right?
iburl: Look at that grafitti carefully! Those vandals are not talking about Obama. They are talking about OBOMA. You know - that awful crack smoking guy OBOMA.
Mustangs and Camaros are stepping stone vehicles. The pimple-faced 20-somethings use them to cruise the high shoools for girls. When their parents die ( and leave them a small lottery winning ), they move up to Corvettes and Vipers, criusing for ladies at Fridays or Applebees. They’re narcissist losers who masturbate themselves to sleep every night.
Oops. I meant narcissistic losers.
graceless: I guess I just want it sooner rather than later…
I for one think it’s great that we finally have a holiday celebrating our vets. They fought and died for you ingrates!
What? Oh, corvettes. What’s that, like a female corv or something?
Wait… I though Miatas were for broke old bald guys trying to prove that they’re not broke old bald guys. They still make Corvettes? Really? Do people still buy them?
Huh, learn something new every day…