Wonkette
Now that his wife isn’t running anymore, will Bill Clinton revert to being arguably the most popular Democratic official of the last half-century and, you know, help his party out a bit? Maybe hold a big public endorsement spectacle for Obama? Maybe later! He has finally indicated, however, that he will support the Democratic nominee for president, via a one-sentence statement from his people: “President Clinton is obviously committed to doing whatever he can and is asked to do to ensure Senator Obama is the next President of the United States.” Obviously! Maybe he will appear with Hillary and Obama in Unity, New Hampshire on Friday. Or maybe he will cry. Still. [Hotline]
MAJOR ENDORSEMENTS
Bill Clinton Releases Important, Bland One-Sentence Endorsement Of Obama
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1:15 PM
on Tue June 24 2008
By
Jim Newell
1253 Views
And I used to like this guy so much. What the hell happened to him?
Christ, what a douchebag.
Hey Clin-not, gedoverit, there’s a little known quality that you should aquire~GRACE…
Joey Ratz: An excess of whiskey and hookers?
Back to Harlem with you, you scalawag.
His prospects for major pussy went down the tubes when Hillary’s campaign tanked. Give him time to grieve.
If you look at an ex-president long enough, he loses all of his meaning.
Joey Ratz: He believed the hype and went Zooropa on our asses.
He’ll be more enthusiastic when Obama pays off Clinton’s campaign debts. Right now all he can think about is that there’s $30 mil less he’ll be able to spend on cigars and sweet young things in his dotage. And they say the economic downturn isn’t hurting the rich.
…or maybe he will just climb on to “Air Fuck One” with his bachelor buddies and stick his cock into an 19-year-old 3 diamond whore, while crying? Fuck the pain away, Billz!
Any chance of dragging him behind the North Conway Railroad or shoving him off Mt. Chocorua?
At first I thought the whole, “Clinton’s hatin’ on Barry” thing would really help Bill and Hillary’s sex life. It was an activity they could share, something they could agree upon, someone else to blame, etc. But it seems Bill is still bitter, while Hillary is coming around. It’ll make dealing with Bill’s crazy even more difficult for her once she has spent time with Senator Sexy.
He only said that to get into Obamagirl’s pants anyway, so whatevs.
My, how the mighty have fallen. Seriously, I never liked Bill or Hillary that much, because they struck me as inherently kind of evil, but I could respect their evil as fairly intelligent. But crazy-evil? That’s just sad.
weirdiowasculpture: He’s getting some minor pussy though.
“finished his life as a cowboy? he’s not really suitable for politic related stuff!!”—–when talked about him, my friend from _RIDERLOVE.COM_ said so!
…in his defense he may be keeping his mouth shut to keep himself out of trouble.
He gone make thet munnie back once he rat thet buke on possum resipies.
NoWireHangers: Sometimes Bill puts on blackface and shouts “YES WE CAN” while Hillary pees on him. When she used that phrase in her Obama endorsement speech it was a little in-joke with Bill.
You know, if that whole Air Fuck One rumor turns out to be untrue, the pinnacle of Bill’s life will have been fiddling around with a bethonged bio-humidor in the Oval Office whilst making prank calls to various senators. I guess I can understand his resentment. Glory days, Bill, glory days.
shortsshortsshorts: I think Gravel beat him to her.
Clinton needs a post-Presidential job. Ford golfed. Carter built houses. Nixon scowled. Reagan gummed his vegetables. Bush Sr. plotted the fall of western civilization. What does Clinton do other than remind us that the 90’s are over? Get a job, foo. Pay off some of your wife’s bills.
According to Wikipedia, Unity NH “includes the villages of East Unity, Quaker City, and West Unity.”
… Um, isn’t that the opposite of unity?
Bill Clinton to Marge Simpson:
“I know you don’t think you’re good enough for me. But believe me, you are. Hell, I done it with pigs. [laughs] Real, no-foolin’ pigs!”
Ah, the great John Swartzwelder…
Sussemilch: What are you talking about? He took up hunting. MILF-hunting!
Ha ha ha. I’m just kidding. He would never bang someone old enough to have kids.
Delicious: I love a Marge Simpson reference in the afternoon…maybe he should try a monkee though?
ronaldpagan: Hillary gettin’ all R Kelly wit Bill
Fuck…monkey, I spelled it like the band!
So what else is new BilL has nothing in the game now, he is thinking, I am important, I am significant, I am indispensable. Oh wait I NEVER BELIEVE A WORD I SAY.
Joey Ratz: He’s like the daring rulebreaker you thought was the coolest guy in the world in high school, when you were a sophomore and he was a senior. A few years pass, college goes by, and you see him and realize that this guy is a beer-bellied, overbearing bully who hasn’t grown past his glory years.
Why would you assume that Bill is upset that Hillary is no longer running? The day she dropped out was the happiest in his life. Now he can bang interns without the press keeping track of him. Why do you think they had to release a perfunctory statement instead of having him say something? He is in the back room humping some trailer park trash who considers him the second coming as we speak.
ronaldpagan: Wasn’t Megan’s Law supposed to prevent this?
BTW, I don’t see his wedding ring. Maybe its on his … well you know … his bent peepee.
He’s finally figured out that “supporting” Barry is a great way to tap some of that hot Obama female supporter booty.
Watch out, Scarjo! Here comes Bubba!
SuperRounder: Being that everybody beats Gravel at everything, it doesn’t make sense to me at all.
Doglessliberal: Sussemilch: Clearly, he needs to either sell cars or host a morning zoo radio show.
Bill who? He looks sorta like that inevitable First Lady fella.
I think he should start hanging out with Phil Spector. Kick it up a notch.
20 bucks says some aid took an expletive filled rant about how he hates that black muslim obama and figured that was as close as they were gonna get to an endorsement, a little editing and presto we have this emphatic statement of support. just wait until bill finds out…
Bill has only one chance at the White House now. Turn that Clinton Charm towards Michelle, Willie. Can you say Menage a Presidency?
NoWireHangers: “At first I thought the whole, “Clinton’s hatin’ on Barry” thing would really help Bill and Hillary’s sex life.”
Maybe that’s the problem!
“… to ensure Senator Obama is the next President of the United States.”
That email was obviously a second draft. The original read: “… to endure Senator Obama as the next President of the United States.”
Does this mean he will retroactively endorse Jesse Jackson too? If Bill Clinton goes back in time to 1992 and endorses Jesse Jackson will it create a rip in space-time (negating the racist moves that made him DLC posterchild)? That would be the ultimate in racial transcendence. Mr. Clinton, I commend you.
Oh yeah and he will be called the “comeback kid” by his 1992 friends.
They must’ve had to waterboard him in a whole tubful of shiny whore diamonds in order to get him to John Hancock that particular piece of paper.
Maybe Michelle’s makeover can include plumping her up to Bill’s preference. A little cigar action between former POTUS and future FLOTUS might calm both of them down! And just look at the party and racial unity a little Bill and ‘Shell LUV might display! But please…DON’T post the video!