Wonkette
Vito Fossella, Staten Island’s beloved congressman, won America’s heart with his drunk driving, mistress-having, love-child-fathering ways. Of course, such a free spirit could not stay in Congress so he planned not to run for re-election. The Staten Island Republican Party searched and searched for somebody to run for Fossella’s spot, and all these people said, “Uh no thanks I have to floss my dog,” and finally a nice man named Frank Powers said “OK I’ll do it,” but now he is dead. Maybe our Vito will reconsider his retirement plans. Two more years! [SILive.com]
TWISTS OF FATE
Vito Fossella Can’t Catch A Break
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12:18 PM
on Mon June 23 2008
By
Sara K. Smith
1460 Views
…what about 9u11iani? WoW, Kinda like a bad God Father knock off; from Vito to 9u11iani!
A love child; a DUI; a mistress. Isn’t this guy a shoe-in for reelection?
Sara,
Are you sure it’s Floss? These are Repubs we’re talking about here.
Seriously–why did this guy not run again? Because of a dui and an out-of-wedlock child? DUI is bad, but people get charged every day. Are we all stupid enough not to admit that all of the millions of people drinking at bars and parties and cookouts and happy hours every day of the week don’t drive home buzzed? Guess what? Millions of people drive home buzzed and drunk every day–that’s the truth. It happens every single day. And guess what? People have children out of wedlock–that happens pretty frequently, too. All these nimrods criticizing this Congressman for driving while buzzed and having a kid need to get a reality check. We’re not condoning driving buzzed. Just offering a reality check here.
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=floss
“Relatives say Frank Powers died in his sleep of natural causes Sunday. He was 67.”
This one doesn’t quite pass the smell test.
thefrontpage:
This is Wonkette. Stop making sense.
And in the land of Gith Gad Beldead there lived a congressman named Vito, son of Nehemon descednant of Ahmon and Heldead who smote the Alamites and drove their cattle into the sea. And lo Vito was beloved of God, and God rewarded him with many children from his many wives. And yeah the Lord did smite all those who rose to usurp the rightful district that He had set aside for his servant Vito, for only Vito was righteous enough to drink of that holy cup.
So endeth the lesson.
This is what? job security?
thefrontpage:
Are you serious? DUIs are not always career killers unless they killed someone. Nor is raising a love child. That is unless you made your rep shoving family values down everyone’s throat. Screaming about the sanctity of marriage while boinking your mistress. It’s exactly like Vitter and his diapers.
From Andrew Sullivan:
Vito Fossella built a career as a staunch “family values” pol, polishing his image in his predominantly Catholic district with a string of anti-gay votes.
He even shuns his gay sister, Victoria Fossella, refusing to go to family events if she and her partner attend, a source close to the family said.
His double life is now exposed with the news he has a 3-year-old love child with a divorced Air Force colonel, and critics are calling him a hypocrite.
To be brutally honest, it would be way more fun to have them run the dead guy. At least dead guys don’t drink themselves stupid and father illicit children in New Jersey.
Go, dead guy!!
Off topic, where is the post about Obama’s “possum” seal? If ever there was Wonkette-ready material, it’s that thing.
Wait a minute. This is a Staten Island seat. Didn’t God give it to the Dems just before he smote the Amorites?
thefrontpage: Quacker: …I always figured that a DUI was prerequisite to gain political office?!
thefrontpage: The problem is, the Republicans have painted themselves into a corner by posturing over the years as THE choice for one stop, morally-unimpeachable leadership. Whoops! In reality, we now know that the few Reuplicans who aren’t gay kiddie diddlers are skirt chasing booze hounds. Which absolutely rocks! Unless your leadership has promoted itself as the Pious Party.
I’d say here this means the Repubs have once agin been fisted upon their own pretard, but as you can see I don’t really know how to articulate that adage.
… And his son is still on the ballot as a Libertarian, I think…
Quacker: Ashcroft got beat in an election by a dead guy - 2000 Senate race vs. Mel Carnahan. Go Missouri! This still makes me giggle.
Never take sides against Vito again.
thefrontpage:
I’m thinking the exit from office is driven more by the pissed off wife (and her divorce attorney in the wings) than by any political concerns.
PoliticalGraffiti: Thanks. Now my gem-encrusted Pimp goblet has a name.
S.Luggo: “gem-encrusted Pimp goblet” isn’t a good enough name? Because I’m thinking of starting a band with that name, RIGHT NOW.
Gads, these Repubs. Why can’t they just embrace their own amoral behavior and get on with it? The only thing all Republicans have in common is a love of money and the fear that the guvment is going to take away all of it. If they’d just stick to that theme, they’d never get caught doing stupid shit. Like, if a congressman gets caught embezzling funds or insider trading or something, at least everyone can say “Them Republicans sure do love their money.”
MoodProcessor:
This one doesn’t quite pass the smell test.
It would have if he had been dead for a few more hours.
ManchuCandidate: Shunning now fashionable in Family Values circles? Mmmm, no. It’s merely a smoke-screen for getting some ‘tang on the side, having a DUI record and and being a general asshat.
http://blacksnob.blogspot.com/2008/04/alan-keyes-has-stopped-making-sense-on.html [Quoting WaPo article]: “Maya Keyes — liberal, lesbian and a little lost — finds herself out on her own. She says her parents — conservative commentator and perennial candidate Alan Keyes and his wife, Jocelyn — threw her out of their house, refused to pay her college tuition and stopped speaking to her.
Maya, 19, says her parents cut her off because of who she is – a liberal queer.’
S.Luggo: people who tout their family values always have a very creative definition of family, and values, for that matter. If I weren’t an atheist and believed punishment occurred after death, I would wish some unique Old Testamnety thing on the Keyes. They are evil.
AnnieGetYourFun: Mind you, I guess they’d have to embrace hookers, too. But I can get behind that.
AnnieGetYourFun: I think you often have to pay extra for embracing them from behind.
You say Fossella has a love child. I say, his mistress “chose life”…
Lolo: kind of unfair the foetus didn’t have a choice. Would you elect to have this moran as a father?
Looks like some SI, NY Republicans forgot to discuss things with the Molinari’s.
Doglessliberal: Elect to have this moron as a father? Hell, thousands of people elected to have this moron as their Congressional representative!
pondscum:
Well, that’s Missouri. You know what they say about Mizzou; show me! Kinda hard after the cremation.
AngryBlakGuy:
Well, true. It worked for Kennedy.
Doglessliberal:
I was scarred for life by not having Fetal Choice. I coulda been somebody! Instead of a bum, which is what I am.
Lolo: touche!
Quacker: you coulda been a contender?
Quacker: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=prXXOxCPNek
“joined by his brothers in front of the family home on Todt Hill….”
Spell check, people! That’s “Toad Hall”. Spell check, fer Chris’ sake. You may remember that Toad had difficulties in driving….