Wonkette
A Wonkette Senate operative has informed us that Idaho Sen. Larry Craig is on the Senate floor now, and “he’s talking about the ‘Craig Does Act,’ and said ‘we adjusted ourselves a little bit’ referencing ‘the no zone’ as well.” Yes folks, it’s true: Larry Craig is a major player in Congressional efforts to end the ban on domestic drilling (for oil), with his very special “Craig D.O.E.S. Act,” which seeks to alleviate “Pain at the Pump.” Craig reasons that once America gets used to being drilled, the pumps won’t be as painful. [Sen. Larry Craig]
Tasteless. Just tasteless. But so true.
Whether he’staring into the dreamy blue eyes of an undercover cop in an airport restroom or meeting a sexy young bear while his wife is away from his Georgetown townhouse, Lary Craig is always fighting for America.
If you want your gas bill to drop (to its knees and suck you off) drill (a hole in the wall of the bathroom stall).
Glory Holes (of oil) for all!
Is Larry offering to pay me gallons of premium unleaded in exchange for non-gay buttseks? Shit, welcome to Thunderdome, I guess.
Larry Craig is on the Senate floor now
Can he do that anymore without the entire room busting out in hysterical laughter and making rude hand gestures indicating a penis going into an orifice?
It’s great to see Larry taking a nice wide stance on this issue.
The Craig Does Who Act?
Drilling always starts with a toe tap.
I heard using the oil helps for more drilling…
NoWireHangers:
Yup. My exact thoughts.
Whoa there Larry. Don’t use up all your political capital now!
HAHAHAHA. I really want this sad idiot to come out in favor of everything I’m opposed to. School prayer, abstitence education, invading Iran, etc.
at least bush has a credible spokesman, spokesperson, whatever.
D.O.E.S. = Dreary Old Episcopalian Sexcapade. They can take the fun out of everything, I tells ya.
Well, the only female this guy has ever HAS enjoyed screwing is Mother Nature.
Just reading the press release makes my ass hurt.
Exactly how much oil is there in the men’s bathroom stall?
Ha HA! Buggery…
Larry’s always been a tap’n'drill kinda guy. His stance may be wide, but his drillbit is microscopic.
Can you imagine working in his office and putting this press release together? I’d have to quit or I’d die of laughter on the spot.
I bet someone suggested this to him as a joke, and he decided to run with it.
they have obviously conducted focus groups and concluded that the American Sheeple will forget about Bush holding hands with Sheik Yerbooti if they just keep talking about DRILLING. time will tell …
Well, I don’t usually go in that direction myself, but the Repubs have been fucking us collectively up the ass long enough, that who am I to look down at an opportunity to return the favor. Grab some ankle, Senator Craig, this is going to be an angry one.
So many double entendres, one hardly knows how to begin. However, I note Wonkette commenters have already covered 90% of them in about 8 minutes. :p
I once mentioned the ‘Procrustean School of Blogging’ (lopping off facts that don’t work to make the example fit the premise). Wonkette, too, does this: it’s just fortunate that ‘assfucking’ applies to so *many* things unaltered.
This makes sense. Vaseline doesn’t grow on trees.
“And if my toe reaches aaaallll the way under to your stall and taps, THEN I D.O.E.S. you.”
Shouldn’t the masthead on his site read “Servicing the Citizens of Minnesota”?
The only gas bill Larry Craig gets is from hiring bears to fart in his face.
It’s really hard to take a dude seriously when he’s got a voice that’s a few lisps away from Truman Capote’s, senator or not.
If he or his partner is having pain at the pump, sometimes stretching your hips and back first will help.
MoodProcessor:
Yeah, and the midwestern flooding could really affect this year’s Astro-Glide harvest.
Did you all know Larry Craig is gay? He is, actually.
You can tell how confident the republicans are in the American public supporting this: When in doubt, send in the stall-trawling, closeted soon-to-be-ex Senator from Idaho to test the waters.
I really wanted to go for the dick joke, but the rest of the wonketteers pumped that well until Larry was too chafed to continue.
kudzu: Shhh. Don’t tell his wife.
“For immediate release” indeed, Senator.
Botswana Meat Commission FC:
Looks like we’re stuck with good ole Kentucky Jelly.
4tehlulz: Rule #1 to be a congressional staffer is to have no shame whatsoever.
Some little budding republican man-trollop in his office is *totally* behind this position! Gently cupping and supporting it until everyone circles around and jerks it through to passage…
Senator Craig announced that he has 5 million barrels in his ass….
SayItWithWookies: Larry Craig D.O.E.S. Six Flags Over America, Male Restroom Tour
I always suspected Larry was a submissive bottom, not a driller.
Even the words “press release” sound dirty in this thread.
FunkyPalmettoBug:
Would that be a Dirty Valdez?
SayItWithWookies: D.O.E.S. is not an acronym, but more of a description.
“Larry Craig has blown many Does.”
1. My guess is that the Idaho Republican Committee wrote that caption. That’ll teach you to fucking piss ‘em off by not resigning, Larry.
2. In the alternative, the author was Charlie Crist.
Someone tell Larry that water soluble lube is much better for him. That should make him back off. So to speak.
MoodProcessor: An exxon blumpkin
Ah,what would Wonkette be without Larry-Craig-is-an-ass-fucking-hypocrite jokes?
By the way: Larry Craig is an ass fucking hypocrite.
I bet they’re planning on killing two birds with one stone: They’re sending Larry over to Saudi Arabia to try and “persuade” them to increase production.
1) He’s out of the national spotlight, saving GOP face,and
2) He’ll hopefully get more oil on the markets, probably through a combination of anal rape and blowjobs.
Thaa-at’s Di-i-plomacy I Ca-an Be-lieve In!
Exaggerations. Larry Craig wants to drill half of America.
What if there is WIDE opposition to this act, opponents take a strong STANCE against it, and it STALLS in committee?
There a link on his webpage to something called “kids club”. Does anyone else find that troubling?
…maybe they should lock him and Charlie Crist in a room and see who CUMS out on TOP. Im pretty sure they will compromise on who will be doing the DRILLING!
TGY: it is almost too easy. You wonder if the staffer who wrote this was totally having a good time, or that everyone on his staff is disgustingly earnest, believes him, and has no sense of humor.
shortsshortsshorts: except does are female
Larry Craig Wants To Drill All Of America
Larry Craig Wants To Drill All Of America
Larry Craig Wants To Drill All Of America
Larry Craig Wants To Drill All Of America
Larry Craig Wants To Drill All Of America
this shit just writes itself.
Doglessliberal: Not John Does.
Senator Craig’s idea is actually brilliant.
If we are all passed out in exhaustion from really hot, clandestine, forbidden gay sex, we will not be able to drive around wasting gas.
Perhaps we can “drill” our way to happiness.
” ‘Larry Craig is on the Senate floor now’
Can he do that anymore without the entire room busting out in hysterical laughter and making rude hand gestures indicating a penis going into an orifice?”
Yes, because people who live in glass houses don’t throw stones.
Zhu Bajie
Is he “serving the people of Idaho” or “servicing” them?
Zhu Bajie
Drilling more oil in the Alaskan wilderness and in more US offshore locations to fix the economy is like drinking more booze in hopes to cure alcoholism.
Dumb policy to please the citizens of The Fool’s Paradise!
zhubajie: Based on your other comments, I think we’re going to get along just fine…
The people who support drilling are the very best representatives of Republican party ethics. Bush, Larry, and McCranky. Oh sure, their will be more to follow, but this just makes you want to go right out and vote for a conservative, doesn’t it? Hey, Hillary supporters, still thinking about that “revenge vote”?
loudmouthredhead:
Naw, they DO NOT WANT the buttsecks in Saudi. Wahabbism and the ghey are kind of at odds right now.
Which is why Wide Stance Larry just hates, HATES conferences on the environment in Bali:
http://craig.senate.gov/releases/ed112907a.cfm
Bali’s just a bunch of liberal hot air, Brer Bear! Totally worthless! Why even go, as it doesn’t accomplish anything!
(Well, I’d better go just to keep tabs on the evil libs.)
jjgittes:
I went there and found this, deciding this isn’t right at all.
http://craig.senate.gov/kidsclub/frontpage.htm
shortsshortsshorts:
You know, you should just stop giving me links to look at, because my inquisitiveness and political bent lead me places I just don’t want to go.
Ahem. From your goddamn link (remember, it’s the fucking kids’ page):
- click on the freaking pile of books in the corner (”Teacher Tattie”… yeah, your dog is the one with all the porn)
- “Choosing a Supreme Court Justice”
…which leads me to this, under the Alito entry (remember, it’s for the kids), which you can pollute your mp3 player of choice with and feel extremely dirty about afterwards because there’s not enough beer in the world to cleanse your mind:
http://craig.senate.gov/clips/alito.mp3
You know what? Go ahead, Larry. Go on all the Bali junkets for all the hot manlove you want while preaching the evils of the ghey. Fuck, I don’t care — eat all the dicks you want in the great senatorial gangbang of the century in front of rush hour traffic on the Mall.
Just don’t sing anymore. Although Ashcroft’s singing was actually far worse by comparison and far more publicized, all the hypocrisy that’s involved in bastardizing West Side Story with Paul Schaeffer, of all people, is giving me a headache.
If you wan’t your trousers to drop, go to the gas station (off the highway) and get drilled.
Larry Craig does. That’s really all you need to say.
Idahoans lost a tiny bit of their innocence in that Minneapolis toilet stall.
Even though there were teeny forewarnings. Like in 1982 when Dirty Larry alone denied being part of the congressional page scandal before the Post mentioned a single name, then got followed all the way from DC to a Jordan Valley, Ore July 4 picnic in a news helicopter.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rZXaaFbo6Oo&mode=related&search=
But the Toilet Bust Senator also gave us great moments of joy as well.
Great photojournalism
http://bp2.blogger.com/_7_VME45R1Ak/Rt4UmYIdiQI/AAAAAAAAAGc/tp_i01822ds/s1600-h/dIRTY+LARRY+cRAIG.jpg
Cool music videos
http://youtube.com/watch?v=CvxHCeo-8EU
Interesting hand gestures:
http://bp3.blogger.com/_7_VME45R1Ak/Rt8nkYIdicI/AAAAAAAAAIA/h7ap0FlxgZE/s1600-h/McConnell+and+Larry+poo.bmp
Craig kid rap sheets
http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2007/0906071shae1.html?link=rssfeed
Cool music videos
http://youtube.com/watch?v=CvxHCeo-8EU
And the popularization of tube steak among Republicans
http://blogonaut-blogonaut.blogspot.com/search?q=craig&updated-max=2007-10-08T06%3A00%3A00-07%3A00&max-results=20
I for one owe you and solute you Larry Craig. You go drill whomever you like.
Good to see Craig paving the way in innuendo-soaked legislation. And to think a year ago people thought he was finished tut, tut, tut.
Between his “Thanks for coming out” press conference opening line and now this, I’m beginning to suspect that Mr. Craig just might have a hankering for the fellahs.