Wonkette
Barack Obama is on an economics campaign tour this week, traveling to various sad places to let people know there’s still hope, but not really. Today, for example, Obama visits Flint, Michigan — the ruined auto-factory town that primarily serves as a backdrop for sad economic speeches, ever since Michael Moore destroyed the once-prosperous city to make a point. But not all the Economy News is gloomy! Read our fun list and find out why!
- Bad News: Things are so grim that kids couldn’t even afford some crappy golf-related present for their dads yesterday. And kids who celebrate “Father’s Day” are already an elite fraction of the general American population, because most children grow up without fathers.
- Good News: California’s collapsed economy will soon get a multi-million-dollar boost from gay weddings — and there will be at least two daddies in every gay-married household (unless they’re lesbians).
- Bad News: McClatchy Co., publisher of the Miami Herald and 28 other papers and the McClatchy newswire, is cutting 1,400 jobs and slashing its budget by $100 million this year because the advertising market has collapsed and the whole newspaper industry is dead, anyway.
- Good News: Americans can’t read, anyway … because they’re too stupid!
- Bad News: The price of crude oil hit yet another record today — $139.89 a barrel — and the stock indexes continue to tank as a grim new world of impossibly expensive gasoline an otherwise stagnant economy replaces the “peace and prosperity” we once enjoyed, in the 1990s.
- Good News: Researchers say they’ve developed an inexpensive system to convert the river of dumb bullshit and noxious gas gushing from Joe Lieberman’s mouth into an endless supply of free energy!
Lieberman, that crazy old bastard. Washington D.C. doesn’t get a Senator, but Israel does. Go figure.
Hey, good news-
the Saudis are going to pump out an extra 200,000 barrels a day because their afraid countries are going to find “alternative means” to power their stupid cars.
Huh.
Well, I for one have adapted. For Father’s Day, I was treated to “The Hulk,” then snuck into “The Happening” afterward. But after seeing “The Happening,” I ratted myself out. They didn’t ban me or anything. They offered to pay me not to say anything negative about “The Happening.” So I won’t. Say. Anything… fuck it…
It was about the most C-, unmoving movie I’ve seen and I’m glad I snuck into it, although I’m sad to admit to being pathetic enough that I sat through the entire thing.
I like the good news about reading. As BoyGeorge once said, “You teach a child to read, and he or her will be able to pass a literacy test.”
Tell me about it. Yesterday, for father’s day, my kid gave me a slug and a funny looking stick she found in the garden, and my wife gave me a sock she’d bought at a yard sale that is a pretty good match for an unpaired sock I’ve got in one of my drawers.
If I were to suggest that someone should break Jomentum’s spine, fold him up like a Samsonite and sew his perfectly-matched anus and lips to each other so that he could endlessly dine on his own shit, would that make me antisemitic? Because if so, then yes I am antisemitic.
So Joe Lieberman is that bug that eats waste and shits out useful resources! Funny, I always thought it the other way around.
Well done, Ken, things collapsing, tanking and dying all over the place, I couldn’t help but think of WALNUTS! and Cunty McTrollop having teh sex!
I can’t read! Which makes commenting on blogs complicated, to say the least.
In these trying economic times I’ll pass on this helpful tip: you’re never too old to give your Dad (mom or grandparent) a framed picture of yourself (and your siblings if applicable). Whether the frame is sterling silver or has glitter glue macaroni stuck to it, it’s the gift that has saved me many a holiday. I’m one cheap child.
Oh…come on…this is just a time of great opportunity!
“We have more than 25,000 students who come to Flint on a daily basis,” Mroczek said.
So, Flint is still the hub for BC Bud in Michigan? What else could explain such a massive daily hadj to Flint?
Those students…. they’re all Flintstoned!
Serolf Divad: A fluke of scheduling (multiple cousins in multiple amateur theatricals out of town) had my kids away for the fathers day weekend. Leaving the wife and me a chance to catch up on a backlog of marital activities.
I’m a little sore, but that was the best fathers day yet in my 13 years of fatherhood.
Serolf Divad: are you sure that sock wasn’t for something else?
freakishlystrong: That’s my new favorite sexual position, “things collapsing, tanking and dying all over the place” and it looks a little something like this:
http://yesterdayssalad.files.wordpress.com/2007/01/mccain_lieberman_hug.jpg
Nothing makes me happier to see panic in the eyes of oil companies and OPEC when they discovered that demand does indeed go down when you crank up the price of oil so much that people can’t afford it.
That damn pesky economic law. What the fuck do they call it? Whatever…
If the Herald gets rid of Leonard Pitts Jr., there’ll be hell to pay!
ManchuCandidate: I don’t know the name of the law, but the language in it specifies for “assfucking.”
RuperttheBear: Johnny Macker looks like he has some sort of symbian alien worm monster slithering under his left cheek just below his ear that’s about to bore its way out and eat Lieberman’s eyeball. Ouch! Joe! That’s GOTTA hurt!
RuperttheBear:
RRRRRRRRRetch..Jebus, up comes lunch, dinner from last night and I think lunch from yesterday…is that a BANDAID on his face, I hope?
Everybody knows you save money on Father’s day by buying the shirt that comes with the cuff links, then saving the cuff links for his birthday…I am NOT the only one who learned everything they know about fatherhood from watching Vanessa on the Cosby Show, right?
…shortsshortsshorts: …the Saudis can pump out 1 million extra barrels a day and it wont affect the the overall price of fuel. The reason why crude is expensive is because its valuation is linked to the dollar and the dollar is tanking. If someone had the intelligence to raise the interest rates you will see an almost instant drop in price. Also a major issues is the fact that speculators are allowed to run rampant through the fuel commodities market artificially inflating demand and cost. Exxon-Mobil on friday announced its intent of divesting its company owned stations to private dealers. Over the past 3 years Exxon-Mobil has been snapping up as many of its own stocks off the market as it possibly can. They are trying to minimize damage in the soon to come and inevitable popping of the fuels commodity bubble. The old saying is “when America sneezes the whole world gets a cold” is currently playing itself out in petroleum market. When India and China feel the full effect of the American RECESSION(no matter what anyone says we are in a recession)their demand will snap like a rubber-band. And on that day my friend the proverbial shit will hit the fan!
Or you could just switch political parties…
Suckit wonkers. I got a new harmonica for Dad’s day. I continue to blow.
AngryBlakGuy:
Oh the fucking headaches I get trying to explain that to the “Git-R-Done” types I work with! THey never have nor ever will grasp micro/macro economics.
AngryBlakGuy: And the BEST PART, up until the first quarter of this those pig-fuckers at Exxon-Mobil were raking in records, while at the same time spewing their old “there is a very slim profit margin and this quarter will not be as good for us” thing. Also, I think the main reason they’re divesting all the pumps to mom-and-pops involves the past and present MDL litigation efforts against MTBE, which makes your water smell like turpentine (oops they didn’t want that coming out). Liability at the pumps is a big fucking deal to those asshats.
ManchuCandidate: …not that OPEC isn’t partly at fault for the high prices, but Im going to reserve my outrage for Bush administration. Just a few examples of why he is the reason for $4(and soon to be $5) a gallon gas.
-Opposing higher CAFE standards at every turn
-Dropping interest rates and devaluing the dollar
-Causing unrest in the Middle East by invading Iraq
-Causing more unrest in the Middle East by threatening Iran
-Allowing speculators to rape the consumer
-Giving people tax credits for buying SUV’s in 2001
-And for being an overall shit for brains retard who shouldn’t be allowed to be a kindergarten line leader let alone leader of the United States!
Serolf Divad: Whatever happened to the traditional Father’s Day blowjob? Used to be all the rage for dads n’ grads. If we’re down to sticks, slugs, and socks, then shit, just take the damn day back and let me slump in front of the teevee in a drunken stupor watching the effing U.S. Open like usual.
I hate Exxon-Mobil gas stations. Their gas is more expensive and none of their employees speak English. I went inside one the other day to confront the attendant lackey over corporate economy of scale vs. gas pricing. I had a pretty good rant going when I was met with a “Waz beet Amereekan noba doom” which must mean “fuck you too, American asshole” in Turkish. Left with little alternative but to learn Turkish, and pay more, I downsized my vehicle to a Civic and switched to Hess. It wasn’t the $0.05 a gallon…it was the principle…and the fact that Q2jr. goes to college this fall.
RuperttheBear: You know, until I saw that photo I never realized that McCain actually has several layers of jowl sacs, one on the other. I guess the bandaid is to keep the outer layers from sort of flopping around in the breeze and striking the other senators, waking them up.
for father’s day all my illegitimate children got together to tell me i can’t support barack obama unless i become a good father and nice to all my baby mamas. so i’m joining up with harriet christian to become a mccain supporter because obama doesn’t just hate freedom, he hates my freedom in particular.
Q2: freakishlystrong: It’s the smell, that “Joe Lieberman just had a cup of coffee” smell. A smell like . . . victory.
metropolitan: Dad?
weirdiowasculpture:
My wife has this game she plays, where I get a B.J. “tomorrow.” But the problem is: it’s never actually, “tomorrow.” See, tomorrow is always a day away.
RuperttheBear: So, Victory smells like old, dead feet then?
AngryBlakGuy:
All true, but I look at the puppet master and not the puppet.
TPTB wanted the oil prices high. Now that the stupid money’s (ie futures and speculators) gone all batshit on oil, the eelights who “engineered” this mess are freaking out that this will all explode in their faces. Big problem for the eelights is that there are no more fiscal devices that the eelights can create money making bubbles except in perhaps human organ harvesting and tulip bulbs.
shortsshortsshorts:
get in line kid, and don’t forget to bring your DNA swab results with you.
AngryBlakGuy:
Don’t forget the gas consumption of fighting two needless wars on three fronts.
I would also mention ignoring the reality of the global economy, but you covered that in the “shit-for-brains retard” section of your comment.
RuperttheBear: and napalm, in the morning…
freakishlystrong: It doesn’t sound sexy when you say it that way, but yes. Sexy old Joe Lieberman feet with thick yellow toenails. See how much sexier I make it sound.
The economy is just going to get worse. Most of Iowa is completely flooded, including farms. Kansas is flooded and has tornadoes. Illinois is starting to flood. Thus… no corn or soy. Not to mention the fact that people are essentially ignoring the fact that we’re all under water. 32,000 people are homeless. The University of Iowa is under water.
I live in Iowa City, but I can’t get home because every road back is closed.
But Georgie is on his European Vacation, Russert is dead, and McCain and Obama are too busy with photo ops that aren’t as depressing as seeing entire cities under water. You think they’d want to be the guy here helping us, but that must not be on the schedules. You would think that Obama would want to point out that we would have a lot more help here if our National Guard troops weren’t in Iraq.
Sorry, I’m bitter about this:
http://media.gatewaync.com/wsj/photos/2008/06/14/floods.jpg
http://a.abcnews.com/images/US/1369512e-a8fe-4258-9c8a-ecb8be927abb_mn.jpg
shortsshortsshorts: …actually very true. The amount of money they would have to dish out for clean up, removal, litigation, penalties, property replacement and damages from a single 20,000 gallon underground tank leak would be astronomical. Especially in states like Florida or California that have stringent environmental laws. But I lean more toward a hardening of profitable infrastructure such as refineries and exploration. They make money at an ungodly rate in these areas of their business and it only makes sense to invest more money into them. That being said I guaran-fukkin-tee you that when petroleum begins to tank refineries will suddenly need to undergo dire maintenance which knocks supply down enough to compensate for lack of demand.
ManchuCandidate: …well considering the Republicans pension for wrecking our planet I would not be surprised if “clean air” and “clean water” will be the next commodity.
AngryBlakGuy:
Then if it’s clean water then bow down to your new Canada City overlords (home of 40% of the world’s fresh water assuming that we haven’t fucked it up ourselves…)
As for clean air? Not so much.
ManchuCandidate: “We must harvest the children, for the children.”
Servo: …considering an M-1 Abrams gets 2.5 miles per gallon(under best conditions) and has a 505 gallon gas tank, you can only imagine how much fuel we have used. On top that our aircraft use special JP-8 fuel which isn’t readily available in the middle east and must be shipped into Iraq at 3 and 4 times the normal cost. After all this crap is over and done with I hope someone would perform a study on how much fuel we wasted in Iraq and how it would have affected price and supply in the US.
ManchuCandidate: …if we traveled halfway around the world to invade and occupy a country for oil at the cost of billions of dollars, what makes you think we wouldn’t hop on the I-95 and simply annex your water, bacon and maple syrup?!
This is the price of complacency. For decades, everone ignored or ridiculed those who forewarned us. It’s too late. The rudder is hard over and we’re still going to hit that fucking iceberg…HARD!
Carrie_Okie: Well consider yourself lucky, it could have been a skin flute!
I just want a little advice from everyone, for a friend of mine. Let’s say if a guy gets really hungry, and say for instance he decides to eat somebody, which part(s) are most tasty?
AngryBlakGuy:
And we still operate diesel-power ships! Ouch!
AngryBlakGuy:
When the PRC economy slows (collapses) it will effect everyone in the fucking world. Its not only oil that has gone through the roof. Cooper, bauxite, coal–everything that gets dug out of the ground and sent somewhere to be turned into something else has been getting more and more expensive. When commodity prices tank after this run up it is going to be the end of the world.
And that’s the positive spin.
AngryBlakGuy:
True, but most of the fresh water you want us up north. Means long supply lines over rough terrain and take about 10 years to build pipelines and or canals. Water has never been easy to carry in bulk quantities.
AngryBlakGuy:
And polar bears! Don’t forget the polar bears.
liquiddaddy: I would normally say “start with the dick,” but since you don’t suck I suggest you pull a Tyson and go for the ear.
Investors want an IMMEDIATE return! Nobody wants to wait for their money to grow anymore, so they jump on every goddamned “get rich quick” market. The fucking .coms, real estate, commodities, etc. They all through caution to the wind, then act surprised when the fucking bubble bursts, and go crying to the guvmint that they’ve been misled. The meek SHALL inherit the Earth because the HAVES are too fucking stupid to survive the inevitable chaos they wrought.
shortsx’s3: So, avoid the bony parts. Good advice.
Finally I can dream of driving a newfangled automobile powered solely by Joementum. Will wonders never cease?
ManchuCandidate: …we have PLENTY of pipe lines coming from your neck of the woods into the U.S. You guys are our #1 petroleum supplier after all! Problem solved, Quebec here we come(or wherever you guys keep the hot Canadian chicks)
shortsshortsshorts: Those Saudis, what jokers they are.
I’m sure President Barry will kiss the boo-boos and make them all better. Yogis, too.
Servo: …well the GOP is currently shitting in their pant because all of their markets have “matured”. Which pretty much means they have collapsed(i.e. housing, tobacco and credit markets) or have been exposed for the leeches they are(i.e. oil, outsourcing and health care). They are scrambling to buy time so they can find new ways to poison, exploit and con Americans in a way that pads their pockets. If Barry makes a big enough splash while in office he will fundamentally change the political power structure of the United States.
liquiddaddy:
Just remember: Soylent Green is people.
Wish I could embed some Monty Python audio here.
donner_froh: …I was just using petroleum as an example for a much larger issue. But all these resources mirror the curve of energy and fuel. And right now fuel is at an all time high, when the bottom falls out from underneath oil these markets will crash as well.
TGY: …as long as we shower them with money every morning, I think we’ll be fine.
McClatchy was one of the few MSM outlets that didn’t join
the cheerleading mob behind W’s illegal war, if I’m not mistaken.
weirdiowasculpture: WTF? Why was I not informed of the traditional Father’s Day Hummer? I will be raising this issue with Mrs. Drifter–she’s got some ’splaining to do.
AngryBlakGuy: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whatevs, Mr. Angry. If you couldn’t handle rice paddy farmers in ‘Nam, and can’t handle camel jockeys in ‘Raq, what makes you think you can take a race of genetically superior, devastatingly handsome burly lumberjacks? Besides, first you’d have to find us on the map, which should buy us a year or two while you figger that out.
I got four numbers for ya:
One Eight One Two.
Now don’t piss me off and make me come down there to bitchslap yer ass. Though you’d probably like it, and not that there’s anything wrong with it, between consenting adults.
AngryBlakGuy: Maybe, you could be the next, next Al Greenspan and explain micro/macro, now how did that go again, oil is tied to the dollar. Oh wait Mr. President Angryblakdud is on the line he has a tip on oil futures.
NedPepper: Tony the Tiger?
McClatchy - the last global news service not totally compromised.
AngryBlakGuy: Wo, you’re a macro kinda cyber-being! You hit seven consecutive Ron Paul bullet points. No one else on Wonkette has ever made his case so well. This seems way too intellectual and honest for Wonkette.
It’s to bad NYC Busses don’t run on bull shit we could run the complete fleet from these strings.
I would worry about kids not being able to find Kabul on a map. But instead I worry that they don’t know what the hell a map is.
I am a poli sci prof. Next time I teach undergrads, I will administer the quiz. I will then explain to them why they are not only totally unqualified to rate me as an instructor, but they are utterly unqualified to do anything more complex than change channels on the teevee. Unfortunately, many of them seem to think that’s swell.