SUNDAY AFTERNOON SABBATH READING: Here is today’s selection for Wonkette’s Sunday Afternoon Sabbath Reading, for you to enjoy after church and before your pot roast supper. It’s the tale of how John McCain married a swimsuit model in 1965, adopted her two children, had another child with her, and grew so bored with domestic life that he asked to fight in Vietnam. While in captivity, his wife became mildly crippled in a car accident, leading John McCain to cheat on her repeatedly when he returned, until finally he abandoned her — in a “mid-life crisis” that he had, yes, 28 years ago — for a young, gorgeous beer heiress whose father could make him a Congressman. Pissed about Hillary? Vote McCain! [Daily Mail]

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Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

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143 comments

  1. PoliticalGraffiti

    could that cougar wench wear any more make-up? it’s a completely different color from the rest of her skin!!

  2. yes, we can (drink heavily)

    [re=10497]PoliticalGraffiti[/re]: Please, please… it’s cougar trollop. And that’s what he calls her when he’s in a good mood.

  3. El Bombastico

    I’ve been wondering if this aspect of McCain’s heroic life story would get any traction. The best line from Kristof’s 2000 NYT profile is: “but the injuries left her four inches shorter and on crutches, and she had gained a good deal of weight.”

    New slogan: McCain in ’08. No fatties!

    I wonder what all the bitter middle-age housewife Hillary supporters will think about their new champion when they hear the whole story.

  4. El Bombastico

    Also, why does this Daily Mail story feature a picture of Mark Penn in drag?

  5. ronaldpagan

    McCain will present himself as a selfless, principled war hero whose campaign represents not so much a battle for the presidency of the United States, but a crusade to rescue the nation’s tarnished reputation.

    So McCain is really pushing the idea that he’s different from Bush? Creepy!

    PS: Are the text and icons in the comments bigger than they were yesterday, or am I losing my mind?

  6. ronaldpagan

    My friends, Cindy used to be a rodeo beauty queen. (She looks it.) Isn’t that the same level as dating the girl in the bikini who hands out flyers at the auto show?

  7. ronaldpagan

    His primary interest was women and his conquests ranged from a knife-wielding floozy nicknamed ‘Marie, the Flame of Florida’ to a tobacco heiress.

    Nobody – NOBODY – writes like the Daily Mail! Can we please track Marie down? I bet she’s hotter than ever!

    [re=10508]graceless[/re]: Prob…I just thought the text looked a little bigger…not the icons or anything…just the text…no? Okay. (I wish it was.)

  8. NotUrEvryDayWEzl

    [re=10507]ronaldpagan[/re]: Perhaps, but remember that at the rodeo that have to ride the Bull, which says it misses you.

  9. jagorev

    When McCain – his hair turned prematurely white and his body reduced to little more than a skeleton – was released in March 1973, he told reporters he was overjoyed to see Carol again.

    But friends say privately he was ‘appalled’ by the change in her appearance.

    Wow, what an asshole.

  10. ronaldpagan

    So basically, they talked to Carol and tried to badger her into admitting that her husband left her because she was no longer beautiful. Stay classy, Daily Mail!

  11. Magsbe

    [re=10501]El Bombastico[/re]: I already found out what they think about it, which is that by thunder it’s not fair play to bring a candidate’s personal life into things!!!!

    Those five minutes I spent on TaylorMarsh.com reading the Bitters’ comments to her post about getting behind Obama now were illuminating, in a “softly glowing atomic waste” sort of way.

  12. Serolf Divad

    One old friend of the McCains said: ‘Carol always insists she is not bitter, but I think that’s a defence mechanism. She also feels deeply in his debt because in return for her agreement to a divorce, he promised to pay for her medical care for the rest of her life.’

    I now fully understand why those legions of Hillary Clinton supporters are so eager to vote against Obama and for McCain. I mean, the guy’s a paragon of feminist virtue. He knew that, even grossly disfigured and in a wheelchair, his wife didn’t need a man to get ahead in life, and so he divorced her just so the world could see how strong and admirable an independent woman could be!!!

    Kinda like how Newt Gingrich showed the world that a cancer stricken woman doesn’t need a man around to lick her disease, and so he served her divorce papers while she was in the hospital.

    So come on, Obama… show us you mean it when you claim to stand for women’s equality! Hire a few thugs to put your wife in a wheelchair and then divorce her for Obama Girl. Until you do, Hillary’s old supporters will know you for the shallow, masculinist thug you are!

  13. Magsbe

    [re=10512]ronaldpagan[/re]: Maybe they thought she was a lost bunny or a clever Pomeranian. The Daily Mail loves cute animal stories.

  14. DoctorCulturae

    Army of Bitters spokesperson Hariette Christiansun announced her support for McVein. Quoted from her outpost at Twitties Bar & Grill sporting a Capri & highball she said, “With this information it is qweer to me, uh [blech]….excuse me, it is clear to me the Bitters will vote for McVain in the GE. He’s the kind of man I crrrrrave. Does anybody have a napkin?”

  15. BlackEuro.Observer

    Hey! Girls like Cindy pay me in €500 bills b/c they’re non traceable.

  16. Black Cat

    [re=10514]Serolf Divad[/re]: And McCain even showed us that it is okay to for a powerful man to be financially supported by a woman.

  17. graceless

    [re=10509]ronaldpagan[/re]: I just know you’re losing your mind. I have no idea about the text ;-}

  18. ronaldpagan

    [re=10514]Serolf Divad[/re]: Nice! To be more crass about it (since I’m female), I think the Army of Bitters all have daddy issues.

    Also, it’s really easy to judge McCain for sleeping around and ultimately divorcing his wife because she was in a disfiguring car accident, but would other politicians be any better?

    If Hillary was in a disfiguring car accident, Bill would probably stay with her but sleep around even more shamelessly. If Bill was in a disfiguring car accident, it would probably be because Hillary ran him over. If Michelle was in a disfiguring car accident, Bear-Bear would quit politics and spend his entire time waiting on her hand and foot, until she left him out of annoyance. If Bear-Bear was in a disfiguring car crash, ???

  19. graceless

    [re=10512]ronaldpagan[/re]: Btw, if you want your text bigger, go to the view drop down menu. You can make it bigger. Too bad everything doesn’t enlarge that easily..

  20. ronaldpagan

    [re=10515]Magsbe[/re]: Aww I didn’t find any this morning. Just some stupid car accident stories.

    [re=10521]graceless[/re]: Thanks, I did! But now all the article text is annoyingly huge.
    Still think Wonkette should have slightly larger text for the comments.

  21. WernerHerzogsBear

    At least he didn’t divorce her on her death bed, a la Gingrich. Gotta love the party of family values.

  22. iwillsavethispatient

    Bizarre! A Daily Mail headline that isn’t “Illegal Gay Immigrants Kill Our Swans”, or “Is this the secret ?” (Answer is always No”), or “… Diana …”.

    I should point out that the Daily Mail’s readership demographic is basically middle-aged women, with a right-wing perspective (i.e. the British version of bitter Hillary supporters). Exactly the demographic which wouldn’t approve of such apparent McCain douchebaggery. Articles like this could be the trigger that gets all those Hillary supporters back on the Obama bandwagon. Which makes it the first time I’ve ever approved of the Daily Mail, a feat in itself!

    Oh, and here’s the Daily Mail headline generator: http://www.qwghlm.co.uk/toys/dailymail/

  23. iwillsavethispatient

    [re=10520]ronaldpagan[/re]: If Bear-Bear was in a disfiguring car crash, MICHELLE 2012!

  24. sayitwithfigs

    Ehrm…

    ‘We’ll end up slaves. We’ll be made slaves just like they was once slaves,’ he said. Telvor, a white Democrat who supported Hillary Clinton in West Virginia’s primary, said he planned to vote for Republican John McCain in November. ‘At least he’s an American,’ he added with a disarmingly friendly smile.’

    Democrats in rural strongholds refuse to give backing to Obama – the Guardian (UK)

    He’s BLACK, I tell you!! So possibly not about McWrinkles’s positive traits or feminist leanings after all?

  25. Cicada

    [re=10525]iwillsavethispatient[/re]: The problem with the truly bitter bitters is that they’ve convinced themselves that Barry is the antichrist. Nothing they hear about McCain will make a difference, and they will probably attribute it to a smear campaign by the evil Howard Dean or Donna Brazile (double evil!).

    I took a look over at Taylor Marsh, because I love pain. They are so angry at her for following Hillary’s lead and supporting “Obambi”. The Nazi references were numerous, several posts actually used the word “evil” to describe Barry and his supporters. One said that he didn’t care if McCain killed his father, he would still vote for him. These people are not rational, and not likely to be swayed by an article in the Daily Mail.

    Oh the sweet, sweet irony of the Hilltards acting like Jonestown’s finest. Though you have to admire the level of mental gymnastics it takes to call Obama supporters kool-aid sipping cultists while declaring a fatwa on the Democratic party.

  26. ManchuCandidate

    That photo of a grinning Walnuts is, well, Walnutty.

    I know why the Bitter ladies love him. He reminds of them that first ex who left them for the hot young secretary when they were stuck at home with his lousy kids and despite the pain, they still love him. Morans.

  27. Neilist

    As a Republican, allow me to say this:

    The more I hear about McCain, the more I am convinced that he is the perfect representative of our Grand Old Party.

    In it’s present incarnation, that is.

    McCain/Rommey In 2008: We DESERVE It!

  28. ronaldpagan

    [re=10529]Cicada[/re]: They’re fucking psychos, no doubt. But I think they’ll come around after months of this. Months of Hillary campaigning Obama and criticizing her supporters prepared to defect. Months of Barry reaching out to the bitters like only Barry can. Months of shit like this about John McCain; the bitters love voting based on character. Shit, the reason they’re so invested in Hillary is because she’s a lady. And for the more rational bitters (oxymoron?), tons of proof about how McCain will be for the economy, war, and women’s rights, and – in contrast – how Obama and Clinton are PRACTICALLY FUCKING IDENTICAL ON POLICY.

    The only bitters who are gonna stand strong after that are the racists.

  29. Texan Bulldoggette

    John McCain was kind of hot back then. Eeeewww …. now I have to go wash out my mind’s eye.

  30. Cicada

    [re=10528]sayitwithfigs[/re]: How DARE you! Believing that Obambi is going to enslave the white folk doesn’t make you a racist, it makes OBAMBI a racist. Don’t you get it? Black people are racists whenever they bring up race.

    I’m really glad the Dems aren’t counting on WV and KY to win the general.

  31. Vanity Smurf

    This is nothing compared to his good friend Phil Gramm. By GOP standards Walnuts! is practically pussy whipped.

  32. El Bombastico

    The best part of this tale is everyone’s insistence that John didn’t leave her because of the accident. No, he tomcatted around on her because of a mid-life crisis. You see, he wanted to be 25, not 40.

    Uh… does that make you less of a douchebag?

  33. Cicada

    [re=10534]ronaldpagan[/re]: Oh, I have little doubt that a lot of the bitter bitters (bitterers?) ARE racist. That’s why they rant and rave so much about black people and Donna Brazile. Luckily, they are also a minority. If those people constitute a huge movement, then Wonketteers are legion.
    Unfortunately, they are still under the delusion that the 18 million are all ready to jump aboard the whacko train. This means that we will have to endure ALL CAPS!!!!!! HILLARY OR MCCAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!NOBAMA!!!!!!! Posts until November.

  34. StrangelyBrown

    Jesus Christ, when Ross Perot calls the guy an attention whore, you know we’re all in trouble. That’s like Hitler telling David Duke to take it easy on the Jews.

  35. Godless Liberal *

    I’m still waiting around for the day when Cindy leaves John for a manly young cabana boy, and now I hope she cites his being an albino with a giant cheek.

  36. ronaldpagan

    [re=10540]Cicada[/re]: They are a minority, and I doubt they can swing an election. The worst thing about them is that they try to co-opt feminism for their evil racist causes. The best thing about them is that their bitter all-caps posts give us something to make fun of. I mean…Walnuts’ temper is already getting old, and it’s not even halfway through June.

  37. Texan Bulldoggette

    [re=10543]EnBuenOra[/re]: But they definitely don’t want to change the color tone.

  38. Johnny_Zhivago

    I’m convinced the republicans will put Meg Whitman or Carly Fiorina on the ballot. They will lure in the disenfranchised Hillary voters and put MAC over the top.

    Then he will drop dead and you might as well put the entire USA up on Ebay.

  39. DoctorCulturae

    [re=10534]ronaldpagan[/re]: agreed. It is absolutely extraordinary how morans will not judge people based on behavior, but on an image, a quick impression, a fear. BO has extraordinary political skills and extraordinary critical thinking skills. His cool is a result of wisdom, not some phony notion of leadership, blustery & swaggering. If O is Bambi then Lincoln was Martha Washington.

    I too expect most of the Bitters to come around. But look, they lost. They wanted somebody to embody & mimic the bitterness they feel to right a horrible wrong. They wanted to break the glass ceiling through the actions of this election, but that problem could not be overcome through this event. BO to his extraordinary credit and wisdom never took the bait and will not go down that road. Anybody that has dealt with the southside of CHI, and put up with the Clintbot constellation of madnesses knows how to deal with some very dark matter.

    My fantasy is the Bitters all got together this weekend in their own version of a Bohemian Grove event: viewed Sex&City, burned a few effigies, drank some goat blood, and ended up buying out the Mall of America.

  40. kudzu

    What “gorgeous beer heiress”? You mean Cindy? Bitch’s alright but she ain’t gorgeous. I’m just sayin’.

  41. masterdebater

    Yes, but as you say, she was “crippled”. You know, you can’t ask him to give up sex forever. Everyone knows the handicapped aren’t good at the sex stuff. That’s why Sir Paul left that one legged “bird”. Right? Well, and she was a bitch. I’m betting that Senator McCranky’s was a bitch too. Let’s ask him!

  42. DoctorCulturae

    [re=10549]Johnny_Zhivago[/re]: I can hear McGreenbackground standing next to his fem running mate: heh-heh [yellow toothy smile] my friends, I’ll be having a lot of meetings with my Ms. Fiorina, heh-heh.

  43. Atoz

    [re=10542]Godless Liberal *[/re]: That day has to be approaching soon. After all, she has openly said their whole marriage is based on a tissue of lies and deception. Plus she’s funnier and way more personable than I expected her to be. My friends, she can do better.

  44. Servo

    [re=10544]ronaldpagan[/re]: [re=10540]Cicada[/re]: Since I live in Upstate New York, a veritable sea of racist wife-beaters, I can assure you that these genetic anomalies will vote only for whom they are TOLD to vote. The orders come from the NRA, VFW/American Legion, Rush Limbaugh, and the countless other Leaders of the Weak-minded. The bitter and fearful actually do cling to guns and hide behind religion, but they can’t accept that truth because it would expose them to the fallacy that is their entire existence.

  45. bcnjake

    [re=10501]El Bombastico[/re]: No fatties?! Does this mean he can’t succeed Bill Clinton as the Miss Quahog Cankle contest judge?

  46. RooseveltFranklin

    I hope “Marie, the Flame of Florida” is now a bitter and will agree to shoot ping pong balls out of her cooch for the 527 ads.

  47. Neilist

    [re=10556]Servo[/re]: WHAT, may I ask, is WRONG with “clinging to their guns” and “hiding behind religion”?

    Handgun accuracy BEGINS with a good grip, “clinging” or otherwise.

    And religion, particularly good, solid, impenetrable Protestant monotheism, makes EXCELLENT tactical cover, or at least concealment.

    I am always bemused by “Undesireables” — e.g., Jews, Liberals, Tutsis, Wonketteers — who are for “gun control.” You wankers never seem to realize that the people who are coming to get you (yet again) either (1) already have the guns; and/or (2) outnumber you by about 20 to one.

    Oh, well. No one ever said that Liberals were smart. “Intelligent,” maybe. But that’s not the same as smart.

  48. RuperttheBear

    From a Salon.com article, reflecting on WALNUTS!’s romancing of Cunty:

    “The story is compelling — and repellent — for a lot of reasons. And it raises some familiar questions. We have to wonder why Americans are able to excoriate a presidential candidate (or president) who cheats on his wife but accept one who did the same thing with the concentration and energy of a military strategist. Is it because McCain didn’t get caught? Is it because he married his mistress? At this point, after much navel- and penis-gazing, it seems like a moot question, if only for reasons of sheer exhaustion.”

    Salon is always full of shit. I’ve been staring at my penis all day and it isn’t exhausting at all.

  49. ronaldpagan

    [re=10556]Servo[/re]: Hey I live in Upstate New York fall, winter, and spring! But I’m in a college town, so the bitters here are like, “Did you know RON PAUL was the only candidate to vote against the war AND the Patriot Act?”

    To which I respond, “He’s a race-baiter.”

    To which they respond, “Legal weed, dude!”

    [re=10563]Neilist[/re]: I’m not super pro gun control (think there should be restrictions though), but I’m pretty sure no one’s “coming to get” the Jews. Guess I’ll find out…

  50. wheelie

    As if she didn’t have enough disabilities, that Daily Mail article will need her treated for severe stabbing pains to the back.

    But . . . as vicious hatchet jobs go, that was an especially good/scurrilous one.

    [re=10525]@iwillsavethispatient[/re]: Thanks for the Daily Mail headline generator! But will it
    bring down house prices? I think we should be told. – Concerned of Tunbridge Wells

    [re=10541]@StrangelyBrown[/re]: Careful with the Hitler stuff! You’ve already been quoted (translated into German and all!)by
    Der Spiegel. Good on ya!

  51. StrangelyBrown

    [re=10528]sayitwithfigs[/re]: I, for one, welcome our new mocha-complected overlords, and would like to point out that as a trusted member of the white race, I could be instrumental in convincing my fellow honkies to serve cheerfully and without reservation. In time, perhaps my contributions might even earn me the title of Head Whitey in Charge. One can only Hope.

    To summarize: suck it, West Virginia.

  52. fishcanoeski

    Look. If the amount of crap posted on webpages had anything to do with political
    reality then Ron Paul would have been declared Emperor of the Galaxy 4 months ago.

    All it takes to debunk the McClintonites view of themselves as a powerful movement
    is a short look at the national polls. If all 18 million of the bitters were defecting
    to the GOP then McCain would be ahead by double digits. Instead he trails in most current
    polling.

  53. ronaldpagan

    [re=10550]DoctorCulturae[/re]: They would be the same people who like Sex and the City, wouldn’t they? Lowest common denominator feminism.

    [re=10564]RuperttheBear[/re]: That’s Salon’s way of saying “How can we get away with attacking Walnuts for the same shit we used to defend Bill for?” It’s bullshit. We have to rise above personal attacks, no matter how tempting it is to talk about Cuntgate 24/7.

    And I don’t think Neilist is a troll; everyone needs one Republican buddy.

  54. SayItWithWookies

    [re=10563]Neilist[/re]: Free speech vs. the gun in the United States.
    Gun:
    Whiskey Rebellion
    Bacon’s Rebellion
    Civil War [sic]
    Symbionese Liberation Army
    Ruby Ridge
    Waco

    Fail, fail, fail, fail, fail, fail.

    Free Speech:
    Women’s Suffrage
    Abolition
    Labor Reforms
    Repeal of Prohibition
    Civil Rights Act
    Desegregation

    Success, success, success, success, success, success.

    Of course if that liberal sissy FDR hadn’t won D-Day, we’d all be speaking Vietnamese right now — but of course, let’s not give FDR too much credit. Anyone can recognize a threat when it’s obvious, like Japan and Germany after Pearl Harbor. It takes a real Republican to recognize a threat when it’s poorly-armed, destitute, locked-down by overflights, thoroughly inspected and sitting on top of billions of barrels of oil.

    But to give you credit where it’s due — I am impressed that someone finally found a use for religion. Kudos!

  55. ronaldpagan

    [re=10560]RooseveltFranklin[/re]: Me tooooo! We could have an ad where she comes out, a washed-up lush, spilling out of the floozy bottles of her youth. “I’m Marie, the Flame of Florida, and I boned John McCain back when it meant something.” Then 20 seconds of her ping-pong ball trick. “I’m Barack Obama, and I approve this message.”

    [re=10569]fishcanoeski[/re]: But sadly those people do have a visible influence. Ron Paul did better than anyone could have expected, because the crazies use the internet to amplify their craziness and strengthen their crazy resolve.

  56. ronaldpagan

    [re=10570]wheelie[/re]: Oh my God, no way! Can a German person please translate please? There’s this:

    Auch im einflussreichen Polit-Blog “wonkette.com” herrscht die Meinung vor, die Deutschen seien ignorant. Die Überschrift habe ihn nicht überrascht, schreibt ‘”Strangely Brown”, “die meisten Deutschen wissen nicht, dass ‘Onkel Tom’ eine rassistische Konnotation hat und sehen ihn eher als einen Helden (so wie die Amerikaner früher).” In gewisser Weise verteidigt der Schreiber die “taz”: “Die Überschrift war wahrscheinlich auf diese bizarre deutsche Art als Kompliment gedacht.”

    Doch die umstrittene Zeile befeuert auch anti-deutsche Ressentiments: “Um die Deutschen zu verstehen, muss man sich den weißesten Ort in Amerika vorstellen und ihn noch mal 50 Prozent weißer machen”, schreibt “Strangely Brown” weiter, “schwarze Menschen sind für die Deutschen wie Aliens.”

    I don’t speak a word of German, but my guess is that they’re as unfamiliar with our American satire modes as we are with their German satire modes. Help us out, you Nazi sausage-eating Krauts!

  57. ronaldpagan

    [re=10572]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Very, very well-said. But we have to give guns credit for killing Lincoln, JFK, and MLK! (Probably a couple others too.) God bless America!

  58. SayItWithWookies

    [re=10567]wheelie[/re]: (and Stragely Brown, of course): Holy Crap! Ahem — that’s amazing! And I’m soooo not jealous.

  59. Servo

    [re=10563]Neilist[/re]: First, I’m not a liberal, I’m an independent. People of free thought and common sense. That, contrary to your stated vast numbers, is where lies the majority of this country.
    Second, I’m a Marine. I’m not anti-gun. I’m anti-idiots with guns. In my experience, the majority of the NRA mouth-breathers are too moronic to handle firearms. They’re usually identified by wearing Mossy Oak every day of the year.
    Third, I was raised as a Roman Catholic. But I gathered the intelligence at a young age to see the hypocrisy of the church-goers of any religion.
    Lastly, if you want to live your days in fear of the boogeyman, do it in silence with you fellow wankers. But remember, no matter how well you guard your Citadel, there is always a way for an enemy to get through it. Nothing is impenetrable.

  60. Canmon (the Inadequate)

    FDR, JFK and Clinton all cheated on their wives. Nixon, Carter and George W. Bush stayed faithful. Which were the better presidents?

  61. SayItWithWookies

    [re=10575]ronaldpagan[/re]: Yeah, guns are like the Bill O’Reilly of representative democracy (shut up! shut up! shut up! = freedom — yay!). Which, really, just puts the issue into an even starker perspective.

  62. kudzu

    [re=10574]ronaldpagan[/re]: It basically says that the prevailing opinion at Wonkette is that Germans are ignorant. It quotes Strangely Brown (who’s that?) saying that most Germans don’t know that the term Uncle Tom has a racist connotation and that in Strangely Brown’s opinion, black people must be like aliens for Germans.

  63. Darehead

    Flashback: Michael Moore’s Fahrenheit 911 opens to rave reviews around the world and all the foreigns misoverestimate it as the definitive sign Bush will never be reelected.
    …and a couple of Brit articles aren’t going to change the fact that Barack is an anti-American Muslim Communist United Church of Christ guilt-tripping elitist AntiChrist whose dad was a polygamist.

  64. HerExcellency

    [re=10528]sayitwithfigs[/re]: Oh god damn West Virginia. This is the second time in this god forsaken election cycle some poor reporter has ventured to the sad little town in which I happened to be born. And both times they have found the reason I refuse to go back. I am throughly distressed now. It is clear that burning my birth certificate and passport and assuming a new identity is the only appropriate course of action.

  65. ronaldpagan

    [re=10579]Canmon (the Inadequate)[/re]: I heard the only two who stayed faithful in the 20th century were Carter and Truman. Which rules out Nixon but not W.

  66. iwillsavethispatient

    [re=10574]ronaldpagan[/re]: Google translates it as:
    Also in influential political blog “wonkette.com” the prevailing opinion, the Germans were ignorant. The title had not surprised him, writes “Strangely Brown”, “most Germans do not know that ‘Uncle Tom’ a racist connotation, and see it more as a hero (as the Americans earlier).” In some ways defended the clerk the “taz”: “The headline was probably to this bizarre German nature intended as a compliment.”

    But the controversial line fired anti-German sentiment: “To the Germans to understand, you have the whitest city in America to imagine him again and 50 percent white,” writes “Strangely Brown”, “black people are responsible for the Germans like aliens. “

  67. Servo

    [re=10582]kudzu[/re]: After listening to David Sedaris’ “Six to eight black men”, I’m curious what the Dutch think.

  68. StrangelyBrown

    [re=10567]wheelie[/re]: Sweet. Merciful. Crap. Thanks for sharing that. I’m not sure whether to be proud of this or freak the hell out (given my line of work). At least they translated me accurately…

    I’ll stand by my “schwarze Menschen sind für die Deutschen wie Aliens” assessment, though. I saw way too much of that shit in person, and I’ll throw down auf deutsch on anyone who tries to argue otherwise. I’m aware it doesn’t apply to all Germans (it certainly didn’t apply to my friends), but anti-African bias is widespread enough to be a big problem over there.

    [re=10577]SayItWithWookies[/re]: What happens now? Am I supposed to get an agent? You’re the expert — help me out, here!

  69. wheelie

    [re=10574]@ ronaldpagan[/re]: All I know is that StrangelyBrown is quoted twice. The second quote in the original said, “In order to understand the German mindset, picture the whitest place in America, and then make it about 50% whiter. Black people are like space aliens to them.”

  70. wheelie

    [re=10589]@ StrangelyBrown[/re]: Sorry, didn’t refresh before you posted. What was the first quote? I didn’t get that.

  71. Neilist

    [re=10578]Servo[/re]: “Marine” and “idiot” in the same sentence.

    The Prosecution rests, Your Honor.

  72. Neilist

    [re=10566]ronaldpagan[/re]: Gee, try telling that to the Israelis.

    After they bomb Iran in October.

  73. Whore Diamond in the Rough

    Dare is say it, but WALNUTS! actually has movie-star good looks in that pic.

    I’ll go wash my mouth (hands) out with a bag o’ dicks now.

  74. Neilist

    [re=10572]SayItWithWookies[/re]:

    Funny, I thought “we” won the Civil War. But if you’re sure it falls into the “Fail, Fail, Fail” column, would you mind calling Barry’s campaign headquarters and explain to them that the Fugitive Slave Act is still in force?

    (Gesh, don’t you people read ANY history?)

  75. StrangelyBrown

    [re=10591]wheelie[/re]: Well, I originally said “[Germans are] largely unaware of the modern connotations of “Uncle Tom”, though, and are more likely to think of his character as a hero (as Americans did, early on). So this headline was probably intended as a compliment, in a bizarre Teutonic sort of way.”

    So yeah, I was accusing Germans of ignorance in American racial matters, and they basically caught that sentiment. However, they translated “Teutonic” as “deutsche” when what I actually meant was closer to “preussiche”. I’m aware that the Franco-Prussian War started over less, but I’ll let it slide.

    For the record, there is a short Wikipedia.de entry on “Onkel Tom” as a racial slur, but that’s not as widely known as the book itself. All I know is whenever the subject of American race relations came up in conversation over there (which was frequent, since I lived there during Katrina), someone almost always pointed out with pride how they read Uncle Tom’s Cabin in school, and how much they liked it.

  76. Tits_LaRue

    [re=10528]sayitwithfigs[/re]: ‘We’ll end up slaves. We’ll be made slaves just like they was once slaves,’ Silly white racists, nobody wants a manic, paranoid methhead for a slave! You tell ‘em to clean the bathroom and come back a few hours later to find they’ve only scrubbed off 3 square inches of the linoleum through to the concrete below because they couldn’t clean “the bugs” off of it.

    [re=10563]Neilist[/re]: I’m not registered under any political party, but tend to lean left. Yet, I have many, many guns. They are pretty, shiny, and loaded with real bullets. When one generalizes and views the world only in black-and-white, one is bound to be disappointed.

  77. RonaldReagansHair

    Just got back from my state’s democratic convention and, I gotta tell ya, I don’t see me some unity for a long, long time (if ever). One of the highlights was an older HRC bitter’s fight with an anooying young Obamaniac which ended in the bitter flipping the double-fisted-bird while gutterally screaming “urrrrggggggghhhhh!” Not. Good.

  78. Servo

    [re=10597]Whore Diamond in the Rough[/re]: He kinda reminds me of Paul Newman in “Cat on a Hot Tin Roof”, but without the liquor in his hand.

  79. populucious

    Look you guys, John McCain is an American Hero who just happened to figuratively throw his first wife under a bus after she was literally run over, and then was forced to call his second wife a C U N Talledega in front of a press bus.

    Barack Obama called a reporter SWEETHEART.

    It’s clear to me which one cannot possibly stand. Do not allow this uppity racist sexist person of color near the “White” House!

  80. S.Luggo

    [re=10514]Serolf Divad[/re]:
    “I now fully understand why those legions of Hillary Clinton supporters are so eager to vote against Obama and for McCain.” No sarcasm, please.
    The Hiltard fembots will vote for McAncient because he reminds them of their own cold, distant and disapproving father, a person whom they could never please and from whom they hope that they can receive affirmation now that mama has left.
    Naturally, I mean these words in a good way.
    A song, a dance, a smile.
    — sluggo

  81. schvitzatura

    [re=10528]sayitwithfigs[/re]: Scots-Irish dumbasses…you all have been dupes for your principal “slave masters”, the English lowland planter class, since before the founding of the republic. Who never, ever, ever gave two shakes about your welfare.

    Jim Webb need to be the W.E.B DuBois for the bitters…because the attempt at uplift in the mid 20th Century failed these sorry bastards.

  82. SayItWithWookies

    [re=10599]Neilist[/re]: per the preceding examples, had the South really wanted to secede successfully, maybe they should’ve made their argument with words rather than guns. Of course words wouldn’t have served their effort to own their fellow human, which possibly explains their militant resolve — apparently common amongst parties unable to win their case with persuasion.

  83. Q

    [re=10602]Tits_LaRue[/re]: Gads…A left-leaner with guns. Next there’ll be a pro-choice right-leaner. And before you know it some folks might actually become Americans first and Republicrats second. My God…they might actually start working together for the betterment of the country. *PANIC* Then the whole damn system will be fucked and I won’t know who to hate.

  84. SayItWithWookies

    [re=10589]StrangelyBrown[/re]: Hell, I certainly didn’t need an agent — but then again I’ve still got time to talk to the little people (i.e. Wonketteers and my boss) so maybe I’m doing something wrong here. If I am, have your agent call me.

  85. S.Luggo

    [re=10501]El Bombastico[/re]: “I’ve been wondering if this aspect of McCain’s heroic life story would get any traction.”
    Trqaction will happen once McAlzheimer’s daughter of his withered loins recalls for Vanity Fair her her first lose in cage-match with a libtard, pro-Food Stampy, Palestimnian, Viet Gook Fitzgerald, thus no longer being poppy’s little girl.
    Do these words make me vicious or an appeaser?

  86. ronaldpagan

    [re=10594]Neilist[/re]: I didn’t realize that having a gun show loophole in the U.S. would save Israel. Sweet!

  87. graceless

    I think I missed something. What happened to the first Mrs. McCain’s first husband? Died? Divorced?

  88. Magsbe

    [re=10528]sayitwithfigs[/re]: Being Obama’s slave doesn’t sound all that bad, really. Especially if he wants me for the Harem We Can Believe In.

  89. ronaldpagan

    [re=10595]StrangelyBrown[/re]: Whoa that thread sure turned into an earnest discussion of Germany and its crazy culture, fast! Last I checked, all they did was kill Jews & gypsies and drink beer, but apparently some wall fell down and now Germany is a whole “thing.”

  90. graceless

    [re=10589]StrangelyBrown[/re]: Get a PR guy, best bang for the buck.
    [re=10623]ronaldpagan[/re]:

    Snap!

  91. SayItWithWookies

    [re=10616]ronaldpagan[/re]: Pastor Hagee saying the Columbine killers were doing God’s work in three… two… one…

  92. ronaldpagan

    [re=10626]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Hahaha. “Gays, feminists, and vegans are responsible for the death of JonBenet Ramsey.”

  93. Slutty_Chola_Cobbler

    Fuck Walnuts, his new name is peanuts! He just looks like little peanuts. But pronounce it like the Frenchies do:
    PEE-NERT!!

  94. AxmxZ

    I know I’m late to this party, but [re=10520]ronaldpagan[/re]: If Barry was in a disfiguring car crash, the very Heavens would weep. After several weeks of non-stop global weeping, the sea levels would rise and engulf Florida. Because it’s all somehow Florida’s fault.

  95. Q

    [re=10622]ronaldpagan[/re]: The Nazis killed millions of Jews, Gypsies, and Gays. But Germany has faced history bravely with contrite determination, education, and penance which has won forgiveness and respect from many of the peoples and countries it murdered and victimized. On the other had we have America. In American Holocaust (1992), David Stannard estimates that some 30 to 60 million Africans died being enslaved. He claims a 50% mortality rate among new slaves while being gathered and stored in Africa, a 10% mortality among the survivors while crossing the ocean, and another 50% mortality rate in the first “seasoning” phase of slave labor. Overall, he estimates a 75-80% mortality rate in transit. Of course all of these slaves weren’t shipped to North America, but some estimates of American slave deaths run as high as 8-million souls. I didn’t read a lot about that in school, did you? Those Germans got a fuck of a lotta nerve, eh?

  96. Magsbe

    [re=10632]Q[/re]: What crackpot whitey school did you go to? At mine we had more than one unit where we discussed about the mortality rate of slave transit, amongst other things. (Also, we went to a lynching museum.)

  97. ronaldpagan

    [re=10631]AxmxZ[/re]: I’m later to the party. But I realized, if Barry was in a disfiguring car accident, Hillary would have been responsible.

    [re=10632]Q[/re]: That’s awful, and you are totally right that we should have learned more about it in school instead of just, “Black people had to pick cotton for a while, but at least they don’t live in Kenya and Zimbabwe anymore. Right guys?” But comparisons of slavery to the Holocaust, or sexism to racism, or foreign policy to terrorism, always hurt more than they help. All these things are different, and with slavery, the express purpose wasn’t genocide.

    Also, like my friend says, “Slavery was worse, but the Holocaust was a lot more concentrated.” Badump bump!

  98. soymocha

    [re=10632]Q[/re]: I think you’re oversimplifying both contemporary German penance and American educational amnesia. A lot of it depends on the school you attended, I think. Like Magsbe, we learned about slavery in all its horrific detail. In general, I think it’s a mistake to delve into the “which-is-worse” question re the Holocaust or American slavery b/c the answer is “all of the above”.

    Back to the question at hand, i.e. McCain’s total doucheyness re his first wife, Walnuts makes Eliot Spitzer look classy and genteel.

  99. SayItWithWookies

    [re=10635]soymocha[/re]: “I think you’re oversimplifying both contemporary German penance and American educational amnesia.”
    Ah, if I had a dime for every time I heard that…

  100. AxmxZ

    [re=10634]ronaldpagan[/re]: “Mirror mirror on the wall, who’s the most fairest and most electable of us all? .. What?.. What?!! DIE YOU MOCHA-COLORED PONDSCUM!!!”

  101. ronaldpagan

    [re=10563]Neilist[/re]: Yo, I’m really late to this party too, but come the next election and we’ll see if liberals are really outnumbered by 20 to 1. Bring it on!

  102. soymocha

    [re=10637]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Then you’d be a rich, rich man indeed. I’m printing it on T-shirts w/ “Obama ’08″ on the other side. Know your demographic and all that.

    Re Marie, the Flame of Florida mentioned in the piece: her existence, and by extension, McCain’s sexual function, predate the advent of diamonds. So what are we looking at here? Whore lumps of coal? “Whore lumps” just sounds all wrong. Someone help me with the whore math.

  103. Tits_LaRue

    [re=10613]Q[/re]: hahaha… Let’s just hate people for no reason at all, that’ll really fuck with ‘em!
    “I hate you… for the cut of your jib, sir!”
    “Huh… what?”

  104. SayItWithWookies

    [re=10641]soymocha[/re]: The perfect accoutrement for a soy mocha. Oh, did I speak French? I meant accessory.
    And with regard to your second question, I think “Primordial Igneous Formation” has a decent ring to it. As in, “she’s a three-primordial-igneous-formation, interspeciating, possibly-polyandrous, competition-inducing female of marriageable age.” Just the type of trollop to inspire a Dan Quayle diatribe.

  105. AnnieGetYourFun

    [re=10525]iwillsavethispatient[/re]: NICE! That reminds me that I need to reread Cryptonomicon for the tenth time. You pick up something new on every read.

  106. Supernatural_Delegate

    But god bless him, he hate-fucked that cripple for the better part of 20 years before moving on to greener pastures… The kid’s got Moxy.

  107. Captain Swing

    While I am a Hillary supporter and disappointed she didn’t win the Nomination, I have absolutely no time whatsover for those who would turn their back on Senator Obama because of it, especially for a douchebag like WALNUTS! Surely he won’t have the chutzpah to trot out ‘family values’… Yech!

    To the bitters I say: Get over it! Obama ran a better campaign and, despite the huge advantages in money and Party machine support Hillary started out with, he and Michelle forged a grassroots campaign that captured the imagination of the People, and in the end he won the Nomination fair and square.

    Having said that, however, I’d also say to Obama supporters: Don’t turn you back on Hillary, either. She garnered huge support, and can bring plenty to the table to help him take back the Whitehouse for the Democrats, and to navigate the treacherous waters he’ll be in once he’s there. I firmly believe that Senator Obama could not have a better VP than Hillary and I’m pretty sure he will have the political savvy to see it(yeah, OK, they will have to find a closet to lock Bill in, or a Ambassadorship in country far FAR away).

    Some have said that Barry and Hillary are not exactly best buddies; but hey, I think you will find that, in most political systems, the relationship between The Big Kohuna and their 2IC is usually problematic. besides, they’re politicians.Now that the Primary battle is over, they will get all lovey dovey quicker than Romeo and Juliette after the Capulet’s shindig.

    Whatever happens, we must ensure the Whitehouse remains a WALNUTS! Free Zone…

  108. Jewdishoowary Square

    [re=10592]Neilist[/re]: Hey, um, I think you might need a refresher course on what sentences are and how they work. For example, it takes more than proximity to connect two concepts. Let me explain. Both of the sentences below include the words “conservative” and “ignorant, fuckwitted troll”, but their meanings are not identical:

    “While I have serious substantive disagreements with them on issues of policy, most conservatives are not ignorant, fuckwitted trolls.”

    “Neilist, an embarrassment to conservatives and human beings everywhere, is an ignorant, fuckwitted troll.”

    There now, do you understand? For next week’s class, please review chapters one through four and fuck off forever.

  109. ronaldpagan

    Hey, Wonkette, you forgot to mention that today is Shavuot, the holiday on which Jews celebrate the ten commandments by eating a lot of dairy. What are you, German?

  110. AxmxZ

    [re=10666]ronaldpagan[/re]: Barry celebrated today by riding a bike and wearing a bike helmet when he should have been riding a cow and wearing a horn helmet. The Muslim bastard.

  111. Sabre_Justice

    [re=10595]StrangelyBrown[/re]: Can someone possibly somehow translate the entire article?

  112. Sabre_Justice

    [re=10698]Sabre_Justice[/re]: Nevermind, found a nice Firefox plugin to do that.

  113. regisgoat

    If there’s a moral to this seamy tale, it’s “use your seatbelts.” Come to think of it, all of this probably happened before Nader forced the car companies to install them….
    And yes, this all happened a long time ago, and yes, the first Mrs. McCain had a gross icky catheter up her, and yes, it’s wrong to rummage in a candidate’s personal life, and yes, she now has a McCain for President sticker on the back of her car…yet all summer long we’re going to hear about the party of morality and family values, and the unbearable scandal of homosexuals kissing each other like lovers on the lips. So this story is relevant, even if it’s such a hit piece no American newspaper will run it.

  114. ronaldpagan

    [re=10709]regisgoat[/re]: Totally agreed. It’s unfair to attack someone for their personal life, but it’s fair to point out their hypocrisy. I wish some major news source would jump on this story, because we all know Barry’s too classy. He’ll just do what every Democrat does: when McCain starts running his mouth about family values, Barry will go, “Yes, family values sure are grand. I, for one, am deeply committed to my faith in Jesus Christ, who cries when gays get married but perhaps wouldn’t mind if they were granted civil unions.”

  115. Captain Swing

    [re=10715]ronaldpagan[/re]: Absolutely agree!

    A few nights back I saw a news report, showing Senator Obama’s response to George the Dumber and WALNUTS! attacks on his ability to ‘keep America safe’. Obama didn’t take a backward step- He simply listed the catalogue of disasters the Bush Adminstration have presided over, and then casually invited them to name where and when they’d like to debate him on the issue. (I think he’s still waiting for an answer.)

    If WALNUTS! even opens his mouth on the subject of ‘family values’ in the context of attacking the Obamas, I believe another invitation to debate the issue would be quite in order…

  116. ronaldpagan

    [re=10736]Captain Swing[/re]: I saw that clip too, and it was fucking awesome. But unfortunately if Obama questioned McCain’s morality, it would reflect worse on Obama than on McCain. You’d think the media could do us the courtesy have jump on us, since they clearly have no problem getting low. This is a perfect opportunity to make all those bitters crawl.

  117. TGY

    Holy crap! Der Spiegel is quoting Wonkette comments (well, translating, anyway). I mean, who’s next? All I want to do it get on the cover of the Rolling Stone, but, you know, whatevs.

    As to WALNUTS! well, we suspected that something was rotten in Denmark some time ago. Lobbyists in Mr. Finance Reform’s campaign staff? Talk about flip-flopping. McCain spins like a frickin’ top. I predict he’ll implode or explode or deplode or somesuch. He’s not even a good liar, fer cryin’ out loud.

  118. Securicom

    At least ‘Songbird’ McCain may not be a pedophile like some other top politicians, Google:
    (Boys Town nebraska Bush reagan)
    For news, see infowars.com and Prisonplanet.com!
    Free on Google video, ‘One Nation Under Siege’. Through the research and personal testimony of over a dozen internationally distinguished authors, journalists, doctors, and military experts (Major General Albert Stubblebine) you will understand the massive and ceaseless control
    projected onto an unsuspecting populace by a government that may have finally crossed the line from a representative republic to a fascist empire. From the USA PATRIOT Act and the blatant disregard for the Bill of Rights to the outright tracking of every human being on the planet earth, you will be stunned by what U.S.government documents describe for the future of America. undersiegemovie.com
    USA’s Constitution and currency are being destroyed from within. How? Videos free on Google Video 1) America: Freedom to Fascism, 2 hrs; 2)911 Justice, 18min; 3) The Clinton Chronicles, 1.7 hrs; 4) Endgame: Blueprint for Global Enslavement, 2 hrs, 5) Terrorstorm: A History of False Flag Terror, 2 hrs 6) 911 Mysteries, 2 hrs; 7)The Creature from Jekyll Island, 1hr; 8)Orwell Rolls in His Grave, 2hrs; 9) The War on Democracy, 1.5 hrs; 10) The Energy Non-Crisis, 1 hr; 11)Iraq for Sale 1.2 hr; 12) Zeitgeist, 2 hrs; 13)Ring of Power, 2.5 hrs; 14)Bush link to JFK, 1.5 hrs; 15) The Century of the Self, 4 hrs; 16) Loose Change (2nd ed & Final cut) 2hrs each; 17)John Pilger: The New Rulers of the World; 18) The Money Masters: How International Bankers Gained Control of America, 3.5 hrs Videos free on http://www.video.google.com 19) Barack Obama CFR info 20) Global Warming or Global Governance 21) The Great Global Warming Swindle 22)Mercury, Autism and The Global Vaccine Agenda 23) The CIA, Mind Control and Satanism 24)George Hunt: UN UNCED Earth Summit 1992 (Population Reduction) 25) End of NAtions – EU Takeover 26) Washington, You’re Fired 27) Blackwater: America’s Private Army 28) Esoteric Agenda 29) Fiat Empire:
    Why the Federal Reserve Violates the U.S. COnstitution 30) The Revolution Will not be Televised [USA overthrow of Hugo Chavez] 31) One Nation Under Siege 32)Breaking The Silence – Truth and Lies in the War on Terror, by John Pilger(and all his documentaries) 33)Beyond Treason 1.5hrs

  119. Daddy Warbucks

    Wow, all this yackity-yak, but not one word about his first wife saying he’s the best man for the presidency?

    Talk about denial,…

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