Wonkette
The Dow is down 370 points (2.5%) while the NASDAQ and S&P500 make similar terrible plunges, unemployment shot up the most since 1986, oil hit $138 and gasoline costs $4.50 a gallon at the start of summer, teen-age unemployment hasn’t been this bad since 1948, the housing collapse is really just beginning, foreclosures are at another new record high, even 3.5% of “prime” mortgages are now heading into default, and the dollar is worth a mumbled “Fuck you” in French. Things are looking up!
“I don’t think we’re in a recession and the data suggests that we’re not,” Treasury Assistant Secretary for Economic Policy Phillip Swagel said in a press briefing today.
Treasury Department official says the US is not in a recession [Forbes]
Clearly, the answer to this is to print more money. Or add an extra zero to everything.
(as someone with a negative net worth due to education loans, I think the dollar sliding or inflating wildly would actually help me.)
(as long as my salary starts getting paid in euros or something)
Brother, can you spare a euro?
I wonder if Herbert Hoover once whispered any sage advice to John McCain on how to avoid these Depression thingamabobs.
I’m glad I finally got me one of them Back to the Future cars! They run on garbage!
Another reason why, if WALNUTS! somehow wins in November, I’m leaving this time. For realz.
I warn you, I don’t scare easily.
Plus, the price of divot repair tools is going through the fucking roof!
The idea of our future Chinese Overlords is looking better by the day.
Paultardville: Haha, except when they make you eat cooked sea-slug. Just don’t ask for it salted. :p
Looks like this actually was a good time for me to get out of the travel industry and into foreign exchange.
I don’t know if anybody else saw it, but Dorkus W. Dildo (I love that name) made a statement about this. He blamed the Democratic congress for not making the tax cut for the rich permanent. He said if they did it would suddenly make everybody confident.
The rich will buy that sixth house in Europe.
Those 10 families still in the middle class will go ahead and order desert.
The poor will “Biggie”-size it…
…and everything will be back to normal.
Well technically, an economic freefall isn’t a recession. We aren’t moving backwards, we’re falling straight into economic hell, which is totally uncharted territory for most people alive today. Thanks, Dubya!! Or is it Obama’s fault?
You know, I remember waaaay back to when George W. Bush was still just a hazy, nightmarish possibility, and I was telling a Republican acquaintance that it was not a good idea to elect a man who was so obviously the dimmest bulb on the Republican Christmas tree. And he said, “Well, yeah, but he’ll surround himself with smart people.”
For some reason, I think about that conversation every time I hear about the current state of the country. Funny, huh?
“I don’t think we’re in a recession and the data suggests that we’re not,” Treasury Assistant Secretary for Economic Policy Phillip Swagel said in a press briefing today.
Woof woof woof woof.
Under intense questioning Swagel also admitted that he believed in Santa Claus and that he can fly when sprayed with Pixie dust.
…now that oil is worth more than almost life itself, can we trade fetuses for a tank full of gas?
We should print all new money with Hopey’s grinning face on it. It’ll encourage savings across America, as people will not want to part with them.
ManchuCandidate: Heeeeeeeeeeeeey. I still believe in Santa Claus, dammit. Now believing that George Bush could be elected President not once but twice? That’s crazy talk!
corinnemic: Actually Mr. Fusion only powers the flux capacitor. The engine still runs on standard gasoline!
McCain got it right that Hopey isn’t the change we need. Because we need just plain old change nowadays. Nickels, pennies … anything will do.
“I don’t think we’re in a recession and the data suggests that we’re not,” Treasury Assistant Secretary for Economic Policy Phillip Swagel said in a press briefing today. “The data does suggest that we have been sucked into an alternate hell dimension, so we are responding by cutting interest rates one-quarter of a point.”
unfortunately, the Joad’s jalopy cannot make the trip the China…gas costs too much, the fan belt’s busted and, besides, ain’t no roads.
Since nobody here has a job, join the Wonkette facebook group.
http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=18303785909
corinnemic: Don’t you get taxed still, for using alternative fuels? Or is that just a CA thing…?
Ya, but at least the Surge worked…
“the trip TO China”! dagg.
Tra: <-ta-zactly Tra. “Smart” like “Turdblossom.” Seriously, the preznitz brain. Smart. Hah.
Let’s list some more “Smart” people on the right…
-David Brooksux
-Bill KristolTrucknutz
-L Paultard Bremer
-Alberto Gonzacantremebershit
-Bill ORLY
-OXYRush Limpbog
Proof that you must be a complete RETARD to believe smart people still exist on that side and b) they are all theeee gay.
All we need to fix that unemployment number is a nice war. Who wants a summer job in Iran?!
Don’t worry. We will be saved by The Maverick.
[IMG]http://i99.photobucket.com/albums/l291/enbuenora/Maverick.jpg[/IMG]
There’s a great story about how Stalin decided that the movie version of Grapes of Wrath was a suitable indictment of the failure capitalism, and allowed it to be shown in the theaters. But the stupid Soviet proletarians watched the movie and said in awe: “In America the poor people have cars!” That’ll be us soon enough: “In Dubai they have free education and health care for everyone?”
Thanks, US Congress, US Supreme Court, and President Chimpy! You were in charge of everything, and you blew it, big time.
AngryBlakGuy: Oil passed life back in March of 2003.
jagorev: No joke, my brother is graduating h.s. in a couple of weeks and has enlisted in the army. Nothing I said managed to convince him not to do that.
My source for hairy BC kind only accepts $Cad.
tunamelt: Hey, at least he’ll get that sweet free tuition that Jim Webb pushed through?
Seriously, I’m sorry to hear that, and I hope he doesn’t have to go to any war, ever.
Murder/suicide pact, anyone?
corinnemic: So if you install satallite teevee in this car and leave it on Fox News, you can drive it 24/7 without stopping, ever?
Remember when Mitt Romney tied a dog to the top of his car? That’s not going to happen ever again. Not fuel efficient.
I cry for the death of our empire.
Tra: If by “funny” you mean “infuriating”, then yes.
One more time, and if’n this don’t work, I give up.
Maverick!
The Faith-Based economy: God help the rich, the poor can beg.
EnBuenOra: Ooh, my first car.
Archie Bunker finally got his way,’cause we got a “man like Herbert Hoover again.”
In other words,everybody get face down and ass up,’cause the Reptards not only screwed the pooch again,this time Fifi got fucked to death.
The Dow is down 2.5%? Shake a leg, rich motherf*ckers — that means there’s 97.5% of the economy left to steal before January 20th.
Gather around children, and let me tell you about our salvation. A land to our North, run by a strange and beautiful people. Just find away across the border, and you will find the streets lined with gold, and Coffee and Smokes on every street corner. Sure, they speak a strange language that is barely comprehensible to us. Sure, you will only be able to do the jobs they don’t want to, like clean out the fryers at Tim Horton’s, or cap the Bottles of Molson’s. But you can build a good life there, children, if you are willing to work hard.
Well, turns out the Republicans were correct when they said Bush was the second Reagan.
Heckuva job, Mr. Mugabe. Oh wait — that’s not who’s running the country?
Paultardville: Heck, I would be happy with our new Mexican Overloads at this point.
We’re headed for new “Hoovervilles,” shanties on the lawns of big corporations and government buildings. They’ll be called “Duburbs.”
nyhfrog: Yesterday NPR had a great story about the impact of rising grocery costs on people from different walks of life. They interviewed a really poor woman, a just plain poor woman, and a really not even approximating anything in the neigborhod of poor woman. The latter was really struggling: she is no longer shopping at Whole Foods, and she has given up on buying organic vegetables completely! Yeah, seriously!
My favorite part was this: (of the affluent woman giving up Whole Foods) “[S]he lives in an affluent neighborhood and has a house on the Shenandoah River, which she bought for cash. She and her husband also own another building. They are, she felt, upper-middle class.”
Ah, the good old U.S. of A. Where no one is wealthy, just “upper middle class”, and some people sincerely believe that giving up their organic Peruvian starfruit is a sacrifice.
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=91208872
Lord Humungus: HEY O!
populucious: Do you ever wonder if these people hear themselves when they speak?
Also, organic food is terrible for the environment, right? It’s inefficient or something–and it’s better to buy locally grown produce. Although that’s probably a lot harder to do if you’re not near an agricultural center.
The day after Obama is sworn in, we will suddenly be declared to be in a recession, and it will be all his fault.
Obviously, none of these problems would have happened if we had adopted the gold standard. Look for the Reverend Dr. Ron Paul to mount a comeback and ride his newfound momentum to the White House!
Tra: My dad spent the 1980s saying the same thing about Reagan. Apparently he had a thing for George Schultz.
Here is the Bush Administration’s offical press release:
To understand . . . you have to go back to another time. When the world was powered by the black fuel. And the desert sprouted great cities of pipe and steel. Gone now, swept away. For reasons long forgotten, two mighty warrior tribes went to war and touched off a blaze which engulfed them all. Without fuel, they were nothing. They built a house of straw. The thundering machines sputtered and stopped. Their leaders talked and talked and talked. But nothing could stem the avalanche. Their world crumbled. The cities exploded. A whirlwind of looting, a firestorm of fear. Men began to feed on men. On the roads it was a white line nightmare. Only those mobile enough to scavenge, brutal enough to pillage would survive. The gangs took over the highways, ready to wage war for a tank of juice. And in this maelstrom of decay, ordinary men were battered and smashed.
Vanity Smurf: Or, as a republican doctor once told my social worker mother who expected him to treat one of her clients: “If God had meant for him to receive adequate medical care, he would have been born wealthy.” Fucker.
Here in California, prime (or Alt-A) mortgages were made with the same atrocious to non-existing lending standards as subprimes were (oftentimes worse) and borrowers put up even LESS of a down payment (less than zero?? yes, they used “HELOC”s to borrow against the value of their house - for important shit like new Kabalah beads to match your new fake tits, Cancun dental vacations and Scientology summer camp.)
But, W. says underperforming prime loans, unlike subprime, are “contained” (So nothing to see here folks.
tunamelt: When he gets tired of it, and he will, tell him that a simple application of lipstick — for two straight days — will get him out with no trouble. He doesn’t have to say anything, he just has to wear the ’stick. Like shit through a goose.
Bush’es oil-grovelling trip to Saudi Arabia certainly worked out well.
“…and the dollar is worth a mumbled ‘Fuck you’ in French.”
But hell, if I have a decent job in a year or two, I might be able to get me a condo (Oh wait, what about my crushing debt?).
Nevermind.
Lionel Hutz Esq.:
I have such a man-crush on you. You are the Ayatollah of my rock and rollah!
Looks like I picked the wrong week to stop sniffin’ glue…
Well done, Democrat Congress, well done!
populucious:
Is it just me or does virtually every NPR report from anywhere in the world find a way mention luxury high-rise condos? It’s like the only metric they have. Karachi - got `em! New Orleans - getting new ones in all the right places. Hillary - seen standing near some.
V572625694:
Reminds me of the old Soviet saw about life before capitalism:
the people pretend to work, and we pretend to pay them.
The same might be said about Wonkette readers.
suddenly im wondering….if i promise to vote for McNuts, will the feds send me another $600?…
Lionel Hutz Esq.: So what’s that the tag/intro for … Mad Max, yes?
It’s so Bush can practice his Chris Farley Tommy Boy: What did you DO!?
as soon as Obama takes the helm.
Actually Chris Farley as a complete lunk taking over for his Dad’s family business is not a bad model for Bush the lesser, except it ends happily in Hollywood, whereas in reality we’re broke, toxic, disliked by the world and have to learn Chinese if we want to please the new bosses.
NebraskashireGentry:
We’ll be the new boat people!snig:
You are insulting Chris Farley’s memory, sir!!
(sigh)
EnBuenOra: Lemme try:
Nope. No image posting. Let’s try this.
Maverick image link
O Wonkette gods, the preview function really was a thing of great rockingness.
Proletarian revolution anyone? I’m down if you are.
BioCookie: Oh, wait, I forgot. I’m an elitist prick.
It’s called redistibution of income, folks. Without it, the whole economy flushes because people have little to no expendable income. It can be done two ways: Tax the wealthy ( which they use every loophole to dodge, primarily through offshore accounts ) and redistribute as welfare and/or job training or; Provide an adequate livable minimum wage ( which hasn’t occurred since the 1950’s ). For decades, the middle class has been shouldering the economy. Now that they’ve borrowed and spent themselves into oblivion, there is no cash flowing, except the increasing tax dollars feeding the two bogus wars ( don’t forget we’re still fighting our Drug War ) that were designed to bolster defense contrators’ and oil companies’ bottom lines, and consequently place a massive burden on an oil-dependent economy. Ships, aircraft, and armoured vehicles guzzle lots and lots of gas. But hey, if it was questioned, you were a traitor. Meanwhile, our obliging Congress gave the banks free reign to gamble retirement monies on the over-inflated real estate market ( the .com era obviously didn’t teach them anything ). The dollar got so weak that we had to persuade the Chinese to buy dollars to create a false demand. This is the price of gluttony. The party’s over, folks. The bill has arrived and our wallets are empty. Looks like we gotta pay by doing some dishwashing.
A little foresight and listening would have prevented a lot of despair.
I’ll be fine. Unlike the rest of you suckers, I took out $100,000 in student loans and went to college, and you know what? It’s already paying off! Now I get three days a week at the restaurant instead of two! (Lunch only.) And if I get a Masters, they’ll let me be a server!
catsonmars: i KNOW right? i am so pleased with my economic prospects i have joined A WINE CLUB. that way, i am assured of ‘liquor to my door’ when the run on the banks starts.
i am always about forward thinking.
“The Dow is down 370 points (2.5%) while the NASDAQ and S&P500 make similar terrible plunges, unemployment shot up the most since 1986, oil hit $138 and gasoline costs $4.50 a gallon at the start of summer, teen-age unemployment hasn’t been this bad since 1948, the housing collapse is really just beginning, foreclosures are at another new record high…”
Yea, but other than that, everything is fine…right? I keep hearing the “pundits” on the news programs saying that it’s not a recession. So I guess it isn’t. For everybody. Which is a BIG relief, let me tell you!
Servo: Well put Sir, the credit cards are tapped out and no hope of new credit lines, all equity sucked out of homes, no savings, dipping into ira’s, no kids college funds etc. Here in the great Pacific northwest, land of i.e. microsoftoff, nordstroms, boeing, wamu etc. the proverbial chickens have come home to roost ala rev wright, panic in yuppie ville. There’s a glut of toys on the market and high end pawn shops have opened to pay cents on the dollar for the bling. People are taking the cents to try and stay afloat a $3000.00 rolex goes for $400.00. The look at me high rollers here are even giving up their beloved hot tubs (oh the smell of cedar and steam) its truly sad to watch. They can’t make the payments on the tubs and they can’t afford to heat them. My neighbors wife had her inflated tits repossessed the other day, the horror, the humanity of it all. The StarBuck store’s are deserted as people pour $5.00 a gallon diesel into their F-350’s instead of espresso through their dental veneers. Hey, this is just the start, keep your heads down and your cash close to you.
I attended a hobby show that attracts mostly 35-65 year old males (not that you morans, I’m talking about model trains) in Central NJ on Saturday (one of the statistically wealthiest areas in the USA). It was half empty, a real surprise. A vendor said “make an offer, I’m unemployed” to someone looking at something - who said he was also unemployed. The vendor said half the potential customers there had told them they were unemployed.
NedPepper: I was stationed at Whidbey Island in 1987, and returned for business in 2007. I couldn’t believe what 20 years has done. I heard of the beginning of an exodus towards Yakima and the desert because Seattle/Tacoma was beyond livable for even above-average-income households.
Servo: Servo: The cost of doing business and the tax structure and regulations have made doing business here impossible. Boeing moved its headquarters to Chicago and I understand Microsoft is looking to move east. Yet the only thing our pols in Olympia can do is yet again propose a state income tax. Break through thinking there, no doubt.
The Federal Reserve, Bank of England and most Central Banks are privately owned by a few secretive families, see ‘The Creature From Jekyll Island’ (1hr), free on Google video! Also a best-selling book!
For news, see infowars.com and Prisonplanet.com!
Free on Google video, ‘One Nation Under Siege’. Through the research and personal testimony of over a dozen internationally distinguished authors, journalists, doctors, and military experts (Major General Albert Stubblebine) you will understand the massive and ceaseless control
projected onto an unsuspecting populace by a government that may have finally crossed the line from a representative republic to a fascist empire. From the USA PATRIOT Act and the blatant disregard for the Bill of Rights to the outright tracking of every human being on the planet earth, you will be stunned by what U.S.government documents describe for the future of America. undersiegemovie.com
USA’s Constitution and currency are being destroyed from within. How? Videos free on Google Video 1) America: Freedom to Fascism, 2 hrs; 2)911 Justice, 18min; 3) The Clinton Chronicles, 1.7 hrs; 4) Endgame: Blueprint for Global Enslavement, 2 hrs, 5) Terrorstorm: A History of False Flag Terror, 2 hrs 6) 911 Mysteries, 2 hrs; 7)The Creature from Jekyll Island, 1hr; 8)Orwell Rolls in His Grave, 2hrs; 9) The War on Democracy, 1.5 hrs; 10) The Energy Non-Crisis, 1 hr; 11)Iraq for Sale 1.2 hr; 12) Zeitgeist, 2 hrs; 13)Ring of Power, 2.5 hrs; 14)Bush link to JFK, 1.5 hrs; 15) The Century of the Self, 4 hrs; 16) Loose Change (2nd ed & Final cut) 2hrs each; 17)John Pilger: The New Rulers of the World; 18) The Money Masters: How International Bankers Gained Control of America, 3.5 hrs Videos free on http://www.video.google.com 19) Barack Obama CFR info 20) Global Warming or Global Governance 21) The Great Global Warming Swindle 22)Mercury, Autism and The Global Vaccine Agenda 23) The CIA, Mind Control and Satanism 24)George Hunt: UN UNCED Earth Summit 1992 (Population Reduction) 25) End of Nations - EU Takeover 26) Washington, You’re Fired 27) Blackwater: America’s Private Army 28) Esoteric Agenda 29) Fiat Empire:
Why the Federal Reserve Violates the U.S. COnstitution 30) The Revolution Will not be Televised [USA overthrow of Hugo Chavez] 31) One Nation Under Siege 32)Breaking The Silence - Truth and Lies in the War on Terror, by John Pilger(and all his documentaries) 33)Beyond Treason 1.5hrs