Wonkette
Barack Obama finally has the nomination, according to Hillary Clinton’s local newspaper, the New York Times. These liberals who endorsed Hillary are obviously racist. But what about the other local newspapers of Hillary Clinton?
In Chicago, where she was born, the Chicago Tribune leads with “This Is Our Moment, This Is Our Time.” (It’s about Truck Nutz.)
In the “hardscrabble former coal-mining town” of Scranton, Pennsylvania — where she never lived but where her father was born 97 years ago — the local paper leads with “Obama seals nomination; McCain eager for battle.” (Also, the pop-up ads promise three-bedroom houses for $98,000!)
In Hillary’s other hometown college town of Wellesley, Massachusetts, the local elitist newspaper the Boston Globe leads with “Obama clinches Democratic nomination.”
In Hillary’s other hometown of Little Rock, Arkansas, the only media outlet that updates at night is the teevee channel, Channel 7. It says this: “Clinton’s Arkansas Chairman Predicts Obama Nomination.”
In Westchester County, NY, where Hillary supposedly lives, the lead story is “3rd teen charged in Peekskill stabbing.”
Thank God. Peekskill finally caught the guy behind the guy.
Can Wonkette put more pictures up of Barry and Michelle from tonight? Surely there was one taken of Barack patting Michelle’s ass.
I just love how the NY Times described the primary an epic battle. Epic is such an epic word.
Hard to believe they want to destroy America.
Ken, Jim, Sara, and the rest of the team, thanks for all the work on the Primaries. Sure, it was comedy gold, but, as Alah is my witness, you have taught me to laugh and love again.
AudicityofHope: Superficial clothing-talk aside, I gotta say Michelle owns that royal hue of purple. Absolutely beautiful like everything that has transpired this evening..
Holy shit, I’m a gay hippie! Who knew?
The syabby Peekskill “teen” in question? A diminutive Hillary Clinton in youth-drag, venting one bloody ragged wound at a time!
Peekskill stabbings? YOU CAN’T FOOL ME, HILLARY CLINTON!!!
In the immortal words of Amber Houston, “YOU CAN NOR RAPE DEMOCRACY AND GET AWAY WITH IT !!! WE WILL REBEL AND OUR VOICE WILL BE HEARD !!!!!!”
Those Peekskill hoodlums have been replaced on Lohud.com’s page by headlines, one reading “WON’T QUIT,” about you-know-who, and one about the Yankees getting their asses whipped. “Won’t Quit” is just slightly ahead of the Yankees on the page in terms of importance. Obama’s name doesn’t appear anywhere, which kind of kills the argument that no paper is rooting for the home team.
Lionel Hutz Esq.: Thanks, Esq. And we thank you for teaching us to laugh, again, in the face of Horror.
On the top page it says “Comments off” on my screen, so I figured Ken was bitter and tired of all of us and needed to take a much deserved break. But here we are! Party on!!
Lionel Hutz Esq.: They should thank us, dammit. Without us, they’d be nothing!!! Just like we were TIME’s cover persons of the year in 2006, they need to recognize! Hmmph. =-]
Cenk Uygur of the Young Turks said it best tonight. When talking about Hillary’s refusal to concede, he said, “There is something slightly admirable in it and I say that ’cause I’m a guy who’s a competitor and I like that will to win and that tenacious no-die attitude. But at the same time, after the bell has rung and you’re still punching, you go from a good strong fighter to Tyson in later in his career when he’s biting peoples’ ears off. People start to think you’re mental.”
http://youtube.com/watch?v=aZZwOvdJwo4
Dear Democratic Leaders,
At least until after the votes are counted in November, please do not assault women on park benches, pay for sex with teenage boys, feed your lapdogs to the lapdancers, declare war on Albania, make secret deals with Kim Jong-il, mention names like Marx, Lenin or Layne, have wardrobe malfunctions, fail urine tests, or turn down chances to chug beer with drop-jawed yokels. Barry will pay for your sins. We all will. The end.
A Bitter
AudicityofHope: When I was little, I thought the opening verse to that song was, “Billy left his home with his daughter in his pocket”..
Smoke Filled Roommate: Ah…the beauty of mondegreens.
AudicityofHope: Thanks for mentioning ‘Young Turks’.. It reminded me of Rod Stewart, then ‘People Get Ready’ and then finally, Curtis Mayfield. Ahhhh. I can connect the dots.
AudicityofHope: aren’t they funny?
One of my favorite quotes about a possible Hillary Clinton White House was “…Hillary says she’ll retain a top-notch response team, as if the White House should be rollicking like a broken washing machine all day and night.” I love that image. I forget who said it.
Dear Wonkette elite powers at be,
Would you be so kind as to give me, AudicityofHope/Brazile, an honorable mention tomorrow when you post the story about Anderson Cooper wanting to be Donna Brazile’s “boo”? I’d greatly appreciate it.
http://www.redlasso.com/ClipPlayer.aspx?id=bde1a1b5-d325-43ff-aa33-c87303a46754
MR. BUCHANAN: John, absent celestial intervention, I think he’s going to get the nomination.
MR. MCLAUGHLIN: Absent what?
MR. BUCHANAN: Celestial intervention.
MR. MCLAUGHLIN: Well, it happens, Pat. May he rest in peace…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TbV8YcNrQ28
It isn’t the first time that particular campaign strategy has been used. Just sayin’. Its easier than a concession speech. Also, she’s getting Terry on the sauce so he can take the fall. I for one am going to the convention dressed as a queen of hearts, as soon as I finish serving on the rules committee here in Texas, where we have been told to brace ourselves.
I lost my old avatar, dammit. Also, my post thingys.
YESSS! New York Times finally did the right thing!
And here is what it says on valuable news source aol.com:
Obama clinches nomination, looks ahead to November vote. Clinton won’t concede defeat; what does she hope to gain?
Ha. Ha ha ha. Suck it, Hills.
I love Curtis Mayfield..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZUwEVrRCSvc
ronaldpagan: But did they say, oh by the way, we made a mistake endorsing her and we had no idea she would bite Barry’s ears off?
Darehead: He’s got some mighty tempting ears…
I’m going to hang some O’BAMA EARS off the back of my 87 biodiesel benz. take that TRUCK NUTZ!!!!
ronaldpagan: She hopes to divide the party. That’s why I’m listening to Curtis Mayfield. Barry would approve. Also, I’m a Nixon baby and I’m drunk.
Smoke Filled Roommate: I’m looking at photoshopped google images of Obama.
Here’s Barack F. Kennedy: http://z.about.com/d/politicalhumor/1/7/7/-/2/obama_jfk.jpg
AudicityofHope: Barry pimpin’ out Michelle: http://www.236.com/images/photos/4808/original/original.jpg
GenghisConvict: Doncha wanna hang ‘em on yer side view mirrors?
AudicityofHope: Obannedy!
GenghisConvict: Darehead: That would look really bad, especially in the south… uh, where they might embrace such a thing.
I just can’t believe it’s over, that’s all. Had I known it would end so soon, I would have slowed down and savored it more while it was still on.
FINALLY!
Damn, you Americans sure know how to drag these things out.
The New York Times‘ editorial opinions do not count, because they are a caucus-style editorial opinion. The hard, white, working, white harding working men of the disenfranchised newspapers of real America are still backing Hillary’s victory.
OK, this is sad. The news outlet with the Peekskill shooting now does have some primary coverage up. Here’s a screenshot.
Clinton ends hard-fought primary season
NEW YORK - Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton, once the Democratic presidential front-runner, ended a hard-fought primary season yesterday unable to claim victory but unwilling to concede defeat. More
* Text of Hillary’s Clinton speech
* Video: Hillary Clinton in Matt Davies political cartoons
* Video: Clinton’s neighbors talk about campaign
The only time “Obama” appears on their home page right now is in an AP wire headline way down at the bottom that they’re probably don’t control. http://www.lohud.com/apps/pbcs.dll/frontpage
Sabre_Justice: Srsly. I voted in mid-February, what the hell took you so long, South Dakota? Did your Conestoga wagon get a flat on the way to the polls?
ronaldpagan: Bill Kristol meltdown in 3…2…1…
Are Hillz fingers all cold and dead yet? I got my finger pry-er all ready, Hopey. Have the van pick me up and warm up my meth lab!
Well, in rock’n'roll terms, here’s what I saw last night:
Opening act is a one man band called WALNUTS! Clearly he is some local artist who hasn’t had much stage experience, doesn’t know how to engage the audience, mangles his own material because he’s not really performing from the heart, and between the fake smiles you can tell he’s just counting the minutes before he’s finished. He just wants to make…. it…. through…. his…. set. His small contingent of followers, a teeming crowd of dozens, gives him golf claps. This ain’t no ‘Murrican Idul.
Next up is HILLARYOUS. A more polished performer than the warmup act, for sure. However, there’s a Vegas vibe and the sensation that this is all being done by rote, rather than from the heart. She’s singing all the right notes, but there’s just no soul in it. This artist knows something about stage craft, at least, but she’s not ready for prime time either. Her crowd, numbering in the high hundreds, perhaps small thousands, is appreciative. I think she’s papered the house.
Finally, it’s time for the headliner, HOPEY THE RAINBOW UNICORN, who enterts to U2’s “Beautiful Day.” From the get-go, HOPEY proves why he’s the top-of-the-bill show-closer. Relaxed, comfortable with his own material, able to project with real conviction, HOPEY does a medley of his hits, each one taking the crowd to a higher place. There’s a sense of excitement in the air, and HOPEY stokes it like a pro, playing to the front rows and the cheaps seats up in the ‘greys.’ Despite having performed this material a thousand times, he makes each new number seem fresh and urgent. The crowd - estimated to be something just shy of 20,000; a small turnout for so major an artist - is eating from the palm of his hand and allows HOPEY to take them higher and higher until the final moment of rapture.
In all, it reminds me of when I saw the triple bill of Rip Taylor, Helen Reddy and The Who. [No offense intended to Helen Reddy.]
some wonder: what’s the headline over at the bosnia post-gazette?
Hillary’s in her back yard, working on the hole she’s been throwing money in. “Bill, we’re gonna need a bigger hole!”
I hate to say I told you so…no, I don’t. I told you so. This thing was over the first week of February, when she didn’t put him away on Super Tuesday, as I said then, and repeatedly since.
New analysis: The general election is already over, and the only thing Grampaw McCain is ever going to be president of is the Phoenix VFW.
What a happy evening. One of the other blogs I loiter at when I could be reading Dostoievsky or something was claiming that “this is proof McCain will win!” Isn’t it nice to see such trusting delusion on the other side of the aisle for a change? Hopey is the first political candidate in my life that made me want to drink less…
This shit needs to stop.
http://politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com/2008/06/04/bet-founder-to-push-for-clinton-as-obamas-vp-pick/
Here’s the reality: Clinton lost. She was beaten. She led an incompetent campaign that had all the advantages and blew it over and over. She fucking lost to an outsider who simply outsmarted her. Her campaign is a loser. Obama, if he’s smart (and he’s smart enough to beat the Clintons), will give Clinton a chance to redeem herself for her next Senate campaign by allowing her to campaign for him, and campaign hard. But any position of responsibility? No. And the minute she messes up, she’s back in South Jersey with Carl, Frylock, and Meatwad.
Which reminds me: Now that she’s pissed all over everybody in New York State (blacks, literate people, everyone else), what does Hillary need to do to keep her Senate seat? If she keeps playing the spoiler like this, she may well lose in a primary.
Does Master Shake have any control over what her people are saying and doing?
Hillary’s loss is just further proof that a majority of Americans hate America.
You might as well start learning Russian and reading the Koran, you Morans!
ForTheTurnstiles: From the looks of her campaign, I’d say Meatwad was more likely to have been running it.
AudicityofHope: This pic will [did] play well with McC’s [Hil's] base in WV, KY, OH…
Johnny_Zhivago: Starring…
Patti Solis Doyle as Vanessa the Apple
Mark Penn as Boxy Brown
Bill Clinton as Carl
and Barack Obama as Frylock
I still think Hillary is Master Shake. Loud, dithering, directionless, oversized, and bleached-out.
Clearly America wants Hillary for President of Appalachia.
Snark aside, I can’t believe this is real, this will be the SECOND time a polician that I actually like wins out. Either Hell has frozen over, or we as a country aren’t a dumb as a I thought.
Let’s hope he doesn’t dissapoint, like the 1st politician (Michael Nutter).
Here is the sub-head of the Washington Post front page story:
“With One Win, One Loss and a Pile of Superdelegates, Senator Becomes First African American to Lead a Major-Party Ticket”
How many copy editors and lawyers did it take to get that one just perfect?
you can’t believe anything in the NYT. this ain’t over … on a related note, it did seem like her campaign hit stride the minute she got rid of that fatass mark penn. coincidence?
it’s not over until the pantsuit lady sings.
EnBuenOra: Or the Black Hills. For some darned reason, Hillz does a hilll of good job amongst the hillbillies in the hills
On one hand fuck Hillz for not even acknowledging Obama’s delegate count last night, but then again, did we expect anything less than that from her?
On the other hand, WE FUCKING DID IT! The hope train is leaving the station, Clintons. You have until the end of the week to get on board, or get run over. You will not be the Nominee. You will not be VP.
Suck it BITTERS!
Looking at this picture makes me jealous of the hot Democratic Nominee Sex Barack and Michelle must have had last night. Dayyumm
The maths are hard to ignore. Completely.
NoWireHangers:
MO: “You know what that loud thump was?”
BO: “Sounds like the bus just ran over something big.”
newhampsha: I was getting all tingling watching them walk on stage together. The way he was touching her…Ooooh to be a fly on the bedroom wall!
I was hoping for a “Obama is President of Montana” headline and photo that I could save forever.
I want Obama to appoint Gina Gershon to his cabinet. Just as a final f.u. to Hillary.
Smoke Filled Roommate: Jackie O pwned pink, and Michelle O pwns purple. Sunset, sunrise.
Hillary, If that would happen in Poker…
Its too funny what politicians do all the time not admitting that they have lost at a given situation. Hillary being just the perfect model how policitians act when they have to
face a situation where they have lost or were wrong on a topic. They try to ignore it and still play “I am a winner” no matter what the facts and the given reality around them
indicates.
I wonder if thats the reason why policitians don’t play poker tournaments - at least not that I know of many who do. Because in the end if lose or win. You can just say “Wow, it
was a fantastic poker game, I was coming in place 38 out of 500″. You either win the tournament or you dont. Great if you finish in a range of places where you are getting paid
a few dollars, but if you really want to win in poker games you need to be at the very top of the winners or else.
Nothing would help you that in the world of politics is always going on: “re-arranging facts”, “changing the rules at the end to adjust reality”, “playing dumb”, “not admitting
any mistakes, and just saying NOTHING”, “blame it on misunderstandings”, “I didnt mean what i said, actually everybody did misunderstood me”, and so on.
The good thing about poker is that you either win or your dont. The most obvious of your skills in playing poker is the ability to win. And the “politicians” under the losing
poker players will always say “I had a bad run, I just had back luck” and try to reduce the game of poker to the game of being lucky and being dealt the right cards. It is not.
Anyway Hillary, I would love to see you at http://www.actionpoker.com and http://www.tigergaming.com some day and would like to see how you try to explain your bad poker performance when we
do beat you in the first poker tournment offered just for struggling politicians.
Kevin, Poker Tournament Fan
current favorite poker site:
http://www.actionpoker.com