Wonkette
Attention whore John McCain didn’t want Democrats to have all the fun tonight, and we needed to start up another comment thread for you lunatics, so join us as we watch John McCain saying mean things about Barack Obama. MSNBC has stationed Howard Fineman on some sort of “Listening Post,” which maybe means he has tapped people’s phones or something? Anyway we can “listen” to Howard Fineman for a little while before John McCain’s angry senile rant, hooray!
8:33 PM — God bless the lightning speed of our new Server Overlords.
8:35 PM — Future Republican Vice President Bobby Jindal is talking, and the only network even showing him, briefly, is MSNBC. Instead, everybody else is talking about whether Hillary Clinton will be our future Democratic Vice President (she will not).
8:37 PM — We vowed not to drink this evening, just for novelty’s sake, and we are already beginning to reassess.
8:38 PM — And here he is, the starlet of the next half hour, John McCain! He addresses “the great city of New Orleans,” which is a lie, because he is in “the great white suburb of Kenner.” Congratulations to Hillary, blah blah blah.
8:40 PM — “The choice is between the right change and the wrong change.” His face looks like it’s going to fall off. He just said “information technology” very carefully, like he didn’t want to get it wrong. Like he wasn’t sure exactly what it was.
8:42 PM — Now he is talking shit about the Government, because he is a maverick. JAMMAKAIN! JAMMAKAIN!
8:43 PM — Something about needing more spies, and more torture laws. Also more “moral credibility.” Ha ha, that shouldn’t be hard. A veiled insult at Hurricane Katrina. “We should be able to deliver bottled hot water to dehydrated babies,” that is what he said. He said that exact thing.
8:45 PM — He just admitted he is a million years old.
8:46 PM — “And that’s not change we can believe in,” and he smiles uncomfortably. He is the most uncomfortable man on the planet. He reminds us that he has put Country Above Self on more than one occasion.
8:48 PM — “I am her servant first, last, and always.” This is something he loves, calling America “her,” because he is a Sexist. Now he reminds us of all the ways in which he is not like George W. Bush. For one thing, he has less hair. Ha ha now he reminds us of all the ways in which he was criticized by everyone on the planet.
8:50 PM — OK wrap it up Jammakain, Hillary’s on in ten. He is giving this speech from a FEMA trailer, in the Green Zone. He knows from Iraq, because he was a prisoner there once, of the Sunnis. The Shiites. Ooh tyrants from Havana to Pyongyang! And yet he will not meet with David Petraeus! Too many nouns, the heads are spinning.
8:52 PM — Here is his old chestnut about how nobody hates war more than him, and nobody wants to hate-fuck war more than he does.
8:53 PM — Obama is pro-business, did you know that? He wants to put Tariffs on your Groceries. He also refuses to break policy with administrations that GOOD GOD IS THE OBAMA DELEGATE COUNTER DOWN AGAIN? Now it is down to 9. Obama voted for some energy bill that George W. Bush and Dick Cheney, members of McCain’s party, voted for. Obama is no Maverick.
8:55 PM — If his refrain for this campaign is “That’s not change we can believe in,” then he is well and truly doomed.
8:56 PM — Barack Obama wants to tax everybody who appears in the commercials that air during Extreme Home Makeover: parents, old people, Dulcolax users…even your babies. John McCain believes in the common sense of the American people: the same sensible Americans who keep electing Republicans.
8:59 PM — True Fact: John McCain stole his wife Cindy’s Novocaine prescription, and now he is addicted to it.
9:00 PM — DING DING DING Barack Obama is the presumptive nominee, now that South Dakotans have gotten off their lazy asses and finished voting. So long, John McCain! The End!
9:09 PM — OK peoples there is a new thread here, go go go!
McCain is totally going to steal Barack’s thunder with a Jindal VP announcement. That’s my prediction and I’m sticking to it.
I’m only in here so I will know when McCain is finished speaking. Only then will I go back to a news channel.
Top five favorite reporters and commentators from this primary season:
5. Tim Russert
4. Howard Fineman
3. Chuck Todd
2. David Gergen
1. Rachel Maddow
jagorev: That is too much brown for one ticket.
jagorev: Where are you getting this?
Tonight’s speech brought to you (hopefully) weird forgetful silence free by Aricept!
I am struggling to follow this James Carville fellow on CNN.
I mean I thought I had a hick accent . . .
Thanks Jim, I found the thread!
My friends, hello my friends.
My friends.
Shut up, you senile old fuck.
For some reason I really like that squirrel picture. Did I just turn into a Midwestern housewife?
Jesus Christ, tongue bath for Hillary. Kill me now.
Green? WTF! I want angry red WALNUTS!
I’m taking a break from comment writing (one left!) to watch WALNUTS! do his thang. So let’s go.
McNasty is such a wizened old fart. Could he pander and more grossly?
jagorev: I predict it too. But nothing will take this away from Barack Obama. It will be seen as a complete “some of my best friends…” pander.
OMG! Shut up! Tonight is not about her, but good for Walnuts for calling Obama his opponent!
He looks really white against that green backdrop.
ronaldpagan: Perhaps. You might have also turned gay. We like fluffy things.
Less than 60 seconds in, his lips are firmly planted on Hillz ass.
McCain/Clinton ‘08, or a clever ploy to cop some discount Truck Nutz from her supporters? You decide!
Cicada: I have no sources except my gut. Did you know there are more nerve endings in your gut than in your brain?
Ooh. It looks like McCain has splashed out a speechwriter. The maverick.
I don’t know about you, but my best days are most certainly behind me.
He sounds kinda like the Bartles and Jaymes guys. Vanguard Gen-Xers? Are you with me?
McNasty is such a wizened old fart. Careful about throwing the word change around, you might break a hip. Uh…and he wears Depends! He’s old, is my point.
My god the THUNDER this man commands with his words!
nyhfrog: Get that David Gergen the fuck off that list. And where the hell is Keith?
Is he going to recite his shopping list, too?
“change what must be changed?” He’s sounding like Dolores Umbridge in Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
@ wheelie: Splashed out on. Do try to tipe porperly.
Anybody w/o a tv, msnbc.msn.com is streaming live.
McNutface looks like he had some work done on that spare tire on
his left cheek. Got it plugged, or sumpin’.
“Entitlement programs” = darkies gettin yer money
Wow, that was the most pathetic cheering ever.
There appear to be about 12 people in attendance.
Jesus, he’s pandering to the middle. This is scarier than anything.
…WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!!! They are having his speech in a old folks home!!!
HairyIckey: And his flaccid dick is trying to get up it.
MAC ATTACK!?!?! i thought steve jobs was liberal
i like how mccain is now trying to be obama. how many times has he said “change” so far. and his backdrop is barack obama’s old slogan, switching out change, which he is obviously now into, with “a leader.”
Wow, that Go John McCain chant is going to be
boring in about 4 days. If.
NotUrEvryDayWEzl: You didn’t wait long enough, you could have added “turning challenge and opportunity into opportunities”…
Man, that crowd is lame. St. Paul, are you ready to rock?…
Well, hold on to that thought for a couple of hours and try not to be bored out of your head by the warmup band, The Emerald Green Old Fucks.
Who’s the guy who keeps going “YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!”? I want to kick him in the taint.
Why does he always sound like he is reading from the Brother’s Grimm and hoping we get the “hidden message”?
Dehydrated babies! Hooray!
Is Walnuts talking now? My sister and I do not have basic cable and we can’t find the fucker’s fucker speech.
Less Gov’t = Better Gov’t Response to Emergencies?
“When Americans confront a catastrophe, they have a right to expect basic competence from their government.”
ZING! Wow, when did McCain turn into a left-wing Bush basher?
ronaldpagan: if you had said the squirrel picture made you hungry,
i would have guessed west virginian bitterwoman.
Shall we preserve our moral credibility by being apologists for torture? Or perhaps by continuing the war on the poor?
Your use of the word “moral” intrigues me, McSame.
AudicityofHope: Keith was to easy. Trust me. I watch him every night. Waht can I say? I like the Gerg.
Serious and far reaching reforms are needed in so many areas of gov’t to meet our own challenges in our own time. The irony is, my time has expired, and I’m actually already dead..
…a few years? More like Millenia!
Nawlins does not have 7 syllables, Senator Plastic Smile.
” I have a few years on my opponent.”
HAHAHAHAHAAHA HE’S HILARIOUS
Jesus, he’s got a Dr. Evil smile. It’s fucking creepy.
Wow, Jindel is like, the opposite of Hope.
McElderly’s voice is even more grating than Hillary’s. WAY too nasal.
…Im telling you he has one of those signs that tell the crowd when to clap and boo!
I hate that little snicker he gave after “and that’s not change we can believe in.” That is more annoying than Dubya’s snicker.
We flipped past McCain while looking for more cartoons, and my 3-year-old informed me, ‘…he’s a bad man, we don’t like him. We like Barack Obama.’
If it’s obvious to a 3-year-old…
This is a friggin rehash of Reagan. Yawn.
Jeez, these ideas are oooolllldddd.
Because Bush Sucks…
It’s like he’s reading a children’s story. Perhaps My Pet Goat?
I live in the Black Rock section of Bridgeport, Connecticut. This is a liberal enclave in a liberal city in a liberal state. While out on my walk today, I saw that one of my neighbors (who owns a beachfront home probably worth $1.5 million) has plastered McCain signs on his lawn.
Needless to say, I took a dump on his doorstep and ran.
That line about “the American people didn’t get to know me yesterday” was good on paper, but awful delivery. And again with the snicker. McCain needs to cut out the humor, he comes off sounding like kind of a dick.
Do you county a favor and go AWAY!!!
“…As they’re just getting to know Senator Obama…heh heh heh…”
JESUS HE’S CRUELLA DEVILLE!
jagorev: …that was that creepy “I will eat your children” laugh!
Service this, douchetard.
Barack Obama is a Mac to Mac’s Dos.
Good grief are people actually going to vote for this whiny, angry turd of a man? Most unappealing.
America is a hot sexy babe, and John McCain is servicing her manfully!
I am SO looking forward to seeing our Hopey rip this guy a new one. Also, I didn’t realize they made large-print teleprompters.
McMummy is so ooooooold! What’s with the turtle-neck?
This is the worst speech ever given.
His audience is so old that they don’t understand when to clap. They clap for him being like Bush…
he just called for the “strange in chategry”
I finally get why the background is Green! He’s referencing the Green Mile because he knows his candidacy is a dead man walking.
Would not have been mismanaged if it did not
exist in the first place.
…before we get to the end of this thread, does anyone know how to get to the second page? A little assistance over here please!
ronaldpagan: go to msnbc.com, yo.
Slurrrrrring.
Stammmmmerering.
And that creepy dirty-old-prevert laugh.
What a coming out party!
I’ve never really watched him speak. Now I’m terrified. This guy is really, really creepy.
nyhfrog: too
Wow, he’s speaking to an audience of dozens.
McNasty is all shiny on the temples. Flop sweat?
BTW- when he talks about disagreeing about detainee treatment, does his wussing out on the issue make his soul die a little?
confusionanddelay<: I think they planned to, but a lot of those people are going to hear him talk during the next five months. They cannot possibly vote for him afterwards.
What a sentimental old goat….
He’s going to recite everything the Republicans have done wrong and that’s suppose to convince us that things will be better under him? Good strategy.
Okay my sister and I are watching Walnuts on our respective computers. His crowd really does have zero enthusiasm.
Obama voted to deny funds for the soldiers? Like veteran’s benefits? No, baby, that’s all you.
Hey, I’m reading along with the speech posted on Drudge!
“The right kind of change”? WTF - more war, stupid tax cuts and deficit spending? Some kind of change…
National Review sez: Obviously…McCain isn’t going to win this election by firing up crowds with his oratory. As a performance, it’s a little painful.
http://corner.nationalreview.com/
Did his medical records indicate which drugs he’s actually on now?
…tomorrow they need to run these speeches side by side. Barry’s crowd will make WALNUTS! crowd look like a community college pep rally!
He spent his life defending the country from … er, the Vietnamese! Luckily no Vietnamese got into this country. BOOOOOO.
He sais “poontang” yay
if Hopey is smart, which he is, he’ll find very subtle ways of speaking to young people that McBoob is an idiot.
“I don’t oppose a reckless withdrawl from Iraq…”
Wha?!?!???!??!?!
I hate how Walnuts stole Obama’s slogan. “A LEADER WE CAN BELIEVE IN.” Sorry if anyone already said that, but that is some serious negativity.
McCain: I hate war.
Is he blinking his coordinates in morse code? Or perhaps the activation code for millions of sleeper-voters?
…it would be totally fukkin awesome if his dentures FALL OUT!
AngryBlakGuy: No second pages. Everything on same page. The end.
America is a girl?
Hmmm. Is Jezebel watching?
jagorev: Boy they Are whipping themselves into a frenzy of enthusiasm for grampa, are’nt they?
He’s getting Paultard on us now.
Well, I hope the Republicans have something else up their sleeves, because otherwise November is going to be a walkover.
Ooh, maybe they can spread word about Obama’s BLACK BABY
Oh noes, oohhhhh noes! Please, don’t let that Senator Obama get in and undo all that fabulous, magical “progress” in Iraq. We’re right on the cusp of winning everything over there.
Now go to bed, you little cunts.
the asshole stole Obama’s slogan, ‘A Leader We Can Believe In’.
that FUCKING grin… my GOD!