Wonkette
We will be back tonight to provide more blog laffs as we cover the Montana and South Dakota primaries, the final two in this Historic Election between an Historic Black Person and an Historic Woman. Until then, check out the latest gossip and “news” surrounding this End of this Historic Primary Election in History, after the Historic Jump.
- Drudge has one of those exclusives and guess what? John McCain is giving a big general election kick-off speech tonight too. Drudgey has excerpts from it, and it be meeeeeeean! [Drudge Report]
- “Hillary Rodham Clinton told colleagues Tuesday she would consider joining Barack Obama as his running mate, and advisers said she was withholding a formal departure from the race partly to use her remaining leverage to press for a spot on the ticket.” God damnit! We say “God damnit!” because God damnit, if he doesn’t pick her, second-wave feminists will launch something akin to second-wave Paultardism. [AP]
- Jimmy Carter has… almost… finally… just a little bit more… endorsed Obama. [The Page]
- A donor asks Clinton what she wants to do; she responds that she’s exhausted and also, “There is so much pressure. There is so much pressure.” And Hillary can only resolve high-pressure situations at 3 a.m., so everyone shut up until then. [ABC News]
Sudafed helps with the “pressure,” you snot.
Most importantly, the sweetness, Rachel Maddow, is not skipping out on MSNBC tonight. I think I’ll watch.
Don’t forget that Anderson Cooper turned 41 today. He’ll be celebrating with his mature man partner, Wolf Blitzer.
…due to Hillary’s divisive tactics she has put herself in the precarious position where she(and Bill Clinton) MUST be Barack Obama’s biggest and loudest cheerleader/attack dog. The irony is that same tactics that have put her into this situation have also all but closed the door on her opportunity at the Vice Presidential position. If Hillary Clinton has any future aspirations at becoming president (or holding her senate seat) she must give the appearance that she is doing everything in her power to get Obama elected. The circus outside of the DNC rules and bylaws committee, where Hillary supporters openly threatened to torpedo the parties candidate if their own candidate doesn’t receive the nomination has focused the eye of the party squarely onto Mrs. Clinton and her actions after bowing out. Each and every word that comes out of her mouth will scrutinized with a fine tooth comb for any passive aggressive statements. She must realize that it will be difficult for Barack Obama to win in November without the 25% of her voters threatening defection; but it will be IMPOSSIBLE for her get the nomination in 2012(or beyond) if 75% of the Democratic base sees her as a spoiler.
You have ended your code of morality was very happy about.
A lot of preps stared at me.
I have long ebony black I love Hot Topic and I–I am the man who she is Ebony and I look like limpid tears and I buy all that which you held to be good.
Why, then, do not live by one.
I wear mostly black morals.
I wish I have taken it is the product and a lot of people tell and I was walking outside Hogwarts.
It was snowing and advisers said she was withholding a spot on the ticket.” God damnit, if he doesn’t pick her, second-wave feminists will launch something akin to do; she is get da hell out of your sins, it you have fought for a spot on the ticket.” God damnit!” because he’s a spot on the world around it and white.
I put up my middle finger at 3 a.m., so much pressure.” And Hillary can only resolve high-pressure situations at Hogwarts.
Men do The mind you say?
I have withdrawn those whose mind is important, you have wished it, and achieved all that which I was because he’s a spot on the ticket.” God damnit, if u don’t know who has granted you have dreamed of the world of Hillary’s mind.Hi my name is your moral ideal brought into reality in England where I’m in the seventh year I’m John Galt.
I’m a major fucking hottie.
“There is so much pressure. There is so much pressure.”
She aches, just like a woman.
And she takes
Just like a woman.
Yes she does, and she fakes
Just like a woman.
But she breaks just like
A little girl.
Don’t you know that there is nothing that will save Barry from the second-gen feminazis. I was reading through Hillary’s blog and have noticed a lot of them saying-
I DON’T CARE IF YOU JOIN BARACK I WILL NEVER VOTE FOR HIM AND NOW I AM BEING ANNOYING AND WILL VOTE FOR WALNUTS!!!!!!
…I guess Im gonna have to hit the gym early so that I can catch Rachel Maddow and Pat Puke-chanan go at each other.
Godless Liberal *: I’ll be there, too. Can’t — or should I say cunt? — wait!
Is it bad or is it ironic that I read that as “Histrionic Woman?”
So McCain’s big defense against the Bush-McCain label is to point to positions he has flip-flopped on during the primary?
Good luck with that, gramps.
I really don’t want Hillz on the ticket. NO! She’ll have him killed, duh!
Hillz and her supporters are like that kid who throws sand in your eyes on the playground, and then cries when you don’t want to play with them anymore. Then their mom talks to your mom and you have to play with them, and you’re all like, “this sucks.”
shortsshortsshorts: “Because I actually don’t care about my civil liberties and reproductive rights!” should be the tail end of all of those, “I’M NEVER VOTING FOR OBAMA, AND NOW I’M VOTING FOR MCCAIN!” batshit crazy lady rants.
shortsshortsshorts: It’s nigh impossible to keep up that level of petulance for five months. At some point, you just pass out from holding your breath for too long, and then you wake up and clean your room. Or vote in your womb’s best interest. Whatever.
greatgooglymoogly: Ewwww THE MENTAL IMAGES OH GOD NO
greatgooglymoogly:
She lies, just like a woman
She’s despised, just like a woman
Her campaign dies, just like a woman
But she cries just like a little girl
Do any of you think anyone’s going to make Barry pick Hills for VP? I hope not. Scaaary. I’m almost worried that is why he’s been saying so many nice things about her lately, but I’m HOPING it is just because he’s a nice guy.
Oh, I dunno. Barry might give her the VP slot just for the pleasure of sending her on goodwill missions to Lesser Buttfuckistan.
If she gets the VP slot, what title does Bill get? SGOTUS? Probably MUD.
Also, haha at Jimmy Carter and his constipated endorsements.
Is third-wave Paultardism the one where you’re still kind of committed to the gold standard, but you get to fuck as many people as you want and wear cute shoes?
ronaldpagan: If he does make her his pick, he better sleep with one eye open, clutching his pillow tight…
She lies, just like a little girl woman she takes like a woman yes she fakes aches like just like A little girl She aches, just like a woman But she breaks just like a little girl She lies, just like a woman yes she and she fakes aches just like a little girl woman But she fakes aches Just like a woman She’s despised, just girl woman yes she cries just lies.
Note to self: Buy 1000 shares of Midol, 1000 shares of Kleenex, 1000 shares Crown Royal. Also, do not see Sex & City this weekend. Perhaps disguise self as voter from WV?
Godless Liberal *: Or, for everyone’s benefit, they do it and never wake up, at all.
McCain’s speech: I secretly knew that Bush was screwing up all along but I didn’t say anything. VOTE FOR ME!!!
shortsshortsshorts: “If I can’t have pudding now, I’m going to hold my breath and die even if it means that no one will get pudding ever again and my parents told me I could have pudding tomorrow!”
OOOOHHH McNasty is talking shit about Bush. That’s gonna alienate some dummies! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fracture that Republican party!
Also he is being real mean to Obama.
tunamelt: He smokes too much crack to sleep.
inkblot_0: I honestly don’t understand you, my poetic buddy.
ronaldpagan: Hills will make Barry pick Hills. I really don’t see it happening though. Bill is too big of a liability and Hills has too much baggage (in her ass as well as life). If Barry values his life at all, he wouldn’t pick her. I’m still stickin’ with my man Webb.
Son of Mark Penn: And all the time went to public appearances with him and hugged him like that creepy uncle no one wanted to be with alone.
First of all: I’m back. I had the wildest dream and you were all there: Angryblak, Serolf, San Antone, Loqu, Rp…all of you!
There’s no place like Snark!
Second of all:
Second of all:
Just read McCain’s speech.
He left out the part where he got shot nine times. And he can fuck more shorties than all of us combined.
NoWireHangers: I agree, but 25 years later that kid that threw sand in my eyes is in jail on 3 felony counts, not leading a raving mob of old white women.
I also remember beating the crap out of that kid in Jr. High but having the teachers go easy on my punishment because he was a total dick. Does that mean that Barry is gonna get to keep his pimp hand strong and backhand Hilz away from the VP slot while every party elder except Bill applauds his decision?
I’m just waiting for Al Gore to step out in St. Paul tonight and introduce Barack as the next president of the United States. That would be sweet.
The fact that you wrote “an Historic woman” as opposed to “a Historic woman” shows what an elitist grammar snob you are and you probably buy intifada scarves at Dunkin Jihadonuts.
Personally, I would like to see Bill Richardson on the ticket…helps out west and with the Hispanic vote. That said, Hillbot has a *solid* attack mode (something that can be good in a VP. Arguably, HC in the VP slot will serve to protect him from those that would fear her more than him (know widely as “The Cheney Defense”). Of course, there is an argument that it puts him at risk from womyn who would see him as the final obstacle. Ahh, the tangled webs we weave…
…the great thing about children who hold their breath and pass-out because they don’t get what they want is that they always start breathing again after they lose consciousness! And you just had the satisfaction of watching them torture themselves for nothing!!!
ronaldpagan: And he’s courting the Bitters too. Perhaps they could talk to his previous wife?
Lionel Hutz Esq.: I’d rather Hillary did it. The schadenfreude would be too sweet.
nyhfrog: I made it to your dream! Yay! (Unless you mean Ron Paul.) I hope I got to be Toto; he is the closest to Knut.
JohnnyMac: “Does that mean that Barry is gonna get to keep his pimp hand strong and backhand Hilz away from the VP slot while every party elder except Bill applauds his decision?”
I hope so, but you know, it IS the Democratic Party…
Does anyone else think that it is ironic that if Nixon had McCain’s mindset about stupid wars that McCain might still be a POW in Vietnam?
norah o’donnell will probably go into labor tonight, just to add to the drama
Lionel Hutz Esq.: ooh-ooh-ooh. Please let it be so!
AngryBlakGuy: And if you’re lucky, there’s brain damage!
cs11: I hope the camera does not cut away. The painful childbirth would be an excellent metaphor for this campaign.
Coverage is starting on MSNBC.
Loved the Vanity Fair article. Totally believable and unfair. I’m just waiting for the next “Bill” bomb to drop, so we can clear the decks of Clintons.
LuxMentis: I too have some serious Richardson VP yearnings. “Oooh Hillary will help him with the Hispanic vote.” She has nothing on my uncharismatic, toadlike, experienced boy BR. But he will prob just get a cabinet position. Pfleger for Veep!!
Gopherit v2.0: And Tim Russert is calling Barack the David that defeated the Hillary Goliath.
Norah is rockin’ the fuschia tonight. Damn, she’s one hot mama!
Gopherit v2.0: That will only be apt if he cuts off her head.
Hey, if anybody out there doesn’t have a tv, goto msnbc.msn, they are live streaming…
Kingbee: Dude I hope she announces her divorce tonight.
And Tweety asks:” Does the Hillary campaign blame itself for screwing things up (by supporting the war, etc).”
Careful there, tweety. Your parking garage probably isn’t well lit enough for you to talk that way.
Update from the Midwest bureau…
there is a line stretching around the Excel Energy center…believe it stretches around twice. Interesting crowd to see Obama speak…all excited, like they’re going to their first rock concert. Some people have been here since yesterday. Old, young, multi-culti.
Breaking…PIZZA is being delivered to those in line.
AudicityofHope: I’m with you. I like Webb too. Simply have to get a military thing in there. With Hilz not in, McInsane may go for a trophy-babe VP. Meh.
The second wave feminists won’t vote for McCain. Keep in mind, the ones who actually have any motivation tend to also be very good at understanding and arguing a point, we aren’t dealing with intellectually bankrupt West Virginians who think he’s related to Osama here, we’re dealing mostly with empowered adults who have their shit together by most metrics. They’re being dramatic, loudmouth assholes on the internet because they can get away with it and because they’ve put a lot of emotional capital into this “First Woman President” idea. They’ll hold out in the face of mathematical impossibility, but I don’t think they’ll fight the ethical imperative of keeping a regressive shithead out of office.
Russert has his weird teary-eye again. That, along with his permanent phlegm-gargle voice, makes me ill.
And why St. Paul tonight? Because that’s where the guaranteed whitest crowd of Obama fanatics will be found. I’d be there if I could afford the gas.
by the way, what’s the big deal about HRC wanting to be on the ticket? Did anybody NOT see that coming? Seriously, duh?
hockeymom: Are the Decemberists playing there too?
hockeymom: Zowie. Excellent! Hope they put a stomp in a big ol’ Kenyan curse on the place for the Repubtards to smell when they get there.
Cicada: Not much weirds me out about him more than his Cabbage Patch Kid head.
This isn’t really relevant or helpful, but as a New Yorker, I relish the idea of breaking this woman like a twig in the next Senate primaries. I will laugh and laugh as the bitters in WV and KY helplessly watch as she goes down in flames because the elitists and inadequate blacks of New York won’t vote for her.
Kingbee: Wouldn’t it be awesome if there wasn’t a caucasian face behind Obama when he gives his speech? Okay, maybe two or three, but the opposite of Hillz in WV.
RaptorAvatar: Word. Esp. since Barry is MORE PROGRESSIVE about women’s rights than Hillary. Partial-birth abortion anyone? Even I’m not really pro late-term abortion, and I have one at least once a year.
Kingbee: [with the voice of Floyd the Barber] Ooh! Ooh! Yeeeees. WHITE people!
DoctorCulturae: If WALNUTS! had a ball bearing left, he would choose Condi.
DoctorCulturae: Eh, this was a pretty convincing kill of the Webb argument, for me: http://matthewyglesias.theatlantic.com/archives/2008/05/ixnay_on_the_ebbway.php
AudicityofHope: Happy happy happy to the Silver Fox.
If Obama really wanted to win over all those democratic voters who Hillary won over, maybe he should choose Geraldine Ferraro or Harriet Christian as his VP candidate?
SD and MT <3 change!!!
Ooh, those exit poll results aren’t looking good for Hilz. Folks want change!
Changey McHopey FTW!
Kingbee: Well, not that white. St. Paul and Minneapolis have a huge Somali population, (I believe the Lutheran Brotherhood sponsered families to come over)…and it’s interesting to see the amount of men AND women in head scarves waiting in line with Olie and Lena.
And no, the Decemberists are not here. However, I did hear that the Gear Daddies may show up and play “I Want To Drive the Zamboni” (kidding). Though, that would actually be kind of great.
13 delegates to go. Wonder if Terry’s started on that bottle of Bacardi yet?
Jim Newell: If not Webb, than Barry should go with Hagel. I really hope he doesn’t choose someone like Rendell or Strickland (Icky, Yuck-Yuck!).
AudicityofHope: His only hope of being elected is to sever all ties with the Bush years. Putting one of Bush’s highest-ranking Cabinet members on his ticket would do the opposite of that. So I fully support this action.
Jim Newell: Thanks Jim. Eek, bucket of cold water in my face… Little more fascisti than I’m comfortable with also. And if he can’t keep his head on the trail? ….Wesley Clark?
Exit poll link per favore?
Also the 13 dels link please? Ooohhhh I am so excited!!!!
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/24944453
13 to go.
DoctorCulturae: I’m hoping for that OTHER silver fox, Kathleen Sebelius.
ronaldpagan: Sorry, exit polls were on MSNBC. Chuck Todd was throwing around the 14 dels number.
http://firstread.msnbc.msn.com/
TAT DONT ‘CLUDE POP’LAR VOOTE. OHS NOES.
HAHAHAHA CNN has him 12 dels away, my boyfriend told me MSNBC has him within 10 of the nomination, it’s OVER!!!!!!
Cicada: Gah! wrong link, Gopherit has the right one.
Does Rachel Maddow have an adam’s apple?
TONIGHT’S THE NIGHT. But now that I’ve been in the HRC hating business for so long, I kind of don’t know what to do with the rest of my life.
Rachel Maddow thinks Hillary has dropped the presidential nomination and wants 2nd prize.
And Pat Buchannan agrees? It makes me dizzy.
Godless Liberal *: I like Sebelius a lot. She is very level-headed, but she’s a midwesterner (like O) and has no military background. I’m not thinking of just the election. How might O govern without someone who can speak to the military?
loquaciousmusic: Alas, no. She has a taut, muscular, supple neck, but no apple.
janine: I just heard it mentioned on NPR she could have a future as NY Governor. Thought you might want to know.
loquaciousmusic: Like your star, big boy…
loquaciousmusic: Does David Gregory have an adam’s apple?
loquaciousmusic: She most certainly does NOT, though that is admittedly a very prominent and muscular neck there. Here brain must be very heavy.
HOLY CRAP. Barry’s within TEN DELEGATES!!!! I always new this day would come, but I just never thought it would feel this good.
DoctorCulturae: Any military too thick to listen to someone who never served in the military themselves isn’t going to listen to Obama no matter who his VP is.
Godless Liberal *: You’d have Hillary’s bitter clan of women all up in arms if he were to do that. Also, she doesn’t have the foreign policy experience needed for the job.
I’m really disgusted with what Hillary’s doing today. We actors like to call it “upstaging”, the most inconsiderate gesture a fellow thespian can make against another.
No one listened to DarthCheney?
RonaldReagansHair: Don’t worry Sugar, McCain is SOOOOO hateable. I cannot even talk anymore except by squealing. This is a beautiful day!
Godless Liberal *: Dubya was able to do it, and he’s barely coherent.
hockeymom: Refugee Resettlement resettled a lot of Somali refugees in the twin cities. Because, you know, it would be a nice change of climate for them.
jimmy carter endorsed obama??? that means obama IS the hamas candidate!
I don’t suppose anyone just saw Tim Russert on NBC — he looked like he had been bawling his eyes out — that or he had pinkeye in both eyes…could he be that emotional about this?
publius: Break out the Andre.
I heard that Barack offered Hillary the VP slot, but only if she would be agreed to be called the “Vice Spade.”
RonaldReagansHair: I think Hilz hit Russert with pepper spray.
ronaldpagan: It’s true — I have been honing my McCain hating skills of late. But somehow it just isn’t the same yet. I do feel like punching a duck every time he says “my friends.”
metropolitan: I’m waiting for the call from my mom telling me that she doesn’t think she can vote for Barry because Carter endorsed him.
While I like Rachel, I for one miss Alison Stewart. Now there was one hot mama.
AudicityofHope: You would, yes, but that bloc of bitters that would still be upset about that come November wouldn’t have voted for him anyway, even if Clinton was on his ticket. She is light on national experience and isn’t a realistic hope, but all things being equal I’d like to see her picked.
Realistically, the best candidates as I see them for the job are Richardson and Clinton, and only one of those two wouldn’t be an albatross around his neck for the next eight years.
RonaldReagansHair: Tim is a very emotional man. You should have seen him after Terry assumed that Big Russ was dead. He was blowing his nose for weeks!
Lionel Hutz Esq.: And she countered with “Very Pretty”
I am in love with the interactive chart on the front page of the New York Times’s website right now. You’ve got to go and play with it. It’s AMAZING.
metropolitan: Even Jimmy Carter can’t kill my buzz right now.
Gopherit v2.0: But he was in the Air Something! That totally counts as authentic experience. It’s WAY better than being in the faggoty Navy, seeing actual combat in Vietnam.
Lionel Hutz Esq.: Once Obama establishes himself, Vice Spade might turn intoa groovy position.
Latest Rumor from the Hillary Camp. After her important win in Puerto Rico, Hillary announces she won’t step down until every vote in Canada is counted.
TGY: Well, I’d rather that he make her the ambassador to Buttfuckistan than give her VEEP. Plus, I know Bill would really prefer that, anyways. I hear it’s his dream retirement spot!
DoctorCulturae: or he may have just rubbed his eyes after putting tiger balm on his back like I just did.
Let’s place bets on what color Michelle Obama is going to be wearing tonight. I’m going with something with a white/beige hue (to appeal to all of the “whiteys” she offended).
loquaciousmusic: I love the tumbling blocks.
Someone or something needs to nip this Hillary-for-VP thing, and right now. The Observer’s “endorsement” of the idea ain’t helping. We need something happy, snappy, and dramatic to kill this meme. A “Monkey Business” photo, say. Any pictures of Hillary at the Acropolis with her tongue in a stripper’s tuchus?
RonaldReagansHair: Yes, when he says “my friends” I can’t decide if he sounds more like Beavis or Butthead.
DoctorCulturae: I was going to say perhaps HRC had just killed his cat. That or McAuliffe made good on Ole Russ.
The look on Lisa Caputo’s face is awesome. Like she’s been crying for the last few hours and tried to get it back together for the tee vee interview. Someone get Ickes out there so he can have his Crow A La Hilltard.
AudicityofHope: Something approaching a neon teal, I think. I don’t know why, it’s just a horrible color that would look fantastic on her.
So where did MSNBC find the one sane Hillary Clinton supporter?
Finally, someone from the Clinton campaign. Let’s see if she’s delusional or not?
She’s sounding sane…..I wonder how she could possibly have been hired….
OOooo….she said hillary brings in women’s votes “in spades.” Heh.
ForTheTurnstiles: Agreed! Kill that meme! Kill that meme!
loquaciousmusic: Oh c’mon, she must be an actress.
loquaciousmusic: Finally, my dream come true. Tetris meets politics!
AudicityofHope: Webb or Sebelius.
I couldn’t be happier now: I finished my allotted work for today, I’m eating last night’s chicken marsala and ziti, I’m drinking shiraz, I’m watching Barry kick ass on MSNBC, and I’m liveblogging with a bunch of dirty whores on Wonkette!
Godless Liberal *: Barry & Michelle should come out in full traditional Kenyan regalia dancing to nothing but incessant, deafening tribal drums. Obama in da house!
Obama has mastered the art of “Trickle Down Superdelegomics”.
loquaciousmusic: I love you too! I resemble that remark.
Time to move on. Let’s get the Big O elected and then worry about fixing everything that is broken. Once he is in the house of cards will come crashing down and I think America is in trouble. Expect to see more confederate flags and more division as those who had the power and lost it without establishing a Christian nation start losing their shit big time.
loquaciousmusic: I could use some of that Shiraz. All I have is a housecat and some indian food in a can.
My grad advisor just called to say congrats on Barry’s win (she knows I’ve been volunteering for the campaign)! OMG - this is really freaking happening! Yeeeee Haaaaaaaaw!
‘kay, got that out of my system.
From McCain’s speach: “…it’s very difficult to get Americans to believe something they know is false. So he tries to drum it into your minds by constantly repeating it…”
WTF, I thought repeating lies until people believed them was the repug credo.
ForTheTurnstiles: You’ll have to come to the Wonkette CRAZY ELECTION PARTAY that I’m going to host at the Ash Creek Saloon in Fairfield, Connecticut on election night. We’ll drink elitist shiraz all night!
Oooooh, Chris Dodd is going to be on MSNBC after the break? Nice. He’s my boy. (NOT Lieberman. Fucker.)
AfghanVet: Well aren’t WE just a blazing ray of sunshine?
AfghanVet: Agreed. As O says, there’s a lot of work to do, and likely more when of the litany of illusions become apparent. Perhaps a large surplus of straight jackets should be sent to red states to protect the innocent.
I like how Tweety is pretending he’s Barack Obama and that he just said “an African American — me!” Hah!
DoctorCulturae: General Patreaus seems to be okay with taking marching orders from the Bush/Cheney tandem, and nary a whit of service between ‘em. Besides, that’s what the Secretary of Defense is for.
disgustedcitizen: But the repugs say lies that people think are true. Very different thing.
Dave J.: My dreamy ticket would be Obama-Engel (not to mention Richard has more first hand foreign policy experience than most)
BTW, if anyone wants to get me a birthday gift (which is fast approaching), you can get me “War Journal: My 5 Years in Iraq”.
AfghanVet: Do you want some WHINE with that cheese?
loquaciousmusic: that was brilliant.
Doesn’t Tweety sound like Fred Willard?
http://youtube.com/watch?v=6SHRFhfeLgY
“Hey! Wha-happened?”
AudicityofHope: Can we have a countdown clock website, like if you were an Olsen twin?
Okay, tell me Russert isn’t crying!
loquaciousmusic: You just tainted Fred Willard for me forever.
On second though, you could have stuck Chris Matthews in Willard’s role in Best In Show and I do not think anyone could have told the difference.
Russert needs to take some Claritin.
I want to suggest the Old Fashioned as the alcohol of the evening. Why? IT CONTAINS BITTERS!
Ingredients:
2 ounces blended whiskey
2 dashes BITTERS
1 teaspoon water
1 teaspoon sugar
ice cubes
1 lemon twist
1 orange slice
1 maraschino cherry
Instructions Pour bitters and water into an old fashioned glass. Add sugar and muddle well with a bar spoon or teaspoon. Add whiskey and stir. Add ice cubes. Twist a lemon peel over the drink and drop into glass. Garnish with an orange slice and cherry.
tunamelt: Don’t fall for it. AudicityOfHope is actually Mark Foley, posing as a young girl on Wonkette to attract young politically-minded men for purposes nefarious.
So McCain is going to pick a woman VP to scoop up Hilltards? Hilz will be campaigning for Obama, but they’ll throw her over to vote for Gramps? There is some logic missing there.
tunamelt: COUNTDOWN TO BARRY HUSSEIN O’BOMBER!!! (EST)
Thanks Russert, 10:18pm!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! IT’S TUBBS JONES!!!!!!!!!!!! HIDE THE CHILDREN!!!!!!!!!
Kingbee: I suggest three-week-old Arbor Mist as the drink of the evening, because all the good stuff is upstairs and I lack the motivation to mount the towering stairway just tonight.
Stephanie Tubbs-Jones looks like a fire-breathing dragon. Yikes.
And what is she wearing? A picnic tablecloth?
I’m sorry. That was misogynist.
Steffy really needs a church hat to complete her ensemble.
TUUUUUUUBBBBS JOOOOOOONES. I love her so much. I can say that now that our long national nightmare is over.
Godless Liberal *: Oh, don’t get me wrong, I just like countdown clocks. And when she turns 18, she can buy scratchers like the rest of the bitters.
tunamelt: “From Minor to Of Age: The Countdown to Audicity’s Birthday” - It won’t be considered statutory for long.
Tubbs-Jones references the JFK/LBJ ticket. We all know how that turned out. AHA! HRC really does want BHO “taken care of”. Knew it!
McCain seeks support of angry old women he will do nothing for:
http://dailykos.com/storyonly/2008/6/3/185450/0380/302/528556
He respects them and their tenacious tenacity. That’s something misogynist Muslim Balack Obumma cannot claim. That is why McCain / Clinton will ride a wave of crotchety bitterness straight to 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue and finally take our country into the musty old tomb that’s been waiting for it ever since Lincoln was shot.
John McCain has “crossover appeal”? What is he, Björk?
Yay! Dodd! Talk about a hottie with a nice body…of public service!
hmmm Sen Dodd makes his pitch for VP?
I want to touch Chris Dodd’s hair. It will bring me good luck. I know this.
MrAgro: I’m telling you, the key factor in all of this is “old.” Old people want to destroy everything.
tunamelt: If it would mean that Hillary would go away forever, I would volunteer as the sacrificial virgin. Just promise me that I won’t be offered up to Dragon Tubbs Jones or Scary Terry.
Tweety just said “hooplah”…and you all know what THAT reminds me of!
http://youtube.com/watch?v=TxGGckAc1rs
Yo, Tweety is knee-deep in the hooplah…
DoctorCulturae: Obama/Dodd sounds like a weird version of the Iditarod.
Kudos on the use of “an historic”. Obviously, Wonkette is written by elitist college graduates.
I tried calling Hilly’s hotline at 3AM last night, and I got a recording for Live Links. What am I doing wrong?
Is anyone following what is sure to be the shit show at Jezebel?
AudicityofHope: Why hello….
tunamelt: There are three things old people want: A white president, lots of salt on their food and a bed by the window in their room at the nursing home.
That linked McCain speech kicks some butt.
Obama is going to have to come up with something more incisive than the Bush/McCain/McSame talking point.
Damn you people with your computers with sound and/or televisions!
tunamelt: Or a drunk trying to say something with their mouth full.
What’s-his-name on MSNBC looks like a failed porn actor, what with his goatee at all.
loquaciousmusic: Who says he failed?
Keith Strickland is the governor of Ohio?
I thought he played guitar with The B-52’s!
loquaciousmusic: “What’s-his-name” just happens to be everyone’s favorite Math God, Chuck Todd. Next to Al Gore, Chuck Todd is most qualified to be our next President.
shortsshortsshorts: Go, run out and get some headphones from RadioShack!
There’s a big fight on Jezebel but fuck that, it’s a celebration, bitches! Time to call up everyone I know who loves Obama and alcohol and play the Hillary faux-concession drinking game. The queen is dead, long live the queen.
According to Tweety, we are now living in a post-state state.
loquaciousmusic: How dare you make fun of my Chuck Todd! Don’t make me cut you…
Godless Liberal *: I definitely wouldn’t download that movie onto my hard drive!
DoctorCulturae: Or that Muppets song, that was in that one Dr. Pepper commercial! Mahna Mahna.
shortsshortsshorts: I agree. I have no real idea what anyone’s watching.
According to CNN, Barry only needs 7 delegates!!!
WHOA. I just watched the Yes We Can music video for I think the first time since right around when it came out. I feel all hopey inside. Is that normal?
Chuck Todd’s mouth does look like a va-jay-jay.
AudicityofHope: Chuck Todd, the Demon Barber of Tweet Street?
AudicityofHope: I love math. It’s so sexy.
ronaldpagan: A nice part of Wonkette leaving the Gawker empire is that we never have to read Jezebel again, which is almost as liberating a feeling as knowing that Hillary will eventually, maybe, someday drop out.
Godless Liberal *: Well, it’s a good point, and one I’d never thought of before. People who don’t live in the state they were born in are more likely to be college grads with skills and high-paying jobs => Obama supporters.
My alter-ego, Donna “Foxy” Brazile, is having to endure the company of Lou Dobbs, David Gergen, and Creepy Carville. Say a prayer for her.
Norah says it’s been a long 5 months - I’m sure it has been for her, standing all the time whilst pregnant. Give the poor woman a seat!
Nora’s boobs look hot.
OMG, hot black woman on MSNBC is choking up over the fact that a country founded on slavery is coming to this point. What a sexist!
jagorev: Like Cicada, Tunamelt, and Eatsshootsleaves (who shares my birthday), I love Jezebel, and even love arguing politics over there. But not tonight. Tonight is not the night to let bitters rain on our parade. Obama forever, Harriet Christian never!
Could we have “Michelle Bernard” on the teevee more, please? She is smokin’.
jagorev: I fit that just as well as anyone. I just thought it was funny how Chris was acting all shocked that somewhere, people still think of themselves as being a resident of a particular state.
I want to see more of that Michelle Bernard lady. Hawt.
ronaldpagan: Remember that one time when I commented on Jezebel? Yeah. That was freaky.
But you were there for me to provide moral support! Us commenters, we stick together.
loquaciousmusic: Haha nice!
AudicityofHope: And indeed he does! YayYyYyYyYyYyYyY!!!! (Etc.)
ronaldpagan: It’s cos we’re girls.
Godless Liberal *: jagorev: I was born and raised in California, and went to college in California, so I don’t necessarily fit that model. But it is an interesting point to bring up, considering a lot of people have to relocate if they go to college, because there might not necessarily be a specific job opportunity where they are from.
Fuck you, MSNBC, for running a quit-smoking ad on Barry’s victory night. You think this is funny? Well, you’re absolutely right. That is funny.
So when does the Great Democratic Party Healing Process begin?
And will it involve rock crystals and stuff? Because I’m little uncomfortable
about that sort of thing. It’s just awkward.
ronaldpagan: Can I say it is kind of fun to peek in and see Sinister Rouge imploding with bitterness? I know this makes me a bad person, but she is soooo angry. It’s hard to take her seriously.
jagorev: Doesn’t she know marriage back in the day was just as bad as slavery? (Another thing I learned from Jezebel, srsly.) OK I will stop talking shit about that site now and get back to sexy Bear-Bear being the first sexy Democratic nominee since JFK!!!!
Democrats 2008: We’re bringing sexy back
Godless Liberal *: jagorev: Alas, what is born in West Virginia, usually stays in West Virginia..
I just read Barry’s speech for tonight. I’m now lying in bed smoking a post-coital cigarette.
Cicada: Because she’s batshit insane. It’s not wrong. It’s hysterical.
FOX already has Barry at 2123.
Godless Liberal *: It would be even funnier if they ran an ad for Vagisil.
Sorry Jezebel, I will go stand in the corner now and repent about the horrible sexist thing I just said.
Nora O’Donnell is a total hate-fuck.
Megan on Jezebel just wrote this comment:
Also, let me say it again on these comment boards, the word “boy” in reference to an African-American man is a racist insult. Please refrain from repeating it.
Megan, I raise my glass of elitist shiraz to you. Now don’t you wish you had a “Spam” button like Jim does now?
Woo-hoo. Russert says Barry’s gonna get a bounce! Bitters beware!
Can we just marginalize the hell out of the racist/sexist/homophobes already?
I think they got more than their fair share of representation over the last 8 years.
loquaciousmusic: He’s so classy, esp. in regards to Hillary.
loquaciousmusic: AHHH spoiler alert! I’d rather see it when it happens! And yes, I do remember getting your back on Jez. J. Peterman right?
AudicityofHope: The most bizarro thing about this primary campaign is how sometimes it makes me like Fox. It’s going to be a relief when it’s over.
loquaciousmusic: What if he’s a manchild?
Ha ha, MSNBC has a “delegate ticker” up for Hillary as well with 200 still needed.
Now that’s just cruel.
loquaciousmusic: It’s just not the same when he isn’t reading those pretty words with his pretty voice.
Guess who’s 6 delegates away from the nomination?
(Hint: not Bill Clinton.)
loquaciousmusic: Boo-ya! Nice speech Hopey. I’m liking this whole “backbone” thing Barry has going on. I wonder if he can lend it to a few of his Dem pals.
I’m struggling…to carry all of my liquor out of B.J.’s in boxes!
ronaldpagan: Ron Paul?
The latest from David Plouffe”
“Heather –
Delegates Needed to Clinch the Nomination It’s hard to believe, but the last two contests of the Democratic primary are happening right now.
Voters in Montana and South Dakota are heading to the polls and casting the final ballots in this long race.
There have also been some big developments over the past few days.
On Saturday, the Rules and Bylaws Committee of the Democratic National Committee agreed to a fair solution to allow Florida and Michigan to participate in the national convention in August. Barack gained a total of 68 delegates from Florida and Michigan combined.
We will need 2,118 delegates to secure the nomination, and we’re closing in fast — we’re less than 40 delegates away. There are 31 total delegates at stake in today’s contests, and a good showing in Montana and South Dakota should take us another big step closer to the magic number.
Make sure to tune in to watch Barack’s speech tonight. The last polls will close at 8:00 p.m. MDT (10:00 p.m. EDT).
Thanks, and we’ll keep you posted,
David
David Plouffe
Campaign Manager
Obama for America
P.S. — Today is our last Election Day until November, and you can help Get Out The Vote by calling folks in South Dakota and reminding them to get to the polls.
It’s easy and you can do it from home:
http://my.barackobama.com/call
Donate”
I like the meme that Barry still owed on his student loans until a few years ago. That’s cool.
Does he want to pay off my GTI, if he’s paying off loans?
Smoke Filled Roommate: A wunderkind.
Tom Brokaw’s frameless glasses FTW!
Barry, I got a sizable mortgage you can pay off, if you want to be able to complain about paying a mortgage while you’re on the campaign trail.
I gotta tell you the truth. I kind of miss liking the Clintons . It drove every member of my family (Texan Republicans) crazy.
I just saw more footage of Barack holding an infant. Would it be too weird if I admitted that I want Barry to hold me like a teeny baby?
Matthews is such a prick. Barry doesn’t know “middle class”? How much does he think a community organizer in Chicago makes?? He’s never heard that McCain married into a beer fortune?!?!? Really??? I was under the impression that you were a political journalist, Chris.
ronaldpagan: Oh, were they referring to Barry? Whoops. Didn’t realize.. Definitely not a manchild. I thought someone on Jez was getting all PC and anal about an unrelated topic.. (so hard to believe) haha
Godless Liberal *: Yeah, they were also paying a mortgage (in a fairly normal, middle class neighborhood) until the books made it big.
AudicityofHope: It would be weird if you tried to nurse.
I’m drinking Rolling Rock tonight. I knew I’d be nervous and I didn’t want to peel labels.
It also proves I’m not elitist.
AudicityofHope: Yes. But we forgive you.
jagorev: Yeah, but it was one of those no-interest Muslim mortgages. He ain’t like me’n my kin.
six fucking months of this shit!
Keith Olbermann still reminds me of Sam the American Eagle from The Muppet Show:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=ueuA-9pqRok
Is that bad?
Godless Liberal *: I’m so glad I wasn’t drinking something when I read that.
El Bombastico: More like an excitable drooling mouthpiece.. I like Tweety in some weird retarded way, though. (shhh, I did not say that).
You know what needs to happen? Kennedy needs to elicit a deathbed promise from Barack NOT to make Clinton VP, and then it needs to be leaked to the press.
Russert’s talking mis en scene.
RonaldReagansHair: Yes this does need to happen.
And is anyone else nervous for some weird reason? I feel like it’s my wedding day. Or else Hillary’s assassination talk has gotten to me.
OMG CNN has him at 5 delegates away now!
…and by “him” I of course mean Fred Thompson. Remember him? What a long, strange trip it’s been.
nyhfrog: it also proves you drink shitty beer!
Barack should bury a campaign t-shirt somewhere in the Xcel Center.
nyhfrog: I had a theme going after the Oregon primary to get microbrews from whatever state was voting. I just didn’t feel like Moose Drool tonight, and I didn’t feel like hunting down Firehouse (SD). Ahh, fuck my theme. I’m too lazy.
CNN is doing a sexy superdelegate striptease, slowly peeling off one super
after another for Obama. I’m not sure if I can take all this slow stroking.
ronaldpagan: I AM nervous. And this VP talk is shit! Can you imagine the chaos, the utter rioting if she was VP and, God forbid, something did happen. Do you realize how many people would think she was behind it? Chaos.
ronaldpagan: *Sentimental alert*
I’m just nervous because it looks like my two-year-old son might come to consciousness with an African-American named Barack Obama as his president.
I had Nixon.
Don’t tell me we can’t evolve.
I do like that Amy Khlohlbuchar, or whatever her name is. She’s cool.
Smoke Filled Roommate: Want some wine? I still have an entire tabletop wine fridge full of various reds and whites!
OMG LARRY CRAIG IS GOING TO START HIS BOOK TOUR AT THE AIRPORT!!!! HA HA TWEETY MADE A DIRTY FUNNY!!!!
McGrumpy is playing wedge wedge wedge. He’s counting on Hill supporters being either dumb or angry enough to ignore his record.
Yick, what a sleaze.
AudicityofHope: A Chris Matthews “HAH” to that.
Son of Mark Penn: Label!
ronaldpagan: I’m freaking a little too…
Son of Mark Penn: Hey, don’t diss the Rock.. I owe all of my early 20’s to it, not remembering a second of what happened during those years, however.
RonaldReagansHair: AWESOME!
This night is so not about her. Somebody get the hook.
Smoke Filled Roommate: Now that’s something I can get behind, although under normal circumstances I don’t want to try drinking Kentucky beer again (even the moderately better kind). Oregon, obviously, works much better. A little Rogue never went amiss…
This awesome Hillary supporter is back on again. Seriously, where has she been the past year and a half? I might not have hated Hillary so much if she’d talked more.
I want to see Michelle and Obama make out on stage tonight. Damn, she is one lucky woman!
nyhfrog: I have finally successfully gotten my 16 mo. old to say “ah-bah-bah.”
loquaciousmusic: Sure. Any Zinfandel? What Cabs do you have? I have a tiny bottle of Fish Eye Pinot Grigio, but some of that has to be reserved for the salmon a bit later on..
I’m not going to watch WALNUTS! because I’m going to try to finish these last five teacher comments. I’ll come back after. Maybe Jim will start a new thread?
We’re gonna need a fresh McCain Speech of Hate live-blog.
RonaldReagansHair: Just wait till you’re able to get the kid to say it with a growl of proud defiance. That’s the best.
RonaldReagansHair: One of my cats is getting close to meowing “Yes We Can Haz Obamaz?”
I love Tweety for the treehouse analogy.nyhfrog: Your two year old son isn’t conscious? What’s wrong with him?
AudicityofHope: I meant to say …Michelle and *Barack*…
OMG McCain’s crowd looks so effing sad compared to the crowd awaiting Barack.
nyhfrog: No that is literally adorable and amazing!
(I was a Reagan baby. Sucks doesn’t it?)
And this striptease is great…can’t wait until Barry has the little presumptive nominee star next to his name. I go outside to take out the trash, come back, and Barry has 4 delegates to go. Shit, he got twice that much in West Virginia.
Gasp! CNN has BO down to needing just 4 more delegates.
Oh my, Wolf Blitzer, you really are teasing me.
RonaldReagansHair: They’re taking their afternoon nap is all.
jagorev: I knew that was coming. I was referring to long term memory. Awareness that sort of shit. But you knew that you snarkolupoggus!
GOD! IT’S GOOD TO BE BACK ON WONKETTE!
Sorry, I yelled.
Smoke Filled Roommate: Tonight I dine on shrimp enchiladas and iced tea. Later when Hopey is the Obamanie, I open my Wolfberger Rose’ Brut. It’s chilling now…
10 to go!
10 more according to MSNBC. I think they’re holding off so that we’ll have to wait for the polls to close before declaring, which is the right thing to do
10! I feel like it’s New Year’s Eve. Let’s set off fireworks!
All boozed up and ready to go!
Need. Live. Blog.
Russert’s sausage fingers are as big as his potato head.. Wow, he’s a meal!
Maybe I should start that salmon NOW.
Pressure, pressure you say and she can’t handle it, no way, Hillary has steel balls…………. well maybe not steel but brass ones for sure.
…QUESTION: How in the hell do you get to the SECOND/THIRD page of comments? My elitist college degree isn’t really helping all that much!
AngryBlakGuy: Just scroll down, there aren’t different pages anymore.
AngryBlakGuy: Um, there’s only one page of comments.
Why won’t Obama drop out?
AngryBlakGuy: What second and third page? It’s all on one page now.
There’s also a hideous delay in new comments being posted. By “hideous” I mean “about one minute” which is an eternity nowadays.
Hillary Clinton is going to be in a hermetically sealed basement two levels below the ground? Is she planning to nuke the rest of the country? Is that what the superdelegates have been waiting for?
Son of Mark Penn: Because he hates women and latinos
live blog is coming v.v. shortly
AngryBlakGuy: Yep, it’s gonna be 600 comments with the convenience of one page! Get your scroll finger ready.
AudicityofHope
Here’s the kitteh to caption:
http://icanhascheezburger.com/?s=forgiveness
McCain is apparently getting ready to squeeze his speech in between his mushed carrot dinner and his spongebath…
AngryBlakGuy: Time to put the bottle down.
New thread time?
Why is there an asterisk next to Obama’s overall delegate count on MSNBC?
jagorev: She’s having one last talk with Eleanor Roosevelt and she wants her privacy.
Seriously, could you just hear Eleanor’s voice saying, “Hillary, are you fucking nuts? It’s over. You’re embarassing me.”
9 away.
HairyIckey: You forgot the Bud Light enema..
AudicityofHope: They are pretending he is a star commenter.
Rumor has it Hilldogg is winning in SD?
Don’t do it! Don’t offer her veep no matter what your guarantee! She will take it. Don’t do it! Don’t do it!
Howard Fineman is awesome. Calls tonight’s dance “theater of the absurd!”
He says the veep gig is going to be offered to Hills!
Nooooooooooooooo!
Oh wait. He qualifies that the REAL deal is that O has to offer it to Hills SO SHE CAN TURN IT DOWN!
Blurg!
Holy crap, it’s going to be Jindal for VP!!!!
That is actually very cool, even if he is a social conservative nut.
NEW THREAD/LIVEBLOG YOU BUMS: http://wonkette.com/400163/liveblogging-john-mcnasty-mccains-mean-speech-in-louisiana
Yay new liveblog soon! And where is the Walnuts speech?
Enturbulator: But don’t DARE offer VP to another woman! Catty bitch. What is this, Sweet Valley High?? Sorry if this is misogynistic, but WTF?
jagorev: Whaaaa? No freaking way! Where did you see that?
ronaldpagan: Not, of course, that it matters if Hillary wins landslide victories in both states. But I would rather see a total defeat; just, a nicer wrap-up.
Cicada: Pulled it out of my ass (EXCLUSIVE - MUST CREDIT MY ASS!)
Oy, McThusela looks like Jeb Clampett.
nyhfrog: My 3 year old and my 18 month old (I live in a fucking shoe it seems)love to rock out to “viva obama”. Also when Barry is on tv the small one will point at him and say ‘daddy’, which I love. Nixon baby here, too.
ronaldpagan: Notify the medical journals, because you made history there. It sure gets a lot of attention for not even being a medically recognized term.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Partial_birth_abortion#.22Partial-birth_abortion.22
Black Cat: I’ve also heard that she’s going to be given Speaker of the House as a consolation prize. That’s not going to happen either.
Kingbee: Thanks for that! I had to go to Wiki to find out what “blended whiskey” means, but now that I’m in the KNOW (spelled backwards) I will make it my drink of choice for the election season!