Wonkette
Hey now, what ever happened to Clinton’s former chief strategist Mark “Bowser” Penn, the most stereotypically evil man in the world? When he was demoted from his top position, no one expected him to have any less sway, yet he’s remained shielded from the public eye. Now, however, some new information has come to light about Penn’s role in these last days: rumors indicate that Penn, more than anyone else in the campaign, wants to take the fight to the convention — for all the predictably devilish reasons, as well as the numerous free buffets.
According to a lovely Newsday article, the Clinton camp is divided into a quitters’ realist faction (chief strategist Geoff Garin, Howard Wolfson), an undecided faction (Bill, Chelsea, Harold Ickes) and a “fuck tha police mothafucka” faction (Mark Penn):
Former top strategist Mark Penn, reviled by many on Hillary’s staff but still an important voice in the candidate’s ear, has emerged (to no one’s surprise) as the strongest advocate of her remaining in the race regardless of what happens in the next 24 hours, according to sources inside the campaign.
His argument: Suspend the campaign if you must, but don’t end it, because all those Obama supers will flock to Hillary if more dirt on O emerges before the convention.
Hilz should definitely listen to Mark Penn, whose chief accomplishment this election season has been not knowing that the primary states apportion delegates.
Penn: Fight On! [Newsday]
I thought that picture was of a PMS’d Hillamonster.
They just need a little more time to create the “Whitey” video..
Ah, Mark Penn. Proof that failure is an option.
Someone needs to bust a cap in that doughball’s ass, STAT.
With friends like Penn, who needs enemas?
I think the days of free buffets are over, but a bunch of expired Hickory Farms gift baskets with summer sausage and rancid cheese will suffice.
Would someone just get this douche a bottomless bag of Cheetos?
I don’t understand — why is Mark Penn called Bowser? Is it because he is very heavy, breathes fire, and kidnaps helpless princesses?
Hilbot, just remember: everyday is opposite day
when it comes to the Pennster.
Penn’s thinking about his future because if the Hilzbot loses then not even the next generation of Tracy Flicks will hire him to run their high school preznit campaigns. Who wants to hire the man who negative engineered the biggest upset in US politics since Dewey beat Truman?
Good bye Buffet filled road.
queeraselvis v 2.0: Mark Penn. Mark Penn needs an enema. Preferably one of gasoline and gravy.
More dirt on Obama? Most of the “dirt” on Obama is make-believe. Except for the Muslim thing. Heard he might be a black guy also.
Does Penn have anything at all he can bank on or is he just waiting for shit to rain from the sky?
Mark Penn will be the next Sirhan Sirhan.
Mark Penn, still hoping for a Sirhan Sirhan.
Actually he’s probably afraid that the check for the millions the Hillary campaign still “owes” him is gonna bounce…
Go dad! 3 million a month, ALL THE WAY TO DENVER!
ForTheTurnstiles: I’d say he’s waiting for shit to rain from the sky. He reminds me of those poor bastards who play “Deal or No Deal” and really believe their suitcase has the million bucks — so they hold out and end up leaving with a dollar.
“All” those Obama supporters? Hell to the n-o. I will actually flock back to apathy.
And in the “who gives a shit what this lackey thinks” column…Mr. Mark Penn.
Cicada: Unfortunately, a mere cap would sting no more than the bite of a tiny bug in the pale, fleshy buttocks of Penn.
Did anyone else notice that you never see Mark Penn and Rush Limbaugh in the same place?
Also, Ronald Reagan’s hair (I think) called it the other day. She is soooo gonna suspend her campaign instead of resigning. Stupid Hillary.
Can we talk about how Hillary is inadequately blackmale-ing Obama into putting her on the ticket?
JewdishoowarySquare: Don’t forget, Italians used to be black. I.e., Obama is secretly an Italian plumber beloved by young people everywhere for his ability to use the magical powers of mushrooms (and crack) to defeat 3-foot wide vagina’s filled with sharp teeth.
AP is calling Hopey the clincher of nominations!
http://www.newsvine.com/_news/2008/06/03/1535374-ap-tally-obama-effectively-clinches-nomination
ForTheTurnstiles: Well Michelle totally wants to “kill whitey.”
AudicityofHope: Hahaha blackmale-ing. I thought it was really sweet how she graciously allowed him to make her Vice President, considering that Hills is the Inevitable Nominee. What a mensch. I mean wench.
NoWireHangers: Thanks for the mental image.
To repay: Carville’s shriveled pencil dick and sagging hairless testes.
Beat that!
And I was worried that I would never be able to get Bacon Tears (TM) again!
Tell me more, Mark.
Wario is so much more badass.
ronaldpagan: Actually, suspending is the same thing that Edwards did. I’m pretty sure it’s the standard route. What matters is if she’s going to campaign for Barry after she has a chance to lick her wounds. I’m hoping she’s smart enough to realize she needs to mend her fences with the black community if she wants to continue her political career.
I love how all the Clintons talk about a bunch of Obama superdelegates defecting to Hillary at some hypothetical future date following the disclosure of even more hypothetical bad news, but they never consider the fact that a shitload of Hillary superdelegates might defect to Obama TOMORROW when he WINS.
These, of course, are King Kunta’s supporters:
Cicada: Easily accomplished. All ya need is Hillary’s Hitachi Magic Wand. See it? Can you hear it a-rumblin’?
Cicada: Carville can beat his own dick, thanks.
For terms of sheer ick, picture Harold Ickes taint: where all the hair that was once atop his head now grows. It is strawberry-blonde, wispy, and so filled of dingleberries one could be forgiven for mistaking it for a Napa Valley vineyard.
NotUrEvryDayWEzl: and since image tags wont work, here is a link!
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/4/4a/Goomba3d.jpg
Godless Liberal *: Good Gawd, Woman!! Have you no shame!!??
Chris Matthews just said, “Oh my. I’m getting giggles.”
Cicada: Yay! A game that has no winners!
Bubba’s flacid pink penis quivers in the cold November rain.
AudicityofHope: Woman?
Oh, dear.
Godless Liberal *: NoWireHangers:
Howard Wolfson wearing his Cosby sweater, but no pants, gently fondling his….
I can’t. I just can’t do it!
You win.
Cicada: I forgot John Edwards suspended. At least he endorsed Obama. And yes, you’re right about Hillary and “the coloreds”, but she may be too far gone to see it…
I don’t like this penis game, but we all know that for Hillary, the carpet doesn’t match the curtains. This we know.
Carville just said that Barack is the “most literate person who’s ever run for president. His books are mere poetry.” Oh, how the tides have changed!
BTW, it’s Anderson Cooper’s birthday today!
Also, if anyone missed The Daily Show last night…http://www.comedycentral.com/videos/index.jhtml?videoId=170967
Godless Liberal *: Forgive me, Man!
AudicityofHope: Man?
Holy crap.
ronaldpagan: Indeed. Didn’t she have to hire decorators for the White House? I mean, what kind of good anglo-saxon wif needs someone else (probably a homo) to do their interior decorating? And I wonder… just how far does that job description require them to go?
AudicityofHope: Yeah but did Carville follow that up by saying “…and poetry’s for sissies!”
Godless Liberal *: Well what the fuck are you?
AudicityofHope: JUDAS! JUUUUUUDDDAAAAAAASSSSSS!!!!!!
Cicada: Yeah, I think she’ll campaign with Obama and eventually endorse him. The question is whether that will be in a few weeks or after the convention. Because that would make a huge difference. If I were Hillary Clinton, which thankfully is not the case, I’d give him an enthusiastic endorsement tonight, suspend my campaign, and work hard for him. That way, if something bad does happen, it will seem less like she’s waiting for it.
But this will not happen, because Hillary Clinton has the worst strategy advisers in the world. Instead, she will probably announce that she plans on taking the fight to the convention.
AudicityofHope: Half in the bag, actually.
I’m all man, baby, or at least as much man as you can be if you’re married. Which isn’t much man at all.
AudicityofHope: Shit, my link didn’t work. Let’s try this again:
http://www.comedycentral.com/videos/index.jhtml?videoId=170967
In movies about sports and mothers fighting to rescue their children from lunatics, this sort of tenacity is made to look admirable.
In real life, though, it just makes you look like a sociopath.
Godless Liberal *: My husband keeps his balls in a jar on the mantle. Sometimes he shows them to his friends to prove he once had a pair. It’s quaint.
Cicada: I am not-quite married, so I reserve 3/4 of one testicle.
Thank goodness the Clinton campaign brought in Cesar Milan to work with Bowser on rules, boundaries and limitations. He will be seen roller skating around South Central with Cesar in an upcoming episode.
This is our last change to pass my Colombian boss’ free trade plan, uh, I mean, to stand up for the only candidate who cares about hard, and white, and hard working working hard whites.
EnBuenOra: I like it when people use “white” and “Columbian” in a sentence. Is anyone else preparing for tonight with a Clinton Concession Coke Party (CCCP), or is it just gonna be me, Barry, and Michelle, as usual?
I say fight on. I mean, when has Mark Penn let Hillary down in the past?
She just can’t quit him.
@JewdishoowarySquare: I just realized from his coloring that Bowser is probably Scots-Irish and is clearly bitter.
I had to explain to my Australian workmates who both Mark Penn and Bowser were, but then they thought it was very funny.
Talk about Vegemite and everyone adores you.
She’s so addicted to that hot piece of manmeat.