Wonkette

Wonder if they'll be a chapter on using your ultra-tight hairdo to pull the wrinkles out of your face?

i will purchase this book only for the way too descriptive stories of McCain and viagra

...I think finally deciphered what this "Star" next to peoples names means!

A). You are unemployed.

or

B). You are on final notice with your boss for surfing the internet on company time.

So Walnuts is gonna pimp Obama's pretty ass out to some visiting "friends" of his?

Xanax cocktail recipes on p. 211

Did she steal those recipes too? Like she stole the pills? And the other recipes?

@AngryBlakGuy: Fuck, dude. We put all our good stuff about this memoir on a different page. Now I have to get creative all over again.

I don't know -- all those druggie books, from Confessions of an Opium Eater to The Doors of Perception are so filled with drawn-out, tediously detailed descriptions of hallucinogenic trips. I just hope her book has less of that and more stuff like accidentally killing her spouse when trying to shoot an apple off her head in Mexico City.

@SayItWithWookies: his. her. Whatever. Damn English and its gender-specific pronouns.

@Dernyul:...copy and paste baby! Copy and Paste!

p. 98, How to cope with the new, higher location of your vagina after having one-too-many face lifts.

...I wonder if there will be a chapter on her and WALNUTS wild sex life!? I heard that he screams "MY FRIENDS!!!" when he climaxes.

I hope it's like those chocolate advent calendars, but with Vicodin.

Didn't you guys look at the Publishers Weekly story and notice that she's getting almost $1 mil for this; talk about God Bless The Child That's Got Her Own . . . Anyway, put me down for a copy. If there's an appendix with all her tax returns.

@MARCdMan: In Englad they call that a council-house facelift (a council house being the equivalent of the projects over here). But Cindy's too classy for that -- anybody whose passions include Budweiser and NASCAR -- oh, wait.

i hate mccain but i have to be honest and admit i love cindy. the concept of a pill popping botoxed trophy wife first lady is pretty appealing. she ripped the recipes off because her only original recipe is 2 valium 2 klonopin 2 xanax washed down with a ketel one martini. that my friends, is glamour.
if i could vote for first lady she would be my first pick (sorry bill).

p.315, How to use make-up to draw different emotions on your face after having one too many face lift.

@SayItWithWookies: She has that Scouse-cum-Good Orange-Tan-And-Cigarettes Glow.

@SayItWithWookies: This will be more "Go Ask Alice", if anything.

Index:

Cunt,as in called a:
see pg 1-5, 8, 100-144, 146-300, 302.

@AngryBlakGuy: My Brazilian tranny sources told me it was "TROLLOP!!" and "CUNT!!!"

Contents:

Ch 1, I'm stupid, I'm girl.

Ch 2, Bunniez is nyce.

Ch 3, Plastic Surgery Without Spending LImits

Ch 4, Beer

Epilogue: More Beer

Chapter 21

I received the call about 12:30 a.m., on a Saturday, from "Ann C." She said she and "Michelle M." were just a couple of blocks away, with "Nancy G.," and they were having drinks in the hotel bar, and would I join them? I asked if the bar had ANHEUSER BUSCH products, because I don't drink anything but ANHEUSER BUSCH products, and when assured that the bar did indeed have ANHEUSER BUSCH products, I hastily joined them at the bar. I don't remember much after that, but I know I woke up the next morning in "Ann C.'s" hotel room, and the other girls were there, too. It was quite enjoyable, but it was the first and last time that I ever did anything like that!!

The Cindy McCain hairdo has really caught on in Japan!

@thefrontpage: I love story time.

@Dernyul: Whoever first comes out with a tanning product in Botox stands to make a fortune.

That actually sounds like a brilliant book. Are they going to keep the snuff film scene?

Harold...call me.

I think that "sprinkling of Old Yeller" may be against Arizona's sodomy statutes, my friend(TM).

Will she leave out the chronic beatings? Better yet, will she leave out the "chronic?"

@Tawmn: I thought "Old Yeller" was "McCain When You Take Away His Lobbyist Strumpet".

@AngryBlakGuy: Unfortunately for Cindy he more often is screaming "My friend" when he falls limp.

Cindy will also give practical advice on how to start an international medical charity so that you can steal Vicodin, Oxycontin and other schmeck from the drug samples donated by doctors.

If there's confessions about her drinking Santorum, I'm buying this book the day it comes out.

Chapter 5: How do develop your beer palate in 30 days or less.

Cindy can, according to her daughter, with incredible accuracy tell how OLD any can of Bud is without looking at the 'sell by' date!

Amazing! Now that takes serious practice!

I just want the chapter dedicated to describing those hot Navy SEALS running up and down the beach. Hopefully she'll have pictures in the middle like most worthless bios.

I'm am SOOO excited!!

I do have a concern, however. I am wondering if Cindy's ghost writer has the technical skills necessary to explain (for all us lay people) the intricacies of the bleaching of one's pubic hair.

Like she needed to sell a million unread copies of her 'book' to some lobbyists for a bazillion dirty dollars.
'Cause Cindy doesn't already have enough money.
From selling BEER in the DESERT.

If there's one person in this campaign I feel truly sorry for, it's [not-so-] poor Cindy.

Here's a high class babe, to the manor born, who wanted nothing more than a traditional relationship with a man of Harlequin romance derring-do.

Instead, she ends up with some little jerkwad who calls her a cunt when she teases him in public.

Her facial expression, her posture - her whole countenance - bespeaks the deep misery that comes from a complete lack of romantic and sexual fulfillment. She's been left unpollinated on the vine for too long, and now yearns for a way to claw back all those lonely, wasted years.

Cindy... *call me!*

Cindy looks like an animitronic from Disney World.

@Canuckledragger: If you have the hots for Cindy, it must still be winter in Canuckistan.

@Aurelio: Well, you know Canuckistan, Aurelio: ten months of winter and two months of hard sledding.

But the Cindy thing ain't just about generating body heat in my igloo. When it comes to the babes, I've got a fatal case of BoyScoutitis. The ones who seem like wounded birds or perpetual underdogs always capture my heart. And then make their way to my low hanging fruit.

Cindy seems so brittle she might break at any moment. I just want to give her a huge hug. And then the manful shag she so clearly needs. Her lady garden hasn't been watered in a long, long, long time.