Mike Bloomberg Writes Existentialist Poem About Tragedy of Fame

 

Today is New York City’s “Poem in Your Pocket Day,” the most elitist holiday in America (besides San Francisco on any given Friday). And the latest America’s Mayor, Michael Bloomberg, has penned a glorious poem for his pocket in celebration. It is called “Press Conference,” and the gist of it is that Press Conferences are terrible. It rhymes too! How post-postmodern.

Pardon me, sir, I’ve a question or two …
You.
Sir, you said poetry is a delight…
Right.
Reading it makes you smarter, more mature?
Sure.
But is it better for people not to read verse?
Worse.
Do you read sonnets? Limericks? Odes?
Loads.
All these short answers. Why?
I -
Follow-up! What do you do in your free time?
Rhyme.
Could poems appeal to the press?
Yes.
But can they help with traffic congestion?
Next question.

Hmm, a little more enjambment or metonymy would make this an A+ poem. Do you see how he breaks from rhyme in the last couplet, and that this signifies the universal politician-press divide?

Because you should, you unfeeling robots.

[NYT/City Room]

 
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Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

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