Wonkette

If we are ever attacked by aliens I have a "National Security Space Strategy" for you. Its called the piss your pants and get shit-faced drunk plan!

-I'm thinking about adding a have sex with a hot chick protocol as well.

Kucinich was right!

Ah, good, so that Da Free John guy was right and scientific evidence for the existence of God will be announced by the white house. Well, that's a relief.

Some people actually believe this stuff.

[sfbay.craigslist.org]

I'm telling you, these people will stop at Nothing.

[sfbay.craigslist.org]

@AngryBlakGuy: Space aliens evidently agree with your sex-with-a-hot-chick-protocol. Witness:

Those dorks at GAO! What do they think the XM-Sirius merger is all about?

"SPACE DEMONS WILL KILL US ALL

Cool. Any chance they could do it before the Dem convention?

Um. Why is there a pic of Cthulu there? I thought he came from teh ocean. Shouldn't we be worried about The Borg or Cylons or other hideous space creatures like Michelle Bachmann?

@mathewbrooks: Ha! I was going to suggest shooting Ms. Bachmann into space to reunite her with her people.

The report left one critical agency out, The Department of Redundancy Department.

@mathewbrooks: I think all those Lovecraft monsters originally came from Outer Space, and then lived under the sea like Crabs or something? Then again, I read that shit when I was about nine and have no actual memory of it.

Sorry, our military has a head start on killing us, so space monsters will just have to wait their damned turn.

@mathewbrooks: Yog Sotthoth was unavoidably detained . . .

OMGWTFBBQ!!!! The lack of a National Security Space Strategy is just what Xenu™ has been waiting for!! Quick, somebody get John Travolta on the phone to fly his DC 8 into teh spacez to shoot them down!!

Seriously, who wrote this report... Ed Wood?

I have suspected for some time that at least some of the posters on wonkette are really "scouts" for alien species waiting to invade our planet and take our women. They are posting comments on this blog to test our intelligence.

@Ken Layne: You mean you have no conscious memory of it. Instead, it has sunk its roots deep into your unconscious mind - its venomous, slithering roots which even now are siphoning away the very core of your being with a fetid urgency. Or something like that.

The plan was already created in 1947.

[en.wikipedia.org]

Interestingly, their advanced technology is mostly limited to the fields of energy and propulsion. The Greys do not even have the medical technology to survive in our atmosphere for very long. This is because they are highly spiritual beings who believe in reincarnation and do not fear death. This is based on interviews with captured Greys I saw on youtube.

@FoggyFroggy: Note: The Majestic 12 member named Dr. Vannevar Bush has no relation to the President Bushes.

Don't worry, the Great Cthulu and the Starry Wisdom Band will eat their souls....

*Goddamn, two Robert Anton Wilson related comments in one night! And I thought I was the shit because I ruled the "Shakespeare" category on Jeopardy earlier... *sigh* I'm a dork.

The rest of the world has the space plan: Blow up America, the only country dumb enough to piss the aliens off.

@mahousu: Precisely. Nothing could explain the deep cold dread I felt dripping down my spine like a madman drooling from the ceiling hooks at Arkham Sanitarium as a vague nightmare memory of a thousand blinking eyes attached to sinewy ocular stalks veering upward from a viscous, reptilian slime. My mouth opened in an unbearable silent scream. Hillary had broken loose from her sea-hag chains a mile below the ocean floor.

I hate how the whole world expects US to against alien invaders.

Why is this our responsibility? Why can't the Russians, the Euros or the Chinese develop a coordinated space security strategy.

We have enough problems with the Iraq War, the credit crisis, childhood obesity... we need to pass the buck on this one ... last I saw, we didn't have enough money to equip the troops with ray guns

Hey! Where are my royalties? And just because I'm wearing a tinfoil covered Burger King™ paper crown, don't think me satisfied and complacent. Hmmph!

Space aliens? Come on! We all know the real threat is Cthulu leaving his ocean lair and sucking our brains out.

It was a mistake not to nail down this space strategy while we still had Freddie Mercury to do the soundtrack.

Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Hillary R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn